This is a journal to help me learn LC tactics and to record LC success as 2007 draws to an end and 2008 looms large and hopeful ahead of me.
Wish me luck! Luck?
Ah, luck is the residue of design.
Found that in a fortune cookie, ages ago.
Fits into the LC mantra about how failing to plan is planning to fail. So my plans start out each day with a hot slosh of WPP+cocoa+espresso+VCO so that I start off feeling like a LC success. Yay, me!
Wish me luck! Luck?
Ah, luck is the residue of design.
Found that in a fortune cookie, ages ago.
Fits into the LC mantra about how failing to plan is planning to fail. So my plans start out each day with a hot slosh of WPP+cocoa+espresso+VCO so that I start off feeling like a LC success. Yay, me!
The Recovery Process
Just found a site that shakes me up. Does this apply to my own situation as I work to get with a LC program that will pare me down to a size that is healthier and less cumbersome than my current size? I think maybe this applies to me.
Oh, sure, you see "tango" and figure I take this as a SIGN of some sort. Maybe so.
Might this help me understand my own reluctance to work a clean LC program? Why am I not dedicated - at 64 - to losing the weight that makes my daily life so challenging?
Quote:
Truth exists as an absolute. We know it, hate it and pretend we don’t know it so we can fill time with our personhood charade. Again, the dream is the context for the drama, and this means there is no one to blame for anything, literally. Since we love ‘blame’ and ‘grudge’ and other expressions of ‘duality,’ truth acquires a very bad reputation because it is what ‘right now’ is, and it smiles, so to speak, while we carry on with our little drama in the foreground. Every dreamer in this dream has a date with truth, if not today, then next week, or even the next time around. Truth has nowhere to go. It can afford to watch the dance we do around it; two steps closer, three to the side, and four back. Is it a tango, or some version of “the jitterbug?”
From http://www.therecoveryprocess.com/bio.htm
From http://www.therecoveryprocess.com/bio.htm
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"A man who is seeking for realisation is not only going round searching for his spectacles without realising that they are on his nose all the time, but also were he not actually looking through them he would not be able to see what he is looking for!" - Wei Wu Wei
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Because our status as a dreamer in this dream is a fixed fact, the option to be some kind of a ‘person’ is zero. The dream displays all the ways ‘the dreamers’ in this dream fill time dragging out the lie they are some kind a person, often, to clinch the deal, a less than okay person, like someone with "low esteem," or a "loser," or someone obviously ruined by a "bad childhood." (Excerpt from initial paragraph at Greg.Tucker's Recovery Process:
http://therecoveryprocess.com/index.php?cat=1 )
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Because our status as a dreamer in this dream is a fixed fact, the option to be some kind of a ‘person’ is zero. The dream displays all the ways ‘the dreamers’ in this dream fill time dragging out the lie they are some kind a person, often, to clinch the deal, a less than okay person, like someone with "low esteem," or a "loser," or someone obviously ruined by a "bad childhood." (Excerpt from initial paragraph at Greg.Tucker's Recovery Process:
http://therecoveryprocess.com/index.php?cat=1 )
Total Comments 49
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You'll always be a winner in my book!!!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zer
I am keen to learn more about adrenal fatigue, as I suspect my years of thyroid meds that made NO DIFFERENCE in my energy level are a case of misdiagnosis. I I am also considering consulting an alternative provider, since my HMO tends to be too satisfied with marginal function. If there is no MALfunction, why bother to pay attention? Well, I figure I'd like to work with someone who wants to improve function - not just prescribe drugs for failure to function. So, I'm listening as you explore your own adrenal fatigue.
Right now I am just relieved to be losing the weight that going off my meds quickly packed on. Are you ever on yahoo or hotmail messanger by the way? I'd love to chat sometime. lynn |
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Aspies do not process data well in real time, so I prefer email to using real-time contact (chatrooms, phones and the like).
That said, I do appreciate your support and outreach. Can we try email, for more depth than either of us wants to post on a public forum? |
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Jennette Fulda, lost 200#, writes a book, a blog!
