Can you help: major emotional problems

[soon2bfitmom]

Don't say I need to see a darn doctor, that's gonna come eventually (and I refuse to use medicine unless its natural)

Ok, I hate myself.. i see my self as fat, ugly and pathetic.. I got my new glasses today and broke out into tears b/c of how thick the lenses are (they are safety glasses too, I paid to have them thinned out but they are still thick) I got mad and told DH I didnt want them and was never gonna wear them...

I hate how I look I can never seem to find what's "pretty" (all my life i've been called fat, ugly and stupid so I'm used to it) the only person who has ever really called me pretty is my DH (who I think is lying b/c he 'has' to)

I hate thinking this way, I really do, but its hard to find the "pretty" in me when I've never been called anything else but ugly.. Heck on my WEDDING DAY I thought I looked pretty til my MOTHER told me I'd be so pretty if I wasn't so fat.

sorry I'm having a bad day and need to cheer up before going to work

BTW this is why DH thinks diets wont work for me b/c I hate myself

[senorina]

Your mom sounds like she would be so nice if she wasn't so thick.

Sorry to insult mom, but what a thing to say - I bet you looked beautiful.

May I ask - do you get better from these feelings from time to time? Do they come and go, or are they always there?

Sorry you're feeling so badly.

[CurveControl]

That sucks. Please belive that your hubby does find you beautiful, at least in some manner.
Unless it was an arranged marrage and you never met until day of wedding.
Have you read Dr. Phil's books? A lot of people dont like him but the books do make you ask yourself some tough questions.
Self matters is good, but so is his Diet revoultion if you just want to look at the weight portion of your problems.
I would do SM first, though, cause it sounds like this is about more than weight.
Check them out at the library, if you can, Then you can buy it if it seems to help.

JMO- I hope it helps.
M

[Maria]

[MommyMo]

If I was with you, I'd give you a real big hug!
I wish I could take all those thoughts away! I don't think you have major emotional problems. To me it seems like you're just like the majority of us...Normal! We all have times in our life when we feel this way. It will pass!
MommyMo

[senorina]

I second Curve Control, your husband does not have to say that you are beautiful. There are plenty of husbands that complain endlessly about their spouse's looks.

Also - I feel kind of sorry for him, it must be hard to be called a liar, I think you should accept that he's telling you the truth, whether you agree right now or not. Sorry.

[Beaglesaroo]

I'm gonna say it, even tho you don't want to hear it:

Go to a doctor. You don't have to take medicine (tho there are those of us who do)...Perhaps talking to a neutral party will help you understand why you feel like you do...and will help you understand that you are not ugly/fat/bad/etc/etc...

Btw, your husband doesn't love because he has to...You know better than that.

Go look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself: I am a good person. I am beautiful. I will live and love my life.

[soon2bfitmom]

Originally Posted by senorina

Also - I feel kind of sorry for him, it must be hard to be called a liar, I think you should accept that he's telling you the truth, whether you agree right now or not. Sorry.

I dont say he's lying to his face......he knows I dont belive him, but I dont flat out call him a "liar"

senoria -- i have felt this way for as long as I can remember, i feel it every day..

[snoocharoo]

I personally want to judge for myself how "ugly" you are. We tend to be a lot harder on ourselves then we are on others. Sounds to me like you have become a victim of your own negative thought process. If you tell yourself over and over again that you're unattractive, unworthy or undesirable your brain will actually mutate the synapses so that whenever you think of yourself you think negatively. The only way to re-route is to start a program of positive self-talk. Everyday you have to find something that you really like about yourself and carry on an inner dialogue of uplifting self-talk.

Nemos I hated myself for a looong time, I wasted years of my life thiking that I brought nothing to the table and I didn't deserve to live. No one but you can change this. Before you can love anyone else you must love yourself and respect yourself. It took 3 weeks in a psych ward and years of therapy for me to learn that I am okay and I am a beautiful person with a genuine heart.

