This is a journal to help me learn LC tactics and to record LC success as 2007 draws to an end and 2008 looms large and hopeful ahead of me.

Wish me luck! Luck?

Ah, luck is the residue of design.

Found that in a fortune cookie, ages ago.

Fits into the LC mantra about how failing to plan is planning to fail. So my plans start out each day with a hot slosh of WPP+cocoa+espresso+VCO so that I start off feeling like a LC success. Yay, me!

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Reality ~ as in scales, weighing...AGH!!!

Posted 02-03-2008 at 09:30 AM by Zer

Just ordered scales as a way of admitting that I am COMPETENT to manage a weight-loss program by facing facts daily. Yes, I've been talking about buying scales someday, like when I hit 199#. But fact is that at 64 I am easily twice that weight, give or take a stone (14#) or two. I'll find out for sure in a few days, when my talking scale arrives. Happy b'day to me!

I'm near tears with gratitude for the support LC lists offer. I think I am not at all used to such support and it is taking me time to adapt to what is available in online support. Thank you, all of you who offer your weight info - both the gains and the victories great and small in whittling away at weight that is persistent.

I so appreciate the boost that got me online to order scales today. With scales for a reality check daily, I can maybe learn to care more about myself as I accept support online and report my actual numbers as I fight to build healthy LC habits into my unstructured life.

Nothing but time on my hands. I can find a way to exercise SOME, to walk just a LITTLE, to manage my food so I am better prepared to nourish my cells several times a day. I can!

Clearly, I am deficient in offering myself good support. Like, no scales. Sigh. Denial is not just a river in Egypt! Scales are a tool. I can learn to use this tool. I can learn. I can. I hope so.

I feel so sad about my failure to weigh, to admit I need to weigh. I can feel how right it is, to own scales and to truly "own" my body's weight. I'm taking steps today to change how I manage my LC program. Yay, me! Yay, Dr.Atkins! Yay, all of us who struggle together!

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Oils may be upsetting to a tummy/digestion? Uh-oh...

Then, I too must pause to consider VCO as one of the oils that MIGHT be causing me to trot FAST on my way to the loo. Just added CLO as a daily tsp, for whatever benefit it might add to my life. Also have fish oil in fridge and capsules of krill oil, as if to capture the full range of benefit from any oil. Oh, let us not forget OoO (oregano) to boost my immune system - and that wee capsule is strong, so strong that I can taste it long after swallowing!

Not taking all of these oils just now. Have them on hand and mean to finish up what's on hand if I can manage to work 'em all into a day's regimen.

Then there's the flaxmeal. That probably adds oil as it functions (when I sprinkle it on at table to get full benefit of a couple of Tbs a day).

Olive oil, now and then, as well. Poor tummy. Gurgles at me quite a bit these days. Alarms?

Posted 02-24-2008 at 11:01 AM by Zer Zer is offline

My first conscious contact with scales as instruments of dire distress was when a teacher weighed each child in front of all the other kids and I was the only one who could not be weighed until the tiny weight was slowly tapped all the way up to 50# - and only then did the teacher start over with a larger 50# weight in place as she slowly tapped the smaller weight across to find my latest weight. Now I was tallest in my class, but no one mentioned that as a factor in my weighing more than my classmates. I felt just horrible during the weighing time, as the whole class watched the teacher tap tap tap that weight across the bar. What an awful memory!

No wonder I have a skewed view of scales! Aghhh!

My circuitous Aspie processing is bringing me - at last - to a few LC conclusions that are radical changes for me in how I think about things like scales - not evil messengers of doom but more like friendly tools that can help me get accurate data that I can use to improve the quality of my life. This is a change in perception that amazes me.

Aspie? That's short for Asperger's, a diagnosis I came to on my own at 60 and sought official confirmation of from a social worker who knows me well for a long time and from an associate of hers, a psychologist who told me I am not the oldest person to come to him with a discovery of a dx that resolves a lifetime of confusion. I'm Aspie!

