autism, binging, school, OH MY!! -help-

[victoryplease]

Howdy folks,

I'm a compulsive eater and a binger.

I completed three months of counseling a little over a year ago, and really gained insight regarding my issues and what I need to do to help myself. I've posted on a few threads in here, and have plenty of advice for OTHER PEOPLE, but not much for myself. And I'm sure I'll sound like a big [fat] complainer here, but it just is what it is:

I have two children, a 15 year old boy and a 3 year old daughter. Both are special needs, but my 3 year old that has autism is absolutely INTENSE. I have to exert myself like crazy, it's like having 10 kids in one. The energy and emotional fortitude needed to survive each day is just ridiculous. The patience, OMG, the patience....

I'm also going to college full time at our "local" [60 miles away] college, married, and struggling with the tools I'm supposed to be using to cope with my addiction.

When I say I have NO F.ING TIME, I mean that I have no time. Gads. I literally have probably 10+ loads of laundry stacked up in the bathroom. My kitchen consists of me moving dishes around to try to cook. I can't remember the last time I had a clean dressertop or looked under my bed.

My plants are all dying.

I'm an artist, I'm supposed to be painting. Right.

I have very little exercise I can accomplish, with severe foot issues that I'm having surgery on in two weeks. [With which I will spend three weeks in a cast, and can only spend 15 minutes out of every hour on my feet].

So tell me, How the hell am I supposed to find my center? Deal with my stress? Cope with the insane demands of motherhood of a toddler with autism? and my son with severe adhd and sensory processing syndrome? My DH does the best that he possibly can, but lord, he has his own bag of problems [including the same eating issues as me.]

I need coping strategies other than food, smoke, drink, shopping, etc....

[ravenrose]

wow *hug* it all seems really overwhelming, doesn't it?

Of course I don't know your situation, just the few words you have written, so take this with a grain of salt, but these are my thoughts.

How do you get to school? You must be either driving or using public transportation, right? How often do you go? Can you use this travel time to work on your mental state? I don't want to call it meditation, because that will imply to most people something you shouldn't be doing while driving, and this is BETTER for driving...

Just concentrate on your driving and looking at things. No radio or music, no worrying about stuff. When you find your mind straying, just bring it back to the present, to being in the car, driving. You will find this impossible. But that's the point. If you were in a wheelchair and you wanted to train to climb a mountain you wouldn't consider it a failure if it took the first few months just to learn to stand up, you know?

This will have more impact than you think it will. It's been shown that this sort of mindfulness practice changes people's brain functioning so they worry less and are upset less easily. And it really helps dealing with pain too.

So give this time to yourself. I seems like nothing, just bring your mind back to the present when you find yourself thinking about something else. but it's like building muscles in a gym... your brain will settle down a lot, and that will help you find your center. call it "mindfulness" and take it very seriously!

Second. give yourself permission for things to be just the way they are. messy and difficult and busy and noisy and stressed. however bad it is, by comparing it to some more perfect world you just add another layer of resentment and sense of failure to it. consider yourself like an extreme athlete, performing in the most difficult situation, doing a great job. you are strong and smart and resourceful! look at you coping with all that!

I know it sounds ridiculous to suggest this, but try to get as much sleep as you can. If that means no tv and no entertainment at all, well, this is just a time in your life where that's needed. The more sleep you get, the better you can cope.

Can you get some help? Is there a church you can call on for some help? I know people don't like asking for help, but think of it like you are the CEO of a major enterprise here, and if you have to "hire" some people to do some of the work instead of doing it all yourself? well that's what CEO's DO!

many people are lonely and bored and would like an opportunity to help you. it's just a matter of hooking up with them.

are the dying plants outside? if they are inside, just throw them out. you don't need them at this point. if outside, can you find a neighbor to care for them? it doesn't hurt to ask!

I suppose you are using disposable paper plates, etc? I understand that helps with the dishes for people with kids.

Again, so sorry you have to deal with all this! Best of luck.

Keep breathing deeply.

[Jentri]

Hugs to you, Victory.

Sounds like you are just spread too thin! You cannot give of yourself if there is nothing there to give. In other words, your plate is too full. Is there any way you could defer college for now and focus more on family and yourself? I really think you should explore this avenue.

Also, I know how depressing living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) can be. I suggest following Flylady (either website or facebook). She breaks seemingly overwhelming housework into small sessions, and makes it fun. I love Flylady, and look forward to her daily "missions" I get in my email inbox. She also has a great book called "Sink Reflections."

You are in my prayers.....