Zer's Journal ~ A Journey from 8.5# (at birth) to 508.7# (at 60)...to LC health!

I am hopeful that understanding why I have carried more than 400# for more than half of my 64yrs will create in me a desire for a healthier/lighter body.

Far as I can tell, my WW loss of 50# (from 230# to 180# at 5'10") when I was 26 brought on a major crisis of such intense attention from men that I did not know what to do. Felt oddly powerful and powerless at the same time.

No idea what to do with the power, so I ran away from it.

Sorry to say, I decided to bury myself in fat. Got up to 400# in no time at all, eating after work got out at midnight and I stopped off for food on the way home.

Then I tried WLSurgery at 30, which stole 200# and left me so ill that the WLSurgery was reversed and I gained back all that weight - and more.

Now I am coming OUT - at 64 - to see what the world might have to offer a geezer. As I write and read on LC support sites, I discover ancient fears and motivations to use food for comfort. Writing helps me discover why I eat. That awareness is leading me to make better LC choices more often - and to buy myself a scale, at last!

As I wrote today - April 1 - about my Weight Loss Journal and a busier BLOG (apparently I blather more than I lose weight, as I labor to discover my individual pathway to normal weight) I realized that I really ~AM~ learning a lot at LCFriends about these two tools that help me discover feelings that used to get me eating to 'stuff' my feelings. Now I write my feelings out. That saves me from having to eat over them, although I can still see some urge to eat as I confront ancient issues and dig to discover what's going on.

Here's what I wrote today. Here's what I've discovered in my personal journey to discover who I am inside my fat.

Using writing...and reading...as tools for a LC life

Although I write mostly on Deb's 300+ thread, I do have a Journal and a BLOG (both) - the Weight Loss Journal is for data on my progress and the BLOG is for all the BLATHER that it takes to get me through the day, hour by hour, as I write about my feelings and get feedback from LCFriends when I strike a chord that someone resonates to.

Far as I know, each of us struggles a bit now and then. Even LC'ers with better backbones than I have, who work out like mad and who write out menus that make my mouth water and make me wish I could cook - even the raging successes at LCFriends occasionally allude to days that do not go as well as they would like. We are here to support each other, to share what is eating at us as well as what we are eating to fuel our bodies - and occasionally eating to salve some pain (as I do when I fall back on using food as my drug of choice).

Come back to this thread - your anguished confession of how distressed and discouraged you feel at struggling to achieve LC purity - http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/ce...l#post10129444 - as often as you need to, but DO browse some BLOGs (see 'Blogs' in header line to see who is blogging and to visit a BLOG that seems pertinent to your issues) and consider creating a BLOG of your own - as well as a Weight Loss Journal (see WLJournal Board for help on understanding how a BLOG and a Journal differ, both being useful tools for a WLJourney). Both are useful tools in my own WLJourney.

Hope you feel encouraged to join totally IMperfect me as I flail along with my Atkins' DANDR in hand, slowly finding my way to THREE-dom, ounce by ounce! Yeah, the weight comes on in pounds, leaves in ounces! Not fair!!!

I'm still over 400# today, just about to weigh myself on my talking scale, hopeful that I'm an ounce or two closer to THREE-dom as a result of refraining from eating carbs that call me by name, tempt me to crawl into a crinkly package to hide from finding out what life CAN be like at normal weight. I'm 64, so IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN??? Aghhh!!!
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Stats: 5'10"; 64; 508/416.2/199
WOE: Atkins+ALGittleman
Start Date: 432.4(2/8); 426.2(3/8)
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