I need some help

[FitinCO]

I don't post often over here but I found out some shocking news today.

My husband of 10 years told me this morning that it is possible that I have an STD. Apparantly he has been having affairs for years with people that he has met from the internet. I don't know the exact number, but it is over 30 people (both men and women). We have a just turned three year old son. I am still in shock. I don't know what to do, it just feels like I'm paralyzed. And I still have two more hours to go at work.

Please help! Please help me put one step in front of the other. I don't have any family.

[Skinnymocah]

Oh yikes! Get to a doctor, first thing and find out if you have anything.

[FitinCO]

Actually, I had my annual exam yesterday with a new doctor (that H) goes to. After I found out this morning what has been going on, I called and spoke to the doctor. She prescribed me some kind of vaginal cream, and ran tests on the blood I gave yesterday on AIDS, Hep C, Gonorrhea and Clymidia. I took tomorrow off of work because I can't stop crying today here (and I may just get an apartment). I feel like going under all the covers and not coming out.

[Marlee]

You poor thing... I can't imagine being told that I hope you have friends there that can help you through this. I'd get into counseling asap as well... you're gonna need all the support you can get to get you through this and then decide how you're going to handle it. We're definitly here for you... take care

[Icetea]

All can I say is, I will be praying for you.

[USMCmom]

How terrible. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm praying that you'll get good news from your doctor. I also think you need counselling to get through this, I know I would need it.

[Barbcat01]

What a nasty shock! Goodness, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't even imagine hearing such horrible news. I hope you get good news from the doctor.

Can your doc recommend someone for you to talk to? I can certainly understand wanting to hide with the covers over your head. And darn it, you have every right to be hurt and angry. Maybe a professional would be just the ticket to let you vent until you figure out your next move.

I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome. Hugs and prayers for you!

[Tazcat]

omigosh, i'm so sorry.

[WriterGirl]

I'm so sorry. I'd be a basketcase right now if I were in your shoes. Followup with your doc on the testing. As others mentioned, counceling may help you cope. Also, if you have no one to talk to, keep coming here and posting. I've gone thru rough times with my husband and am currently divorcing him and I found that just having friends to vent to or even posting things here helped me cope.

Rather than look for an apartment, can you ask your husband to leave the house for a time while you sort things out? That way your son is still in familiar surroundings.

Erin

[Groovycadreamr]

I know life totally sucks right now. I hope everything turns out negative and then you can think a bit more clearly on what to do next. Take care.

[Jennyl]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I would be devastated as well. Your husband has put your life at risk as well as his own. Get a lawyer and don't move out until you get some advice first.

[Lori]

I agree. Don't move out. Make sure you are healthy and call a lawyer. Then call your mom if you can or a good friend.

Wishing you the best.

[RobinB]

Originally Posted by Lori

I agree. Don't move out. Make sure you are healthy and call a lawyer. Then call your mom if you can or a good friend.

Wishing you the best.

Agreed!!

[SJN02]

First off to you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just know you are not alone in this at all. My dh of 13 1/2 yrs decided to sleep with someone else and then sleep with me. I went to the dr and they said I would have to wait 4-6 weeks to get STD testing done, so I go in next week. I don't know why men can't keep themselves for their wives ONLY. If you want someone to talk to just pm me and I will send you my email address. I will be willing to help you through this tough time. I know my DH and I are now in counseling and it is helping and I did have to get some xanax to help me be able to cope. I am finding that I am not having images. It is so hard though. I have had a tough day today, and I have my days when things are going great. Please pm me so we can talk about this more and hopefully with me sharing what has helped me will help you too. Again I am so sorry you are going through this. I will pray for you and your family.

[Dreamer37]

Wow what devastating news!! I just want to say please make sure your doctor also does a test for herpes..they never include that test in with the other tests!! Its something you have to request specifically..Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you..

[mzmawissa]

[valg]

How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you. So sorry you are going through this.

