FEEL LIKE A MONSTER :(

jilli13 · 09-23-2010, 04:40 AM

Hi All,

having one of those days,

:blush:

just been reading the Atkins facebook page, and there are all these Lovely woman on there who have only got 15 pounds to loose, and not 15 pounds left to go to get to goal but 15 pounds only...

And i caught myself getting annoyed with them :blush:"I mean HOW DARE THEY FEEL THEY ARE FAT THEY DONT KNOW WHAT FAT IS ....BLAH BLAH!!!" went through my head...and I'm sooo ashamed of myself.

Who am I to judge them? I cant keep Atkins or the Low carb lifestyle for myself, no one ever gave me the "Sole" right to do it and nor did someone crown me the QUEEN of "Life Changing Events".

Its so stupid, and juvenile, knowing that my feelings are pure jealousy (lets call a toad a toad), and me feeling sorry for myself because i'm not there yet. I know Ive been battling this weight monster all my life, im 37 i know its not going to come off, "just like that" as if sprinkled with Tinkerbell's fairy dust.

So please can i say this to all my "LOW CARB SISTERS AND BROTHERS OF ALL SIZES"

I'm sooo Sorry, I will endeavour to only support you! And do my best not to project my feelings of indequacy and insecurities onto you! In my heart I truely am VERY PROUD OF YOU ALL!!!

TXLoser · 09-23-2010, 04:51 AM

First

That is why I like the CC area so much, because most of us either still have quite a bit to lose, or have lost it...and we all know what it is like and how hard this journey is.

What better place to share the journey than with people that KNOW and UNDERSTAND this...

So vent away..most likely you aren't the only one feeling the same way

Star73 · 09-23-2010, 04:51 AM

awwww

I understand your feelings. It would be so much easier to know you only had to lose 15 pounds. I have 80 pounds to lose. At one time, I was one of them...just needing to lose 20 pounds. Even that seemed hard at the time...but nothing like this.

I do understand your feelings and I also feel bad when I think those things....and with you admitting it is jealousy...you are a very strong woman

I also feel guilty when I read about someone who needs to lose 200 pounds and I think that I'm glad it isn't me. I start feeling really guilty about feeling that way... We are human though...

You are 37? I will be 37 in a couple of weeks

Teresa123 · 09-23-2010, 06:48 AM

Ahhh, don't feel like a monster

...cause if you're one, then I'm one too! :blush:

I'm down in that last 15 lb range but I feel like it is a whole different ball game than what those who only have 15 lbs to lose in the first place are dealing with. Am I saying it's not difficult for them, no, but it's just very different. Those of us that have or had 100+ lbs to lose are dealing with a whole different set of issues when it comes to weight loss and maintenance. If they go back to their past eating habits, they likely will gain back 15 or so lbs. If I do, I will gain back 200 or so. Again, it's a whole different ball game.

So anyway, yeah, I envy those people as well. But--it's just not my reality, so nothing to do but work with my own reality and try to make it the best I can.

TaDa! · 09-23-2010, 10:26 AM

I have to say that Teresa put into words how I feel as well.

I could never ever understand why people made such a huge deal about trying or needing to lose 15 pounds, when I would have killed to even just get anywhere near that number. I do not think I could have even understood how it feels or commiserated in any way -- no matter how it might have been explained to me .. and I would never make any apology for that, lol! Those folks are in an entirely different place than I ever was .. and there was no basis for any kind of comparison. Getting morbidly obese, and in my case, being that way my whole life, was and is, simply a much bigger mountain to climb, and not just in terms of actual pounds.

All that said, I have been on Maintenance for four years .. really 6.5 years .. and if someone were ask how I could do this and "keep it off", the answer would be: I had to turn into one of those people that flip out and work their butts off, and complain about every single one of those 15 pounds, when there are 15 excess ones to be had, lol!

In the process, I have realized that 5 pounds to one of those women (or me, now) is the equivalent to about 20 pounds when I was at my top weights .. because that is the effect on the body and clothing size that a simple 5 pounds will have at the lower weights. So someone having to lose 15 pounds could be equated to 60 pounds of excess weight (that's about 3 stone) .. There's the explanation, but as I mentioned, there is no way I, myself, could have related or accepted even that logic for 38 of my 45 years, but that is how I make sense of it now.

