How do you accept God's will when it's not what you want?

mellowbear · 05-23-2005, 01:44 PM

I turned it over to Him because I know I'm not in control of this situation. In my head, I know that His way is the way it should be and He is taking care of my "son" - he's where he should be. He's scared, but safe and in a home where he's finally loved.

But I just can't seem to convince my heart.

Can't eat. Haven't been able to since last Wednesday. Had a piece of cheese one day. Had a little bit of a chicken wing yesterday. I know I need to eat. I'm just not hungry. Tried to eat a little bit of a sandwich this afternoon, now I just feel ill.

The whole saga is too much to go into on here, but I guess I could use some guidance on how to help my heart accept this. If my head knows it, why can't my heart?

USMCmom · 05-23-2005, 02:46 PM

I'm not sure what your story is but just wanted to give you some

. I know that feeling your describing. I'm in a similar situation right now where there is nothing I can do.

BAMA-GAL-60 · 05-23-2005, 04:07 PM

Mellowbear, Just keep your faith and trust in God and things will work out for the best. Even when you don't think God is helping you any, well he is but in his own way because he knows what is best for you.
I went through some tough times to in my life when our son passed away and I wondered how God could let such a good person die but I know he had his reasons and he has helped me get through it all to, not my way but his....
When times get rough for you just knell beside your bed and say a prayer, i bet you will perk right back up in no time if you do.

RobinB · 05-23-2005, 04:19 PM

I'm sure it's hard but please hang in there and keep trusting!

manalu · 05-23-2005, 04:36 PM

When you can't see God's hand, trust His heart.
His ways are not our ways, so we cannot understand them.
I think of myself as a parent.....if my little one had touched a stove, I would say no. He did not know why I wouldn't let him touch it, but I knew what would happen and how it would turn out. I could see the big picture, he couldn't.
God sees the big picture and already knows the outcome. He knew from the beginning of time what would be taking place in your lives, He also knows what is best for you.
Pray for wisdom and understanding.....pray for more trust....pray for His will to be done.

saucylady · 05-23-2005, 04:57 PM

It's okay to GRIEVE. That sounds like what you are doing. I don't believe God wants you to shut off your emotions. God gave you emotions and it's okay to have them. You can be sad and still trust God that things are working out okay.

Don't try to deny your feelings. Write them down. Even if you're angry, even if you're angry at God. God is big enough that He can handle your feelings.

Think about your "son". Even if he was furious with you, and said he hated you, you'd know that he still loves you really, he's just angry. You would still love him, even though he's angry with you. God is the same way.

Don't stifle your emotions in the name of trusting God.

mellowbear · 05-23-2005, 06:19 PM

He's not my own son, but for the last year DH and I (and both of our sons) have loved him and cared for him as just that. He's come from such a bad situation, and I've prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded I'd someday be able to bring him home with me to give him the family he deserves.

Then his aunt and uncle show up out of nowhere. I know he's best with them. They're blood relatives. I've spent a long time talking with them. I know they're good people.

My heart just doesn't want to accept this. I've cried for 3 days straight now. I've talked to him on the phone. He wants to live with us so bad. He gives me those big sad eyes and I know he's so nervous about his future. I keep telling him it's all going to be okay. Then I hang up and cry some more.

BAMA -

I have no idea how to cope with losing a child like that. It's one of my worst nightmares. I'm so sorry for you.

mzmawissa · 05-23-2005, 09:26 PM

We are sort of in the same boat.We picked up out foster baby from the hospital.Long story short the case was a wn win till mom decided to acknowledge the baby last month.Case still is a win win, then dh got placed on assignment to NY....Well although mom is unfit, etc...we may not be abe to take her with us to NY.We are soo tor.she is almost 6months old and we are all she knows.We are mommy and da da.We go to court on the first of June and are praying that something we say will convince the judge to let her come with.
This is Sooo hard for us.All I can do is trust God....

tsimmons · 05-23-2005, 11:32 PM

Wow-This is a very hard situation and my thoughts and prayers will be you

I would like you to know that I think it is SUPERGREAT what you and your family have done for this child to this point. Maybe you can find some extra comfort in knowing that you have done the VERY BEST that you could with the time that y'all had with him. I know it doesn't help much right now-but at least you can take comfort in knowing that you have done such wonderful things for him up to this point in his life. And I pray that God will begin to heal your pain and somehow send you some comfort. You seem like you are a really wonderful, loving, sharing family. God bless you!

toni1954 · 05-24-2005, 07:11 AM

this is heartbreaking, my prayers are with you both.

mellowbear · 05-24-2005, 09:18 AM

mzmawissa -

I know the pain and frustration you are going through. I'll keep your family in my prayers as the court date draws near.

