Finally Friday

Had a great day - kinda. Changed up my schedule and got some lifting in during lunch. I have never seriously hit the weights hard core at my work gym simply because they have mostly pulley and lever machines and barbells. No actual squat bar or free bars. Today was back, bis, and shoulders so I gave it a shot. It was an okay workout but really missed my heavy weights with full range of motion.

Went to the doctor today and am on Lexepro now. I told her about my binging and my desire for perfection - something that I can never achieve and don't have a reason too. I don't know why I can't be comfotable with where I am at or why I sabbatoge all my efforts on getting to my goal. Food controls my life! It is a mind cycle I don't care to get into but let's just say I strive for pefection in EVERYTHING I do and feel I must take care of everyone's problems - work, home, friends . . .I make every effort to make others happy to make me feel happy. I feel people will like me more if I make them happy. when I don't make them happy or don't have any people interaction, I tend to reach for food as comfort and don't know why. When my house is a mess and I start cleaning - boom! I binge again. Stress and anxiety really make me reach for food. Isn't that strange? I don't know why this is. I'm starting my church group next week and meet with the leader tomorrow.

I'm hoping this Lexapro will help me to combat my mental battle over food and help me to get to my goals. It is no miracle and my food issue will not go away without ME changing my habits.

Today was good food wise. I wasn't hungry in the slightest ???? don't know why but I did take 2 energy pills today - one with Guarana extract I keep that around for emergencies but I hate anything with Guarana in it. It makes my heart race!!! I haven't taken one in a really long time. But, I haven't had a good workout all week it seems and needed something to force me to workout. Laziness?? No. I wanted to workout it is just my body is not cooperating.

Dr. Bedia called - my gyno. I have to get a CT scan of my brain in a few weeks to see what is going on with this mentral cycle stuff. Finally after 6 years I started my period with high doses of estrogen and progesterone. Now . . . to figure out the cause. I really hope they find something. Last year I had an MRI of my brain and nothing was found.

well gotta get to bed. I'm kapooped.

PS - Does anyone read my blog besides btinc? i've had a few posts on some entries but not many. I'm thinking a thread my catch more attention. Not many people hang out in the blog area.