Abandonment Issues

[**Nikki**]

When my BF tell me he's gonna do something like come by and he don't I get pissed. I broke up with him because of it, naturally he don't listen and still stay around. I really like him but I can't take empty promises, at least give me a call and talk to me. I feel like being with him because I really like him and how he treats me otherwise, but I want to leave him alone because it triggers me to cheat, because he is always around giving me attention then all of a sudden for one day he takes it all away and he isn't around and I don't hear from him unless I call him. I don't know what to do really at this point but I want more of a commitment!! Especially since he talks about us getting married . I don't want problems in the future cause its a problem now. He says I'm trippin, but my cousin and I says its him because he's not keeping his word, again that bothers me and scares me because of my abandonment issues. What do you think?

[Truth05]

If you are cheating on him, why would he want to marry you? Maybe he is also cheating on you when he doesn't call??? If you want a comitment you need to make one yourself. Truth

[Spoiled Rotten]

Nikki, I have to agree with Truth05, if its not a solid foundation, sharing of love, kindness and respect which excludes cheating.....why bother with marriage..?

The relationship will be doomed from the beginning. I do not know your age sweetie, but I would think twice on this relationship if it is already upsetting you. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to take it to another level..

Not criticizing, just answering your post...

[Wendi-Bell]

I think she means cheating with food...but I could be wrong

[tyler43836]

I think you need to deal with 'your' abandonment issues before you judge BF to harshly. I'm dealing with that myself...projecting 'my' issues into the relationship. Not good.

[Jennyl]

I am assuming that you mean cheat with food also. He should do what he says. If he isn't going to be able to see you then he should just say so instead of telling you that he will come over and then just not show up. Keep in mind that sometimes he might not call just because he needs some personal space. Everyone needs some personal time. I don't think it's a good thing for couples to always do absolutely everything together. But if this is what he wants he should tell you. Keep in mind that I am really just speculating and I'm sure there is more to the situation than just what I am reading. Have you tried talking to him about it? You both need to be able to communicate in a mature fashion, otherwise marriage might not be something either of you are ready for

[Jennyl]

If he does just need some time to himself, it doesn't mean that he is abandoning you

[**Nikki**]

Originally Posted by Truth05

If you are cheating on him, why would he want to marry you? Maybe he is also cheating on you when he doesn't call??? If you want a comitment you need to make one yourself. Truth

I meant cheat with food.

[**Nikki**]

Originally Posted by Jennyl

I am assuming that you mean cheat with food also. He should do what he says. If he isn't going to be able to see you then he should just say so instead of telling you that he will come over and then just not show up. Keep in mind that sometimes he might not call just because he needs some personal space. Everyone needs some personal time. I don't think it's a good thing for couples to always do absolutely everything together. But if this is what he wants he should tell you. Keep in mind that I am really just speculating and I'm sure there is more to the situation than just what I am reading. Have you tried talking to him about it? You both need to be able to communicate in a mature fashion, otherwise marriage might not be something either of you are ready for

Thanks so much for telling me what you did. Yeah personal time is important, and I like my personal space too, but he's talking about marriage and I don't want him to do things I don't like now and continue it into marriage. I like the time I have with him and when he tells me something he should do it. I tend to sit and not say anything after I say what I have to say. So, we will talk about it today. He did explain to me what happened but I told him he must call me and let me know something. Being in a relationship is a trip for me, if things aren't going right then I want to cheat (eat forbidden/extra foods).