LadyDee · 05-24-2005, 10:07 AM

Trust is more about surrender than anything else. Trust will not make your feelings and emotions go away. This is a part of our growing process. Trust/surrender means that you have to remind yourself constantly that God has it. Whatever it is, He has it.

There is a reason that you are in the midst of this. It is not to hurt you, but to refine you. How cool is it for someone to love you so much that they will endure seeing your tears for your greater good?

Just know that you are right where you should be. That you are entitled to your feelings, whatever they are. Acknowledge them. And then say, "Here God, I think this belongs to you."

It will be alright.....................

mzmawissa · 05-24-2005, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mellowbear

mzmawissa -

I know the pain and frustration you are going through. I'll keep your family in my prayers as the court date draws near.

Thanks and I will do the same for you.This is a very unique and painful feeling.I think we have gone from about 20 ranges of emotions, sleepless nights , nausea, you name it.When it is all said and done, I keep HAVING to remind myself that God knows the situation and he will not leave her nor forsake her.Knowing is one thing , getting through these emotions is another.I am finally able to function, and am making myself do more than the basic things in my daily routine.Thanks for listening

mellowbear · 05-24-2005, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mzmawissa

Thanks for listening

PM me anytime you want a shoulder to lean on!

Sue421 · 05-26-2005, 02:48 PM

You guys made me cry. I can't imagine the pain, and I've had lots in my life.

Thankfully, they are "good" people, but oh my goodness, you grew attached to the child. Yikes! Can you still see him lots and take him out and be like another mother figure in his life anyway? Maybe something can be worked out so that it is not so terribly painful for you all.

Lori · 05-26-2005, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mellowbear

Then his aunt and uncle show up out of nowhere. I know he's best with them. They're blood relatives. I've spent a long time talking with them. I know they're good people.

My heart just doesn't want to accept this.

I don't know the situation so I will just offer this idea: Our lives are long scripts and this one has just begun. There is a lot more yet to come so don't think it's the end. It is the beginning.

LeahIA · 05-27-2005, 12:03 PM

Always remember that perfect love casts out fear. I have to hold on to some of these verses with everything I have in me!

Remember - its like watching a parade - you can only see what is directly in front of you, but God can see the entire parade from beginning to end.

Jesus in the garden prayed for the cup to be taken from him. But ultimately said "not my will, but Thine."

I hope this doesn't sound trite, I'm going through some bad things right now also and scripture and studying has really helped me.

mzmawissa · 05-28-2005, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeahIA

Always remember that perfect love casts out fear. I have to hold on to some of these verses with everything I have in me!

Remember - its like watching a parade - you can only see what is directly in front of you, but God can see the entire parade from beginning to end.

Jesus in the garden prayed for the cup to be taken from him. But ultimately said "not my will, but Thine."

I hope this doesn't sound trite, I'm going through some bad things right now also and scripture and studying has really helped me.

yes, I agree.I have certain scriptures that I have to constantly say and keep near my heart.So that when thoughts come that I know is contrary to his word, I can stand on his promses.With his word i my heart I know that his will will be done in our situation.This is the convidence that I have in him!

mzmawissa · 06-01-2005, 11:02 PM

Went to court today and the baby's judge awarded us guardianship of our foster daughter She is able to come with us to NY .

Long story short noone told bm that we were transferring to another state and that they didn't want her to come with.She was certain she wanted the child with us until case goes to permanacy or reunification(which is far fetched).After hours of waiting for our turn, which allowed for me to talk to bm,her GAL, her lawyer and the SW. She decided that that's what she wanted.The original motion was for fd to go to another foster home.

Went in the courtroom and in less than 5min she was ours.Her GAL was pissed because of the unforeseen changes in the case.As she was somewhere doing God knows what when the 3 hour talks were going on in the lobby before the case. She has an option to appeal, but I don't think she will do it.
I am sooo happy

mellowbear · 06-02-2005, 08:54 AM

Oh, mzmawissa! I'm so happy for you!! That is wonderful news!

