I'm starting to get anxious about all of the changes I need to make this week. My nutritionist wants me to get rid of the scale, food scale, and my hr monitor. The thought of getting rid of any of them is scary, but to get rid of all three in the same week is overwhelming. I'm going to taper down with the hr monitor and food scale, and the regular scale I will jsut give to dh. I stopped using the regular scale for the most part. Last week I used it twice, so getting rid of it won't be too hard (I hope). The food scale probably won't be too bad, but the hr monitor is going to be brutal. ...

Denise85

Another great day here. I had a pretty stressful afternoon when I ended up with a flat tire 35 minutes from home, and I had my nutrition appointment to worry about getting to. I focused on problem solving what to do in order to get home, drop off Paige, and get to my appointment. I called dh who was able to call a tire and lube shop. They came out within 15 minutes and took care of it. I was able to get home in time, have my planned snack, and then run back out to my appointment. In the past this would have set off a binge. I would have been so stressed, yelled at dh that I was going to...

Denise85

It's been a crazy week, but I'm happy to say I survived it and I'm feeling pretty good. Yesterday I was having some sadness, but I felt the feeling and talked to dh about it. I'm starting to become aware of what triggers my ED behaviours. I'm going to bring it up when I see my therapist Thursday. In the mean time dh and I have come up with a few ideas of how to help me through my struggles. I also see my nutritionist tomorrow, and she may be able to help.

I never thought a meal plan would be for me, but amazingly enough I like it. I know if I didn't have it I would barely...

Denise85

Talk about an emotional roller coaster!!!! I literally cried for 6 hours today. I never thought a meal plan could cause this much emotion. Fear, anxiety, anger, emptiness, depression, etc......I felt like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum at times, but I also felt the deep pain this ED has caused me. Everything is coming to the surface, and I don't know how to handle it. I just completely broke down, and went into panic mode. I feel a bit clmer now, and pray tomorrow goes better. I already figured out my meals and snacks, so hopefully I'll be ok with it. I've also planned out my day...

Denise85

I am so torn right now. There's a part of me that wants to call my psychiatrist and ask to be put into the program. He said to call him night or day, and he would be there. It's scary, but I feel unworthy. I feel too fat, and that I'll be laughed at and not taken seriously. I almost feel the need to prove to everyone that I do have a serious problem, and the only way is by losing more weight so I'm not so fat. I don't want to be underweight. Skin and bones is not attractive to me. I just want to be thin. I feel so huge right now, and don't want to be in the fat bulimic category. They...

Denise85