From Centuries, to Decades and on to Goal--2009 part 2

[Teresa123]

OK--on portion control--I don't have it without planning, period. It's something I have been fighting for over a year now. When I plan my meals at least the night before--no problems. I eat exactly what I planned, no more or less, and I'm fine. I've done this so long that I can think through the menu in my head and know if it's balanced or not as far as carbs, different types of foods, rough estimate of calories, will it keep me satisfied, etc. etc. etc. But I really got to where I resented that as I got closer to goal last year and have tried and tried to just 'wing it' but sometimes that causes me problems, more often than I would like. It's funny, I was just telling Lisa not too long ago that even though I resent the planning, I not only did much better when I did it, but I was less obsessed. After awhile it was something I could almost do in my sleep and took about 2 minutes of thought. Now, if I'm going out to eat or eating somewhere that I don't have control of the menu, I don't worry too much and just make sure it's low carb and healthy. But otherwise, I need a plan. Not sure why I keep fighting it so much, I just feel like at this point in the journey that I should be able to control myself and my overeating tendencies on the spot better than I can--so I think I kick myself and keep trying to make it work--but overall it just doesn't for me. So...I've gotten back to having a plan for the day and sticking to it (although now I do allow some minor changes, additions, etc. within my own little set of rules ) and life is so much easier--seriously, about half of my obsession is gone. So I need to quit fighting it and just realize that there is no such thing for me as being cured of all of my food relationship/eating habit issues and accept that if this is the price I pay to be healthy and stay in control, it's really not that bad of a deal.

Don't know if that helps anyone or not because my solution for portion control may not be your solution--but it's funny the topic came up because it's an internal battle I have had for a long time and I feel that I am finally getting some resolution/acceptance around what I need to do for life to deal with this issue.

[realityjunkee]

Originally Posted by Teresa123

Well this, my dear, is exactly what you need to do--so kudos on that! I think until we say it out loud and own it, it's really easy to just let it continue on and on and on....

PM me your phone number and let me know what the rules are (how many days missing before I start bugging the hell out of you!) and I'll be more than happy to be your butt kicker!! I knew since you had only popped in a couple of times lately and each time said you were struggling but without details...something was up. But I'm also never sure what type of "intervention" people want--so unless asked I try not to be overly intrusive--OK, try being the operative word!

Beyond stalking you what else can we do to help? I am totally open to this thread becoming whatever it is it needs to be....in other words--post menus and exercise, daily check ins, butt kickings, bootcamp, whatever. If it gets us to goal, and more importantly helps us to develop a healthier and/or more functional relationship with food and our bodies (or for me to unscrew my screwed up little head!)--then I say let's do whatever it takes. And support and accountability are something I'm all about.

As far as thinking you will never be able to do portion control--do you mean with anything or certain types of foods? Just curious.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm feeling pretty down and disgusted with myself actually. It's weird, but it's so easy to get away from posting when you aren't being true to yourself.

I will pm you my phone number. No rules, if you get some "spidey sense" that I'm not toeing the line you can call me. I work 8-5, usually take lunch anywhere from 11:30 to 1pm. I posted the same post on the slimfinity thread . I need all the help I can get right now.

I'm just not good with portion control in general, but it gets much much worse when I try to add in substitutes for former binge foods. SF ice cream, tortillas, bread, dips, cheeses, etc. But...that being said it's nothing for me to put down a 16 oz steak at a sitting. I like to be full, and uncomfortably so. I think a lot has to do with some financial stressors I'm going through right now as well, which is triggering that need to binge and comfort that stress. I recognize it but am having difficulty stopping it. Make sense?

[realityjunkee]

I think there's something to the planning. If I journal every bite I tend to eat less but when I am winging it I can blow it like crazy. What scared me was that I really planned the binge this weekend. I bought 1/2 gallon of SF ice cream and a package of low carb tortillas knowing I would eat them all and I did. Last weekend I made a batch of LC peanut butter cookies and ate all but 4 of them in one evening. Those things are scaring me. I know I'm one step away from eating the high carb versions and then I'll be gone. In a year all 140 lbs will be back. Scares the heck out of me.

