Wife leaving after 12 year relationship

[Truth05]

My wife is leaving me after a 12 year relationship. 6 as man and wife. I am so upset. I don't know how to live alone anymore. We were trying to have a baby last year and now this. I just can't handle the emotional roller coaster. I thought I was loved and in a stable relationship. Now my wife tells me she never loved me She is a workasholic who never put enough time into our marriage and always wanted "space". I gave her so much space I have finally lost her, she says for good. Rob

[Marlee]

Wow... I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Have you talked to her about getting counseling or anything? I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Truth05]

She says that being alone is better than being with me but is already flirty with others and buying birth control. She is by nature a spoiled brat but I loved her anyway. Usually gave her what she wanted. She is going to trade me up for a better model and the hell with our wedding vows. 6 months ago we were trying to have kids now I'm totally rejected and the source of her pain. She doesn't trust me and can't talk to me anymore and will not seek counseling. She says our marriage was killing her while she was working 10 hour days and writing a book at night and .... She knows what's best for herself and to hell with what her parents or anyone else thinks. She is being a courageous self reliant stubborn I can't talk to her. Every time I try she yells at me and tells me "you are not listening to me, I need my space, leave me alone, you are threatening me (for being too close), I don't feel comfortable with you looking at me etc. She knows she is braking a promise. She knows our wedding vows are crap but she nearly blew up when I told her they were basically toilet paper now. She acts as if her ultimate fulfillment is the only thing that matters. I am buying her half of the house and she is leaving to live her new, exciting life. By the way, did I mention she was writing an adventure novel with a female version of James Bond. Apparently lots of sex as she jazzed herself up a couple months back and let me have it. I just don't understand how you women can go from being affectionate and loving one minute to hateful the next. Rob

[Snapdragon]

Rob,

First, let me say that I am so sorry for what you're going through.

Next, let me express that it isn't one gender over another that does these things. All people have the potential to hurt one another. I myself was in a relationship of 14 years, and one day I came home to find the locks changed and a note telling me that I was no longer loved.

If this marriage is truly important to you, try and find a way to connect with your wife on some level. It sounds like you have quite a bit on your plate right now, and I'm sorry for it. You'll make it through this.

(((Hugs)))

[Truth05]

I find it strange to be single again at 33. My wife is giving me her blessing to go find someone else. I still feel like I'm cheating even though she has broken her promise to me and not the other way around. I can't just sit on my butt and while she leaves for If she leaves me the house for what I want to give her we can still be in a strange sort of way. I don't blame her for being upset. The marriage had problems. What I am most upset about is that she didn't want to talk things through. We have a long history together and I love my wife even if she didn't always hear it or see flowers, cards, chocolate, love notes etc.

[Jennyl]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. My husband left after 16 years together. It's hard but it will get easier.

[USMCmom]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. From what you've said it sounds like your wife has made up her mind and the marriage is over and she wants out. This happened to my sister and she was married 20 years! You're still so young and will be able to find someone else, even though right now it doesn't seem like it. There are some things that we just can't do anything about and this sounds like one of them. You need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get on with your life. Go to counselling for yourself if needed to get over it. Talk to friends and family and read some self-help books. Just remember, there are others out there who have it a lot worse than you do. Be thankful that there aren't any children involved. That always makes it a lot worse. I wish you luck.

[gettingstrength]

I'm sorry

[RobinB]

Sorry to hear that!!! Will keep you in my prayers.

[sleuthfan]

Hope you can work things out, but the fact this all came as a big surprise to you after knowing her for 12 years is not a good omen

Look at the silver lining: apparently the shock of this situation has driven you to the lowcarb lifestyle, which can have long lasting benefits! There's always a silver lining if you look for it.
Being in control of your food intake and health can be a real morale boost, make you feel more in control of life in general. Is there anything we can do to help you meet your lowcarb goals, Rob?

[evrrdy]

Wow, that's hard. I will say that in my past, I have had relationships, that I left the same way... but there were very violent problems that I couldn't get around. Truth be told, when they actually suggested counceling I took them up on it, just too prove to them I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did. It doesn't seem that your wife feels that way though.. But I still can't help but think, she may have the same feelings in side that I remember so vividly...

It was either stay in the relationship and silently die inside and continue killing myself emotionally/mentally,, or get out and try to find out who I was. There are all sorts of reasons for feeling this way,, although again, mine was physical/emotional abuse.

It does strike me differently though, when you said she is already out buying birth control and such. That just seems like something else is going on in her head. I have the exact opposite reaction... I shun all men and all thoughts of men,, for a very long long time..

I don't know what else to say, and I know there is nothing that can be said to make you feel any better, but atleast you are able to talk about it, with people that are obviously sympathetic/empathetic to your situation. That can always be a big help to get our heads straight.

big hugs and good luck
Lisa

[Truth05]

bump