Here are a couple of posts I wrote as someone asked me about Asperger's and I explain how it is possible to live a lifetime without knowing why life is so difficult for Aspies:

Quote:

On Asperger's as a processing difference (not a disorder)
Quote: Originally Posted by cleochatra at "300+ Support"
Zer-- do you have Asperger's? I'm asking because I saw your blog's title, and I have a few high-functioning autism kids.
Yep, I'm an Aspie. Did not find my dx until I was 60 and had lived a life full of catastrophic collisions with NTs (NeuroTypicals) in the workplace and various social networks that found me implausible and impossible. Tossed me, ostracized me, generally gave up on me as worthwhile. An online contact with an autistic adolescent son cued me to read up on autistic lists and I found a novel by Eliz.Moon: "Speed of Dark" - and read it as fast as my eyes could go, then called a social worker who is available to me for free. Convinced her to read up on Asperger's as we talked on phone and she thumbed through DSM (aka Damn Silly Manual) to discover what I told her was a MUCH better fit for me than the "depression" I'd been labeled with for some 35yrs by various dull MDs who could not add up a classic list of Aspie traits. Duh! Social worker set up an hour's visit with a psychologist who concluded I was, indeed, Aspie - and who said my HMO has no program or treatment to offer adult Aspies. They do some work with young Aspies to help get them through school and through life, but no help is offered to adult Aspies who fell through the net. He did tell me I am not the oldest person he's seen and dx'd.

Anyway, at 60 I discovered that I have a processing speed that differs from many people I meet in life. I am clueless to social signals. I am also gifted in ways peculiar to Aspies, which is what probably made my publishing work so rewarding. The work/task is one that rewards intense concentration. Communicating with co-workers was always a problem, but accomplishing impossible tasks often compensates for my shortcoming in interpersonal communication. Not always. Even online, I have had catastrophic collisions that result in being ostracized - to my utter dismay and confusion. This happened on a LC list in Dec.2007. Awful mess!

As often happens in life, serendipty functions and I came to this LCFriends list in hopes of finding acceptance here. Lucky me, being tossed off an intolerant list, eh? Else I'd still be caught up in situations that did not bode well for my growth as a LC4Lifer. I've learned a lot in the short time I've been reading and writing at LCFriends.

I'm blessed, in that serendipity plays a huge part in my life - hence my online handle: ZerendipT! Zer for short!

I hope your kids are receiving coaching, which helps. Just knowing I'm Aspie has helped me to understand why folks are often so upset with me. I cannot fix that, but I can now comprehend how difficult it is to deal with an Aspie.

And a 2d post from same day, same thread:

Quote:

On late-life Asperger's dx (at 60 - and what a RELIEF!!!)
Quote: Originally Posted by Need2LoseNow:
wow! thats the longest ive ever heard of a person going without a diagnosis! that mustve been difficult for you. and this is precisely my problem with MDs doling out psychological diagnoses!
Not just MDs. I've seen a series of therapists since I first started talking about stuff at the age of 26 or so. Social workers have been best for me, but I've made it a point to meet with ANY therapist who I heard of in a way that sounded to me as if I might find answers that I lacked.

Current social worker will not admit to a wrong dx. She says my 'depression' is in remission. I suppose that is a professional way of dodging the truth, that I've paid masses of money to my HMO for group therapy sessions and sat with others who may indeed have been authentically depressed. I saw nice people try to figure out why I was able to work, to get up and out of bed daily, when it was more than they could manage. My take on that is just a simple one - I was never truly depressed in a clinical sense.

I was often sad and bummed out about being out of step with co-workers, employers, family and friends - and being obese is no picnic either - but I habitually wake up happy to see a new day. That's my Aspie habit. That is one of the things that sometimes drives folks absolutely mad. Rabid. I'm perpetually on the lookout for a pony, as I dig my way out of heaps of poop in the belief that there just MUST be a pony if there is so much manure!

So my current social worker (and her predecessor), both lovely people, are not able to admit that I've been badly dx'd for all of my life, by a series of schoolteachers who saw me for brief periods (we moved every 3yrs or so) and by therapists I paid for professional guidance since 1970 or so. Even as I talked with current social worker and she thumbed through her DSM, I had to sell her as she read various other dx to me that lie near Asperger's on a spectrum of some sort. But she DID set up a session to confirm MY own dx, and that psychologist and she conferred and I now have a letter in my file - and in my hot little hands - in case I can locate anyone who cares or who can help Aspie adults. So far, I've been turned away by agencies that register kids with Asperger's; they want to see diagnostic stuff from gradeschool to certify that I have a lifetime dx. But there is noplace for me to look for what does not - far as I know - exist. If anyone at any school saw this in me, it was not made known to me. I think I was just considered dim and dull, until a statewide testing in Ohio brought me to the attention of teachers who had ignored me for several years. They moved me from the back of the class to the front row - and told me I was an underachiever. Some reward, huh, for scoring off the scale on their dang tests! Probably standard for any Aspie, to be blamed for traits that are part of my hardwiring, for how I see the world.

