Re-inducting

I am very sorry you are going through a divorce. I can't imagine the anguish you must be feeling. But, now is the time to take care of YOU and YOU are worth all the time and effort it takes to become healthy, mentally and physically! Take care!

So, I was going to start today but, I didn't. I'll try again tomorrow. I did 30 mins on the elliptical.

I weighed in at 203 this morning. My goal is to stay cheat free for the month.

You can do it! best wishes!

Okay so, I ate bacon for breakfast, a baconator withouth the bun for lunch and chicken cordon bleu and green beans for dinner. I did 30 mins on the elliptical and sat in the sauna for 15 mins.

Ever have any of those times where you just feel like your life sucks? Well, this morning I woke up to go to work and my car wouldn't start. My battery was dead. Now, I'm going through a divorce but didn't really have anyone else to call so I called by STBXH. He came over and helped start the car. Problem is STBXH and I are divorcing not because we don't love each other but because I can't accept the mistreatment of my kids and my other family members. Needless to say, I've been trying to break contact because I'm having a hard time moving on. Yes, I'm the one who moved out, I'm the one who initiated the divorce but it still hurts. Me seeing him and of course his need and desire to hug me and give me small kisses makes it so hard on me because I do still love him. Well anyway, I was down all day and felt as if I could cry at the drop of a hat all day long. He called me close to the end of the day and wanted to go have a drink, at this point honestly I needed to have more than one drink. So, I went had a steak, salad and veggies and 3 Miller Lites I really didn't do too bad considering. But now I'm depressed even more and I'm thinking about finding something with some chocolate in it to make me feel bette. I hope I have something but, I don't think I do. I hate my life sometimes.

Even though I did all that and had a few chocolate chip cookies when I got home last night, I was 199.6 this evening. I ate bacon for breakfast, a chicken cesar salad for lunch and chili dogs no buns for dinner. I went to the gym and did 30 mins on the elliptical. I up to level 3 for the entire 30 mins now working at about 5.0 rpm's. Then I sat in the sauna for 15 min and went to the tanning bed. I'm feeling much better today.

I had bacon for breakfast, grilled chicken salad for lunch and chicken wings for dinner. Went to the gym and did LB workout and sat in the sauna for 15 mins.

now I haven't been being very good to myself. I've got to get my act together and start caring about myself. Okay, so what I'm going through a divorce. It's my fault! If I would have stayed with a man who was ugly to my children I would still be together and not getting a divorce. Yeah, so he was able to pretend to like, love and care about me but not about anyone else I cared about. And, honestly now that I've stood back and looked at it, it only seemed like he loved me when he was getting what he wanted. (ie. money mainly) I am much better off without him in my life. I thought I was happy and maybe I was in the beginning but that changed quickly. Now I've got to start taking better care of myself. I did real good for over 40 days and I have lost a total of about 18 pounds but I still would like to lose atleast 40 more pounds. I would like to lose as much as I can by June because my daughter and I are going on a cruise for her high school graduation to Jamaic & Mexico. I started exercising on December 31st and I haven't looked back. I've always exercised and I'm so glad to have it back in my life. But, I just feel better when I watch my diet. This time around I've started eating things like LC pizza, LC spinach lazagna, LC meatloaf, LC Chicken cordon bleu, all the same sort of things I would eat on a regular diet. Plus when I go out I can still have fajita's, cesar salad, steak etc. I haven't lost anything but gained a better feeling about myself. I've just got to make a commitment to myself and stick to it. I do love myself and I need to show it. Maybe this rambling will help me move forward in both my WOE and my life. I sure hope so!

I'm still not feeling so well. I went to the gym and worked out for 30 mins on the elliptical but wasn't able to work out as strongly as I usually do. I also still sat in the sauna but still didn't quit feel like myself. I had bacon for breakfast, LC Meatloaf for lunch and chicken wings with celery and bleu cheese for dinner.

Today I had bacon for breakfast, grilled chicken salad for lunch and dinner at Cracker Barrel which was pot roast, green beans and a salad.

Okay so I'm on day 2 another restart I'm not going to sweat it though, just keep jugging away. Maybe eventually it will sink in to my thick skull why I hate not eating low carb.