Feeling real bad- lost my little boy :(

[sweetpoison]

O.K. maybe this means nothing to some, but alot to me. I had to put my little terrier down yesterday. He was 16 this month. He has been diabetic for the last 8 year (insulin twice a day) and in the last year he has had a number of problems, pancria**** (SP), etc..... he had not been eating good for awhile now (mind you, I would cook him his meals) and he had lost alot of weight. What I didn't know was that he had ulcers in his mouth, so most likly that is why he would'nt eat much (makes me feel great, I was starving him and not meaning to) He had been getting weaker and confused and his eyesight was real, real, bad....... He started with kidney failure back last Sept. (I blame the Rimidyl I had him on,,, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER use that on your pet if you can do ANYTHING else)....so I had been giving him Subcontanious fluids every other day since then...... So YES it was time but, what upsets me the worst is that when I gave him his insulin yesterday morning I had seconds thoughts about the amount, so I cut back some, but not enough!!! When I got home he was passed out on the floor and I thought he was gone.....I forced some Karo syrup in his mouth and he swallowed so I picked him up and rushed him to the vet........... and put him down.... he raised his head and looked at me right before we did it and I almost turned back, because then I realized it was a diabetic seizure due to low blood sugar and he might have been able to come out of it.... but then again, in his condition .... for how long!!! So I went ahead and ended it for him....
I just feel so guilty, I gave him the shot of insulin that did this to him.... even if I realize he would have only had a month or so to go, I JUST FEEL SO HORRIBLY GUILTY I cant tell you how sick I am making myself with this. I had prayed every night that he would just go quietly in his sleep and I could deal with that....... NOT THIS WAY!!!

Well, I am sorry this is so long, just needed a shoulder or two to cry on, I guess hoping someone can tell me how to get over the guilt. It is really eating away at me.

Vicki

[JONAH'S GRANNY]

I truly feel for you and know how you feel. We had to have our 14 year old Sheltie put down last year and I miss him so much. He had so many problems and was so pitiful. Yes, I felt guilty but knew it was for the best. I stayed so mad at my husband for a couple of weeks over having it done; I could never make the decision to do it and I let him do it. Finally I realized one day, he was hurting as much as I was. One thing that has helped; we had him cremated and his ashes set in a little velvet box in our den. I look at it often and think about how much happier he must be in doggy heaven. It will get better and there is absolutely nothing wrong with grieving over your pet. The Lord gave him to you to love and he loved you in return. I know you will miss him.

[Izzybeff]

Oh Vicky, I'm so sorry you had to go through this.. I dread the day I ever have to make that decision, but I know it will come. I have two pomeranians that are my babies and I refuse to even think about them getting older or sick. Just typing about it makes me tear up.

But, you have to remember.. it was time for him. It sounds like he had several severe medical problems and if he wasn't eating, he wasn't enjoying his life. You had him for 16 good years and you need to focus on that, not on what happened. Sometimes its not the quantity of life, but the quality. I would not want my pet to be alive if he was suffering.. and it sounds like he was..

Take time to mourn, I think it compares to losing a family member. Don't let anyone rush you into another dog.. Just realize that you did the best you could and that's all any of use can ask for..

<Hugs>

[Dreams]

Pets ARE family.

[daisyblue]

Originally Posted by Izzybeff

Take time to mourn, I think it compares to losing a family member.

I totally agree. It is like losing a family member. Please give yourself permission and time to mourn and know that people are praying for you.

Daisy

[Sugar Patrol]

I'm so sorry... It's so hard to lose a pet. Don't feel guilty. Your little guy had a very full and happy life. I felt guilty when I had my collie put to sleep a few years ago, even though he was in so much pain. I still miss him, but I just think of how happy he was, and that he is no longer in pain.

[*B*]

I'm SO sorry. Being a "parent" to our fur babies is no different that being a "parent" to our real babies sometimes. Some of the decisions you make are a "damned if you do, damned if you don't deal'. The thing to remember is you made them all in LOVE and you did the best you could.

Your little guy is in doggie heaven right now, free of a sick body and if he could he would lick your face and tell you you did a great job.

Morn him yes, but no guilt girl.

