Moving On...Bad Relationship

brilliant100 · 05-31-2005, 06:49 AM

Just ended a three year relationship again...with my ex bf. This weekend would have been our three year anniversary (he had to remind me because I totally did not remember or care).

The list of offenses committed by the Jerk-
stealing from me
lied about the number of children he had
lied about reason for getting terminated from his job (accused of stealing)
possibly attempted to talk to other women during the last year

Friends and family have been very upset with me for continuing to see him after all of the above. Finally about three weeks ago, a very good friend warned that the next time he gets in trouble, people may not believe that I was not involved because I continue to associate with him with full knowedge of his lifestyle. That woke me up.

But..............I am lonely and he calls every day. I do not feel comfortable around him to the point that for the last year I have been hiding my purse and keys whenever he is around.

I want to move on and feel that my heart is ready. Just hate the feeling of healing it takes soo long.

I am scared that it will take years for me to meet someone else that I 'clicked' with like him.

I have wasted my time - I knew when I first met him that I would never marry him but at the time I just wanted to have fun and party. And that is what we did (it was a blast).

Anyway-here I am again....alone... single........

When I first met him he seemed sincere and very honest. Even his family was horrified when they found out what he had done to me. Noone could believe it.

Ive been praying for help from God.....

scigirl3 · 05-31-2005, 10:14 AM

I think one of the hardest things we ever have to do is to leave something that we know is bad for us but yet there is something holding us there.

The loneliness will go away and you will find something or someone less stressful to fill the void.

As someone who left a very bad marriage about 4 years ago, I know it is hard. You want that person around even if they are totally toxic to you cause you don't want to be alone sometimes.

Each day that you away from him, it will get easier.

hugs and hang in there
kelly

FitinCO · 05-31-2005, 02:30 PM

Hugs to you. I know what you are going through.

wishful thinking · 06-13-2005, 12:03 PM

We tend to stay with something that we're used to. It's like a comfortable pair of jeans. We know that we probably need to throw them out because they may not be what we need, but we find comfort in the fact that they are always there and waiting for us. Be strong and realize that we don't need them It will take a while for the comfortablility to wear off and find something that will replace that feeling. THe hard part is relizing that we are in control of that for ourselves. Get comfortable with you and find the respect for yourself to like you and then it will happen for you when you're ready for it.

*hugs*

Jennyl · 06-13-2005, 03:36 PM

Give yourself time to heal. Three years is a long time to be with someone, even if there were a lot of bad things there is bound to be an adjustment period. You didn't waste your time, you learned more about yourself, what you want and don't want. I am recently single and I have to say that I am LOVING it. The relationship was going nowhere and I feel much better being single. I am not planning on dating in the near future, maybe in a few months I will. I just want some time to myself and not have to explain myself to anyone...I love that feeling of independence.

I am kind of babbling but what I really want to say is that being single is much better than being in a bad relationship!!! Give yourself some time to adjust....being alone doesn't mean you are lonely.

brilliant100 · 06-14-2005, 09:33 AM

Let's add serious suicide attempt to the list of things he has done. Knowing him is turning out to be a nightmare.

I have no respect for him.

kacee1958 · 06-14-2005, 10:34 AM

brilliant100 - feel like I know you from Beyond the Binge thread. Be strong, and give yourself some credit for realizing this relationship is no good for you.

JRo · 06-14-2005, 07:13 PM

I left a really bad relationship a few years ago. I think the best thing to do is just cut off all contact - if you try to be friends he'll never move on and he sounds very scary.

BABSY · 06-15-2005, 02:54 PM

oh, thats awful. I guess I should read this first before I answered the other one.

brilliant100 · 06-24-2005, 07:07 AM

He is going to jail for a very long time. I just found out that he did something stupid, beyond stupid.
---------------------------
Why did you make that choice. I know you were desperate and felt alone but it is inconceivable to me that you would do something like that. My heart is in crumbles....... I cannot stop crying at work. It started when I walked into starbucks. You and i would go there and they would greet us. I kept thinking yiou will not be able to do the things you love for years. You will be caged up like an animal! Your life was not that bad but now it will really feel like hel!

I know you are not a bad person. You are sweet and loving and will break your neck to help your family and friends. You have a wonderful sense of humor. But because of this you will lose so many friends. We cannot associate with people that choose to live like you do.

What happened to the man I met?

I love you and will miss you.

