Truth Update on Marriage

[Truth05]

Well, it's been over a month since my wife left and she filed for divorce. I can't even have a conversation with her. She won't agree to have lunch or come over for dinner or even have a conversation about her feelings over the phone. She continues to keep me out of her life and I am afraid she is gone forever. In my heart I feel that she still loves me. She is the sentimental type who likes to scrapbook and cherish the past but also the type that is quick to anger and slow to forgive. She saved almost every valentines day card but has walked away from those things and our wedding pictures and albums as if they mean nothing now. I fear that she is living the kind of free and indulgent life she has dreamed about. She is blocking out our common past. She is traveling and spending time with friends to keep busy. I believe one day she will wake up and have a flood of dormant emotions return to her when the wall she has built around her heart softens and crumbles. I still pray that she has a change of heart but I am trying to move forward with my life while I deal with the legalities of divorce that still bind us together.

I am developing new friendships and learning to live on my own really for the first time in my life. My wife was my partner, my lover and my best friend. I am now reconnecting with my family after years of clinging to my wife and hers. I am sleeping better and trying to eat right. I still plan to lose another 10 to 15 pounds but they are coming off very slowly. I don't want to yo yo diet. I want to reset my bodies weight set point through my diet and exercise. I actually jogged/walked 2 miles today. I will be going to a divorce singles support group in the near future to get more support. I am doing my best to live for myself and not allow the depression that comes with sudden separation to destroy my life. I appreciate all of the prayers and support I have gotten on this site and continue to move forward one step at a time and one day at a time. Truth05

[USMCmom]

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. It sounds the fog has cleared and your head is in the right place now and you're trying to move on, as hard as it is. I wish you the best for the future. Keep us updated.

[DeeLen]

The old saying is true--times heals all pain. Good luck to you.

[brilliant100]

Good luck Truth, baby steps and God will get you there.

[lynnjp]

Truth
I am glad that you are reconnecting with your family and gaining other support systems. Slowly all things will continue to improve for you and you will be again able to enjoy life and move on.

[Jennyl]

Divorce can be rough, but it sounds like you are moving on in a very positive direction. Good for you! Give yourself time and be kind to yourself, although it sounds like you are already doing that.

[Truth05]

I went to an emotional christian based "healing hearts" support group meeting tonight. It ended up being just myself and the coordinator but I feel better. It will be a good place for me to make contacts with both men and women dealing with loss. She said she has two men in my town that are going through the same thing right now except they are also dealing with kids. Truth

[RobinB]

Good for you, Truth! I hope you keep attending and continue to move forward.

[Truth05]

I arranged to meet my wife at her place of work today to get two of our cats because she was going away for the weekend and I asked her if I could have them. She was evasive but said Ok. I brought a few of her things, an anniversary card since our sixth wedding anniversary is Saturday and a dozen red roses. She had her car running when I arrived and the back door open. I handed her the roses and asked if she was mad and she said the roses made her uncomfortable. I asked her if she would answer a direct question? Are you seeing someone? She said yes. Is it a man or a woman? A man. Several weeks ago she told me she was happy being alone for now. Now she is telling me she has been seeing him for a couple of weeks. I asked if he worked for her company? She said "I don't feel I need to answer that". I asked if she had known him long and she said, "I don't need to answer that". I got the feeling that whoever it was, was watching us to see what I would do and that's why the roses were upsetting but at least she finally admitted she is seeing someone. I don't believe it has only been a couple of weeks however. I believe it has probably been a relationship that has developed rapidly since December. Why else would she leave our 12 year relationship and say she is not willing to work on it any longer. I believe she had somebody waiting and didn't want to admit a secret affair to her parents or to me. I also have reason to believe that she had an abortion and sterilization with plugs put in her tubes so she can have unprotected sex whenever she wants now. Due to women's rights on abortion I may never know for sure. What a twisted web of lies Truth05

[djalomo]

Originally Posted by Truth05

I also have reason to believe that she had an abortion and sterilization with plugs put in her tubes so she can have unprotected sex whenever she wants now. Due to women's rights on abortion I may never know for sure. What a twisted web of lies Truth05

OK, I realize your angry, but really, now that the relationshipis over, why are you concerning yourself with her "plugs?" I realize you still care for her, but really, it sounds to me like she's ready to put the past in the past. And if I were her, the roses would have made me uncomfortable too. She's taken drastic and final steps to end the relationship and any gesture on your end to keep the feelings alive, IMO, may be frustrating to her and may feel awkward. She may push you farther away the more you continue to push that, with cards, flowers, lunches, etc.

[NCgrl]

It's hard to let go.I hope you can find peace.

[Truth05]

I am actually surprised my wife left all the wedding pictures etc. She is the emotional one most of the time. She is the one who likes to scrapbook etc. Now I'm the one with the pictures looking back while she is looking forward to something "better". I am doing my best to move on by making new friends and getting out to socialize and spending more time with my family even though they can get on my nerves some time. I will be surprised if she comes back but stranger things have happened to others. I don't know what I will do if she does try to come back after what she has put me through. I can't hate her but I can't trust her any more either. It will take a medical visit and a lot of counseling before I would even consider taking her back.

[Spoiled Rotten]

Hang in there sweetie! You are going through a very rough time right now. I wish I could give you some help in what to do, but it really is hard when you love as you do.

Just know we are hear to listen.

I know that it is hard to believe, the ANSWERS will come to you. I can testify to that. You will know when the time is right. It took almost a year for me to get my answers, but I did. Hugs to you!

