The Challenge to Become a Phenomenal Woman: Week Six~ Being your CONFIDENT BEST!

[Skinnymocah]

Wanna go from So-so to Sexy? From BLAH to Bombshell?? Phrumpy to PHENOMENAL?

Join our Challenge to ‘Become A Phenomenal Woman’!

Join us in a new 9 week challenge designed to dust off the winter grays and propel us into Sexy Spring! Do you fall into the the ‘cute’, ‘pretty’, ‘attractive’ or even ‘beautiful’ categories but haven’t quite got the ‘sexy’ thing down yet? Maybe you just can’t find the time to devote to a personal beauty and style regimen. Maybe you just need a little help from friends who can offer some good recommendations. Maybe your self esteem needs a collagen injection. Well, place yourself at spot #1 on your ‘To Do’ list… spend the next nine weeks with us as we explore personal inner beauty !

Note: **This is NOT a WOE/Exercise challenge. If you want to use diet and exercise as a part of your transformation goals, you are welcome to track those goals as part of your program but we will not be focusing on those aspects solely in this challenge.**

From April to June, we will be focusing on topics of personal growth and life changing self revelation. We will be developing our own personal regimen and putting it to work! As you work your body with diet and exercise, work your mind and self esteem as well, and as you grow and propel yourself forward, you assist those around you in self growth!

The point of this challenge is to realize that we can be (and are) sexy at ANY size, from 2-32! If you need accountability, camaraderie, friendship, an ear to listen, or just a group of friends to take this journey with you, I hope you’ll join us here for the next 9 weeks.

Here are some topics I thought would be important to cover and focus on weekly:

Week 1: April 3-9: Step One in Confidence Building--- Pamper Yourself!
An ‘It Works!’ Session where we share tips and tricks in beauty and style and implement them into a personal regimen.

Week 2: April 10-16: Attitude- the corner stone of self confidence
Sexyness is 99% attitude—how do you gather the self confidence to let your sexy self shine through?

Week 3: April 17-23: Shyness and Social Phobia
Release Yourself From the Prison of ‘What Others Think’

Week 4: April 24-30: Developing Positive Personal Relationships
Eliminating negative and toxic connections, rebuilding and cherishing relationships that empower you!

Week 5: May 1-7: Body Image, Body Acceptance
Excerpts taken from AboutFace.com, a website dedicated to making changes in how women are portrayed in media and tips on fighting back.

Week 6: May 8-14: Assertive vs. B*tchy; Accommodating vs. Doormat:
Being your Confident Best in a man’s world

Week 7: May 15-21:Open Floor- What’s on your mind?
Loose discussions, reflection, bring up your own topics!

Week 8: May 22-28: Personal Action Plan— Where will you go from here?
How will your personal regimen/affirmations change after this challenge is complete? What goals have your set for yourself for your next personal challenge?

Week 9: May 29-June 3: Realization of your Goals and Unveiling
We will welcome transformation photos and testimonials of your 9 week journey. Use your confidence and what you’ve learned to inspire others!


There are 9 weeks to June, make them count… be You, only BETTER!


PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.

I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

[Skinnymocah]

Hello, and a very happy Mother's Day to all of our Mom's! May you have a special day and feel the gratitude of all those around you for the HARD WORK that you do!

This week we're focusing more on confidence, but mostly in how we remain strong women in a man's world.

How often have you taken the car to the shop, without your husband, and know that you got coddled and swindled? Do you ask a male friend or your DH or DBF to do certain things for you because you're a woman and you know you'll be treated differently? Have you pumped up your chest and lifted your head high and asserted your power as a woman and been called a B*tch? Have you tried to be accomodating and sweet to everyone and end up getting walked all over???

So, this week, let's talk about our role as women of power. Are we B*tchy, or just assertive? Or do we have to GET B*TCHY in order to get people to listen to us? Can we change this? And how?

Are we doormats? Or do we just give up and let people do what they want, theyre going to anyhow. Can we change this? And how?

If I were to be honest with myself, I'd say I was not very assertive. I am somewhere between assertive and doormat. I'd like to be more confident and be able to share my opinion without fear that it will be shot down.

I picked out a few articles on assertiveness for women. I figured this might be a good one to begin with:

Career Article 106:
Assertiveness Skills for Women

Are you comfortable stating your opinion, even if the rest of your work team disagrees? When you leave the team meeting, do you regret that you did not share more of your ideas?

Asserting yourself is not easy. One reason is that some people see assertiveness as a negative behavior. Perhaps they confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. Assertiveness is especially difficult for women. Many of us are taught to be agreeable, be polite, and make those around us at ease.