Wow, check out this thread - and Jennette's sites - for great reading! Quote:
Originally Posted by mandy22
it's a memoir.. the girl's name is jennette fulda ... i really enjoyed it.. it's not a "diet" book, it's a book about her day to day struggles before, during, and after losing the weight... she has a great blog too, pastaqueen.com.
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In the last two weeks I've met two new people who didn't know me when I was fat say, "I can't imagine you being heavy." I'm not sure what to do with this statement, other than say, "Try harder."
Anyone can be fat if they eat too much. I briefly considered carrying around a "before" picture in my wallet, but immediately dismissed that as being lame overkill. I may as well hop around the city in one leg of my fat pants in some desperate plea for attention. I suppose the statement is meant as a compliment, but instead I see it as proof of the human tendency to categorize and oversimplify things. You're a fat person or you're a thin person. You're tall or you're short. You're smart or your dumb. You're not both. Quote:
From Women's Health, July 2008: Following Indianapolis-based blogger Jennette Fulda's journey to lose almost two-thirds of herself is so inspiring you'll fill your cart with nothing but turkey cutlets and cruciferous vegetables for weeks. At age 24, she weighed 372 pounds. "The truth is," she writes, "I was a big, fat cliche." Despite some emotionally heavy moments, Fulda's biting humor and no-holds-barred honestly keep you turning the pages.
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Part of my recovery process involves taking charge of my own dx as I consult with health-care professionals, seek confirmation of what I learn online about my own health issues. I hope to address adrenal fatigue, to get a proper dx and perhaps some advice on how best to handle any matters that I can improve. Here is how I explain discovering my own Asperger's dx at 60:
Quote:
Originally Posted by atcgirl42
Good luck getting a diagnosis of adrenal fatigue. I actually think the "experts" know less about that then they do about the thyroid, and I'm not too impressed with their knowledge of the thyroid!
How did you manage to get a diagnosis of Aspergers? Did you suggest that as a possibility? It seems to me that so many doctors are quick to just on the "depression" diagnosis that they don't consider all factors. For me, depression was not a valid dx, but I've met truly depressed folks and could never explain - to them or to me - my own ability to manage what they could not do. When I called to alert my social worker to Asperger's as a potentially valid dx, my social worker pulled her DSM (damn silly manual) out and read about Asperger's. She explained it was a new dx, unfamiliar to her, having been added to DSM since she was in school. As we talked, she admitted that she too found I was not as good a match for depression as I was for Asperger's, so she lined me up with a psychologist who met with me for an hour and then consulted with my HMO case manager, a social worker who knows me and who has access to files from a predecessor who also knew me through group and individual sessions - all free as part of my prior employer's HMO plan. Together, they concurred on my dx. As soon as I had a dx from that HMO psychologist, I went to an agency that registers and assists developmentally disabled people. Just walked in and asked to register. HA! They flipped out at having an adult walk in and ask to be registered/assisted. No help there. They could not relate to anyone who has no history of school assistance or childhood dx. No help from my HMO, that does not work with adult Aspies who fell through any school network to identify learning disabilities. I went to many schools and was left to fend for myself in classroom after classroom as we moved every few years and no one took much note of a quiet kid who did not catch on, who no one took an interest in until high school when a random I.Q. test revealed what no one believed. I was tested over and over again, to prove that my score was a fluke. Then I was moved to the front of the classroom and told I was an underachiever. That was after two or more years of being ignored at the back of the classroom. Cranky teachers did not much like having a kid who was barely passing suddenly show up as having more I.Q. than others. So, that might have cued an aware school psychologist in 1959 or so, if the dx of Asperger's was then recognized. From 1970 on, I saw an assortment of social workers and consulted other mental health counselors and facilitators, none of whom came up with a useful dx, all of whom handled me as if I was depressed. I got fatter and fatter from early 1970s to mid1970s, when I weighed 400# and had a disasterous WLSurgery that left me in terrible physical condition - still not correctly dx'd as