Keep posting & know we care...

Jan

[Ayrlin]

Hate to say this Truth, but you need to let go, I do not know if you are able to or not, I understand most people can't but you need to just stop careing about this woman.

Now I make no judgments here because I have only seen your side of the story , but the way your angered over this and hurt isnt good.
It sounds like this woman is gone for good, you should try and move on.
Like djalomo said roses and such as a woman would make me very uncomfortable also.
Be polite and keep your distance if you can.

I hope you can get past this and be happy again

[Mootzee]

Sounds like you are in the anger phase of your loss. Denial was first, now anger. Next comes guilt.

[tyler43836]

Originally Posted by Truth05

I am actually surprised my wife left all the wedding pictures etc. She is the emotional one most of the time. She is the one who likes to scrapbook etc. Now I'm the one with the pictures looking back while she is looking forward to something "better". I am doing my best to move on by making new friends and getting out to socialize and spending more time with my family even though they can get on my nerves some time. I will be surprised if she comes back but stranger things have happened to others. I don't know what I will do if she does try to come back after what she has put me through. I can't hate her but I can't trust her any more either. It will take a medical visit and a lot of counseling before I would even consider taking her back.

Truth, it really sounds like she is done. I've been there. Let it go. Please don't delude yourself with fantasies of 'stranger things happening' because 99.5 percent of the time, they don't. Let it go, take what you've learned from a difficult relationship, and move on. Use what you've learned to make a better one. If things should turn around, be discerning as to whether you want to risk putting your heart on the line again with someone who has treated you like this.

[RobinB]

[Truth05]

I'm doing my best to move on. I have made several contacts through a personal add I placed on the internet. I chatted with one young woman last night till 3 a.m. that seems like she would be a fantastic girl to date. She is 4 years younger and very cute. We are both teachers and she is off for the summer now too so I hope to meet her soon. I'm not saying I could never go back to my ex but right now that isn't even an option. I am moving forward looking for a woman I can trust... I hope. Truth

[RoseMary2040]

Truth, you might want to give yourself time to "heal" before entering another relationship...RoseMary

[chassiepooh]

I'm sorry she did this. Give yourself some time, and one day you will find someone that can appreciate you.

[WriterGirl]

Sorry you're going thru this. I agree with others here, you need time to heal and not subject another to any residual baggage. I honestly don't know how anyone can just move on without time to heal. I'm going thru a divorce myself and I don't have the slightest inclination to date. I don't want to foist my broken-heart onto someone else.

[Truth05]

A year ago I could not believe I would be sitting here in my home without having seen my spouse for more than a total of about 15 minutes since she moved out in May. Probably less. We are not talking. I am trying just to leave her alone. She doesn't want anything to do with me and I am trying to feel the same way. I met one young lady for lunch today and had a enjoyable conversation. I didn't find that I was attracted to her as a mate but as a friend, I think I will see her again. She is also a teacher and she has been single for a while sho she will be a good person to hang out with from time to time so I can keep social. I have chatted with another girl whose husband left her for his best friend's wife She and I are feeling a lot of the same emotions and I will meet her Saturday for lunch. It is comforting having other people take an interest in my life right now and want my attention in return. I am not feeling so depressed anymore. I'm still unhappy about what has happend. I still feel cheated and betrayed, but I am doing my best just to stay away from my ex and move on. She is already dating someone else and I believe she lied about seeing him before she moved out because she didn't want people thinking she had cheated on her husband... which I really now think she did... truth

[brilliant100]

Your doing the best you can. I understand your need to be social and get to know other women. I think this can be healing too because its nice to have people want your attention. You deserve to feel wanted and valued. Personally, I think your wife will come running back once she feels you have truely moved on. She may not come back to stay but to only prevent you from really moving on emotonally.

[chassiepooh]

Originally Posted by Truth05

A year ago I could not believe I would be sitting here in my home without having seen my spouse for more than a total of about 15 minutes since she moved out in May. Probably less. We are not talking. I am trying just to leave her alone. She doesn't want anything to do with me and I am trying to feel the same way. I met one young lady for lunch today and had a enjoyable conversation. I didn't find that I was attracted to her as a mate but as a friend, I think I will see her again. She is also a teacher and she has been single for a while sho she will be a good person to hang out with from time to time so I can keep social. I have chatted with another girl whose husband left her for his best friend's wife She and I are feeling a lot of the same emotions and I will meet her Saturday for lunch. It is comforting having other people take an interest in my life right now and want my attention in return. I am not feeling so depressed anymore. I'm still unhappy about what has happend. I still feel cheated and betrayed, but I am doing my best just to stay away from my ex and move on. She is already dating someone else and I believe she lied about seeing him before she moved out because she didn't want people thinking she had cheated on her husband... which I really now think she did... truth

Truth, its wonderful to be able to talk and confide in someone that has been in the same boat as you. I'm glad you aren't as depressed as you once were.

You are on the right road, mending your heart, and moving on. Obviously she has. Its a ruthless thing, but in the end you will be on top.

[mamaofthreeboys]

Hang in there. Things always get worse before they get better. And it sounds like things are starting to look upward. Take it slow.
My husband and I were almost divorce a few months ago. A mutual friend laid into both of us seperately on different things he saw wrong. Made is both realize a lot of things. Now the papers are set aside to see if we can reconcile our problems and if not leave this relationship still being friends for our 3 boys.
Good Luck

[Truth05]

Bump