Putting those thoughts together you can see why assertive behavior is difficult for many women. Let's take a closer look, and I'll show you how to be assertive and be comfortable with yourself.

By Definition

Even though people interchange the terms assertiveness and aggressiveness, there is a difference. Here are the definitions from Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary.

assertive \As*sert"ive\, a. Positive; affirming confidently; affirmative; peremptory. In a confident and assertive form. --Glanvill. As*sert"ive*ly, adv. -- As*sert"ive*ness, n. Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, (c) 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.

aggressive \Ag*gres"sive\, a. [Cf. F. agressif.] Tending or disposed to aggress; characterized by aggression; making assaults; unjustly attacking; as, an aggressive policy, war, person, nation. -- Ag*gres"sive*ly, adv. -- Ag*gres"sive*ness, n. Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, (c) 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.


The Continuum


If you see things as a continuum, place aggressiveness on the far right, assertiveness in the middle, and passiveness on the far left.

Passiveness:
We don't feel that we have the right to be heard. We are uncomfortable expressing ourselves. We may not like the response we will get. We willing back down easily to avoid conflict.

Assertiveness:
We are comfortable to express what we think, feel and want. We can express our view and needs without stepping on others, and without anger or attack. We aim for a solution that is a win for all.

Aggressiveness:
We stand up for ourselves, even at the expense of others. We use tactics such as loud talking, sarcasm, desk pounding and forcefulness to get our way.

Real Life

Step back, and think of where you fall on the continuum in most situations. Are you the timid child (passive), rational adult (assertive), or the aggressor (aggressive)?

If you want to feel good about yourself, gain respect or others, and achieve high productivity in your life, aim to be in the middle of the continuum.

Assertive individuals try to understand others, and acknowledge the value others bring. In a conflict, assertive people actively listen, explain themselves clearly, and invite the others to work together toward a solution.

Assertive people realize they want to have a long-term relationship with people. In order to do so, they do not create barriers with anger or humiliation. Instead they use constructive feedback.

Here is an example of constructive feedback.

Mike, when you say that my idea is ludicrous, I feel frustrated because I do not think you have fully reviewed my team's proposal.

Pause, wait for feedback.

I would like the opportunity for my team to present it to you, so you can express your objections and we can address your concerns, because we think the plan benefits both our teams by reducing paperwork, and staffing expenses.

What do you think?

Analysis

By responding to Mike in an assertive way, there is a good chance he will mirror your behavior. You were able to get your points across without anger or humiliation. You stayed focused on the team benefits.

Had you used passive behavior, Mike would have shot your proposal down, without a comment from you. If you matched his aggressive behavior and name calling, you may still be arguing now.

Using Assertiveness for Success

Think Win-Win. What is best for you and the team?
When speaking, include statements that illustrate the benefits to the team.
Respect your team members.
Share your knowledge and ideas with the team.
Point out potential problems in a constructive way.
Enable processes that move the team toward its goals.

The Result

True, sometimes women find it more difficult to be assertive. Don't allow this to be an issue for you. Practice positive self-talk, and assertive behavior; leave those old habits behind. Ask a trusted associate to role-play with you, if that helps.

At first, it may be tough, but you can do it. Remember, you'll feel better about yourself and those around you when you practice assertive behavior.

Understandably, women can be assertive with each other as well... this doesn't just go for the workplace. Moms can be assertive with children, wives can be assertive with husbands, daughters can be assertive to parents, etc.

Do you have any situations where you can apply these guidelines, where you might be a bit more assertive?

[Fine Mind]

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud

Confident/assertive/aggressive/*****y??
Hmmm. . . I've mellowed a lot. I don't have OPINIONS about EVERYTHING NOW. I never think I have to knock anyone down to feel good about myself.
Most people take me seriously because I have an aura that elicits respect. (A high school teacher without it might as well toss in the towel.)

I'm not afraid of ANYTHING except losing the people I love or becoming a burden to someone. I guess I am 94% confident and *****y (ONLY) when my blood sugar level spikes. How's that?

[mom2zeke]

This is a great topic. I have to be very comfortable within a group or situation to be assertive. I'm always the one hanging back, listening and taking things in before I really make my presence known. Once I feel like I know the power dynamic and really know my stuff, I can be very assertive. So I guess I'm somewhere in between.

[Snapdragon]

I guess it depends on the situation. In work related instances, I am very assertive. Likewise with school.

When it comes to personal relationships, I am an absolute doormat.