Aspie and still offered drugs to offset depression. Most of the MDs I saw were doped to the gills, and I saw anyone who was said to be useful to anyone at all. I met lots of authentically depressed patients, so I got a true picture of the plight of a truly depressed person. Never fit me, far as I could tell. Just did not match my profile, my outlook. Aspies are absurdly hopeful, almost childish in anticipating a pony lurks behind any pile of manure that is heaped or hurled by crafty co-workers or opportunistic family/friends. Aspies are soft touches, easy dupes. Sigh. So now I have a written dx of Asperger's, a late-life dx at 60, after a lifetime of cataclysmic encounters and career clashes with NeuroTypicals. Had I fit into a computer career, I might have done better than I did as an editor of college textbooks. From 1960 to 1982, typesetting offered me a niche that I made a living at, being able to focus and produce typeset ad work that others did not produce as easily as I did. Somehow the math of typefitting made sense to me, as schoolroom math had never made any sense. I took that skill into editing college textbooks, where it made my work useful - but I did not fit in with workers who did not come from a typesetting background and who did not understand my work ethic. So, that career fizzled. Now that I am learning about Asperger's, it all makes sense to me, all the failures to connect with co-workers. I'm as Aspie as anyone on the planet and I relate to the concept of Wrong Planet as an Aspie adrift in a world of NTs (Neuro Typicals) who are hard-wired to process data that is not obvious to Aspies. Is that clear? I am still learning about Asperger's myself, as I read more. Still go back to read "Speed of Dark" and like "Look Me in the Eye" by an Aspie who was not dx'd until his 40s. Both reflect my own thought patterns and reinforce my RELIEF at finally having an accurate dx. At last, I know why things are so often confusing to me - life, career, human relations too. My new HMO PCPhysician has an Aspie child and seems better able to work with me as an Aspie patient. She is pleasantly incompetent, in my view, but my social worker knows and trusts her. My social worker? She says my earlier dx of "clinical depression" is in remission. I guess that's easier than admitting that my HMO failed to dx me correctly and took money from me for workshops and medical visits with health care professionals who cannot find their butt with both hands. So it goes, with anyone who looks to an HMO for medical advice. We each owe it to ourself to research our own symptoms and discover what dx matches. Then follow up to get an official dx, as I did. |
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A writer/speaker whose life experience lifts my spirits is Bob Earll, a man whose life story reminds me of pieces of my own life story that I'd lost until I sat listening to him tell me - and a conference room full of folks - my own story, from his personal experience. Bob Earll rocks my world!
One of his priceless pieces of advice is asking WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR INFO? when his demeaning demons start yammering at him to beat him into submission. He says he never gets any answer back. The question renders mute his Inner Demons! Yay, for such a tool to quiet that internal yammering! Oh, if you do not have internal yammering, you may wonder what in the world it sounds like. Lucky YOU! |
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Balance. Strikes me that relationships are all about balance - or IMbalance. Abuse or indifference are signs of IMbalance in a relationship. So...now what? What do I do with this new perspective? Can I change expectations, hopes? Can anyone re-make themself, correct imbalance in hopes, in wishful thinking?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zer
I'm astonished to admit that I'd NEVER EVER press anyone to accept me as a friend as I've coaxed my middle sib to work at finding common ground. What a dreadful thing, when I see it from that perspective! We share a common bond, an affection for her daughters. I wanted a lot more than that, wanted an intimacy that she has resisted, wanted a friend with whom I can share intimate feelings and financial planning and other private stuff - and she does not want to hear my stuff or talk about her stuff with me, but we DO have a love of her daughters and g'daughters in common. When I back off and see that I am asking for more than that, I do not wonder that my attention is unwelcome. What an intruder I've been, pushing myself off and demanding or pouting when she is standoffish or disinterested in me, in sharing ideas about stuff that she apparently does not think about or prefers not to share with me. I feign interest in some of her interests, but do not feel as she does about homemaking and crafts and all the things she likes.