Posted 02-24-2008 at 12:19 PM by Zer Zer is offline

	Thank you, LCFriends, for helping me to find my way to buying scales. I'm surprised at how excited I get as my weigh day approaches. At last, I see scales as a positive - a useful tool to bring me accurate data on how my body functions in response to eating LC or to playing the fool and grazing in carby pastures. Exciting. Empowering! Wow!!!
	Posted 02-24-2008 at 12:46 PM by Zer

Just found this comment on scales/attitude and want to be sure it's collected as part of this segment of my BLOG:

Quote:

I'm trying to adapt to being a person who regards her scale as a friendly tool - not a menacing threat. I am excited at the prospect of actually KNOWING what I weigh - either way it goes. Seems not to matter so much if it's up or down, as I understand that I am able to curb things. I'm in charge of what I put in my mouth. So now I am back on Induction, as best I can manage that. And I am amazed at how keen I am to weigh weekly and record that weight - whatever it may be - as part of my diary of learning what my body can tolerate in way of carbs.

I now better understand folks who suggested I own scales to weigh with, as these people did not have my irrational fear of scales. Irrational? Yeah, a childhood memory of being weighed and judged and shamed. What a shame!

Weeding out such memories is a key to growing up and making adult decisions. I'm growing myself up, at 64!

Interesting how neutral a tool can be, once we neutralize the feelings associated with it. I like the idea of KNOWING for sure what I weigh - whatever it is!

Posted 02-25-2008 at 06:09 PM by Zer Zer is offline

	Allowed myself to weigh mid-week. Just could not WAIT for Saturday! Who ~IS~ this person I've turned into? So I am showing weights in BIG RED NUMBERS on my datebook and am recording weights and goals in my signature. Looks to me as if I am finding ways to use these scales in a positive and seriously profitable way. Scales! What a great LC tool!
	Posted 02-27-2008 at 05:00 PM by Zer

Scales - a friendly tool for providing accurate data

As I consider my shift in outlook on the value of scales and weighing, I'm sure it's one of the delayed processing aspects of Asperger's that brings me to this point at 64 - after I for so long dreaded scales and weighing. Now it seems to me that scales are useful tools for determining accurate data. Knowing what I truly weigh beats guessing and dreading an eventual weigh-in at the doctor's office. This is just one of the many gifts my association with LC support lists has brought into my life. Wow!

Asperger's has some interesting aspects as well as odd aspects. This article sheds light on Aspie positives:

Quote:

Einstein, Newton displayed autistic traits

Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton displayed symptoms of psychiatric disorders that may have been a key to their genius, a Dublin psychiatrist said. Michael Fitzgerald, Professor of Psychiatry at Trinity College, Dublin, said characteristics linked to autism spectrum disorders such as Asperger's syndrome are the same as those associated with creative genius, The Daily Telegraph said.

Fitzgerald, author of the book, "Genius Genes: How Asperger Talents Changed the World," said Enoch Powell and Charles de Gaulle both appear to have had Asperger's syndrome. Speaking at a meeting of the Royal College of Psychiatrists' Academic Psychiatry, Fitzgerald said De Gaulle's Asperger's syndrome was critical to his success. He was aloof, had a massive memory, lacked empathy with other people, and was extremely controlling and dominating.

Isaac Newton was known to work non-stop for days and Einstein worked in a patent office because he was too disruptive to get a university job, the newspaper said.

"Psychiatry tends to focus almost exclusively on the negative side of different forms of mental illness," Fitzgerald said in statement. "I want to show that psychiatric disorders can also have positive dimensions."

Source: http://www.physorg.com/news123084642.html

So anyone with Asperger's might hope to find a niche in which Aspie traits are an asset. That, for me, is the chief benefit of finding an Aspie dx at 60. It freed up my weary braincells from trying to understand why I so often am frustrated in trying to mesh with social situations or work situations that demand more skill than I - or any Aspie - have at my fingertips. Now I know why I am sometimes dismaying to those who fit into the herd.

I live beyond the pale, outside the safety of the herd. I'm forced to find within myself what I cannot find in others, in a network of family and friends. Just do not have that in my life. Awkward, as I lose mobility and need support to accomplish ordinary tasks. Still, I manage. I just do a little less than I'd like to accomplish. I manage. Sorta.

Posted 02-28-2008 at 12:07 AM by Zer Zer is offline

Updated 02-28-2008 at 12:08 AM by Zer

Up a pound since Wed's weigh-in. No mystery why.

Even before I glance at my food diary, I know that salt is part of my gain in weight this morning. And I see a few carby mouthfuls that may play a part too.

