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Old 02-06-2012, 08:12 AM   #1
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Force yourself to finish a binge?

Does anyone else out there FORCE themselves to finish a binge, even when the food is disgusting and you're really not enjoying it at all? Almost like you HAVE to complete the ritual and get to the "grossed out, ready to burst, completely disgusted with yourself and in physical pain" stage?

I only realized today, for the first time, that I do this. I used to think of myself as addicted to food... perhaps I'm addicted to the actual binge??? Could this be a form of self-harm?

Sorry to overshare like this, but I need insight. I'm losing my mind (and my marriage and my life and my self-respect etc etc...)
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:53 AM   #2
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Unfortunately...

I know exactly how you feel.

In fact, I wish I had some insight to share with you, some magic to share to help you overcome it....but truth is I have struggled with it for 20 years. Just know you are SO not alone.

I do think there things to do to help combat it, and I for one am trying right now to get a handle on it. When I look back on times in my life that I wasn't struggling with the need to binge (and yes, get to that uncomfortable numb place) I am trying to identify what was helping. I think the only things that helped me were 1)extreme control over food - obsessing over every bite and calorie (this worked for a time, but I was MISERABLE.) 2)extreme anxiety (again, I wouldn't recommend this...) and 3) Recognizing the problem, no longer ignoring it, staying on plan and getting deep into ketosis and visiting this site daily and heavily.

Obviously, for me, option 3 is the best option...so, here I am! I haven't reached the ketosis stage yet, but I have at least acknowledged my dysfunction (again) and know what I need to do. Even though I won't be skinny a month from now, my main goal is to be in control of food instead of the other way around. My main motivator right now is to shut off the binge-monster. We'll see...

Anyway, hope someone else has some good insight here. Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:55 AM   #3
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i agree! i will blow it with one meal and then feel like since i blew it i have to gorge the rest of the day! lol. i feel like there will always be a fat lady living inside my head.
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Old 02-06-2012, 11:02 AM   #4
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It sounds as though you may be bingeing because there are other things going on in your life over which you think you have very little control.
It may help to list what is troubling you in a journal, and the steps you will take to alleviate feelings of desperation. This may help facilitate feelings of empowerment over your situation.
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Old 02-06-2012, 12:55 PM   #5
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As a former anorexic/bulimic I can tell you that when I tried to finish the binge (even if I was full, sick and disgusted by the food) it was because I wanted to abuse myself more. Have you looked into counseling for your binging? I did and read a lot of good books on the subject. My binging definitely was due to emotions and issues I was trying to avoid by using food to "self-medicate". Unfortunately, like the quote says, "You can never get enough of what you don't really need."

Best of luck to you!
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Old 02-06-2012, 12:59 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Changeling View Post
Does anyone else out there FORCE themselves to finish a binge, even when the food is disgusting and you're really not enjoying it at all? Almost like you HAVE to complete the ritual and get to the "grossed out, ready to burst, completely disgusted with yourself and in physical pain" stage?

I only realized today, for the first time, that I do this. I used to think of myself as addicted to food... perhaps I'm addicted to the actual binge??? Could this be a form of self-harm?

Sorry to overshare like this, but I need insight. I'm losing my mind (and my marriage and my life and my self-respect etc etc...)
Me! I think my binging is more a compulsion - the desire of taste. I can't just have a small serving of junk food - i need the entire container. I don't know why it is, but it is what it is. So, sadly in order for me to not binge, I need to not have these things around. Also, i subconsciously blame my parents for their scolding me as a child for not cleaning my plate.
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:04 PM   #7
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When I "finish a binge" it is simply because I want to finish off the binge food so as not to waste it (of course it is already wasted). I usually throw anything left in the trash so that I don't binge on it later. I hate throwing away food.
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Old 02-06-2012, 01:09 PM   #8
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When I used to binge, for example, I would get a pizza and pretend that I would save it for the whole week. And then after the third slice I would feel AWFUL, but I kept going for more, because it was THERE and I couldn't stand that it was there, I just had to keep eating it.