[Teresa123]

Totally makes sense...totally! I can so relate with wanting to be full, even uncomfortably so, a lot. Especially when I'm unhappy, stressed, sad, hormonal--I suspect that's what got me to my highest weight in the first place. I never thought I was an emotional eater, just basically a glutton with no control. It wasn't until a year or so on lc that I realized that I am but that I had just been "eating" those feelings for so many years I just didn't even realize they existed--or at least I didn't know what they truly felt like. When I'm full--or stuffed--I think it's about stuffing those feelings down. When I binge--truly binge--it's about being numb. When I refer to my screwed up little brain--it's usually about that kind of stuff. Rather than dealing with the stress or my emotions--I intellectualize stuff and overanalyze and do all kinds of crazy things in my head and I think when the pressure gets too great--and actually sometimes even before that because I know it's coming--I am off in bingeland. I admire that at least you keep it low carb--even if it is some junky carbs at least it's not sugar and all the other evil processed high carb crap.

So maybe we need to figure out a way to dump some of those stressers, emotions, head games and all of that kind of stuff here...? One of the things I loved about finding this place was it was the first time in my life that I felt that I could actually just open up and spill all the crap inside of me that I would never tell anyone in real life. So maybe we need to find a way to make that more a part of this thread--or so that we all feel free/safe/whatever to do that?

[realityjunkee]

Maybe. It just stinks to be so vulnerable, you know?

[Teresa123]

So it sounds like you need 30 days of journaling every bite! After 30 days re-assess and see if you need to continue or not---how does that sound?

I hear you on planning a binge....been there, done that, many many times. Once I allow that thought of eating something I don't need, or that I'm trying to avoid (read sugar) I am in huge trouble and I can rarely talk myself down.

I also hear you on feeling scared where this is all going--that all the weight will be back in no time. Several months ago I gained 20 lbs in like 2 months--I was petrified and parts of me kept thinking 'here I go'....going to gain it all back just like I've done before. That was the 2nd time in this journey that I have felt like that, and it's so....no word for it, just horrifying. But was I talking about it--nope, not much anyway. So I know I need to start getting that stuff out when it's happening, regardless of how hard it is to own it. Otherwise, the next time might be the time that takes me out. So I'm willing to swallow my pride, or whatever, to avoid that!

I hear you on the vulnerable thing...it's hard. I think for me I'm just going to have to do it. I spent lots of years not being vulnerable--or at least not allowing myself to feel it. Maybe there is some bigger value in allowing that which might be bigger than even getting the stuff out--who knows. I tell ya, it's all the head stuff that is sooooo hard!!!

OK, it's nighty night time for me! So Kim--you will be back tomorrow to tell us how things are going---right?!

[Teresa123]

Morning.

Kathy--yes, having BB&B just seconds away is not always a good thing for me....thus the need to organize and rearrange my kitchen! I also have Ulta, Cold Water Creek, J.Jill, Chico's and a zillion other stores right here at my finger tips. Not to mention Cheesecake Factory, Godiva...well, I won't go any further with that list! I will have to say that I have gotten much better this year at avoiding all the shopping or at least I'm doing better with window shopping!

Kim and Kathy--here's to a successful day 2 of detoxing.

Kim--I've turned my spidey senses on (actually I think they are always on ) and will use them accordingly.

Val--where are you?

[kathy76]

I am hoping for a successful detox day Yesterday went well for me I had my yocheese & berries for breakfast, dinner was stuffed green peppers...yummy!

Kim~ good luck with day 2 back on plan

Yeah Valerie....where are ya?
Teresa~ bring the humpday hotties back....that might lure her in

[vee716]

Hi! I'm still around, it was a long weekend here, so I was offline for most of it.

I'm feeling a little "meh" about my eating. I haven't been doing very well for the last couple of weeks. Not awful, but not sticking to the plan, either. I'm calling it a two week diet break and getting back on track tomorrow morning. Today is a floater day, the last day of the two weeks of the break, no counting calories but sticking to low carb to get some bloat off and get back into the swing of things.

Kim - I hope you are feeling more back on track today. I hate that feeling of coming off a bad period and being scared that I might not be able to get back on track. I'm not a fan of M&E for myself, but if it works for you, it's a good way to get back onto better eating. If I can say so, I'm impressed that your bingeing has been LC. I tend to go completely off the rails and overeat on sugar & flour and that really packs on the pounds. That you stuck with LC stuff is good, shows how ingrained your LC diet is into your life. I think getting back to better choices for portions and quality (not so many LC tortillas and such) is a great idea and shouldn't be too hard since you aren't coming off the really bad stuff.

[Teresa123]

Val--glad to see you back! And I didn't even have to bring out the hotties to entice you!

