Sam's 30 Day Atkins Blog

Week three has past. No signs of feeling bad, energy as advertised, another notch on the belt up.
I found out today that heavy people and Nike "Air" athletic shoes are not a good combination. See, they have this little air-filled pocket that is designed to give you cushion as you walk and it works well unless you mash it too much and it eventually blows out. Today I heard a faint "pop" in my right shoe, and a slight difference in the way it felt. Instead of acting like a tire and just blowing out and staying flat it managed to re-inflate each time I lifted my right foot and then compress and blow out when I stepped on it... step-pfffft step-pffft step-pffft step-pffft. So now I am walking around with a mini whoopeee cushion making a fart sound every time I take a step.
I eventually found if I stepped on the outside of my foot it wouldn't make the noise so I could control it, and... being the Man-Child that I am and getting a kick out of bodily noise humor I had fun with it. Like when I am waiting in line I can gently mash it down and make a faint queef and act oblivious when others start looking around for the source of the noise. Or, I can mash it hard and fast PFFFTT!! then immediately look around as if to blame someone else.

Which brings me to another fun thing to do in Wal Mart... PRANK PHONE CALLS!
I called the main number while in my local Wal Mart and asked for customer service. (I live in a small community and they still do courtesy's like paging customers, although they may not for long if I keep this up.) A young man answered and I asked if he could page a customer in the store for me and that I needed to ask him to pick up something else. "Sure, what's his name?" "Bill Mehoff" I replied. "One moment." Over the loudspeaker I heard "will a customer in the store...Bill Mehoff please come to the customer service counter?" Bill Mehoff please come to customer service you have a phone call" After about five or six minutes on hold he came back and said no one came to the front. I said "Well, Bill is an old man and his son takes him to the store. Bill gets tired and sometimes his son has to go in and get what his father needs. Would you see if maybe Jack is in the store?" "Sure" was the reply, and he put me back on hold. Then I heard over the loudspeaker...."will a customer in the store..... Jack Mehoff......" then he stopped..... realizing what he had just said, and hung up the loudspeaker. Laughter could be heard up and down every isle and he immediately took me off hold and said "VERY FUNNY DAMMIT, VERY FUNNY!" and hung up.

Ahhh Bliss.