05-23-2005, 01:44 PM	#1
mellowbear MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: FL Posts: 1,330 Gallery: mellowbear WOE: LoCarb Start Date: March 2003	How do you accept God's will when it's not what you want? I turned it over to Him because I know I'm not in control of this situation. In my head, I know that His way is the way it should be and He is taking care of my "son" - he's where he should be. He's scared, but safe and in a home where he's finally loved. But I just can't seem to convince my heart. Can't eat. Haven't been able to since last Wednesday. Had a piece of cheese one day. Had a little bit of a chicken wing yesterday. I know I need to eat. I'm just not hungry. Tried to eat a little bit of a sandwich this afternoon, now I just feel ill. The whole saga is too much to go into on here, but I guess I could use some guidance on how to help my heart accept this. If my head knows it, why can't my heart? __________________ "Write your plans in pencil and give God the eraser."

05-23-2005, 04:36 PM	#5
manalu Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Queen-dumb Posts: 6,257 Gallery: manalu Stats: 26/20/???? WOE: Carb Addicts	When you can't see God's hand, trust His heart. His ways are not our ways, so we cannot understand them. I think of myself as a parent.....if my little one had touched a stove, I would say no. He did not know why I wouldn't let him touch it, but I knew what would happen and how it would turn out. I could see the big picture, he couldn't. God sees the big picture and already knows the outcome. He knew from the beginning of time what would be taking place in your lives, He also knows what is best for you. Pray for wisdom and understanding.....pray for more trust....pray for His will to be done. __________________ Nancy *************************** Jeremiah 29:11 My plans are in His hands!

05-23-2005, 04:57 PM	#6
saucylady Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,590 Blog Entries: 1 Gallery: saucylady	It's okay to GRIEVE. That sounds like what you are doing. I don't believe God wants you to shut off your emotions. God gave you emotions and it's okay to have them. You can be sad and still trust God that things are working out okay. Don't try to deny your feelings. Write them down. Even if you're angry, even if you're angry at God. God is big enough that He can handle your feelings. Think about your "son". Even if he was furious with you, and said he hated you, you'd know that he still loves you really, he's just angry. You would still love him, even though he's angry with you. God is the same way. Don't stifle your emotions in the name of trusting God. __________________ In Memory of my Dear Beloved Mother-in-law, Ginny...5/11/34 - 9/10/07 Deep peace.

05-24-2005, 10:07 AM	#12
LadyDee Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Silver Springs, MD Posts: 890 Gallery: LadyDee	Trust is more about surrender than anything else. Trust will not make your feelings and emotions go away. This is a part of our growing process. Trust/surrender means that you have to remind yourself constantly that God has it. Whatever it is, He has it. There is a reason that you are in the midst of this. It is not to hurt you, but to refine you. How cool is it for someone to love you so much that they will endure seeing your tears for your greater good? Just know that you are right where you should be. That you are entitled to your feelings, whatever they are. Acknowledge them. And then say, "Here God, I think this belongs to you." It will be alright..................... __________________ If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

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05-23-2005, 02:46 PM	#2
USMCmom Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 3,149 Gallery: USMCmom Stats: size 14/10/8 WOE: stop eating so much Start Date: 2/2003	I'm not sure what your story is but just wanted to give you some . I know that feeling your describing. I'm in a similar situation right now where there is nothing I can do.

05-23-2005, 04:07 PM	#3
BAMA-GAL-60 Guest Join Date: May 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 354 Gallery: BAMA-GAL-60 Stats: start-325-current 225- goal 150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Nov. 2000	Mellowbear, Just keep your faith and trust in God and things will work out for the best. Even when you don't think God is helping you any, well he is but in his own way because he knows what is best for you. I went through some tough times to in my life when our son passed away and I wondered how God could let such a good person die but I know he had his reasons and he has helped me get through it all to, not my way but his.... When times get rough for you just knell beside your bed and say a prayer, i bet you will perk right back up in no time if you do.

05-23-2005, 04:19 PM	#4
RobinB Heart Writer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Maryland Posts: 2,170 Gallery: RobinB WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart March '07	I'm sure it's hard but please hang in there and keep trusting!

05-23-2005, 06:19 PM	#7
mellowbear MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: FL Posts: 1,330 Gallery: mellowbear WOE: LoCarb Start Date: March 2003	He's not my own son, but for the last year DH and I (and both of our sons) have loved him and cared for him as just that. He's come from such a bad situation, and I've prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded I'd someday be able to bring him home with me to give him the family he deserves. Then his aunt and uncle show up out of nowhere. I know he's best with them. They're blood relatives. I've spent a long time talking with them. I know they're good people. My heart just doesn't want to accept this. I've cried for 3 days straight now. I've talked to him on the phone. He wants to live with us so bad. He gives me those big sad eyes and I know he's so nervous about his future. I keep telling him it's all going to be okay. Then I hang up and cry some more. BAMA - I have no idea how to cope with losing a child like that. It's one of my worst nightmares. I'm so sorry for you.