B

[SusanBee]

Think of the beautiful life you gave him and how much love you gave him and of all the love he gave to you. How can you feel guilty for that?

[sweetpoison]

Thank you so much for listening.....Yes, I realize it was time and that alone would hurt but the guilt comes in that I am sure that the shot of insulin I GAVE HIM is what took him down that day. If he had not started to come out of it and looked up at me I could have told myself he had a stroke or something and that was the reason for what I had to do, but NO, I am 90% sure the insulin caused a diabetic seizure, so not only did I put him down, but I caused him alot of hell before I did.... That is where the guilt comes in......I told myself that I should cut it back more and I didn't!!! That is the guilt!!!Yes, he had many problems and I could see that in the not to far future I would most likely have to do this, but my action that morning escalated the events to follow.... That is my guilt, I caused pain (if you would call it that) for something I love so much, I didn't mean to, but I did. He looked to me for help, to take care of him and I blew it that time.

Vicki

[Phinnk]

So sorry. We went through the pain having to put our 13 1/2 year old dog down years ago. Now I have a diabetic kitty who will be 12 next week. Gets insulin twice
a day and he's a real sweetie.

[alibaba]

Vicki - not sure if you've seen this story, but when I think of my pets, it makes me feel so much better!

Please try not to feel guilty - you have to remember that when we take our babies in, and alter their "natural" lives (with dog food, and vaccinations, and medications), that we're also responsible for altering their deaths. Nature can be cruel, animals know that. And, they don't fear death they way humans sometimes do. They know when it is there time - that last look he gave to you was his way of saying "thank you - it is my time".

Not sure if you've seen this story, but when I think of my pets, it makes me feel so much better!

RAINBOW BRIDGE

Just this side of Haven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine. Our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals that have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who are hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they miss someone very special to them who had been left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager boy quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.....
(anonymous)

[Princess Di]

sorry for your loss.

[mamagiff]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to see them suffer and it's hard to make the decision to end their suffering.

I've had to put down 5 pets in the past and I know how hard it is to do. I told the family that we won't be having anymore pets because I just can't do it again.

[Sugar Patrol]

Originally Posted by sweetpoison

Thank you so much for listening.....Yes, I realize it was time and that alone would hurt but the guilt comes in that I am sure that the shot of insulin I GAVE HIM is what took him down that day.

He knows you didn't mean it.

[spartan]

Vicki
I really do feel for you, in fact while reading your posts tears were welling up in my eyes. 7 years ago I went through the same ordeal with my 2 beautiful dogs, 6 months apart. I still miss them and love them, and it will be the same for you but it does get easier in a way. I have another dog now - I just can't live without canine buddies - I don't love him more, but I don't love him less, just differently, we have the capacity to love them all.
However, you really must not blame yourself. Your little guy KNEW you loved him - you did the best you could for him and you should always remember that, the decision you made was the one you thought was best for him at the time, that is what counts.
My first dog had been sick for a while and I was nursing him constantly and it was a case of judging his quality of life and when the right time was. I hung on with him for as long as humanely possible, in the end I think it was a day when I felt I had the strength to finally make the decision, I know it is a terrible terrible decision to make. Maybe he could have hung around for another month, maybe not, but in my heart I know it was his time and I did the right thing.
My female only lived another 6 months, it was brain cancer but who knows maybe she missed him and the stress brought it on, they had been together for 11 years old. Again the awful decision, I almost blamed myself for making that decision sooner than the last one, but she couldn't stand, so I suppose I am saying we can always make ourselves feel guilty about something.
I also read in a book once that one of the kindest things an owner can do for his dog who has always shown love and loyalty to his best friend is to know when the time has come to let go. You must be strong and cherish the love you both shared. He is in peace now, you were both lucky to have each other, it will take time but one day you will be warm and happy when you think of him.
I wish you well.

[tlt1978]

So sorry for your loss....

