I don't usually do this

[AngelS]

Usually I come here for support on my diet..tonight is different. I am here for support on parenting. I love my children more than life it's self. My first child is 7. An amazing little boy. Lately we have butted heads so much. Last week he told me that he feels I don't love him because I enforce the punishment and I yell at him. He knows his dad loves him because he takes him places and does things with him. My other two children are twins. My husband doesn't spend as much time with them, and blatently treats them different. I try very hard not to do that.

Tonight my son and I had another fight becuase he hit both of his brothers within minutes of each other for little things. The last time he left a huge welt on the youngest's face all because of a piece of paper thrown into his room. I went nuts...I had spent the previous 20 mintues explaining the importance of cleaning your room and not arguing with mom about not wanting to do it, and why it's important for the 7 year old brother not to strike the 5 year old brother because of size, etc....I lost it...I was so mad and upset because it seems like I am always fighting with him. I screamed at the top of my lungs and kicked his bedroom door about 10 times. I have never been or acted that mad at him, and have always taken time out before reacting but this time I just couldn't. I am so sick over my behavior. I scared the twins with the screaming, and I feel horrible.

My husband is gone a lot with the military, I work full time, and the added stress of a 7 year old who argues with me all the time, and gets in trouble on a regular basis at school doesn't help...I get no support from my husband on punishment when he is here....god I just need to cry...I need someone to tell me I am not alone that other parents get this upset once in a while too....

[WendyAnne]

hon dont know if I have the right words for you but I know as a parent their have been moments where i have felt like i might lose control.....take a deep breath, have a good cry and look at whats going on in your life

are you trying to do too much?
have everything too perfect?
too much in control/

maybe you need to find an alternative to trying to work full time and do everything else yourself. somethings gotta give and it shouldnt be you or your kids

so the house is not perfect ....the kids are not perfect.....you are not....etc ....none of us can live up to that standard....instead of arguing try giving your kiddo a hug..and tell him you know its hard...but you love him and you'll help him....

good luck

[DEBI IN OHIO]

time outs are something I had to do a lot with my dd now 12, she was a handful when little........luckily my (7) ds is the sweetest kid in the world! IMHO just hope he stays that way.

I have apoligized to my children If I acted out of line in front of them, I work 2 jobs and dad well let just say hes no help with anything. I let them know even adults sometimes lose their temper at times

[evrrdy]

OMG.. I could have sworn I was writing your post!!!

I, too am a military wife. My hubby is Navy. Not the easiest thing to live with. When my son was 7 we started going through the same thing. Now, 8 years later, as he is now 15, it has only gotten worse. I have done everything you can think of on both sides of extreme.. Give it all back,, take it all away.. even had security on base pick him up a time or two... had to go out on town to see a probation officer. He's failing every class and it's not for lack of IQ. I have had him in counceling for 7 years and I have a degree in Psych!!! I've had him on meds, they didn't help.. well, for about 3 weeks they helped.. then they upped his dosage several times till he was finally at max,, and he still didn't show any signs of improvement.

Now, honestly, I'm not asking for a perfect kid. I don't want a zombie walking around not able to think for himself.. but at the same time, I would like some respect and for him to actually listen to me instead of looking straight through me. How bad is it to ask to keep his room clean.. or take the dog out.. or the trash.. or even do the dishes once in a while? His 12 yo sister is his exact opposite... and he gives me the same crud about I favor him... but it's so hard not to give her special attention when it seems like I'm always mad at him..

It just really bites.
I wish I had an answer for you.. I truly wish I did.. unfortunately, I don't.. but just know you are definitely not alone.
Lisa

[Jennyl]

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about dealing with my 12 year old drama queen. Someone suggested a book called
Get out of my life, but first can you drive me and cherly to the mall.

It is helpful into understanding why kids act the way that they do. It is more for kids older than 7 though. There aren't any easy answers but it helped to know a bit of the reasons why children act the way they do.

Just know that it's normal for a child to act like a child. It's normal for a child to resist rules and want to go against what you say. It's kind of their way of creating some independence for themselves. It's normal for children to give you a hard time about keeping their rooms clean!!! 7 is really young to be arguing about everything. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and let the unimportant things slide a little. You can say your piece all you want but if you expect your kids to just automatically do what you say without any resistance you are in for some disappointments.

It is really hard when kids get physical with eachother. My daughters are 13 and 12 now and they have had a few shoving matches over the years. You have to step in and separate them. I really recommend going to the library and picking up some books for advice, maybe take a parenting course. We all have a lot to learn.

I am a single parent and it can be really hard doing things on your own. At times when I was really mad and at my wits end....I whispered. I wanted to yell and scream but I would just start talking to the children in a forced low voice. I knew yelling would only make things worse. Sometimes they listened, sometimes not.

You are not alone in the tough job of parenting!

[DEBI IN OHIO]

little off topic, but I wonder if any parents with older children now, can pin point anything they might have done different way back when to help their unruly child, or if they feel they might have been alittle to blame for the way the child acted.

