sad...

darlingnikki · 09-30-2009, 07:58 AM

don't even know why I'm posting this here...
had a frank talk with my big brother last night about weight.
He is 371 and 5'5".
My whole family has struggled with weight I am the only one without
diabetes or hypertension and cholestral issues.
Wasn't an argument, don't get me wrong.
He is considering gastric bypass but doesn't really want it...and I encouraged him without pushing it.
He has 'tried' every eating plan known to man and cannot
stick to it for his own reasons which I won't get into because I
refuse to judge him lord knows I go off plan every once in a while for a week
or two and have sat at 5-10 lbs above my goal for 4 years so I have no business pointing fingers.
I am not on my high horse. I count my blessings and am grateful for my weight.
So why am I sad?
Because he views the surgery as giving up...
I see it as something that may save his life.
So why am I sad?
I can't force him, won't pressure him, and will respect his decisions.
He cannot be swayed into a low-carb WOE says he has ulcer issues that complicate it and I won't argue with him because he is a very, very stubborn man. His wife was just diagnosed with COPD and he is under alot of stress taking care of her...her last oxygen test was a fail...which means he won't be taking care of himself for a while.
So why am I posting here?
I love my brother and perhaps am looking not for advice but a sympathetic ear from someone who has family members in the same boat...
Maybe I just don't wanna lose him.
sorry for the ramble...please don't flame me these are honest feelings and not to be slanted or contrued in any way please keep in context the deep love and respect I have for my brother and the gratitude I have for my health.
-Nikki.

lancer1977 · 09-30-2009, 08:14 AM

Don't get me wrong, I'm no genius on the subject. However from what I know Gastric Bypass is very very rough on a person and fairly invasive. Has he considered the "Lap band"? All they do is put a rubber band like device on your stomach that can be removed later.

I'm sure we all know family members on this road. My father is the skiniest man I know to carry a huuuuuuuge stomach, which is a precursor to heart disease. He won't do a thing about it. I think all you can do is try to make sure they are informed and be supportive.

2big4mysize · 09-30-2009, 10:42 AM

Taking care of somebody you love with COPD can be a very stressful time and not a good time to add more stress to his life.

since he feels the gastric bypass is being a failure maybe you could help him back into low carb as Mrs Atkins recommneds for those who can't or won't do induction.

Ask him to try 2 weeks of giving up one high carb eating per day, just one making no other change. For example if he has potatoes and bread for dinner have just one of them not both. Once he makes it through those 2 weeks ask him to give up another carb feeding for the next 2 weeks. in a few months he will be to the top rungs of the OWL plan and should have lost some weight and be controlling his blood glucose better too. Then he can decide hey I can do this and will do this while I wait for a better time to get the surgery.

You might get a little research on ulcers for him too as they are now known to be bacteria caused and a dose of the correct antibiotic should cure them for him and then allow for some healing to occur. There is also several studies that show that ulcers can develope into cancer if left un medicated when they are located in the area where the stomache and small intestine are joined.

peanutte · 09-30-2009, 11:45 AM

I'm sorry for the pain this causes you, Nikki. I know how frustrating and depressing it is to deal with this kind of thing.

It's obvious you love your brother a lot. It's a tough situation. Don't worry about being judged here for your feelings; we can tell you're just deeply concerned about him.

darlingnikki · 09-30-2009, 03:42 PM

thank you everyone for your kind thoughts...
for years I have watched him decline...he can't sleep laying down, has to wear those
horrible socks, and has killed his pancreas with a couple of diabetic comas. you're right, gastric can be deadly and this timing is very bad I just can't seem to sort it in my head right now and don't want to act innapropriately and make any thing worse.
thanx again so much for the vent!

peanutte · 09-30-2009, 04:32 PM

God, it is so heartbreaking.

The last thing you said in that first post about being grateful for your own health? I can really relate to that.

I don't know how to say this, really, but it's not that he doesn't love you, or his wife, or anyone else in your family...he doesn't love himself. That is the hardest thing to deal with.

