Need adult advice because I cant talk to my parents about this

[H20girl]

Oh my Lord. Why me? Three of my roommates decided it would be a fun idea to watch the finale of The Bachelor and take a shot of rum at every commercial; it was a three hour show. I have two midterms and a final due this week, as well as a research interview to plan with a San Francisco rape crises center. I was planning to do this all of Monday night. BUT I am disrupted by the sound OF TWO PEOPLE PUKING ON THE CARPET!! I realize the third one is missing so I walk into our bathroom to find the lights off and she is unconscious passed out with her face in her own vomit. It doesn’t end there. I look down and blood is spilling from her knee because she has fallen. I start to gag at the smell and panic trying to make sure these girls are okay. Finally I called my best friend who has a stronger stomach than me to help. We get the first two up, and while we are doing this, the other one starts drinking the toilet water. I will spare you of the more gross details (yes it was worse). I have spent the last two hours mopping up puke, and worrying whether or not to call an ambulance. Its 1:25 am and I have done NONE of my work. I am so fed up. This happens every single time they drink. I have tried telling them that they need to learn their limits, but NO they never do less than ten shots. I don’t know what to do; they are so disrespectful. Now my room smells like a damn porta-potty . I couldn’t let her go to sleep that drunk, so I stayed with her while she cried and cried at how sorry she was. She always apologizes, but it ALWAYS happens again. Last time she passed out in the bathroom, she locked the door so no one could get in and help her. I want so bad to yell and scream at her, but she claims that she can take care of herself. This is so unhealthy for her, and as for me, I am extremely nervous that I am going to screw up on my schoolwork. I don’t know how to approach her about it. They ever remember anything so it’s always fine with them. I’m sorry to vent like this, but I am really anxious right now and have been feeling lethargic from the way I have been eating already that I feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown .

[Cinnabar]

This in a dorm? or an apartment you all are sharing? Frankly I WOULD tell someone, if for nothing else than to help you get out of there.

Secondly why are you enabling them? Stop cleaning up after them and taking care of them. As long as you're playing mommy & taking care of them & their messes why would they stop?

Personally I'd demand hotel money from them as soon as they wake up. Or raid their purse the next time they did it & leave them there wallowing in their own filth.

[USMCmom]

I would move out. Sounds like you've put up with enough and your roommates need to grow up and be responsible.

[Mimosa23]

Time to move on. You need to take care of yourself, not look after others. I spent a lot of time in Uni worrying about others. You know what??? They don't worry about you, so don't worry about them. Yes, leave them in their own filth, this way they may start growing up a little, as there is nobody to clean up after them.

It is scary to see your friends in a state of total inebriation, and yes, people have suffocated in their own vomit. These are all realities. You need to tell them that you cannot cope with feeling resposible for checking if they are still alive when they have once again exeeded their alcoholic intake limits. You should move out. I know that the summer holidays are coming up, so wouldn't that be the perfect time to look for a new, more peaceful place to live?

I hope you do well in your papers/exams, and don't let the selfishness (cause that's what it really is) of your roommates get you down!

[BigRed]

I always told/tell my children to pick thier friends wisely, because, you will become the friends you keep , This means, look at your friends, this is you in a few years. Is that who you want to be?

[Mushmush]

Time to move out and move on. Seriously, I once passed out in a public bathroom and woke up lying in my own vomit surrounded by my concerned and embarrased family, including my in-laws. From that day on I've never drank more than my limit. If your friends cannot learn their limits and think that passing out in puke is OK, there is nothing you can do.

Sasha

[evrrdy]

I'm assuming you are going to UCDavis.. and if I remember correctly this branch is relatively new?? Do your parents live nearby and you are going there because it's close to home??

Ok, reasons for the questions is because I went back to college late in life. I watched all of these things happen to my younger class mates and how it impacted their lives. It was never good. My standard advice has always been,,, if your school is close to home then go back and live with them. This is your college life, and yes while it is great experience to live out on your own while in that stage of life, your education is just way too important to risk the outside strain. I had a house, husband and two kids.. and I am still kicking myself today for not having going when I was fresh out of school... but I knew at the time, I would have to live away from home and my sense of reality and my classmates sense of reality were two different things.

I would definitely take this summer time to straighten these things out and would actually have a talk with my parents about it. You'll be surprised at how understanding they will probably be. At the same time, you will earn that much more respect from them because of the wise decision you are making and your attempt to stay on track while everyone around you is going crazy.