So it sounds like struggling is the common theme right now, and I've noticed that the last few weeks all over the board. I wonder what it is about this time of year? I suppose vacations/activities and the last hurrah's of the summer or something maybe.....

Regardless--we're all back on track now....right? Cause I hate it when you peeps disappear...I miss you.

Busy, busy day at work. I really thought things were going to settle down a bit this month, but not so.

[vee716]

Jello gelatin cups. The 5 calorie dessert! Not as good as Jello pudding cups, but less carbs.

I'm going to have a gain for the week, but I'm hoping it's not more than about 3 lbs. It's all carb weight, but it's still not good. I'm feeling good about getting back on track and starting my calorie counting again tomorrow.

[realityjunkee]

Official check in. Day 2 okay, in control.

Menu:

B--3 eggs scrambled with butter

L--1/2 lb turkey with ranch dressing

S--2 eggs, hardboiled

D--only "iffy" meal, but still in control--2 c chili made with ground beef/pork, onions, peppers, chili powder, tomatoes and black soy beans

So, a few veggies mixed in, but that should be allowed.

[Teresa123]

Happy Hump Day--the hotties are back.

Kim--yay on day 2 and being in control! Those first few are always the hardest. How are you feeling? Are you past the beating yourself up part? I tend to think that is one of the things that keeps pulling me down when I'm struggling--I have a hard time moving forward and accepting that I have to re-lose it again and being pissed at myself for screwing up.

Val--I pretty much only do jello with lots of fruit and whipped cream/cream cheese, etc added to it....I'm thinking for me it's not a 5 calorie dessert anymore at that point.

WI--148.7--down 1.5. Which as exciting as it is to be back in the 40's, it's even more exciting that I won't have to do induction with Lisa when she gets back! Well, as long as I don't gain anything next Weds.

Another long day at work, but again mostly at my desk....which really makes me tired and grumpy. It's supposed to be beautiful out today so I'll hopefully get out at lunch and take a nice walk.

[realityjunkee]

I am doing better--but only for 2 days now! Just coming back and actually confessing online has helped. That and the sobering realization that I'm almost 200 lbs again.

[Teresa123]

2 days is big though--seriously! For me, after about 4-5 days my whole outlook changes and it's so much easier to tackle things and move on, but somehow during those first few days I forget that and it sometimes seems impossible. I don't know if you are anything like that or not--but if so you are half way back to sanity at least!!

Yes--saying it out loud and owning it is HUGE!! There is nothing here that any one of us hasn't done or experienced, so there is no shame here--just our own which is what we have to get past if we're really going to make lasting changes.

Have a great day 3--I'm rooting for you!

[vee716]

Kim - At times I've gained back up to 20 lbs from my previous lows before hitting that "sobering realization" as you put it and starting my way back down. Look at it this way, you *didn't* hit 200 lbs again, you caught it before that. You'll be back down in the 180s in no time!

Teresa - 148.7!!! Yippee! Way to go! I'm happy for you.

My own weight bounced back up, but I expected it. Too, too, too many carbs this past week. I'm calling the last two weeks a mid-diet break and I'm back on track today. I've got 7 1/2 weeks before my half marathon race and I *will* be in the 150s for it! I figure I've got about 2-3 lbs of carb bloat still on me, and then I've only got 3-4 lbs until I hit 159, so I'm hoping that will happen, so I'm planning to see the 150s by the end of August!

[kathy76]

Way to Go Teresa!!!! I'm sure with as much as you would hate to do induction you will maintain your loss

My weight is up as I expected it would be. My first week on LF was Very LF/Very LC....the second week was LF & Kinda LC & Sunday afternoon/evening was a binge....soooo I get what I deserve a 2.6lb gain Good news is I am back on track with a renewed love for my Atkins friendly foods

Vee~ I admire you love for exercise I thought I had been bitten by the exercise bug awhile back but........ The kids go back to school 2 weeks from today and I am GOING to start jogging again. PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT::::: Everyone feel free to ask me about jogging starting August 19th

Kim~ Hang in there I just keep thinking about keep thinking about having to fit in my jeans this winter and hopefully that will keep me on track

[Teresa123]

What's all this talk of exercising/jogging?! Just kidding. I should be doing that now but I'm exhausted. My day started at 4am and it's really not over with yet. I thought this was going to be my month to get caught up at work but basically everything turned completely upside down today---and I mean completely. I'm excited because I love change and new challenges but my head is spinning from so many improptu emergency meetings and trying to figure out how to make it all work out. Anyway, won't bore you any longer with it all but suffice it to say---my life is going to be crazy if everything goes as predicted for the next several months. Well, at least I won't have to worry about being bored.