Thanks for raising my consciousness on this, so I can see how dreadful for my sisters, to find me always pressing for a depth of interest that simply does not exist. Frankly, I did the same thing with my parents. How awkward to see this so clearly. Never would have discovered this, without your excellent thread! Thank you. Maybe I can sort myself out and manage a b'day card - and an apology - for my middle sib on her October b'day. I can freely admit that I'd never impose my neediness on a stranger, so why impose it on a lifelong sib? Past time for me to back off, to find friends who DO share my interests and to allow my sisters to be who they are, including their disinterest in me as a soulmate. Seems so simple, as I back off a bit from being pouty. Is this one of those epiphanies? I guess so. Maybe this one will interest my sibs - that I've grown up enough to let go of my childish hopes that I'll be included, that I'll be chosen, that I won't stand on the sidelines, waiting for someone to say "I CHOOSE YOU!" That sums up what I want from a family! |
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Seeking a moderate path in my LC life...Watching a DVD about a favorite singer's life and philosophy, I heard a bit of wisdom that speaks to me as I struggle to find a moderate path in my LC life. Guy Penrod said that if we love ourself and love our neighbor, all other issues fall into place. He seems to feel that simplifies living from a complicated book of do's and don'ts to a principle - LOVE OURSELF AND LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR.
Does that have an application in planning a successful LC day/life? I think so. |
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Updated 10-05-2008 at 08:02 PM by Zer |
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My food diary is a yellow tablet - a page for each week, 3 lines a day, one line each for SUPPS, FOOD and ACTIVITY (includes trips to the loo, as I'm tracking that too). K.I.S.S.
My goal with a food diary is to become more aware of the connection between what I eat and what my body looks like, feels like. The benefit of focusing on a goal is that each and every activity then becomes a step toward reaching that goal. Mindful activity toward a goal means that each hour brings a person 15mins closer to achieving that goal. Anything else is no more than wishful thinking - and IF WISHES WERE HORSES, BEGGARS WOULD RIDE! So listing values strikes me as a way of staying mindful of goals and of growing in a healthy direction each hour of each day. Baby steps. Good goal! My values start off with integrity, scruples, self-respect, honesty - all aiming to build a better relationship with myself now that I've broken the hold that carbs had on me for so long. Internal values are what I'm working on right now. I've simplified my life by letting go of people who lack a moral compass, whose lives are guided by EXPEDIENCY rather than by a higher principle that lifts us out of pure animal existence, out of a struggle to survive. Ridding myself of such dead weight has positively impacted my own LC program in ways that surprise me. Who knew that my lifetime habit of collecting baggage was stalling my weight loss! Letting go of dead weight, of baggage, of unproductive relationships - even relatives I despair of finding friendships with - has saddened me more than a little, but it has had an amazingly positive impact on what I do for myself daily. ----- 432.4#(2/8/08; I got a talking scale) [color=fuchsia]Feb -5#[/color] [color=aqua]March -13# [/color] [color=purple]April -5.8#[/color] [color=blue]May -6#[/color] [color=red]June -6#[/color] [color=lime]July -5.8#[/color] [color=red]Aug +6[/color] [color=firebrick]Sept -2.6#[/color] [color=aqua]Oct -15#[/color] ...394.4(10/1) [color=dodgerblue]Nov -2#[/color] ...379.4(11/1) 377.4(11/7) [color=chartreuse]Dec[/color] Interim goals: [color=gray]432.4 430 420 410 399 390 380 [/color]  370 360 350 340 330 320 310 [color=magenta]299(2/5/09)[/color] 290 280 270 260 250 240 230 220 210 1995'10"; 64yrs; Your feedback is welcome at my blog Tango, anyone? |
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Recent Blog Entries by Zer
- 2009...putting all my LC skills into action! (01-15-2009)
- Quinoa, a high-protein seed/herb, as part of my LC plan... (09-27-2008)
- Finding furniture/cars that fit my size/height/weight needs. (05-31-2008)
- The Recovery Process (04-05-2008)
- Moving my muscles (aka the excruciating "E" word) (03-20-2008)