But I weighed and recorded the data as useful info, just as I balance financial records - without laying blame/shame on me. Just as I owe more when I spend lavishly, I have to pay the piper for each too-carby bite that I made a part of my eating plan. It's no mystery.

What a change, for me, in philosophy and in handling weight data. My datebook looks pretty gaudy with BIG RED WEIGHTS showing up along with other pertinent data in my life. I'm so grateful for this rational approach to identifying actual weight and to embracing my scale as a vital tool for a reality check at least weekly as I refine my menu choices.

With my data appearing in my signature and my goals clearly stated there also, it is less and less likely that I shall be able to munch mindlessly as if what I eat has nothing to do with the difficulty in moving, in walking, in sitting or standing.

For me, this is a HUGE blessing. Now, got to use these tools more wisely! Here's how I am modifying my signature to remind me of my goals, to help me stay conscious of what I hope to achieve through daily care in making LC choices and in dodging carby temptations!

Quote:

[color=fuchsia]Feb.2008: -5#[/color]
Re-start 2/8/2008 at 432.4#... 426.8(2/13), 429.6(2/16), 432.2(2/23), 426.8(2/27)
[color=aqua]March...(10# or more gone?)[/color] 427.6(3/1)
Interim goals: [color=gray]432.4 430[/color]

420 410 400 399 390 380 370 360 350 340 330
320 310 300 299 290 280 270 260 250 240 230 220 210 200

199
5'10"; 64; blogging at http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/blogs/zer/
Tango! http://www.nurisite.com/midisonly/argent

Posted 03-01-2008 at 10:31 AM by Zer Zer is offline

Updated 03-01-2008 at 10:34 AM by Zer (Coding)

Down just a bit since Saturday morn's official weekly weight - and I just wanted to see some accurate data when I got on this morning, hopeful that the scales will show movement in a positive direction.

My talking scale is still a challenge to get up on in the 8seconds allowed before it shuts off. Aghhh! But I am amazed at how excited I am to have accurate data on my weight - whichever way it goes. I'm past fearing the numbers. It's just accurate data now.

I'm growing up - at 64 - and it feels really GOOD to me!

Posted 03-03-2008 at 12:06 PM by Zer Zer is offline

	Here's to you, Zer, and to a great weigh in today!
	Posted 03-08-2008 at 06:37 AM by tokenyanke

426.2 today; down 6.2# since my scales arrived a month ago. It's wonderful to KNOW FOR SURE what I weigh!

Caught a glimpse of 425.0 this morning, as my scale's numbers shifted under my unsteady stance after climbing aboard in the 8second window allowed for boarding - before power cuts off and I have to start all over again. But the shifting red display numbers settled at 426.2 before cutting to black. Not bad.

Remember, this is JUST DATA, accurate data for me to record and report. This is not my value as a human being or a measure of my mastery of LC skills. It's just data. I've writ it in BIG RED NUMBERS in my datebook, to remind me that I am serious about finding my way to THREEdom (for starters) in this lifetime.

...because I do forget, apparently, as I see food, that I am no longer eating as a pastime or as a remedy for what ails me or just because food is there. Sigh.

Today I am eating to fuel my cells, to energize my brain and my muscles. Yay!

Thank you, TokenYanke, for your sturdy support that is such a help to me. You are truly a LCFriend. Pure gold!

Posted 03-08-2008 at 07:29 AM by Zer Zer is offline

	Hiya Zer, Congrats on the loss. It's got to feel good.
	Posted 03-08-2008 at 11:56 AM by Ldy Stardust

	You go, Zer! You are awesome! I am proud of you and your perseverance. It is inspiring to see the changes as the beautiful butterfly emerges from the cocoon!
	Posted 03-09-2008 at 09:53 AM by tokenyanke

	I hardly recognize me as I see changes in myself. What is happening to me, the old me? Am I finally letting go of my worst habits and forming new healthy LC habits? I hope so!
	Posted 03-09-2008 at 08:17 PM by Zer

Midweek peek - worth scrambling to get on the scales! Down 5.2# from 4 days ago!
Almost did not take a midweek peek at my scales. Decided at noon to do it, as purely data collection, although I'm feeling massive and bulky. Good grief! I'm several pounds lighter than I was a few days ago. See signature for details:420.8(3/19). Can't feel it in my body, but scales report it - and I am encouraged. Golly, these talking scales are worth their weight in gold, now that I'm not afraid of what scales say.

Someone came in while I was weighing and I offered her the scales, which reported her at just under my goal weight. Something to look forward to hearing for myself, someday, when I step on these scales!