Don't feel bad Jilli, because I don't think it is evil green-eyed jealousy, but more an inability to stand in someone else's shoes (and understandably!!!).

Anyhow, my 2 cents!

Pauline

unixfairy · 09-23-2010, 10:49 AM

Do not feel bad because you are dealing with a different set of issues. You have to deal with lots of perception and prejudice issues that people with a smaller weight loss may not have to deal with.

On the other hand do not necessarily assume it is all vanity and looks on their part.

I have 30lbs to lose. Why - because I was in a car wreck 2 years ago and my back is permanently messed up plus I already had a sciatica problem left over from my daughter's pregnancy 13 years ago.

I hate putting on my underwear. It is mind blowingly painful. I go to bed everynight in constant pain. What that 30 lbs will buy me is the ability to move and breathe easier - I will never be pain free but it will be better.

I also found out from LC this time that my adult onset acne is related to diet. In 5 weeks my skin looks better than it has in years.

So while there are cases of 15lbs being vanity there are cases of 15lbs being health related. Or this WOE being for better health overall not weight.

There are people that have over 100lbs to lose due to health reasons, there are people that have over 100lbs to lose due to lack of proper eating habits.

I think the lesson here is about walking a mile in someone elses shoes and learning to accept yourself and love yourself

Equinas · 09-23-2010, 12:16 PM

At one time, I only had 20 pounds to lose. I wish I had done it then. Right now, I'd have to lose 100 pounds just to get back to that point. Now, I'd be happy just to get under 200.

I think to myself, oh, if only I was that "fat" again, but the truth is, I'd still be unhappy with the tummy and the thunder thighs, though grateful for the improved health and stamina.

debkeversole · 09-23-2010, 03:27 PM

Razor · 09-25-2010, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jilli13

i know its not going to come off, "just like that" as if sprinkled with Tinkerbell's fairy dust. ::

Tinkerbell's fairy dust is really high in carbs.

This is why I only hang out on the Century Club board.

kitty_kat · 09-26-2010, 03:18 PM

((HUGS)) from me...your not alone, your not a monster, Im very similar and feel just as guilty, but I wish I could go back to only having 20lbs to lose.

But I remember feeling so horrid when I was only 20lbs overweight, granted nowhere near as crap as I do now, but I keep that in mind.

I do prefer to read more from people who are struggling with being 100+lbs overweight though, its easier to relate and feel comfortable with.

LJB · 09-26-2010, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unixfairy

Do not feel bad because you are dealing with a different set of issues. You have to deal with lots of perception and prejudice issues that people with a smaller weight loss may not have to deal with.

On the other hand do not necessarily assume it is all vanity and looks on their part.

I have 30lbs to lose. Why - because I was in a car wreck 2 years ago and my back is permanently messed up plus I already had a sciatica problem left over from my daughter's pregnancy 13 years ago.

I hate putting on my underwear. It is mind blowingly painful. I go to bed everynight in constant pain. What that 30 lbs will buy me is the ability to move and breathe easier - I will never be pain free but it will be better.

I also found out from LC this time that my adult onset acne is related to diet. In 5 weeks my skin looks better than it has in years.

So while there are cases of 15lbs being vanity there are cases of 15lbs being health related. Or this WOE being for better health overall not weight.

There are people that have over 100lbs to lose due to health reasons, there are people that have over 100lbs to lose due to lack of proper eating habits.

I think the lesson here is about walking a mile in someone elses shoes and learning to accept yourself and love yourself

I loved your post and agree.

Jennyl · 09-29-2010, 11:12 PM

This doesn't make you a monster.

SusieQ12 · 10-01-2010, 11:05 AM

First of all,

. You are not a monster.

Secondly, I have been in both places (having 15 or 20 pounds to lose and having over 100 to lose), and I can tell you from experience that when people whine about needing to lose only 15 pounds, it's not to tick anyone off or make heavier people feel worse, but the way somone feels about having to lose 100 pounds is about the same way some feel only needing to lose 20. At least it was for me.

