I ended up doing the Shred yesterday and I just finished today. My body felt tired but I pushed through (it helps that the workout is only 22 minutes).

All I can say is - I don't like working this hard. And yet I keep showing up. It reminds me of something I heard at a retreat one time:

"Just follow directions. Your feet know where to take you."

And really, just following directions is the best I can do sometimes. That's why it's so good for me to have a routine... I don't need to reinvent the wheel. I just follow directions... and...

Kamalam

It's 4:41 pm and I am totally unmotivated. I know I need to keep my date with Jillian - I *want* to hear her telling me at the end..."Awesome. Amazing job. In no time at all you will be SHREDDED."

But I feel so wimpy right now. It's a weekend and basically my entire being is telling me to veg and eat chips, lol.

I think it's partially that my lunch was heavier than I wanted. I bought a salad b/c we were out, but it was just drenched in salad dressing. The vinegar and oil type, but still. Then I ate orzo salad... which also had lots of oil,...

Kamalam

Eeep. I just measured my waist to hip ratio per Jillian Michaels' book "Winning by Losing" and darn it, but my ratio is .915 (the ideal for women is .80). So dudicals.

I have my work cut out for me. I really thought I'd see my belly button measurement go down a little, but nothing. I think I'm eating too much - or not at the right times - or something.

That means I still have too much fat in all the wrong places (is there a country song I could sing here?). My immediate response is to just starve myself the rest of the night, but that would...

Kamalam

Yesterday for Mother's Day my dad made a gut busting, thigh plumping feast of pasta, fish, shrimp, and scallops... along with butter slathered broccoli, and (thankfully) freshly made salsa. Oh, and then there was desert - Nana's apple cake with real cream whipped with, yes, sugar.

I ate as much as my tummy could hold. I ate all the pasta and a good part of desert - and while I did feel somewhat guilty, I also felt sort of Ok with it all. Like - hey it's Mother's Day. This is the only dinner available so I'm not going to stress it. What also helped a little was the premise of...

Kamalam

Ok, YES, I accomplished a major goal - to do the Shred today in spite of having a three year old climbing on me and making me laugh.

YES I finished in spite of a huge feeling of "this isn't working, why bother..."

And guess what? I was stronger today! I actually used my three pound weights for most of it instead of the girly 1 pounders.

Whoo Hoo! Yay me!

Kamalam