Looked at myself on camera... ugh ugh ugh

Newseason_newme05 · 04-18-2005, 08:31 AM

I just have to vent. I went to my nephew's wedding and saw myself dancing with my DH of 3 months and wanted to die. Am I just in denial, but when I look in the mirror, I don't look that bad. I know I am a big girl, but on camera I look downright deformed. I have never felt so icky in my life. My poor husband, I know he was horrified when he saw the video too. I feel like Jabba the Hut. I am so disappointed in myself. I had lost 100 lbs, 3 years ago and maintained until I met DH. But even with that loss I was still big, so I mean what's the point, still fat, so why not just go ahead and eat. I am trying to keep a positive outlook on this, knowing that my outward life and my spiritual life now are different, but its really difficult to not be upset. I am not so interested in what the world accepts this time as I was before, but it's really hard to love myself the way that God does, when I am so disgusted with myself. I know I am responsible for what I do to my body, not blaming Him, but you know, He didn't have to give me a body that swells upon the inhaleing the smell of fresh baked bread. I swear my butt doubles in size if I even drive near a Krispy Kreme building. Just once in my life I would like to be normal, is that asking too much?

DeeLen · 04-18-2005, 12:48 PM

No advice, just

Newseason_newme05 · 04-18-2005, 02:32 PM

Thanks needed that. Just having myself a vent day.

04-18-2005, 08:31 AM	#1
Newseason_newme05 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Southern Louisiana Posts: 11 Gallery: Newseason_newme05 Stats: 296/282/180 WOE: Atki-southbeach-buster kinda diet Start Date: March 30,2005	Looked at myself on camera... ugh ugh ugh I just have to vent. I went to my nephew's wedding and saw myself dancing with my DH of 3 months and wanted to die. Am I just in denial, but when I look in the mirror, I don't look that bad. I know I am a big girl, but on camera I look downright deformed. I have never felt so icky in my life. My poor husband, I know he was horrified when he saw the video too. I feel like Jabba the Hut. I am so disappointed in myself. I had lost 100 lbs, 3 years ago and maintained until I met DH. But even with that loss I was still big, so I mean what's the point, still fat, so why not just go ahead and eat. I am trying to keep a positive outlook on this, knowing that my outward life and my spiritual life now are different, but its really difficult to not be upset. I am not so interested in what the world accepts this time as I was before, but it's really hard to love myself the way that God does, when I am so disgusted with myself. I know I am responsible for what I do to my body, not blaming Him, but you know, He didn't have to give me a body that swells upon the inhaleing the smell of fresh baked bread. I swear my butt doubles in size if I even drive near a Krispy Kreme building. Just once in my life I would like to be normal, is that asking too much?

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04-18-2005, 12:48 PM	#2
DeeLen Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,450 Gallery: DeeLen Stats: (286.6)277.2/hmph!/145 WOE: WLS on 4/25/06!	No advice, just

04-18-2005, 02:32 PM	#3
Newseason_newme05 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Southern Louisiana Posts: 11 Gallery: Newseason_newme05 Stats: 296/282/180 WOE: Atki-southbeach-buster kinda diet Start Date: March 30,2005	Thanks needed that. Just having myself a vent day.