Have a nice night ladies.

[vee716]

Teresa - it sounds like you love your job, though. That's important. I wish I had more of that.

Nighty-night. See you all tomorrow.

[realityjunkee]

Hello...minor setback tonight but life happens

Here's how the day went:

B--2 eggs and 1 sausage patty

L--2 HB patties and 1/2 c salad w/mayo

S--2 hardboiled eggs

D--steak, salad with ranch, sauteed mushrooms and peanuts

Oh well, good news, down a couple of pounds since Monday so at least I'm now 5 lbs under 200!

[Teresa123]

Morning--it's Thursday--YAY!!

Val--ya know, I do love my job. And strangely I love change and learning new things--so I'm definitely going to get that opportunity in a huge dose in the next couple of days--and for the next few months to come. We'll see how I feel about it in a couple of weeks!

Kim--set backs are nothing, as long as we don't let them take us off track. A couple pounds in a couple of days is awesome ---and increasing the space between you and 200 has got to be a relief.

Kathy--how did day 3 go?

Well, nothing like starting the day tired. I'm sure as soon as everyone gets in we will be back in crisis mode and I will be wide awake. Until then, I love my quiet times in the morning when very few people are here so I can get some work done--and of course check in here.

Have a good one ladies!

[vee716]

Kim - peanuts are a relatively minor setback, but I know what you mean. When I'm really trying to get back on track and still the first few days of getting back on track, I worry that every little thing like that is actually a slippery slope towards giving up again. No peanuts, today!

Teresa - it makes me smile to see the 148 number in your profile! I'm happy you broke that barrier and it gives me hope that I can see a 159 number in mine soon! I'm glad you enjoy all that energy & excitement at work. I like learning new things, too, but stress at work is well... too stressful for me!

Kathy - how are you doing?

It's a good thing Lisa is still away and I'm not having to stay off the scale. I got a big whoosh this morning, 161.4! I'm glad I didn't miss that! Now, I *should* stay off the scale now and just assume I'm keeping that 161.4 all week and that it's not a weird fluctuation that will go away tomorrow!

[kathy76]

Day 3 went well I had

Brunch: 1 Stuffed pepper & SF Jello
Dinner: beef roast & cucumber salad
Dessert: a couple strawberries & some canteloupe

I am going to try and stay off the scale until Monday when I weigh in with my mom & sister. I was just commenting to my mom I haven't touched the PB for a month or so

Kim~ Sounds like you are doing great

Teresa~ Are you still staying off the scale? I can't remember if you are going scale free except for weigh in days or not??? I am going to focus on exercising & building up my endurance/finding my love for exercise when the kids go back to school. My plan is to follow Spencer out the door with my workout clothes/shoes on daily. I will still walk with my mom, but she only walks about 1 1/2 miles & my legs are longer than hers....so it's basically just a warm up for me.

Vee~ I would keep that lovely # in my head and stay off the scale until weigh-in day You're doing great!!! Keep it up

[realityjunkee]

Everyone is doing good right now!

Today fine, no peanuts!

I did have:

3 eggs scrambled with butter

4 oz turkey, 2 ribs with ranch dressing and 1/4 c cole slaw

3 slices liver cheese and a hot dog

stuffed chicken breast and fresh tomato

Too much protein and a little processed meat but all in all not too bad.

[Teresa123]

Morning....it's Friday....I think. I am pooped.

Kim--looks like a successful day 4 to me! But please tell me what in the world is liver cheese? Or maybe I don't want to know!

Kathy--yay on day 3 down, hope day 4 went just as well! Yes, I'm still just doing Weds weigh in's. I had thought that once I got past the 150 mark I would weigh daily, but right now this is working. I *think* I could go back to daily at this point without the frustrations and sabatage...but why chance it!

Val--woohoo on getting back to that low! Now, staff off the scale!

And why did they move my smilies around again?!

Another long crazy day ahead which will end in a meeting that is going to be very interesting. I'm tired, but I'm definitely going out to do something tonight, probably the casino and out to eat but not sure. I'll be at the office most of tomorrow trying to get things caught up and then getting things ready for the days to come....so I want to go out and do something tonight for a little fun and relaxation.