I think eating LC has really stopped my binge mentality because I eat so much fat (and really, it's within reason, just more than non-LC thinks is comfortable), I'm never really craving food anymore. However, I do wonder when the other shoe will drop because I know I have serious binge in me. I just don't allow myself anything outside of the box--if I have an Atkins Endulge bar, it has to be After I have eaten a full meal because I'm afraid it is a "gateway drug" for me!
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Old 02-06-2012, 02:01 PM   #9
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I've always been a binger. I've mostly binged on sweets...it's my downfall. It is usually in response to something stressful going on. Food is my comfort. It makes me feel good when life is bad. I know this because I get so happy thinking about it. Being able to eat an entire box of girls scout cookies or pan of brownies makes me feel like I can do anything I want to! (And, no one can tell me I can't - so there!). Just like any disordered eating pattern, it is about control. Food can no longer be my reward.

I'm working on changing that behavior and finding control elsewhere. It has taken years.

1) I stopped the fast food binges. It doesn't even taste good to me anymore and makes me feel sick. I can occasionally indulge (like once a year) without reversion to past behaviors (because it makes me sick and I don't like that).

2) I've started eating healthier (besides the sweets). This also helps me feel better and more in control. This helped me stop the "real food" (not sweets) binges. I do the usual things like cutting my portion in half at restaurants or only sticking to 2 slices of pizza by eating them slowly or mixing in a salad. Now, I get pleasure out of doing these things. They make me feel in control and I'm happy to have another great meal for later. (Oh, and I'm saving money by spreading out the meal! I'm so awesome! ) I also eat higher protein and more whole foods.

3) I've tried to identify the stressors (very difficult) and find alternate paths to overcoming them. Exercise can be helpful, but so can something like cleaning. I think cleaning helps because it makes me feel like I've accomplished something. Sometimes, it helps to go do something with friends.

4) Lastly, the hardest part of the process - I'm trying to slowly come to the conclusion that sweets do not comfort me. Logically, I know this to be true, but my body still cries out for them. Just the idea of diving face down into a pudding pie makes me smile. It's kind of sad, really. I try to remember how I feel when I'm done. I do not feel in control. I feel sick and helpless. I feel like I need more cake to comfort me...and the cycle continues.

I hope everyone who struggles with these issues can find a road to healing. I am empowered by the progress that I've made so far and I try not to let the blips in the road get me down...as once I pass them, they will not hinder my progress anymore.

So, to answer your question...YES! It is a form of self harm, but it's also a way to be in control. It's strange because it seems so horribly out of control.
Good luck!

Last edited by DD80; 02-06-2012 at 02:24 PM..
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Old 02-06-2012, 02:21 PM   #10
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A lot of people are finding that Dr Kruse's Leptin Prescription kick's their cravings and binges to the curb. I used to go a max of 8 weeks before cravings would overwhelm me and I would pig out for 2 or 3 days. Since starting the Leptin Prescription, I am now on week 16 with no cravings and no binges. In fact, I rarely eat lunch because I am not hungry. My full switch works again!

Some really hard core bingers are finding success, although not always on the 1st try. I was lucky in that I had no cravings from day 1. Others find that each time they try, they are able to go longer before the cravings start, and that eventually they go away completely.

The key for many, besides following the plan, is to take betaine hcl and digestive enzymes with each meal. it seems the cravings may be related to poor digestion where people are not getting the nutrition from the food they are eating. So you probably want to fix leaky gut at the same time.
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Old 02-06-2012, 08:22 PM   #11
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Old 02-06-2012, 11:55 PM   #12
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Every binge is the binge to end all bingeing. I keep going because I think I will be so sick and disgusted that I won't do it again. I seem to have a short-term memory of that feeling though.
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Old 02-07-2012, 12:23 AM   #13
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No, it's over when it's over. I might finish ALL the binge food, or I might throw away what's leftover. But I think a binge never finishes for me until I feel sick anyway.
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Old 02-07-2012, 12:25 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steady View Post
Every binge is the binge to end all bingeing.
Very insightful comment, steady!

I may as well get my fill, because this'll be the last time I do it.

Until the next time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Changeling View Post
Does anyone else out there FORCE themselves to finish a binge, even when the food is disgusting and you're really not enjoying it at all? Almost like you HAVE to complete the ritual and get to the "grossed out, ready to burst, completely disgusted with yourself and in physical pain" stage?

I only realized today, for the first time, that I do this. I used to think of myself as addicted to food... perhaps I'm addicted to the actual binge??? Could this be a form of self-harm?

Sorry to overshare like this, but I need insight. I'm losing my mind (and my marriage and my life and my self-respect etc etc...)
Yes, Changeling, if I binge I continue to stuff my face to the point of being uncomfortably full, in spite of the fact I'm no longer really enjoying it. Thinking about it, only the first few mouthfuls are really enjoyable - for the rest I'm sort of on obsessive autopilot.