05-31-2005, 06:49 AM	#1
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	Moving On...Bad Relationship Just ended a three year relationship again...with my ex bf. This weekend would have been our three year anniversary (he had to remind me because I totally did not remember or care). The list of offenses committed by the Jerk- stealing from me lied about the number of children he had lied about reason for getting terminated from his job (accused of stealing) possibly attempted to talk to other women during the last year Friends and family have been very upset with me for continuing to see him after all of the above. Finally about three weeks ago, a very good friend warned that the next time he gets in trouble, people may not believe that I was not involved because I continue to associate with him with full knowedge of his lifestyle. That woke me up. But..............I am lonely and he calls every day. I do not feel comfortable around him to the point that for the last year I have been hiding my purse and keys whenever he is around. I want to move on and feel that my heart is ready. Just hate the feeling of healing it takes soo long. I am scared that it will take years for me to meet someone else that I 'clicked' with like him. I have wasted my time - I knew when I first met him that I would never marry him but at the time I just wanted to have fun and party. And that is what we did (it was a blast). Anyway-here I am again....alone... single........ When I first met him he seemed sincere and very honest. Even his family was horrified when they found out what he had done to me. Noone could believe it. Ive been praying for help from God.....

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05-31-2005, 10:14 AM	#2
scigirl3 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: IL Posts: 2,085 Gallery: scigirl3 Start Date: 05/25/03	I think one of the hardest things we ever have to do is to leave something that we know is bad for us but yet there is something holding us there. The loneliness will go away and you will find something or someone less stressful to fill the void. As someone who left a very bad marriage about 4 years ago, I know it is hard. You want that person around even if they are totally toxic to you cause you don't want to be alone sometimes. Each day that you away from him, it will get easier. hugs and hang in there kelly

05-31-2005, 02:30 PM	#3
FitinCO MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 1,679 Gallery: FitinCO Stats: 270/220/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Dec 2, 2003	Hugs to you. I know what you are going through.

06-13-2005, 12:03 PM	#4
wishful thinking Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: North Texas Posts: 10 Gallery: wishful thinking Stats: 175/145 WOE: moderate carbs/ exercise Start Date: June 1, 2005	We tend to stay with something that we're used to. It's like a comfortable pair of jeans. We know that we probably need to throw them out because they may not be what we need, but we find comfort in the fact that they are always there and waiting for us. Be strong and realize that we don't need them It will take a while for the comfortablility to wear off and find something that will replace that feeling. THe hard part is relizing that we are in control of that for ourselves. Get comfortable with you and find the respect for yourself to like you and then it will happen for you when you're ready for it. hugs

06-13-2005, 03:36 PM	#5
Jennyl Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: calgary Posts: 24,145 Gallery: Jennyl Start Date: manana	Give yourself time to heal. Three years is a long time to be with someone, even if there were a lot of bad things there is bound to be an adjustment period. You didn't waste your time, you learned more about yourself, what you want and don't want. I am recently single and I have to say that I am LOVING it. The relationship was going nowhere and I feel much better being single. I am not planning on dating in the near future, maybe in a few months I will. I just want some time to myself and not have to explain myself to anyone...I love that feeling of independence. I am kind of babbling but what I really want to say is that being single is much better than being in a bad relationship!!! Give yourself some time to adjust....being alone doesn't mean you are lonely.

06-14-2005, 09:33 AM	#6
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	Let's add serious suicide attempt to the list of things he has done. Knowing him is turning out to be a nightmare. I have no respect for him.

06-14-2005, 10:34 AM	#7
kacee1958 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: NE Georgia Posts: 553 Gallery: kacee1958 Stats: 200/191/145 WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart 12/29/08	brilliant100 - feel like I know you from Beyond the Binge thread. Be strong, and give yourself some credit for realizing this relationship is no good for you.

06-14-2005, 07:13 PM	#8
JRo Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: District of Columbia Posts: 13,277 Gallery: JRo Stats: 205/190/125 WOE: atkins Start Date: August 2008	I left a really bad relationship a few years ago. I think the best thing to do is just cut off all contact - if you try to be friends he'll never move on and he sounds very scary.

06-15-2005, 02:54 PM	#9
BABSY Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: MCKINNEY,TX Posts: 3,534 Gallery: BABSY	oh, thats awful. I guess I should read this first before I answered the other one.

06-24-2005, 07:07 AM	#10
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	He is going to jail for a very long time. I just found out that he did something stupid, beyond stupid. --------------------------- Why did you make that choice. I know you were desperate and felt alone but it is inconceivable to me that you would do something like that. My heart is in crumbles....... I cannot stop crying at work. It started when I walked into starbucks. You and i would go there and they would greet us. I kept thinking yiou will not be able to do the things you love for years. You will be caged up like an animal! Your life was not that bad but now it will really feel like hel! I know you are not a bad person. You are sweet and loving and will break your neck to help your family and friends. You have a wonderful sense of humor. But because of this you will lose so many friends. We cannot associate with people that choose to live like you do. What happened to the man I met? I love you and will miss you.