I remember when I weighed about 160 lbs. I was a size 12. That was the smallest I had ever been in my adult life. I had gotten down to 149 at one time though, but then bobbed back up between 160-165. I knew in my head that I only needed to lose about 15 lbs, but in my mind it might as well been 150 lbs. It was hard. I beat myself up constantly calling myself a fat cow. I HATED myself.

So now, five years later, I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I was at 150 pounds and went back up to 275. I am losing again, but I still have the same hopeless feeling that I will never feel "normal" no matter how thin I get. Right now I just want to get back to the weight I was when I thought I was fat. I pulled out some old pictures the other night and I actually looked fine, yet I was mentally abusing myself every.single.day.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the journey and mental torture can be somewhat the same, no matter how much you have to lose. Weight loss is hard no matter how much we weigh or want to lose.

More

to all of you.

jilli13 · 10-06-2010, 05:09 AM

Thank you all for your perspectives, it makes such a big difference to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes. And i totally agree I need to look at everyone as if they are feelingthe same way i am instead of me looking aout the window at them.

I love you all HUGS xxxx

bdladie · 10-06-2010, 05:38 AM

Don't feel like a monster I have been there, I used to think if I can lose 150 pounds what is the big deal about 15 I would gladly take that over what I have had to do. Well I have 30 or so I need to lose, no everyone gets upset with me for being so hard on myself about still needing to lose more. I struggle more now than I did at my heaviest to get weight off.

09-23-2010, 04:40 AM	#1
jilli13 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Johannesburg, South Africa Posts: 250 Gallery: jilli13 WOE: ATKINS Start Date: 29/07/2010	FEEL LIKE A MONSTER :( Hi All, having one of those days, :blush: just been reading the Atkins facebook page, and there are all these Lovely woman on there who have only got 15 pounds to loose, and not 15 pounds left to go to get to goal but 15 pounds only... And i caught myself getting annoyed with them :blush:"I mean HOW DARE THEY FEEL THEY ARE FAT THEY DONT KNOW WHAT FAT IS ....BLAH BLAH!!!" went through my head...and I'm sooo ashamed of myself. Who am I to judge them? I cant keep Atkins or the Low carb lifestyle for myself, no one ever gave me the "Sole" right to do it and nor did someone crown me the QUEEN of "Life Changing Events". Its so stupid, and juvenile, knowing that my feelings are pure jealousy (lets call a toad a toad), and me feeling sorry for myself because i'm not there yet. I know Ive been battling this weight monster all my life, im 37 i know its not going to come off, "just like that" as if sprinkled with Tinkerbell's fairy dust. So please can i say this to all my "LOW CARB SISTERS AND BROTHERS OF ALL SIZES" I'm sooo Sorry, I will endeavour to only support you! And do my best not to project my feelings of indequacy and insecurities onto you! In my heart I truely am VERY PROUD OF YOU ALL!!! __________________ Jilli EPIPHANY! REBIRTH 26/7/2010 Started 29/7/2010 133.6kg(300.6lb)/117kg(263.25lb)/80kg(180lb) Goal 2 118.6kg(266.85 lb)met 29/1/2011 Goal 3 113.6kg(255.6lb)

09-23-2010, 06:48 AM	#4
Teresa123 Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 8,097 Gallery: Teresa123 Stats: 350+/160.2/145 WOE: Low Carb Start Date: Oct 2006	Ahhh, don't feel like a monster ...cause if you're one, then I'm one too! :blush: I'm down in that last 15 lb range but I feel like it is a whole different ball game than what those who only have 15 lbs to lose in the first place are dealing with. Am I saying it's not difficult for them, no, but it's just very different. Those of us that have or had 100+ lbs to lose are dealing with a whole different set of issues when it comes to weight loss and maintenance. If they go back to their past eating habits, they likely will gain back 15 or so lbs. If I do, I will gain back 200 or so. Again, it's a whole different ball game. So anyway, yeah, I envy those people as well. But--it's just not my reality, so nothing to do but work with my own reality and try to make it the best I can. __________________ The worst things in life come free to us....

