[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]I think the one thing that I realize this time is that in order for me to succeed and not just lose the weight but keep it off is for me to deal w/ the past.

All the emotional hurt and overload that made want to hide in this fat/obese body for so long. Things that were said, things that were said.

I can think about something as far back as when I was a kid and the pain and hurt is like I am standing right there and it is happening all over again.

I want to remember the hurt because it made me who I am, It made me get...

4gotn1

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Okay so this weekend I kinda had a binge! It was low carb but still not good to binge.

I bought 2-3 bags of the Russell Stover's SF candy Saturday and This morning there is only 3 pieces left...total from all the bags. Now don't get me wrong , only put (2) servings which is a total of 6 pieces in each bag but that is STILL too much!

I was in PAIN literally and kept eating it. Isn't that stupid!

Not only is it too much but binging on anything is wrong and I have to figure out why I did that.

Luckily I got...

4gotn1

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Well I posted that I feel like I have lost weight but that , the scale is back and forth. I don't feel that 14 pounds for the first month, as big as I am , is all that great!

I weigh weekly ( okay sometimes more then that) and was planning to measure every 45 days or so, I was just putting it off because I didn't want to be disappointed by that too!

You know we all get a number in our head that we want that scale so show and when it doesn't or worse it shows a gain, at least for me, it is like a HUGE smack in the face!
...

4gotn1

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Well here I am ....my first blog....I swore I wouldn't be a blogger! LOL!

I have hated myself from as long back as I can remember! I was a chubby adolescent and then after that when puberty hit, I lost 30lbs and my two new "girls" I suddenly had all kinds of male attention! Of course when I looked in the mirror all I saw was this fat, disgusting girl w/ rolls and rolls of fat....Oh, wait, yeah that is right...I saw then , even thin, what I am now!

I'd say isn't that funny but it's not!

You know when you have...

4gotn1