I have come to a personal understanding of "forgivness"

pipersfancy · 05-11-2005, 06:39 PM

Forgivness has been a concept I have struggled to grasp for a long time... I've been carrying around so much anger that my health was beginning to suffer.

I think my difficulty has been in trying to forgive specific incidents... the times my husband beat me, the times he degraded me, the times he put our children in danger... the thousands of moments that make up a 10 year marriage. And, just as I'd come to grips with one thing, three more would come to mind. And... it's not like I'm ever able to forget the reasons I filed for divorce... a rash of slashed tires, ongoing litigation over the past 5 years and the very real possibility that I may lose everything I have left in the world.

But - I experienced a life changing realization the other day. I was reflecting on how God describes God in scripture... I Am... and a thought crossed my mind like a bolt of lightning. I am the Mother of my children... there is a sense of powerful perfection in that realization! No matter what my exhusband does, or what decisions are made by the court, or whether or not I have a penny to my name... nothing can alter that fact of my being. I am the perfect mother for my children, because I AM THEIR MOTHER! (not implying that my parenting is perfected)

And then it hit me...

If this is true of myself... it must also be true of the father of my children.

And in that second of realization, I was able to forgive by letting go the emotions attached to every hard memory I have. By letting go of the emotions, I'm also able to take responsibility solely for my own actions and words, and give my exhusband the gift of being fully responsible for his own actions and words. I realized that by swimming in the negative emotions, I have almost allowed my exhusband to shadow my life with the responsibility of things he has said and done.

I believe this to be the major lesson that I needed to learn in my life, because I am finally able to look forward and not behind me.

Christina

manalu · 05-11-2005, 08:01 PM

There is alot of freedom in forgiveness, not only for others but for yourself as well.

gettingstrength · 05-11-2005, 08:56 PM

larryt · 05-12-2005, 07:28 AM

Christina

"She" will always be their Mom.
"He" will always be their Dad.

That's something I learned too, and it helped me. As much as we want to call our exs names, we can't because (see above). As much as we want to sabotage or hurt our ex, we can't because (see above).

Forgiveness is a key to recovery. Maybe the key to recovery.

And forgiveness does not mean what the other person did was right either.

Blessings!

Larry

USMCmom · 05-13-2005, 02:34 PM

Christina, thank you for posting that. I SOOO needed to read that today. It's almost like it was meant for me personally because of what I'm going through. I am going to print that (if it's o.k. with you) and read it over and over again.

walkthebeach · 05-13-2005, 07:37 PM

I am in awe of you, girl. God Bless You! Many people strive and never get to the point you're at now. May God contine to bless you.
Beach

Kacjac · 05-15-2005, 05:22 PM

Thank You for posting...I am also, in bondage of unforgiveness, and I can't believe I have started a thread, no one desires to help me with, but I'm glad I read your's it is thought provoking...thx

05-11-2005, 06:39 PM	#1
pipersfancy MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: 40 miles away from my ex!!! Posts: 1,327 Gallery: pipersfancy	I have come to a personal understanding of "forgivness" Forgivness has been a concept I have struggled to grasp for a long time... I've been carrying around so much anger that my health was beginning to suffer. I think my difficulty has been in trying to forgive specific incidents... the times my husband beat me, the times he degraded me, the times he put our children in danger... the thousands of moments that make up a 10 year marriage. And, just as I'd come to grips with one thing, three more would come to mind. And... it's not like I'm ever able to forget the reasons I filed for divorce... a rash of slashed tires, ongoing litigation over the past 5 years and the very real possibility that I may lose everything I have left in the world. But - I experienced a life changing realization the other day. I was reflecting on how God describes God in scripture... I Am... and a thought crossed my mind like a bolt of lightning. I am the Mother of my children... there is a sense of powerful perfection in that realization! No matter what my exhusband does, or what decisions are made by the court, or whether or not I have a penny to my name... nothing can alter that fact of my being. I am the perfect mother for my children, because I AM THEIR MOTHER! (not implying that my parenting is perfected) And then it hit me... If this is true of myself... it must also be true of the father of my children. And in that second of realization, I was able to forgive by letting go the emotions attached to every hard memory I have. By letting go of the emotions, I'm also able to take responsibility solely for my own actions and words, and give my exhusband the gift of being fully responsible for his own actions and words. I realized that by swimming in the negative emotions, I have almost allowed my exhusband to shadow my life with the responsibility of things he has said and done. I believe this to be the major lesson that I needed to learn in my life, because I am finally able to look forward and not behind me. Christina

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05-11-2005, 08:01 PM	#2
manalu Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Queen-dumb Posts: 6,257 Gallery: manalu Stats: 26/20/???? WOE: Carb Addicts	There is alot of freedom in forgiveness, not only for others but for yourself as well.

05-11-2005, 08:56 PM	#3
gettingstrength Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Tennessee Posts: 9,523 Gallery: gettingstrength Stats: 184 / 170 / ? WOE: atkins Start Date: 6 / 1 / 2002

05-12-2005, 07:28 AM	#4
larryt MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Jacksonville Florida Posts: 1,586 Gallery: larryt Stats: 205/188.5/179 WOE: organic Start Date: 12/01/02	Christina "She" will always be their Mom. "He" will always be their Dad. That's something I learned too, and it helped me. As much as we want to call our exs names, we can't because (see above). As much as we want to sabotage or hurt our ex, we can't because (see above). Forgiveness is a key to recovery. Maybe the key to recovery. And forgiveness does not mean what the other person did was right either. Blessings! Larry

05-13-2005, 02:34 PM	#5
USMCmom Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 3,149 Gallery: USMCmom Stats: size 14/10/8 WOE: stop eating so much Start Date: 2/2003	Christina, thank you for posting that. I SOOO needed to read that today. It's almost like it was meant for me personally because of what I'm going through. I am going to print that (if it's o.k. with you) and read it over and over again.

05-13-2005, 07:37 PM	#6
walkthebeach MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO Posts: 2,032 Gallery: walkthebeach Stats: 155/145.5/135 WOE: Low-carb, lower fat Start Date: Oct. 2002	I am in awe of you, girl. God Bless You! Many people strive and never get to the point you're at now. May God contine to bless you. Beach

05-15-2005, 05:22 PM	#7
Kacjac Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Piney woods of East Texas Posts: 4,166 Gallery: Kacjac Stats: 327/275/(286)/160*** 26-28/22-24/12-14 WOE: One bite at a time Start Date: Long, long ago, in a place far, far away!	Thank You for posting...I am also, in bondage of unforgiveness, and I can't believe I have started a thread, no one desires to help me with, but I'm glad I read your's it is thought provoking...thx