[Queen Mab]

Originally Posted by NemosMommy

Don't say I need to see a darn doctor, that's gonna come eventually (and I refuse to use medicine unless its natural)

Why eventually? Do it now. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain but you really owe it to yourself and your family to get help.

[StephanieRaye]

Originally Posted by Beaglesaroo

I'm gonna say it, even tho you don't want to hear it:

Go to a doctor. You don't have to take medicine (tho there are those of us who do)...Perhaps talking to a neutral party will help you understand why you feel like you do...and will help you understand that you are not ugly/fat/bad/etc/etc...

Btw, your husband doesn't love because he has to...You know better than that.

Go look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself: I am a good person. I am beautiful. I will live and love my life.

[shellpurr]

You posted a pic the other day - you are NOT ugly - not in the slightest. It's easy to say I know, but don't be so hard on yourself. You are an attractive woman.

[fishinDi]

You must try to stop all the negativety. If YOU don't love yourself how can anyone else? Don't be so danged hard on yourself. You are starting to lose wieght...now that's positive.....concentrate on that and block out (try) all other negative thoughts. You are a person, just like the rest of us and you deserve to be treated like one. Remember that you will not change over night this will take time. Take the time to start right now.

[snoocharoo]

What Di said....and remember true beauty is on the inside. I know many a drop-dead physically gorgeous women that are so vapid and self-absorbed it makes them hideous. I know many an average women who care about themselves, love themselves and simply glow from the inside.

[senorina]

I know you don't call him a liar, sorry if you thought I meant that - I just meant by not believing him...you must at least believe that he is telling the truth about what he sees.

Wasted time is right - it seems like you are ready for a change....good for you, you can do it. You'll find a way.

[Louise]

NemosMommy-- to you.

I am sorry you feel like this. I too used to be horribly depressed. For years. I hated myself and thought I was worthless. I too refused to go to a doctor.

I have made so much progress in the last few years. I still have down days, but who doesn't? I am not sure if you know what caused you to start feeling this way, or if it was a series of events. For me it started with my parents divorce when I was 15. I felt ignored, and got into the 'bad' crowd. Everything from there until I was about 25 was all downhill. I could put on a smile and push though the pain. I told myself it was the only way, and that I would never feel better.

It got so bad in 2001/early 2002 that DH and I almost got divorced. We'd only been married a year.

Then I started Body for Life. I swear it saved me. Yes, I thought I was too fat and out of shape to even try exercising. But I did it. The first day of cardio (which is 20 mins long), I stopped and sat in the dark because I couldn't do it. I was so out of shape. I remember it like it was yesterday. I went upstairs and was grumpy and crying, etc. and DH asked if I wanted him to move out . That was my lowest point. Two days later, I went to do cardio, and it kicked my a$$ again, but I got through. I've been working out ever since. I think something about me vs. the machine (whether the treadmill or weights) gave me something I could control. I couldn't control what others thought of me. Heck, at that point I couldn't control what I thought of me. But you know what I could do? I could lift one more pound the next workout than I did the one before. Everything in my life to that point had made me feel more and more defeated. But I was not going to let the weights win. I was going to do it no matter what. And after I started liking working out, I started feeling better about other things. I don't really know how it happened. But I stuck to the program. I looked better, and slowly I felt better.

I hope that you can get to the bottom of your problems. I know it is not easy, but it is possible.


Louise

[walkthebeach]

We are all beautiful in some way; it may not be physically, it may be spiritually. There is a woman here where I work who was horribly burned on the face as a child. She is by no means pretty; she is, in fact, disfigured. But you know what, people don't really notice that anymore. She has such a beautiful spirit. She is always up, funny, laughing, telling jokes, asking how You are. She is married and has children. Some man thought she was beautiful, too, and married her. Because she really is rather irresistable. You have to take this one step at a time, Nemo. Work on losing the weight, work on telling yourself that you are a good person, people like you, your husband thinks you're pretty. Cease all criticism (as Louise Hay says) of yourself and others. Focus on the positive. On a regular basis, do nice things for yourself: get your hair done, go to the make up counter and have them "do" you, go have a facial or a massage. And remember, none of us is ugly, we are all beautiful in some way.