09-30-2009, 07:58 AM	#1
darlingnikki Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 68 Gallery: darlingnikki Stats: 215/150/145 WOE: Atkins	sad... don't even know why I'm posting this here... had a frank talk with my big brother last night about weight. He is 371 and 5'5". My whole family has struggled with weight I am the only one without diabetes or hypertension and cholestral issues. Wasn't an argument, don't get me wrong. He is considering gastric bypass but doesn't really want it...and I encouraged him without pushing it. He has 'tried' every eating plan known to man and cannot stick to it for his own reasons which I won't get into because I refuse to judge him lord knows I go off plan every once in a while for a week or two and have sat at 5-10 lbs above my goal for 4 years so I have no business pointing fingers. I am not on my high horse. I count my blessings and am grateful for my weight. So why am I sad? Because he views the surgery as giving up... I see it as something that may save his life. So why am I sad? I can't force him, won't pressure him, and will respect his decisions. He cannot be swayed into a low-carb WOE says he has ulcer issues that complicate it and I won't argue with him because he is a very, very stubborn man. His wife was just diagnosed with COPD and he is under alot of stress taking care of her...her last oxygen test was a fail...which means he won't be taking care of himself for a while. So why am I posting here? I love my brother and perhaps am looking not for advice but a sympathetic ear from someone who has family members in the same boat... Maybe I just don't wanna lose him. sorry for the ramble...please don't flame me these are honest feelings and not to be slanted or contrued in any way please keep in context the deep love and respect I have for my brother and the gratitude I have for my health. -Nikki.

09-30-2009, 08:14 AM	#2
lancer1977 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Dayton, OH Posts: 229 Gallery: lancer1977 Stats: (297)267/229/180 WOE: DANDR Start Date: 8/15/2008	Don't get me wrong, I'm no genius on the subject. However from what I know Gastric Bypass is very very rough on a person and fairly invasive. Has he considered the "Lap band"? All they do is put a rubber band like device on your stomach that can be removed later. I'm sure we all know family members on this road. My father is the skiniest man I know to carry a huuuuuuuge stomach, which is a precursor to heart disease. He won't do a thing about it. I think all you can do is try to make sure they are informed and be supportive. __________________ "Do, or do not, there is no try." 08/08 - 267 \| 10/08 - 250 \| 05/09 - 252 \| 06/09 - 242 \| 09/09 - 243 \| 10/09 - 235 \| 10/28 - 230 (goal 1) \| 11/09 - 227

09-30-2009, 10:42 AM	#3
2big4mysize Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 7,512 Gallery: 2big4mysize Stats: 313 to current goalie 169-173 WOE: Atkins 2002 Start Date: june 1 2002	Taking care of somebody you love with COPD can be a very stressful time and not a good time to add more stress to his life. since he feels the gastric bypass is being a failure maybe you could help him back into low carb as Mrs Atkins recommneds for those who can't or won't do induction. Ask him to try 2 weeks of giving up one high carb eating per day, just one making no other change. For example if he has potatoes and bread for dinner have just one of them not both. Once he makes it through those 2 weeks ask him to give up another carb feeding for the next 2 weeks. in a few months he will be to the top rungs of the OWL plan and should have lost some weight and be controlling his blood glucose better too. Then he can decide hey I can do this and will do this while I wait for a better time to get the surgery. You might get a little research on ulcers for him too as they are now known to be bacteria caused and a dose of the correct antibiotic should cure them for him and then allow for some healing to occur. There is also several studies that show that ulcers can develope into cancer if left un medicated when they are located in the area where the stomache and small intestine are joined. __________________ 5/04 goalie Hashimoto hypothyroid diagnoised 02 kimkins info 2BIG's BLOG Memeber of LCFs before 2006? Please click here to help with the kimkins case

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09-30-2009, 11:45 AM	#4
peanutte Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 5,904 Gallery: peanutte Stats: 212 (before Atkins)/188 (Jan.'09)/136.2/140 WOE: Atkins Pre-Maintenance Start Date: 01/03/09	I'm sorry for the pain this causes you, Nikki. I know how frustrating and depressing it is to deal with this kind of thing. It's obvious you love your brother a lot. It's a tough situation. Don't worry about being judged here for your feelings; we can tell you're just deeply concerned about him.

09-30-2009, 03:42 PM	#5
darlingnikki Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 68 Gallery: darlingnikki Stats: 215/150/145 WOE: Atkins	thank you everyone for your kind thoughts... for years I have watched him decline...he can't sleep laying down, has to wear those horrible socks, and has killed his pancreas with a couple of diabetic comas. you're right, gastric can be deadly and this timing is very bad I just can't seem to sort it in my head right now and don't want to act innapropriately and make any thing worse. thanx again so much for the vent!

09-30-2009, 04:32 PM	#6
peanutte Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 5,904 Gallery: peanutte Stats: 212 (before Atkins)/188 (Jan.'09)/136.2/140 WOE: Atkins Pre-Maintenance Start Date: 01/03/09	God, it is so heartbreaking. The last thing you said in that first post about being grateful for your own health? I can really relate to that. I don't know how to say this, really, but it's not that he doesn't love you, or his wife, or anyone else in your family...he doesn't love himself. That is the hardest thing to deal with.