Save your money, save your sanity and save your college career... this is your future sugar... it's worth it. Find somewhere else to live whether it's with your parents or not. Your future deserves this. **If your parents don't live near UCDavis.. there are sssoo many great colleges in Ca, that you might even consider a transfer closer to home.. I went to CSU-Fresno**

Good luck especially getting all your work done... you can do it.. **oh, and if you decide to just "deal" with it.. get a good camera, and while you may still clean up the mess, be sure to take plenty of pictures to "stoke their memories" of shenanigans that they pulled the night before. Maybe after some really candid shots, it will shame them into reality... if not, their GPA just might. Then you can show them why their GPA is what it is, instead of what it should be..
hugs
Lisa

[H20girl]

Thank you so much for the encouragement. Fortunatly I only have one month of school left and I have resolved that I will not be living with these girls next year. This is the dorms so I didn't get to choose who I lived with in the first place. I do not normally hang out with these people except for when I am in my dorm. I guess I do need to let them clean up their own mess, but it gets so gross that I can't handle leaving it like that. I am about a hour and a half from home (I live in the Bay Area) so I do get to go home a lot on the weekends. Once again thank you all for your responses and support.

[Barbcat01]

This thought just occurred to me. I'm not sure that you can do it given your situation, but it's something that might work.

The next time they start up, I would immediately take what I would need for the night and the next day and spend the night in a hotel. Maybe keep a spare backpack of supplies for "just in case". You will have peace and quiet to study, and they will get to wake up lying in a pool of their own vomit. It may take just one time of you not putting up with it to make them think about doing it again.

Too bad you can't pick your roommates. Will this be an option next year?

The evil part of me likes the idea of taking their pictures when they're passed out. But I would have them blown up to poster size and plaster them on the dorm walls. Because I am mean.

[H20girl]

I totally wanted to take picures, but I couldn't even look directly at them becuase I would gag! I like the hotel idea, or maybe I could spend the night in my best friends apartment.

[Barbcat01]

Originally Posted by H20girl

I totally wanted to take picures, but I couldn't even look directly at them becuase I would gag! I like the hotel idea, or maybe I could spend the night in my best friends apartment.

There ya go! You could give her (or him, as best friends can come in the oddest forms ) the head's up that you might need a place to spend the night sometime in the future and have it all arranged ahead of time. You don't have to put up with people who don't care about your feelings. Especially when they show such a lack of self-control.

I'm with you on the gagging. Bad smells and I do not get along. At all!

[Jennyl]

Staying with your friend when they start drinking is a great idea. Make sure you lock your room or something so they don't puke in there. You are a good friend to be taking care of them this way...I don't think I would be able to do it! You are under so much stress with your studies that you don't need to deal with this on top of it. Find some new roomates or get a private room next year. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[djalomo]

Aw, sorry you're having to go though this.

Eh -- that's one part of college I *don't* miss. When I was 21 I had an 18 year-old on-campus apartment-mate I didn't pick, and she was WILD. She and her friends would smoke weed all over the apartment and drink like 5 nights a week. Our apartment even got raided once.

Then one night I came home and they were partying pretty hard. I packed a bag, left to stay with a friend, and called the cops on her and her underage friends. She didn't return next semester.

[Squiggle]

When will people like that learn that they ruin it for everyone, and are such an inconvenience? I know that's a harsh word, but it is what it is.

Having to babysit is no fun, and as said above, aspiration (suffocating on one's own vomit) is MUCH much much more common than we realize.

I love going out and having drinks, but when people start puking it's no fun anymore. People need to learn their limits. I hope you can work through this, I personally don't know if leaving is your best option, but I hope you find it

[H20girl]

I have two other roomates that were not here when this incident happened, but have experienced it before. When I told them about this, they both told me how annoyed they were too. One of them even had puke on her purse and desk chair! So we sat them down and pretty much told them that they can't drink in our dorm apartment anymore. We threatened them with telling the conduct coordinator who could evict them. Thanks for all of your help everyone! I first came to this website for help on being healthy and losing weight, but I got way more than what I bargained for. You guys are awesome.

[Phinnk]

Your behavior is just like telling them its okay and you will take care of everything. Don't be an enabler. I know its hard, but it has to end somewhere before one of them dies of alcohol poisoning or something tragic. Chin up - you are so smart for recognizing there's a problem here and you are showing a lot of maturity for asking adults for advice. My daughter just finished her sophomore year in college and she's been through it, too. Her so-call "friends" turned out to be wasted all the time and would put out for anyone. She's gotten some new friends and now her life is so much happier. Try getting a part time job, as well. Makes all the difference. You'll have some money and a great excuse not to have the parties at your place (you have to get up for work). Good luck!

[CurveControl]

Rather than still shots I would video them, and show them what they look like drunk. That can be a real eye opener!