09-23-2010, 10:26 AM	#5
TaDa! Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 16,302 Gallery: TaDa! Stats: 236.5 /132.5/ 128-133 @5'3" WOE: Atkins Maintenance (Vegetarian + Fish) Start Date: 6/03 & Goal! 5/06	I have to say that Teresa put into words how I feel as well. I could never ever understand why people made such a huge deal about trying or needing to lose 15 pounds, when I would have killed to even just get anywhere near that number. I do not think I could have even understood how it feels or commiserated in any way -- no matter how it might have been explained to me .. and I would never make any apology for that, lol! Those folks are in an entirely different place than I ever was .. and there was no basis for any kind of comparison. Getting morbidly obese, and in my case, being that way my whole life, was and is, simply a much bigger mountain to climb, and not just in terms of actual pounds. All that said, I have been on Maintenance for four years .. really 6.5 years .. and if someone were ask how I could do this and "keep it off", the answer would be: I had to turn into one of those people that flip out and work their butts off, and complain about every single one of those 15 pounds, when there are 15 excess ones to be had, lol! In the process, I have realized that 5 pounds to one of those women (or me, now) is the equivalent to about 20 pounds when I was at my top weights .. because that is the effect on the body and clothing size that a simple 5 pounds will have at the lower weights. So someone having to lose 15 pounds could be equated to 60 pounds of excess weight (that's about 3 stone) .. There's the explanation, but as I mentioned, there is no way I, myself, could have related or accepted even that logic for 38 of my 45 years, but that is how I make sense of it now. Don't feel bad Jilli, because I don't think it is evil green-eyed jealousy, but more an inability to stand in someone else's shoes (and understandably!!!). Anyhow, my 2 cents! Pauline __________________ Goal Reached May 2006! Percentage Weightloss: 46%! Stats: 47 Years Old & 5'3" tall Weight: 236.5 (43 bmi) / 132.5 / 128-133 (size 4/6 .. 23 bmi) Weekly Weigh-In 7/10/12 My Journal Year One Weightloss and Chart My Weightloss Story Last edited by TaDa!; 09-23-2010 at 10:27 AM..*

10-06-2010, 05:09 AM	#14
jilli13 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Johannesburg, South Africa Posts: 250 Gallery: jilli13 WOE: ATKINS Start Date: 29/07/2010	THANK YOU HUGS XXX Thank you all for your perspectives, it makes such a big difference to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes. And i totally agree I need to look at everyone as if they are feelingthe same way i am instead of me looking aout the window at them. I love you all HUGS xxxx

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09-23-2010, 04:51 AM	#2
TXLoser Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 16,159 Gallery: TXLoser WOE: WW/LC Start Date: January 2004	First That is why I like the CC area so much, because most of us either still have quite a bit to lose, or have lost it...and we all know what it is like and how hard this journey is. What better place to share the journey than with people that KNOW and UNDERSTAND this... So vent away..most likely you aren't the only one feeling the same way

09-23-2010, 04:51 AM	#3
Star73 Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Arkansas (Hypothyroidism, Gluten-free) Posts: 6,696 Gallery: Star73 Stats: 238/220/140 WOE: LC Start Date: 10/01/2012	awwww I understand your feelings. It would be so much easier to know you only had to lose 15 pounds. I have 80 pounds to lose. At one time, I was one of them...just needing to lose 20 pounds. Even that seemed hard at the time...but nothing like this. I do understand your feelings and I also feel bad when I think those things....and with you admitting it is jealousy...you are a very strong woman I also feel guilty when I read about someone who needs to lose 200 pounds and I think that I'm glad it isn't me. I start feeling really guilty about feeling that way... We are human though... You are 37? I will be 37 in a couple of weeks

