Thought it's time to blog about my childhood and what made me hang on to the protective layers of fat I carry around.

My parents divorced when I was 2. Since I can remember, my Mom told me my Dad didn't love me. Dad didn't show up much, so I presumed it was true. Even today, I think he doesn't love me. He doesn't know me well enough.

I have never thought that my parents maliciously did what they did. The fact remains, however, that my life was impacted by their actions in a negative way and I recognize that. Whether they meant it or not, it happened, and I am paying...

Eliza_Jazz

Yes, I am feeling less depressed. It's a cloudy day and I am already missing my TX sunshine. Went to Ross today and bought some really cool stuff. I love Ross. Got a great 45 piece service for 8 with hostess serving flatware for under 40 bucks. DS bought some cool button up shirts. Being a teenager, he now wants to look super cool for the babes in school Got some nice $200 Nikes for about $50. Not a bad buy.

I have been sneezing a lot today. Hope I'm not coming down with something. On top of this, all providers have run out of the seasonal flu shot and I have been looking in...

Eliza_Jazz

I think too much. I sometimes get bogged down in so much thinking and so many theories in my mind that I become confused. I think too much because I am an Aquarian. And a woman. And while I am thinking and weighing options and ramification and what could...if.... people are out there doing. I envy them. I want to be like them. I envy people who don't have a weight problem. I know, i know, everyone has problems, but in addition to all the problems everyone has, I also have a weight problem.

When I bend my head down for more than I few seconds, my double chin cuts down my air supply...

Eliza_Jazz

Oh yeah, it is just like me to start a blog and not post on it for about 5 months or so... But no beating myself up over this, or anything else.

Life is tough as it is, and since I was a child, I have been my severest critic. I criticized myself into the ground. I didn't know how to love myself or accept myself for my faults. I failed to realize that we are all human and we are all insufficient in some ways. And that it is OK. I somehow thought that everyone had it together except for me.

It has only been in the past 3-5 years that I have started forgiving myself...

Eliza_Jazz

Well, I started a journal, but I guess a blog would be more appropriate for sharing my thoughts.

My struggles: weight, exercise, time management, housework, keeping my emotions in check.

Anyway, I am somewhat proud of myself today because I spent 30 min. cleaning. I could see marked improvement in my kitchen. Apparently, the task was not so huge, I was just seeing it as huge and insurmountable!

Back to work on Thursday. They had told us we would be off till the 11th, but I guess they changed their minds. I just picked up 7 novels and 2 non-fiction...

Eliza_Jazz