Perhaps there is some sort of endorphin rush from doing something secretive and forbidden - that we know we shouldn't do but can't seem to help ourselves. As well as a rush from the sugar in our bloodstream.

It's absolutely a form of self-harm, but I have no explanation for it.

What I do know is that I really don't 'binge' on low-carb foods. Yes, I absolutely do over-eat them at times, but not excessively, compulsively and to the point of sickness.

I've also learned that I can't eat anything that approximates a high carb food (for example low carb chocolate) - it's like a 'gateway drug' back to high carb and binging. I MUST eat quality wholefoods - no 'frankenfoods' and no higher than rung 5 on the Atkins ladder - otherwise I know I'll start binging.

I also know that, when I'm low carb, I don't drink alcohol excessively (well, not regularly). When I don't low carb I am prone to drinking excessively. I don't know if it's connected at all.

I had a really bad time with food / binging last year - possibly the worst ever. But have made a positive start to 2012 and hope I manage to stay healthy.

Sorry for waffling - I don't have any answers, really, but you're not on your own in this Changeling.

Best of luck.
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Last edited by clanger; 02-07-2012 at 12:31 AM..
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Old 02-07-2012, 04:04 AM   #15
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NOT AT ALL!!!

I am no stranger to binges...that is the nature of my food behavior disorder. However, i am also a sensualist. i believe in feeling good. when binging stops feeling good, i toss out the uneaten food, and offer thanks to the Gods that I have recovered my sanity...at least for a while. Love & Profits: FLATFERENGHI
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Old 02-07-2012, 06:09 AM   #16
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right there with you. every ten days or so i have an all out pre planned extravaganza. i hit all my favorite food groups. pizza, taco bell, ice cream, peanut butter cups, cereal and donuts. every time i set out, i tell myself to goe easy and just do a few of the above, but i just can't seem to stop....finish the job!! it doesn't make me sick, but does make me want to start eating cleanly again. i can't wait for steak and eggs in the morning after. i normally do meat/egg for a couple days after and order is restored.
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Old 02-21-2012, 05:14 PM   #17
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I have had bulimia on and off for over 20 years, and have often done this.
I would HIGHLY recommend the book Brain Over Binge. I am almost finished it, and it is SO simple and makes SO much sense it was like a light bulb going off on my head!
PLEASE, check out the reviews on Amazon...all 5*

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Old 02-26-2012, 12:56 PM   #18
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Tomorrow Never Comes ....

Not when I'm binging. I force myself to finish today. Tomorrow will be on plan.

Then I get the insane .. desire is not hte right word, but whatever; makes me go for more. & more & on & on.

Yes, I binge to avoid.

I like your signature Eat For Today What Your Wear Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.
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Old 02-26-2012, 01:03 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joedi View Post
I have had bulimia on and off for over 20 years, and have often done this.
I would HIGHLY recommend the book Brain Over Binge. I am almost finished it, and it is SO simple and makes SO much sense it was like a light bulb going off on my head!
PLEASE, check out the reviews on Amazon...all 5*

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Glad to hear you like the book Joedi. I ordered it yesterday and am eager to read it!
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Old 04-25-2012, 04:23 PM   #20
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HOW LONG CAN A BINGE GO ON?

I JUST FEEL LIKE IT IS SO HARD NOT TO GO CRAZY AT SOME POINT. AFTER BEING LOW CARB FOR A WHILE THEN JUST EAT. IF YOU CATAGORIZE, OR SEE IT'S BIG PICTURE; HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN ON A BINGE?
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Old 04-26-2012, 12:24 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Changeling View Post
Does anyone else out there FORCE themselves to finish a binge, even when the food is disgusting and you're really not enjoying it at all? Almost like you HAVE to complete the ritual and get to the "grossed out, ready to burst, completely disgusted with yourself and in physical pain" stage?

I only realized today, for the first time, that I do this. I used to think of myself as addicted to food... perhaps I'm addicted to the actual binge??? Could this be a form of self-harm?