09-23-2010, 10:49 AM	#6
unixfairy Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 269 Gallery: unixfairy Stats: 166/146/130 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 8/16/2010	Do not feel bad because you are dealing with a different set of issues. You have to deal with lots of perception and prejudice issues that people with a smaller weight loss may not have to deal with. On the other hand do not necessarily assume it is all vanity and looks on their part. I have 30lbs to lose. Why - because I was in a car wreck 2 years ago and my back is permanently messed up plus I already had a sciatica problem left over from my daughter's pregnancy 13 years ago. I hate putting on my underwear. It is mind blowingly painful. I go to bed everynight in constant pain. What that 30 lbs will buy me is the ability to move and breathe easier - I will never be pain free but it will be better. I also found out from LC this time that my adult onset acne is related to diet. In 5 weeks my skin looks better than it has in years. So while there are cases of 15lbs being vanity there are cases of 15lbs being health related. Or this WOE being for better health overall not weight. There are people that have over 100lbs to lose due to health reasons, there are people that have over 100lbs to lose due to lack of proper eating habits. I think the lesson here is about walking a mile in someone elses shoes and learning to accept yourself and love yourself

09-23-2010, 12:16 PM	#7
Equinas Junior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 6 Gallery: Equinas Stats: 267/233/140 (or whatever is maintainable) WOE: Atkins Start Date: Late July '12	At one time, I only had 20 pounds to lose. I wish I had done it then. Right now, I'd have to lose 100 pounds just to get back to that point. Now, I'd be happy just to get under 200. I think to myself, oh, if only I was that "fat" again, but the truth is, I'd still be unhappy with the tummy and the thunder thighs, though grateful for the improved health and stamina.

09-23-2010, 03:27 PM	#8
debkeversole Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: southern ky Posts: 49,274 Gallery: debkeversole Stats: 370/285/199 WOE: 8/29/11 R9P2 HCG diet Start Date: 10-8-09

09-26-2010, 03:18 PM	#10
kitty_kat Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Brisbane Australia Posts: 616 Gallery: kitty_kat Stats: way too much/fit and healthy WOE: Atkins -healthy moderation Start Date: its continual	((HUGS)) from me...your not alone, your not a monster, Im very similar and feel just as guilty, but I wish I could go back to only having 20lbs to lose. But I remember feeling so horrid when I was only 20lbs overweight, granted nowhere near as crap as I do now, but I keep that in mind. I do prefer to read more from people who are struggling with being 100+lbs overweight though, its easier to relate and feel comfortable with.

09-29-2010, 11:12 PM	#12
Jennyl Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: GTA Posts: 45,055 Gallery: Jennyl Start Date: manana	This doesn't make you a monster.

10-01-2010, 11:05 AM	#13
SusieQ12 Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Georgia Posts: 6,822 Gallery: SusieQ12 WOE: Low Carb My Way	First of all, . You are not a monster. Secondly, I have been in both places (having 15 or 20 pounds to lose and having over 100 to lose), and I can tell you from experience that when people whine about needing to lose only 15 pounds, it's not to tick anyone off or make heavier people feel worse, but the way somone feels about having to lose 100 pounds is about the same way some feel only needing to lose 20. At least it was for me. I remember when I weighed about 160 lbs. I was a size 12. That was the smallest I had ever been in my adult life. I had gotten down to 149 at one time though, but then bobbed back up between 160-165. I knew in my head that I only needed to lose about 15 lbs, but in my mind it might as well been 150 lbs. It was hard. I beat myself up constantly calling myself a fat cow. I HATED myself. So now, five years later, I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I was at 150 pounds and went back up to 275. I am losing again, but I still have the same hopeless feeling that I will never feel "normal" no matter how thin I get. Right now I just want to get back to the weight I was when I thought I was fat. I pulled out some old pictures the other night and I actually looked fine, yet I was mentally abusing myself every.single.day. I guess what I am trying to say is that the journey and mental torture can be somewhat the same, no matter how much you have to lose. Weight loss is hard no matter how much we weigh or want to lose. More to all of you.

10-06-2010, 05:38 AM	#15
bdladie Major LCF Poster! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Detroit, MI Posts: 2,048 Gallery: bdladie Stats: 311/189/150 for now WOE: South Beach kind of Start Date: 1/16/06	Don't feel like a monster I have been there, I used to think if I can lose 150 pounds what is the big deal about 15 I would gladly take that over what I have had to do. Well I have 30 or so I need to lose, no everyone gets upset with me for being so hard on myself about still needing to lose more. I struggle more now than I did at my heaviest to get weight off.