[sweetpoison]

Thank you so much.... you are right, inside I realize that... I do have my big boy, he is a lab mix (98 lb.) he keeps me busy. He had surgery on his hind legs about 7 weeks ago, so we are kinda going through rehab in getting the muscle built back up in his legs. I rescued his butt from the streets as a puppy about 3 years ago. He really does not like other dogs, but my little one (skeeter) was like his little brother, he use to walk with him (and wait for him) around the yard (I have a triple fenced in lot) kinda like he was protecting his little brother. He will miss him too, I am sure. Thank you again for all the support, it is good just to sit and talk (and cry) it out. I have one close friend and the old man, but that is about it.... I tend to be a loner type, which I guess sucks at times like this. Thank you.

Vicki

[phibi]

I lost my big boy. Toughest thing I ever had to go through in my adult life.

[chrissygal]

Vivki I am so sorry! Nothing any of us can say or do will make it feel better, only time will do that. Don't beat yourself up. He had a good life and it was his time and if he could talk he would thank you for knowing when it was time for his pain to end. it is the quality of life that counts and with you as his master he had a great life! Remember what a great little buddy he was and take the time to mourn him.

When I lost my little doggie 10 years ago I went for grief counselling because the guilt would not go away and it helped me so much! But time is the best healer and it will numb the raw pain eventually.

[MammaC]

I'm so sorry about your little dog.

[gettingstrength]

[themuffin]

about your little fur baby

[Saracat]

Dear Vicki,
I am so sorry for your loss. You were a very good doggie Mom. They say happiness is being loved and if that is indeed true,your little guy was a very happy dog! Some people say I balspheme but I felt equally bad putting my beloved kitty down after a tremdous effort had been made to save him from cancer as I did taking my Dad off his respirator. Some call me horrible but I experienced the same feelings of guilt as I loved them both. But I now realise, because I loved them, I wanted them both to be spared a pain filled existence.You make these decisions out of love. Bless you and may you be granted peace in your time of loss.

[Orphalie]

A few years ago our Boxer, who was 13, started having alot of health problems. She was old and it was aging. We should have put her down but I was selfish and couldn't bring myself to do it. Her last day she had several seizures. At the end of the day she ran around out side like she was apuppy again, then came in and layed on her pillow and never woke up. My whole family cries when we think of her. Our favorite picture of her in her kiddie pool sits framed on out kitchen counter.

You were very selfless doing what you did. Your guy was old and it was time, I wish I had been as brave as you and spared our girl her last few days. Try to think of all the wonderful times you spent with him.

One thing you can do to honor him might be looking into a breed specific rescue group and make a small donation or volenteer to take some of their dogs out for runs or baths ect. I did this and it realy helped me get over the loss of her and a year or so later we ended up with a rescue (not the same breed) who has brought alot of joy back. And even though we still miss her alot its not a sadness like it used to be, but fond memories.

[Heartburn]

Vicki, I'm so sorry for your loss. When an animal lover loses a pet it is like losing a family member. I went through something very similar in that my actions, which I thought were for the best, made everything worse. The only thing that helped me in this situation was something my dh said: "You made the best decision you could at the time and a person can't do better than that." And, despite my guilt, I'd had to admit he was right.

It sounds like you made the best decisions (including the last one) that you could have made under the circumstances. We are, unfortunately, imperfect beings so it doesn't help to second-guess yourself. You did the best you could. You wouldn't ask more of anyone else and you can't demand it of yourself.

It's bad enough to feel the loss. Try to let go of the guilt.

[Jennyl]

You didn't blow it. You gave him more love than anyone else ever could have. There was no way for you to know what would happen. Even the vet wouldn't have known that. I can only imagine how hard the whole thing is but you really did give him the best care. He would not have been in such a loving and caring home, and lived this long, if it weren't for you.

I have a two year old dog with an inoperable liver shunt. He almost died once, when he was 6 months old, had an operation, but there wasn't anything they could do to fix his problem. His disease is now controlled with diet and medicine. He has the occasional off day. Maybe once a month or so he isn't himself and seems ill. He has always gotten over it quickly. I know that one day he won't get over it quickly. I know that his disease will shorten his life significantly. He is the most loving and affectionate dog I have ever known. I know that one day I will have to put him down. I do everything that I can but one day, I know what will happen.

It is never easy. We love our pets and want them to have the absolute best life possible. Please know that you did that for him.

[sweetpoison]

Thank you again for all your support...........believe me, it does help. I am alittle more accepting today although I have my moments. Thank you so much.

Vicki