What's everyones plans for the weekend?

Oh, besides working I will be shopping at some point tomorrow. It's 'no sales tax weekend' on clothes and shoes so I hope to pick up some summer stuff on sale for the cruise next year.

[Teresa123]

OK, so my wish for someone to bring zuchs was granted--and I have 2 of the hugest zuchs I have ever seen!! Seriously, one weighs at least 10 lbs and is the size of a baby! I have been told they won't taste that great as is but will be good for cooking/baking.....so I need some ideas!!

I'm thinking I will make some zuch sauce (like applesauce). Kevinpa has a recipe for that somewhere. I think I'll make a big zuch/apple crisp and bring that in to work next week. Maybe some zuch muffins..... I'm going to try to sautee for zoodles but not sure what the texture/taste will be like. I might shred a bunch and ring out all the moisture and freeze---although not sure if it will be any good? Any other ideas? I have enough to feed an army!!

[vee716]

Morning everyone!

Things are going well. 161.0 on the scale this morning! I ate a bit extra this morning though, 2 oz of almonds that I don't generally eat. I'll have to watch my calories for the rest of the day, but that's okay.

Have to run, but I'll be back this afternoon to say hello to everyone properly!

[kathy76]

Day 4 was a good one
Brunch: hamburger with grilled onions & cheese, green beans w/bacon
Dinner: salad with shredded roast beef, salsa, cheese & sour cream
Snack: cucumber salad

so far today I had 2 pcs bacon, yocheese & berries....so far so good. We are having steak tonight for dinner and I am making brussel sprouts out of the garden

No big plans for the weekend...it's gonna be in the 90's so I'll probably be hiding out in the air conditioning. DD's school nurse is coming over on Monday to check out how her new procedure is done....so I'll be cleaning the house. The casino sounds like fun

[vee716]

Teresa - The casino sounds like lots of fun, I used to love to go, but haven't been in ages. What do you like to play? I usually play blackjack and/or craps! Yep, I'm hardcore, no slot machines for me!

Kathy - air conditioning sounds good to me, too. We're due for some wicked heat and humidity with a bit of thunderstorm weather thrown in this weekend. Unfortunately, I have a 1h45m run schedule for Sunday morning for my half marathon training. Yikes. Your menu looks good (well except for brussel sprouts, better you than me, that's all I can say about that).

Kim - way to go on going without the peanuts. Will you share your self-discipline? Come to my office and throw out the almonds we have here. 325 calories for 2 ounces of almonds. It's too many calories and not worth it, but I didn't remember that before I ate them.

And, as you may have seen from the above post, I'm still weighing, but it's good news so far, so it's all good for now. My all-time low, ever, is 160.6. I'm only .4 away! I'm hoping to break into virgin territory soon.

[realityjunkee]

Originally Posted by Teresa123

OK, so my wish for someone to bring zuchs was granted--and I have 2 of the hugest zuchs I have ever seen!! Seriously, one weighs at least 10 lbs and is the size of a baby! I have been told they won't taste that great as is but will be good for cooking/baking.....so I need some ideas!!

I'm thinking I will make some zuch sauce (like applesauce). Kevinpa has a recipe for that somewhere. I think I'll make a big zuch/apple crisp and bring that in to work next week. Maybe some zuch muffins..... I'm going to try to sautee for zoodles but not sure what the texture/taste will be like. I might shred a bunch and ring out all the moisture and freeze---although not sure if it will be any good? Any other ideas? I have enough to feed an army!!

I'm thinking they'll be too seedy for zoodles but in muffins, etc should be ok.

Originally Posted by vee716

Kim - way to go on going without the peanuts. Will you share your self-discipline? Come to my office and throw out the almonds we have here. 325 calories for 2 ounces of almonds. It's too many calories and not worth it, but I didn't remember that before I ate them.

Oh Lord Vee, 5 days does not self disciplined make! I have been on a 2 month binge so I was disappointed that I couldn't not eat the peanuts!

Today's menu:

3 eggs scrambled with butter

turkey, hot link and fried okra minus the breading

2 slices liver cheese (which Teresa, is made by Oscar Mayer in the lunch meat section. It's a form of braunswager (which I probably totally butchered in spelling). Sounds gross probably but I love the stuff!

Ribeye with sauteed mushrooms/onions and a side salad with ranch dressing

and finally, yes, I had about 10 peanuts