[FitinCO]

I'm not doing very well. I took yesterday off from work (with approval) and one of the doctors that I work for had a fit because I wasn't there to do her endless work. Even though yesterday had been approved, I've missed a lot of work lately. My child was sick a lot (just started a new daycare). Now that doctor went to HR to complain about me, so my job is also in danger. And the jerko DH keeps saying that this is no reason for me to leave. Huh? Oh, and I talked to the other woman yesterday (found her number on our caller ID). She said that my DH presented himself as a man who was separated from his wife. I guess he said that I was psycho, etc.

I go and look at a place today after work and I hope I can get moved in this weekend. Thanks for the support.

[valg]

I wish your work were more supportive, that's awful.

Can your husband move out instead of you?

[FitinCO]

He refuses to, says it's his house, all that bs. I'm in a wierd cycle - first I get flippin' mad, then I get sad and can't stop crying, and then I'm so depressed I am paralyzed. I am losing my mind.

[valg]

Aw Joanie.....what a terrible time for you and what a jerk! Has he no conscience?

Do you have any supportive family around who can help you?

Is there something that triggered him telling you all of a sudden after all this time of his hidden stuff?

You've really been on my mind today......

[Borg_Bunny]

PLEASE, please, see a lawyer. Write down that woman's number and be sure to take it with you. And take the computer - if CO is a state where the other parties conduct matters wrt a divorce, then you really want to have this info. And be sure to snoop thorugh & take cell phone bills or print them off from web access before you go. Don't let the bastid screw you over twice.


big hugs!

[Terilynn]

Colorado is a no fault divorce state.

I really feel bad for you, sounds like he is a jerk. Too bad you work with insensitive doctors. I too work in the health care field, but would be there to help any of my employees out in a situation like this.

With time, everything will work out. Just be sure to always do what is best for you.

[FitinCO]

Thanks for all the responses, I could just cry at how nice you all are. I called the doctor's office and asked for the herpes to be added (I'm sure I'll have to give more blood - I only gave blood for thyroid and a panel, not for aids, herpes, gonnorhea, and the rest of the nightmare diseases. I'm angry at everyone - even the other woman. I mean, come on - she knew he was still married, but thought he was separated. But she did know that we lived together, our name was on the machine! Karma will come back to her.

You know what I keep thinking? Why did this happen? I try so hard to be a good person. What did I do to deserve this life? I had a severly abusive childhood (that is why I am estranged from my family), got kicked out right when I turned 18 and have been on my own ever since. I trusted that man. I better stop this or I am going to turn into a blubbering mess again and I'm at work.

I keep thinking of them together - I want to know what she looks like, if she's thin, what they did, if they had pillow talk, etc. You know what pisses me off too? She got the best of him. All I get is rants and raves from him, and she said that she never saw that side of him. He was lovey dovey with her, and apparently he told her that "she made him feel 10 years younger". It's so awful - when I first wake up in the morning, it hits me all over again. I wish I could just not wake up. And it's the weekend - oh how I dread weekends.

I know I must sound like a total nut, but I am right now. I don't know how to make myself feel better. I am in so much pain.

[rachel2writer]

Joanie.

You don't sound like a total nut. You sound like someone who has just been devastated by a cheating spouse. it's going to take time, and you're going to feel lots of emotions.

My DH cheated on me 6 or 7 years ago, and I still occasionally obsess over wondering about her-what she looked like, etc. It gets easier, I promise.

for now, focus on your health, find a lawyer. You have lots of friends here, too!

[Jebber]

I can't even begin to imagine your pain. Keep coming here for support. You have been given some great advice. You and your son are in my prayers.

[gettingstrength]

[tsimmons]

Just want to add that you will be in my prayers as well- I hope that are physically well and will somehow find peace from the pain you are going through. Knowledge is power-so get all the professional advice that you can before you do anything rash-you do have yourself and your child to think about more so than the DH

[valg]

Also wanted to let you know I've still been thinking of you too. How are you today?

[FitinCO]

Hi - well it's been a week now and I'm handling it better. It's so terrible that I have to worry about my job now. One more absence and I'm fired. I'm going to our marriage counselor (I guess he's just mine now) today, so I'm hoping to get some stuff out there. The tests came back negative so far, and I went last night after work (the nurse actually waited for me) to give more blood and test for herpes.

I'm just trying to take one step at a time, baby steps. Thanks for caring about me.