Posted 03-19-2008 at 01:54 PM by Zer Zer is offline

420.8# on 3/19...just data!

Scale weight is just data, not a moral judgment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aronace

I have an announcement. ...I swear here and now that i will weigh in once a week. I just cannot take the stress.

Agreed. I've come to see the scales as a way of collecting accurate data, much as I record my financial data (that swings wildly up and down as the market flutters and that I record without lambasting myself for being a 'failure') - so I am at last able to record my weight on a Saturday morn - and to allow myself a midweek peek if I feel a need for some assurance that what I am doing daily is paying off, even if only in ounces or tenths of a pound on my talking scale. Scale weight is just data.

After years of fearing the scale's judgment of me as a human being, it's a relief to see my scale as a reliable tool to report data. Nothing more than that. Whew!

Posted 03-21-2008 at 10:39 AM by Zer Zer is offline

Updated 03-21-2008 at 10:42 AM by Zer

	Too excited to sleep. Weighed at 0430. This is SO crazy! 418.2 is what my talking scale said, but I saw 417.0 skid by more than once as I teetered unsteadily on that scale! Next weigh day is my midweek peek on Wed (3/26). Yes, I can too wait to weigh. I can!
	Posted 03-22-2008 at 06:56 AM by Zer

	You rock Zer! I am so proud of you! You are doing great!
	Posted 03-22-2008 at 02:42 PM by tokenyanke

Midnight Monday? Could not wait 'til Wed to weigh?

Could not wait for Wed's midweek peek to weigh, to collect data on how my body is responding to a more rigorous LC/Atkins plan as I dodged E.Bunny and avoided carby-challenging areas this wknd.

So I hopped (so to speak) on my talking scales at midnight Monday to see how much difference this might make, after Saturday's weekly weigh-in.

116.8 (from Sat's 118.2) is a nice shift! Yay, me!

Gives me hope that Wed's midweek peek will be close to 115 - as I aim for my next goal: 110#.

Posted 03-25-2008 at 09:37 AM by Zer Zer is offline

413.2 on Midweek Sneak Peek!

I think I'm getting the hang of this LC thing, with weighing and all, after years of fiddling around with Atkins. I'm getting it! This morning's midweek peek is 413.2 (down from 416.8 at midnight on 3/24). Not bad! Not bad at all!

I'm hopeful of finding myself at TWOterVille by the end of 2008. That would mean losing 100# in nine months. Is that do-able?

Yes, I truly think that I can do that, even as I am not quite into THREE-dom as April 1 approaches. With a little effort, I think I can do a really clean LC program for the five days between today (3/26) and 3/31; six days to build my total-pounds-lost-in-March data (some of them lost more than once in March, sad to say, but...that's just the way my LC plan goes).

We all know that folks my size (413.2) CAN dump a lot of weight in six days!

April 2 is my next Midweek Peek. Eight days away. I think I can hope for a glimpse of THREE-dom as the scales skitter figures while I teeter unsteadily and hope to hear the scales intone a BIG THREE weight at me. What say?

- - - 03-26-2008, 06:32 AM - - -
Stats: 5'10"; 64; 508/413.2/199
Start Date: 432.4(2/8); 426.2(3/8)

413.2 on Midweek Sneak Peek (but I saw 412.0 flash by)
Scale was crabby this ayem and said ERROR as the weights flashed and I tried to stand steady enough to allow scale to find a reading. Got on twice and am going to accept 413.2 as a useful bit of data for today, as it was the final figure (even as the scale growled ERROR at me). Figures flashing ranged from 413.8 to 412.0 - but the final steady figure was 413.2 (down from 416.8, Mon 3/24 at midnight). Makes me glad I settled on sardines last night for a protein boost at 11pm (instead of browsing carbs in the kitchen or even doing a hot slosh). Got 20g of protein into me and felt quite satisfied - tummywise and spiritwise too. Love my fishies!

Posted 03-26-2008 at 08:07 AM by Zer Zer is offline

Updated 03-26-2008 at 08:11 AM by Zer (Coding.)

	You are shrinking away, Zer! I am so happy that you are seeing such wonderful results! Almost 20# since Feb 8th!
	Posted 03-27-2008 at 06:18 PM by tokenyanke

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Recent Blog Entries by Zer

2009...putting all my LC skills into action! (01-15-2009)
Quinoa, a high-protein seed/herb, as part of my LC plan... (09-27-2008)
Finding furniture/cars that fit my size/height/weight needs. (05-31-2008)
The Recovery Process (04-05-2008)
Moving my muscles (aka the excruciating "E" word) (03-20-2008)

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