Pity Party

[zeraspride]

I just have to vent. Please feel free to kick me in the booty or slap me around as needed.

I have been recently diagnosed with prediabetes. I have read enough about to know that if I get my act together now, I can stave off developing full blown type 2 and that is very important to me. But maybe it isn't. I had a bad eating weekend. And every bite of the carby sugary crap I ate, I thought to myself is this the bite that will plunge my blood sugar level over the top? Is this the cookie or mcnugget that will officially welcome type 2 diabetes into my life? Those questions weren't enough to stop me though.

So here I sit this morning. I have my breakfast from home, my homemade delicious chicken cheese enchilada soup and a salad for lunch and my dinner planned. Then it happened. My firm has it's annual thank you pig out today. Sloppy joes, mac&cheese, chips, cupcakes and other items. What is funny is that I never attend the event anyway (long story) so why do I feel so resentfull? Don't I know refined carbs could possibly kill me? When will it be enough? I'm even up 2 pounds from where I was last week. What will it take to get through to me?

I feel like I need an intervention. Or at least an understanding ear. Thanks for listening.

[Leo41]

Lisa-

I can sympathize with you because I think "control" is all a matter of mindset. I have spent my entire life overweight, and only in the last few years (at retirement age) have I seriously lost and began eating healthier.

But I am in a situation similar to yours. I'm hypothyroid, and that tends to elevate blood glucose levels. In addition, two of my sisters (who eat carbs and junk) are type2 diabetics. I don't want to join them.

My endo believes that my WOE is the only thing that is keeping me from full-blown diabetes, and that's what keeps me on track. Believe me, no one has a sweeter tooth than I do! Those cupcakes, etc. would really call my name.

The only thing I've found that 'works' for me is total abstinence when it comes to things like that. One bite, and I'm gone--it's a million bites later before I stop.

You have to decide what means more to you--health or temporary satisfaction. Personally, I get even more satisfaction now from seeing the scale go down and feeling so much better.

Again, it's mainly psychological, and only you can do this. Good luck!

[BillB]

First, I must say I agree with what my psychic-cyber-twin Leo said.

I was in a very similar position: T2 was always in my future. Many members of my immediate and extended family have (or have died from complications of) T2. I have been insulin resistant for years (although I didn't really know what that meant until fairly recently). At least I didn't know the significance of insulin resistance.

I was in a fairly bad cycle with food which probably peaked in January this year. I was sugar binging daily, late at night. Constant urination, dizziness, the whole palette of symptoms.

I sort of modified my behavior when I thought, "OMG, I have diabetes." But not enough. Not really. Not until I got my T2 diagnosis. That had an unanticipated impact on me. I changed my behavior. I don't know how I did, since I couldn't before. But something about those numbers and that diagnosis on the printed page, and my name on a pill bottle for diabetes meds--it's almost as if those events re-ordered my DNA. In reality, it probably only re-ordered my priorities. Since my diagnosis, the 2 worst things I have eaten were a dark chocolate covered cranberry (one, and a small one) and one onion ring (one, and it was the smallest one on the plate). Now I must say, the chocolate covered cranberry and the onion ring were both enormously satisfying. Perhaps I was giving in to a compulsion, sure, I will own it--but it was a controlled "giving in". I stopped at one. Shocking, for me.

I hope you will find within yourself what it takes to change your priorities. That really is the best answer. When I find myself getting weak, I google "diabetic foot" and look at images for a while. It doesn't take long.

One of the best things I have done is come to this board. There is a lot of misinformation here (not ill-intentioned, I am sure, but just people who don't really know what they are talking about but trying to help anyway), but there is a lot of really good information here too. And a lot of really good people who, for whatever reason, want to help. Be careful who you listen to--look at stats, see who is successful. Try to find people who have managed a situation similar to your own. Beware of people who, sweet as they might be, fall off the wagon every weekend, or advocate "my own version of __________". Unless those people are long-term maintainers, chances are very good that they are neither serious nor successful, and no matter how good their intentions, following in their footsteps is probably not a good idea. This is not to disparage anyone, it's just me repeating some very good advice I was given early on when I joined LCF.

Please stop your mindset of "pity party." I know you are feeling down, but you are strong. You can do hard things. And you want to feel better or you wouldn't be here.