My parents have 4 children and we are all completely different and raised almost the same (youngest was babied) other then that, there was still that black sheep that got into every single kind of trouble illegal/legal possible....

parenting is sure HARD

[Lucky4]

I too have problems similar to you--my husband and I both travel and I have the kids--take them with me too--we homeschool. They see him as the wonderful father who brings gifts and has lots of love. I'm the mean, wicked enforcer But you know, things ARE getting better. Age 7 is a tough age. Kids are not babies anymore--and they're trying to make a place in the world. They're testing you all the time--it's normal and it's natural. I have 4 but the oldest are gone--so I'm down to my 11 year old and my 7 year old. My daughter (youngest) picks on her brother ruthlessly--it's her job at this age. He responds by hitting, yelling--you know. I used to smack him --and her--now, I realize I was just encouraging the behavior that I punished them for. I talk to them now--somedays it seems like they arent' listening but it is helping. I try to put myself in their position--try to understand when I was that age--what I wanted. Things are getting better. I think most kids are like this. I rarely see kids who are perfect--and they don't always last that long if they are. You are right to try to control your temper--but it's not bad either that kids see adults have emotions too. I always apologize to my kids if I'm out of line--and I expect them to do the same--they didn't in the beginning but now they do.
Just take a deep breath. One day, they will realize that your punishment and strictness came from love--and in the end, you'll be the winner. I've seen kids from parents who spoil them without any disclipline--there's just not that much love or compassion when they get older. You'll do fine--and no, you're not alone. Life is not perfect--neither are we--neither are the kids Enjoy the stages and processes that will occur--nothing lasts forever

[Jennyl]

my kids aren't really older and I'm certainly not a great person to give advice. The one thing I have learned is that children will push your buttons on purpose, and when you react they are getting just what they wanted. It's really hard but if I notice my daughter trying to push my buttons I try to remove myself from the situation.

[idioglossic]

Being a parent is tough... tough love... stay firm.. demand they listen..

your living room hearing from you is a better place than down the police station!!

Never give up... and I love the whispering... what a fab idea.. keeps things under control..

Boys will be boys.. but they must respect thier mothers, or they will disrespect all women when they grow up..

I also agree.. toget books and read, read, and read... then just do your best..

leave the rest in God's hands..

smiling a mom.... of one stubborn independant male...

[PHC]

AngelS

Let me give you another point of view. I am the military father,(luckiliy I am on shore duty for another year) with two boys(11 and 8) and a set of twins( 3 1/2 and boy/girl). They are a handful as you can imagine, I am the one that takes them places does the fun things with them, brings them gifts when I come home from trips, yet my wife uses me as the "I'll let your Dad handle it when he gets home, if you don't behave", threat. And it works a lot of the time, because they know I don't play around when it comes tp them misbehaving. I am not a harda$$ with them, but they know i don't fool around when it comes to them being rude or backtalking their mom. Kids are so diffrent in the way they handle being disciplined, you just need to hang in there and find out what works best with yours. Hopefully it's not tying them up and putting them in a closet Before I get bashed I AM JUST JOKING!! Just know your kids love you and they are pretty much revolting because they are looking for you to set the rules and boundries, most kids come around when they find out what they can and can't get away with. Hang in there, and know they love you even when they say they don't.

[Cambri]

My sister was a sort of behavior problem for my parents. Dad was gone a lot because of the Army sending him off constantly. She had a quick fire temper and hated being told what to do. My parents decided to try putting us in Tae Kwon Do to see if that could help her learn to control her temper. It worked wonders. We went to a traditional school that didn't focus on the fighting part it taught you the best way to deal with situations was to think it through and avoid confrontation at all costs.

Not only did we learn self defense but it gave her so much hard to describe how she changed after that. She was a whole different girl. She was 7 when she started stayed with it til she was married. During that she got her black belt, won in the junior olympics and taught many classes from children to adults.

Of course other organized sports would probably work well also, just have the personal experience with Karate lessons. The only way my parents afforded to put us through on a military budget was because the rec center offered lessons on base and because of that we were allowed to go to the main school on days we didn't have it on base.

[Woman Typing Badly]

One thing that helps me is to remember that this time period is not your "forever" nor is it your childs "forever." It is all temporary, every bit of it. Hang in there....and yes other parents lose it and act just like you did, myself included. Some don't, some are worse....bottom line is....no you are not alone and remember this is all temporary and your child(ren)are going to grow up into healthy happy adults.


Before the foundations of the earth were laid God looked at all the choices He had to provide the perfect mom for your children and He chose you -knowing the mistakes you would make, the problems you would face, the shortcomings you would have. He knew everything about you and He still chose you...



blessings,



Robin

[werkn'it]

I only have one four year old, so I can't give any personal advice....

But I remember reading that it is OK to apologize to our kids. I think it helps for them to see us taking charge of our own actions, even during mistakes.

I hope this is just a quick stage that will soon be replaced by a better relationship....

[DEBI IN OHIO]

I talked to my 7 year old DS today about your post
here was his look
I will never be like that mommy !!! I said, Yeah we will see how u act when ur a teenager