For me, when I am at work or at school, I have a specific goal that I am reaching toward. There is a given set of rules and guidelines for me to operate inside. Having this knowlege makes me assertive and goal oriented. In my personal life, there are none of these rules. All I have to go on is my gut feeling, my emotions, and my "personal" opinions. I hate feeling exposed. I am more likely to smile and nod and do whatever it is that anyone wants.

I know its not the way I want it, but for the moments, that's the way it is.

[Nancy Pancy]

I gotta think about this one.

[Nancy Pancy]

Just wanted to give everyone an update on contacting my sisters.

Jane (my older sister) was not home but I did leave flowers at her door. Not really expecting to hear from her. And Mary-lou (younger sister) and I worked things out. Seems has hasn't talk to me in two years cause I was late for Easter dinner two years ago. I apologized (as I did that day) and she got to tell me that I was selfish and thought the world revolved around me. So, it's all good.

[Skinnymocah]

Ugh, Nancy ! Well that sucks but you know what? You reached out. You've done your part. And now you can free and clear let it go, you know? I can't believe that people would be so petty over such a span of time but... eh. People.

Do you think that sometimes being assertive means knowing something is a lost cause and being strong enough not to continue chasing after it?

[Nancy Pancy]

Originally Posted by Skinnymocah

Ugh, Nancy ! Well that sucks but you know what? You reached out. You've done your part. And now you can free and clear let it go, you know? I can't believe that people would be so petty over such a span of time but... eh. People.

Do you think that sometimes being assertive means knowing something is a lost cause and being strong enough not to continue chasing after it?

Thanks Moke, that's kinda the way I was thinking. I have made an effort and if this is where they want to stand, then that is their choice.

I'm not sure if it is assertive knowing something is a lost cause, but maybe being smart too. You cannot make people do stuff if they don't want to. That whole lead a horse to water business.

[Skinnymocah]

Thinking about my life and situations where I really let people run roughshod over me... I guess it would have to be my personal life. I don't have many friends because the ones I had basically used me, sucked me dry and then left me wilted on the side of the road. So, UP went the walls and they don't come down often. I'd say I am AGGRESSIVE about keeping people out. But then I love to say I have no friends. Pity. It's a shame.

So... perhaps I need to assert myself around men and women. Make sure that folks know I have an opinion, something to share, to add, and that it is valuable... instead of melting into the background.

I work in a male dominated field in a 99% male workforce here... but thankfully I haven't had to be b*tchy and pretty much everyone does what I say since I control so much. Though, I do believe that I handle most issues in an assertive and rather than a passive manner, and that really benefits me. It's SO much easier with men than with women. When I worked with women, b*tchy got the job done!


What's your experience?

[Nancy Pancy]

Where the heck is everyone?

[Skinnymocah]

I think it is directly proportionate to the warmth of spring and summer days!

[Nancy Pancy]

Originally Posted by Skinnymocah

I think it is directly proportionate to the warmth of spring and summer days!

True enough. After work I will be walking the dogs then heading off to yoga. Jill (DD) gave me a french manicure yesterday, but I not allow enough time and I smudged it. Gonna take care of this too this evening. You?

[Skinnymocah]

Well I am going to see if I can force myself to the gym or at least take a walk around the complex before I have some dinner, and then I have some laundry to finish and lunch to prepare for tomorrow. I really should go to the grocery store, and I have some movies to return at Blockbuster before they charge me for them. Then it is snuggling down early tonight for a good rest, I just tossed and turned all night last night!

[mom2zeke]

I'm here and stressed with work. I took a break to take a long, fast, walk. I could just feel the tension building up in my body. My life seems to be filled with stress these days (personal & professional). I really need to concentrate on stress relief while still being able to finish my work.

[Nancy Pancy]

Hey Kristn, sorry that life is handing you stresses. Heading out for that walk was a smart thing to do. Is it possible that you seek some time out for yourself to releave that stress? Can you take in a yoga (or any type of exercise) class or anything. I find that heading off to yoga I am dragging my bottom but man oh man, I bounce outta there every time. It feels great to stretch myself in all those directions, it's a great stress releaver.

[Fine Mind]

Originally Posted by Skinnymocah

Thinking about my life and situations where I really let people run roughshod over me... I guess it would have to be my personal life. I don't have many friends because the ones I had basically used me, sucked me dry and then left me wilted on the side of the road. So, UP went the walls and they don't come down often. I'd say I am AGGRESSIVE about keeping people out. But then I love to say I have no friends. Pity. It's a shame.


What's your experience?

