The question remains, have I talked to my parents about how much they hurt me? No, I haven't and I don't think I am currently strong enough to do it. But some day I will. For me.

My Mom tried, but Dad doesn't care. I am his only child. He has always cared about one thing, women! Lots of them! I've seen it with my own eyes. When I became engaged, DH and I went to his place to invite him to our wedding (no, he wasn't paying for it, nor did we ask him to). He declined, because he didn't want to be in the same room with my Mom! It was like a shot through the heart for me, then I knew...

Eliza_Jazz

Thought it's time to blog about my childhood and what made me hang on to the protective layers of fat I carry around.

My parents divorced when I was 2. Since I can remember, my Mom told me my Dad didn't love me. Dad didn't show up much, so I presumed it was true. Even today, I think he doesn't love me. He doesn't know me well enough.

I have never thought that my parents maliciously did what they did. The fact remains, however, that my life was impacted by their actions in a negative way and I recognize that. Whether they meant it or not, it happened, and I am paying...

Eliza_Jazz

Yes, I am feeling less depressed. It's a cloudy day and I am already missing my TX sunshine. Went to Ross today and bought some really cool stuff. I love Ross. Got a great 45 piece service for 8 with hostess serving flatware for under 40 bucks. DS bought some cool button up shirts. Being a teenager, he now wants to look super cool for the babes in school Got some nice $200 Nikes for about $50. Not a bad buy.

I have been sneezing a lot today. Hope I'm not coming down with something. On top of this, all providers have run out of the seasonal flu shot and I have been looking in...

Eliza_Jazz

I think too much. I sometimes get bogged down in so much thinking and so many theories in my mind that I become confused. I think too much because I am an Aquarian. And a woman. And while I am thinking and weighing options and ramification and what could...if.... people are out there doing. I envy them. I want to be like them. I envy people who don't have a weight problem. I know, i know, everyone has problems, but in addition to all the problems everyone has, I also have a weight problem.

When I bend my head down for more than I few seconds, my double chin cuts down my air supply...

Eliza_Jazz

Oh yeah, it is just like me to start a blog and not post on it for about 5 months or so... But no beating myself up over this, or anything else.

Life is tough as it is, and since I was a child, I have been my severest critic. I criticized myself into the ground. I didn't know how to love myself or accept myself for my faults. I failed to realize that we are all human and we are all insufficient in some ways. And that it is OK. I somehow thought that everyone had it together except for me.

It has only been in the past 3-5 years that I have started forgiving myself...

Eliza_Jazz