Sorry to overshare like this, but I need insight. I'm losing my mind (and my marriage and my life and my self-respect etc etc...)
I know what you mean. I will continue to eat even after I feel stuffed, know I am going to regret it, feel like crap. I don't want to eat another bit....yet I keep going. It really makes no sense to me. I am an intelligent person, I know it's bad for me, I know I've gained weight (again) and yet...I still do it. It's totally irrational. The only time I've felt in control is when I am doing strict lowcarb. I have done it several times and lost a lot. But then I always fall off plan and gain weight back. Even when I've lost weight for years, I end up going off plan and gaining again. It's weird.
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Old 04-30-2012, 06:41 AM   #22
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Its amazing how we are all so much alike. Men, women, different sizes and shapes. I see myself in all of these posts. I especially agree with Jennyl. I could have written the same thing. It feels good to know I'm not alone.

I've been doing Atkins since the end of Feb. I am very strict with my calories. This is keeping me away from B and P. I am really trying to make myself believe that I can have a day off or a meal off when something special comes up or I am just extra hungry one day. Its so hard to break the cycle of eating everything in sight after eating one forbidden food. One cookie isn't the same as a day of cookies, pizza, whatever! I have such a hard time understanding that! I don't know why!!!

Keep the posts coming. I find it so helpful to read everyones struggles and find strength in them!

Joedi...I'm going to check out that book too! Thanks for mentioning it!
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:03 AM   #23
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my memory is faulty.

i had improved, it is true, to the degree that when i got no more satisfaction from the binge, i stopped dead in my tracks, and tossed the detritus. However, before that i DID bring the cycle to fruition by finishing up every off-plan molecule that was in the house. The lesson to be learned is that we CAN make changes, and SOMETIMES small changes are best because they are almost imperceptable, ergo painless. FF
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Old 05-09-2012, 09:03 PM   #24
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Every binge is the binge to end all bingeing. I keep going because I think I will be so sick and disgusted that I won't do it again. I seem to have a short-term memory of that feeling though.
This is SO true ... "this" binge will *always* be the LAST one ... until, of course, the next one !!!

I think the title of Janeen Roth's book says it all:
"Feeding the Hungry Heart"

Isn't this what many of us are really trying to do ... "fill up" our heart with something that is missing ....
It's the heart that's hungry, not the body ...
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Old 05-10-2012, 06:12 AM   #25
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I have read all of your stories, and I realized that I am just exactly like everyone else! I binge, even to the point of not wanting it anymore. I just can't make myself stop. Oh my!!

I have such a fear of eating anything off plan now to the point of obsession. I guess I've traded one obsession for another. Not sure how to deal with that.
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Old 05-10-2012, 01:15 PM   #26
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Hello! I have been yo-yoing and bingeing.That's the reason my wt loss stalled.I get so mad that I got obese again and I go off plan and binge.Last week I ate everything and drank for days,felt awful and couldn't believe how rapid I gained.Back on track Monday,back on woe.I know I can do this,did lose 170 lbs yrs ago on Atkins.Maintained loss 10 yrs.Have been on a diet pill and did try low fat for my Drs. advice.That failed,ran back to LC.Now Dr taking me off diet pill,Bontril.I'm swelling on left side,and not losing.Thanks for all the posts about this.Just can't let bad habits keep me obese and unhealthy.Thanks,everyone.
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:08 PM   #27
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My story is the same as many of the others. I have lost and regained almost 100 lbs. with LCing. Now my plan is to take it meal by meal and be extra kind to myself. The sad thing is that even though I don't want to admit it, I am almost neurotic when it comes to LCing now. I have to convince myself that it's okay to have a piece of fruit once in a while or that a small treat on a holiday doesn't make me a terrible person. I have a lifetime of unhealthy thoughts about food to rethink. I am grateful to have all of your posts to give me the support that I need.
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Old 05-23-2012, 03:35 AM   #28
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I guess about 5 months ago I stopped eating anywhere but while sitting at the table
no radio on, no reading,watching tv ect. This stoped my bienging but about 5 weeks
ago I started back eating while I read and for me this has been a disaster regaining
about 20 lbs I had just lost. So I am going to try going back to only eating when at the table.
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Old 04-07-2013, 07:17 PM   #29
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e.w.

did you achieve your goal of eating mindfully?

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Old 04-22-2013, 05:02 PM   #30
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I do the binge thing, only with alcohol. I can't just drink 1 bottle of wine per day, and if I don't have more in the house I am tempted to go and get some, which is not good, because I would have to drive. Then of course when I binge on alcohol I then eat everything in sight! I have an appointment with a substance abuse counselor on Thursday, hoping to break the cycle.
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