How long ago did this all happen? College? I remember your saying you had a good friend in Fort Lauderdale, right? I think the TRUTH is that few of us have LOTS of friends. I had the good fortune to end up teaching for 20 years with one of my friends that I had since third grade. Funny thing is that even though I consider her a close friend I rarely see her.

But then I love to say I have no friends.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by this. Could you explain? Lin

[Skinnymocah]

Fine, that has been throughout my life. I have one friend I've known since '92, and that is the friend in Ft Lauderdale, and even sometimes SHE is too much to handle. Very self centered, will do for herself before she thinks of other people, but expects other people to consider her first, etc.

What I meant by the 2nd statement is that I play the martyr. Whine whine boohoo I don't have any friends, when I could be out of my apartment and at Starbuck's talking to people or calling people I DO know to see if they want to meet for drinks or dinner.

I think I use past hurt to keep people out so that I can say I don't have any friends.

I am ODD. lol! Anyway, I think it has a lot to do with being passive in the past and not asserting myself.

[Fine Mind]

Originally Posted by Skinnymocah

Fine, that has been throughout my life. I have one friend I've known since '92, and that is the friend in Ft Lauderdale, and even sometimes SHE is too much to handle. Very self centered, will do for herself before she thinks of other people, but expects other people to consider her first, etc.

What I meant by the 2nd statement is that I play the martyr. Whine whine boohoo I don't have any friends, when I could be out of my apartment and at Starbuck's talking to people or calling people I DO know to see if they want to meet for drinks or dinner.

I think I use past hurt to keep people out so that I can say I don't have any friends.

I am ODD. lol! Anyway, I think it has a lot to do with being passive in the past and not asserting myself.

Well in the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that workin' for ya'?"


I actually GET it. First of all, nothing ventured, nothing LOST. IOW, if you don't try to make friends, then you don't have to be hurt when you don't make a connection/ when they fail to live up to your expectations.

Second, friends can really eat into your TIME. Last night a friend called me to talk about her awful husband ( He's been awful for 25 years!LOL), and I was there with my ear on the horn instead of out among the roses.

You are so very young yet and these are such fabulous years. You have your youth, beauty, energy all going for you. . .I guess I think you should just get out there and share the wealth of your personality--maybe you can be an inspiration to someone. . . Seems a waste to keep that pretty face hidden inside four walls--FIVE if we count that extra one


(You can tell me to STHU now! )

[Skinnymocah]

No, no not at all, you're right. Redboned is in the other ear as well! I feel like I'll be able to come out of my shell soon, though. This challenge has helped a great deal with positive thinking about myself. Now I see things I want to change instead of things I hate and I am SURE that other people will hate, too, so I'm not even going to show them!

FineMind, I wanted to tell you that you reminded me of my favorite teacher in High school, Mrs Graham. I took ALL of the classes she taught my Jr and Sr year... she's now a Master Teacher for the School District. Loved her, you remind me so much of her in your demeanor and thought provoking questions and posts! Mrs Graham made you work without even realizing you were working.

[Skinnymocah]

Kristn, I think taking a walk was an excellent choice, considering the other option could have been eating, which used to be my escape.

[Nancy Pancy]

I would like to add that watching Moke and FineMind work with each other is such a pleasure. I would like to have you both at the same dining table with a nice bottle of red to share and explore.

[Fine Mind]

Originally Posted by Skinnymocah

No, no not at all, you're right. Redboned is in the other ear as well! I feel like I'll be able to come out of my shell soon, though. This challenge has helped a great deal with positive thinking about myself. Now I see things I want to change instead of things I hate and I am SURE that other people will hate, too, so I'm not even going to show them!

FineMind, I wanted to tell you that you reminded me of my favorite teacher in High school, Mrs Graham. I took ALL of the classes she taught my Jr and Sr year... she's now a Master Teacher for the School District. Loved her, you remind me so much of her in your demeanor and thought provoking questions and posts! Mrs Graham made you work without even realizing you were working.

I am flattered to be placed with such esteemed company I'd love to meet Mrs. Graham! Thanks for your kind words. . .

Now get out there and dazzle 'em! You have so much to offer. . . Here's a poem just for you. I SUSPECT you already know it:
http://www.lisashea.com/lisabase/poetry/art8650.html

[Skinnymocah]

Thank you, I had never seen that before! I'll bookmark it to print tomorrow at work, I don't have a printer at home.

Well we seem to have some MIA's... its Tuesday and we haven't even moved beyond page one. Normally I'm not bothered, but challenges are not designed to be simple and easy, otherwise we would call it an 'Easy', and not a 'Challenge'.

FALL IN, LADIES!!!