Best,
--bill

[zeraspride]

Leo and Bill - thanks to you both! Really, I was actually afraid to come back to the thread and see what you all had to say. I know how to do this. I've done it before and lost 109 pounds. Gained most of it back but still. I've done it and know I can do it again. I was fanatical with eating low carb I would bring my own food to gatherings or eat before I got there. I had a cheat free streak that last over 500 days. I was so proud of myself and I want to be proud again.

I visited my doctor yesterday and seeing a prescription with my name on it for a blood glucose monitor is sobering. My doc wants me to check my blood sugar everyday. That scares me. I hate and I mean HATE needles. The thought of daily pricks is so frightening, I can hardly type.

I know, like Leo said, I need to quit cold turkey. I need to stop playing around. One of the pamphlets my doc gave me was encouraging me to eat in moderation (even sugar because your body needs carbs to burn for fuel), how you don't want to give up your favorite foods and you don't have too. Yep, just what I want to hear but can I do it. Can I really eat moderately - even the sugary carby stuff I know I just can't get enough of? Sometimes I wonder if I can go back to being THAT strict.

Anyway, I will figure this out. I will hang out around here and I will get and be strong. I want to care more about my health than I do for a donut.

Thanks again and if anyone else would like to give me some encouragement, I would really appreciate it!

[hpjrt]

Hi Lisa,

You know, you just have to take each day as it comes. At some point you realize that Diabetes won't "go away" just because you're ignoring it. Once you recognize that this is a condition that will temper the rest of your life, you will accept it and become proactive ...

That's what you need to do. You have to become your own best friend in terms of your Diabetes ... or prediabetes.

Now, I don't know how things work in the US, but in Canada, glucose meters are free with the purchase of the strips. [I noticed you had asked on one of the other threads.] When I got my meter, the pharmacy made sure I knew how to test properly ... and the pharmacist said that if the finger prick hurt, then I had too much pressure on the lancet thingy. I have the Freestyle and I can adjust the force of the lancet holder. You need very little blood ... and there's really no cause for fearing. My doctor prescribed the meter and test strips ... but that was for income tax purposes. We have our own business and don't have prescription insurance ... so I pay cash for my prescriptions and claim them on my income tax.

Remember that taking control of your own blood sugar issues is very empowering. I take bg readings several times a day ... and if I have a day when my readings are higher than they should be, I take bg readings more often.

This is your life we're talking about. I know you don't want to go blind ... or to lose a foot/leg etc. I know that you want to take control of your life rather than letting your condition control you.

Once you decide to take control, and once your bg readings begin to lower ... you'll discover that those carbs you are afraid of missing won't be missed at all. What's more ... when you DO cave in to eating a "too high carb" food ... you will probably find that (a) it really doesn't taste as good as you thought you remembered ... and (b) you will feel crappy, not from guilt, but from the spike in your blood sugar.

I know that you're feeling "down" ... and that's normal. It really is. But you have a lot to live for ... and you just need to decide whether or not you want to live as a "victim" of Diabetes. Really once you take the necessary steps to control your life, you'll find that being Diabetic is just another facet of your life ... like being a brunette [or blonde, or redhead].

Mary

[BillB]

Originally Posted by zeraspride

I had a cheat free streak that last over 500 days. I was so proud of myself and I want to be proud again.

I knew you could do hard things. 500 days!

I am already proud of you for coming here. You are doing the right things. Be proud of yourself for taking control and responsibility. Lots of other people do not (but let's not think too much about them).

Come back here and share your progress. And if you screw up, well, you can tell us about that too and it won't be the end of the world.

--bill

[CookinsForMe]

Lisa, it will be okay! You'll figure out a way of eating that works for you and we'll be here to help you if we can. In the meantime, take a deep breath and relax. Testing isn't as painful as it sounds and there are things you can do to make it easier.

[texastigerlily]

I was prediabetic for a long time. Truthfully, I knew 16 years ago when I had gestational diabetes that I had a 50% chance of becoming T2. It's easy to go into denial. Well, denial and sugar catches up to you. I learned the hard way. I just spent the last three weeks wearing a pair of reading glasses on top of my regular glasses because I could not see to function. I couldn't do anything about it either. I had to get my BG down, which meant medication, and VLC diet (less than 20 carbs a day). It was a tough wake up call. My A1C turned out to be 12.4 and my chlolesterol is thru the roof. I'm now taking meds for both, sucking down vitamins and minerals, exercising, and FINALLY eating right. If I could turn back the clock and do even a year ago what I am doing now...Kick your own butt and change your life before your life changes regardless of you.