05-23-2005, 09:26 PM	#8
mzmawissa Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: My heart is in Afghanistan Posts: 7,159 Gallery: mzmawissa Stats: 190/185/150 WOE: low carb my way for sure Start Date: ohh brother	We are sort of in the same boat.We picked up out foster baby from the hospital.Long story short the case was a wn win till mom decided to acknowledge the baby last month.Case still is a win win, then dh got placed on assignment to NY....Well although mom is unfit, etc...we may not be abe to take her with us to NY.We are soo tor.she is almost 6months old and we are all she knows.We are mommy and da da.We go to court on the first of June and are praying that something we say will convince the judge to let her come with. This is Sooo hard for us.All I can do is trust God....

05-23-2005, 11:32 PM	#9
tsimmons Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: USA Posts: 60 Gallery: tsimmons Stats: 208/160/150 (5'10") WOE: trying to stick to Atkins/kimkins	Wow-This is a very hard situation and my thoughts and prayers will be you I would like you to know that I think it is SUPERGREAT what you and your family have done for this child to this point. Maybe you can find some extra comfort in knowing that you have done the VERY BEST that you could with the time that y'all had with him. I know it doesn't help much right now-but at least you can take comfort in knowing that you have done such wonderful things for him up to this point in his life. And I pray that God will begin to heal your pain and somehow send you some comfort. You seem like you are a really wonderful, loving, sharing family. God bless you!

05-24-2005, 07:11 AM	#10
toni1954 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ny Posts: 99 Gallery: toni1954 Stats: 212/210/120 Start Date: 05/15/05	this is heartbreaking, my prayers are with you both.

05-24-2005, 09:18 AM	#11
mellowbear MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: FL Posts: 1,330 Gallery: mellowbear WOE: LoCarb Start Date: March 2003	mzmawissa - I know the pain and frustration you are going through. I'll keep your family in my prayers as the court date draws near.

05-26-2005, 02:48 PM	#15
Sue421 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Calgary, Alberta Posts: 544 Gallery: Sue421 Stats: 150/125/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Dec. 2003	You guys made me cry. I can't imagine the pain, and I've had lots in my life. Thankfully, they are "good" people, but oh my goodness, you grew attached to the child. Yikes! Can you still see him lots and take him out and be like another mother figure in his life anyway? Maybe something can be worked out so that it is not so terribly painful for you all.

05-27-2005, 12:03 PM	#17
LeahIA Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Is this Heaven? No, its Iowa! Posts: 36,374 Gallery: LeahIA Stats: Stupid Chemo!!/153.5/140 WOE: Who knows???? Start Date: tomorrow...yea, tomorrow!!	Always remember that perfect love casts out fear. I have to hold on to some of these verses with everything I have in me! Remember - its like watching a parade - you can only see what is directly in front of you, but God can see the entire parade from beginning to end. Jesus in the garden prayed for the cup to be taken from him. But ultimately said "not my will, but Thine." I hope this doesn't sound trite, I'm going through some bad things right now also and scripture and studying has really helped me.

06-01-2005, 11:02 PM	#19
mzmawissa Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: My heart is in Afghanistan Posts: 7,159 Gallery: mzmawissa Stats: 190/185/150 WOE: low carb my way for sure Start Date: ohh brother	Went to court today and the baby's judge awarded us guardianship of our foster daughter She is able to come with us to NY . Long story short noone told bm that we were transferring to another state and that they didn't want her to come with.She was certain she wanted the child with us until case goes to permanacy or reunification(which is far fetched).After hours of waiting for our turn, which allowed for me to talk to bm,her GAL, her lawyer and the SW. She decided that that's what she wanted.The original motion was for fd to go to another foster home. Went in the courtroom and in less than 5min she was ours.Her GAL was pissed because of the unforeseen changes in the case.As she was somewhere doing God knows what when the 3 hour talks were going on in the lobby before the case. She has an option to appeal, but I don't think she will do it. I am sooo happy

06-02-2005, 08:54 AM	#20
mellowbear MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: FL Posts: 1,330 Gallery: mellowbear WOE: LoCarb Start Date: March 2003	Oh, mzmawissa! I'm so happy for you!! That is wonderful news!