[Mushmush]

I used to feel like this a lot. My parents and some friends "contributed" to my feeling unattractive and not very bright.

At some point I told myself that maybe I am bright since I have been a straight A student all my life and highly successful in my career; maybe I am not that unattractive since there are people who find me attractive.

My advice: look at yourself and your life and you will certainly see accomplishments that contradict your negative feelings and ideas about yourself.

Second, try to limit your interaction with the toxic people in your life who try to undermine your self-esteem, including your parents. They may think they do it out of love for you (like my parents did because they were afraid I would become too self-confident), but this kind of love is very misguided.
There must be people in your life who love and admire you, listen to them, not to the toxic ones. I have great friends who tell me all the time how smart and accomplished I am, if it weren't for them I would have sunk in depression years ago.


Sasha

[LuvToLose]

I bet your little Nemo thinks you are beautiful too. God does not make ugly people. Try to spend as much time as possible with your son as children have a way of making us feel pretty and special. They have such an unconditional love. Think how fortunate you are to have such a wonderful family and caring husband. He must have seen something in you. I agree about going to talk to a therapist. They can help you get to the root of your self esteem issues and suggest ways to make it better. We all feel unattractive at times. Also exercising is a great way to release those "good feeling" chemicals (seratonin) in the brain. Also by getting in touch with our bodies and strength we learn to appreciate ourselves at any size.

[LunaAshling]

I am going to say it too. You really should look into therapy and/or counseling.


These kind of things don't go away on their own.



If you have a sore spot about being told to see a doctor, it's probably because you know its true. And they don't give meds unless there is a mental illness. And at that point NO regular or natural doc should do it. ONLY a Psychiatrist with a PHD should do a pysch eval and give meds.



But you really should get in and talk with someone!!!!!!!

[Bubbles]

Originally Posted by LunaAshling

I am going to say it too. You really should look into therapy and/or counseling.
These kind of things don't go away on their own.
If you have a sore spot about being told to see a doctor, it's probably because you know its true. And they don't give meds unless there is a mental illness. And at that point NO regular or natural doc should do it. ONLY a Psychiatrist with a PHD should do a pysch eval and give meds.
But you really should get in and talk with someone!!!!!!!

Listen to this advice! Luna is 100% correct.
You are doing yourself more harm by coming here and b1tching about self hatred. This is a support board, you always have good things to say about others. Try being nicer to yourself. Your DH and baby love you. You are a loving Mommy and a good wife. You are kind, funny and lovable. We read it in your posts everyday. now if a bunch of strangers can see it you should to! See a Dr. Many will help you with natural anti-depressents and natural weight loss ideas if you are opposed to medication. It is a wonderful world, you need to savor every moment of your life and cut out those that would hurt you.

[chassiepooh]

First of all, I don't know your DH, but I can tell you, he is NOT lying to you when he says you are pretty.

He married you didn't he? He fell in love with you....he found you pretty then, and he still does, believe him.

Start believing in yourself.

How can you ever love anyone else , if you can't love yourself?

If you need someone to talk to , you can always pm me

[JRo]

I think you really need to have an honest talk with your husband - tell him exactly what's bothering you. He's there to support you, and you need to let him know HOW to support you - right now he thinks he's helping, but if he's not, tell him how he CAN help you.

Next - you have to start helping yourself. I felt a world of difference when I started exercising. Don't do it to lose weight, do it to make yourself feel better - I guarantee you will. Challenge yourself - try something new. Go rock climbing or take a karate lesson. Something new and exciting that you didn't think you could do. Or get a trainer and start weightlifting.