I'm so sick of being a drunk.

JerseyGardenGirl · 09-12-2009, 11:57 PM

I am drunk right now. As usual. I drink til blackout every night. I can't stand being this way, I hate this person. I don't know how to control it anymore. I only know that I live for the night time when I can drink and forget about life for awhile... to quote a Billy Joel song. I hate being this way and yet I can't wait for it. It's the only way I can sleep. I suffer from terrible insomnia and I take a strong anti-depressant for my major depressive disorder. My life skyrocketed into awful and instead of dealing with it, I self medicate. Hubby and I are both unemployed.... he was laid off and I was fired for being out too long on disability. I am trying so hard to cope and go through the channels so we can earn enough to live and eat but it isn't enough. I was denied unemployment for "job abandonment" ironically enough. I have filed an appeal. I was not cleared to return to work after my accident and when my temporary disability ran out I was fired and filed unemployment. We are going to lose everything and I don't know what to do about it. I never talk about my personal life normally but since I've adopted this drinking behavior I find myself blabbing it all.
We have nothing saved and I don't know how to fix this. I'm losing my damn mind. Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent I guess.

Butternut · 09-13-2009, 12:06 AM

I am sorry you are going through this. I really don't have any advice but I feel that I do the same thing with food. I live to eat instead of eating to live.
I hope things get better for you. Why are we killing ourselves with our addictions?

JerseyGardenGirl · 09-14-2009, 08:31 PM

I wish I had an answer for you. Truly. I am a smart and rational person normally, but I can't control this anymore. It's driving me nuts. Why do we do this to ourselves?

madonna1 · 09-17-2009, 02:00 AM

My heart goes out to you. I am afraid things wont get better unless you stop drinking and regain your control. I know this is so easy to say. Your drinking is making you incredibly unhappy and not allowing you to focus on the real problems (unemployment, no savings) I can really understand how frightened you must feel- hugs- Alcohol like food just temporarily numb our feelings and help us to forget. You need help and you need to also focus on getting it, maybe through alcoholics anon or friends that have maybe been down the same road. I have been bulimic for many years so I really do undestand addiction and the only progress I made was when I sought help and admitted to myself that I could not continue with it. (you are smart enough to have already made the admission, it took me years before I saw it was wrecking me) I use to binge everyday, and although the last few months have been so much better, I have slipped up here and there only to realise how much better I feel on the straight and narrow. I am also on antidepressants and they have played a huge role in my recovery, however if you consume alcohol with your meds they will not work as they are intended too. I found that if I did a good day it would make me stronger the following day, and the best thing was I could sought out the real issues that were driving me to the addiction.
Focus on the solutions rather than the problems.
I am thinking of you....
Tracy

JerseyGardenGirl · 09-18-2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madonna1

My heart goes out to you. I am afraid things wont get better unless you stop drinking and regain your control. I know this is so easy to say. Your drinking is making you incredibly unhappy and not allowing you to focus on the real problems (unemployment, no savings) I can really understand how frightened you must feel- hugs- Alcohol like food just temporarily numb our feelings and help us to forget. You need help and you need to also focus on getting it, maybe through alcoholics anon or friends that have maybe been down the same road. I have been bulimic for many years so I really do undestand addiction and the only progress I made was when I sought help and admitted to myself that I could not continue with it. (you are smart enough to have already made the admission, it took me years before I saw it was wrecking me) I use to binge everyday, and although the last few months have been so much better, I have slipped up here and there only to realise how much better I feel on the straight and narrow. I am also on antidepressants and they have played a huge role in my recovery, however if you consume alcohol with your meds they will not work as they are intended too. I found that if I did a good day it would make me stronger the following day, and the best thing was I could sought out the real issues that were driving me to the addiction.
Focus on the solutions rather than the problems.
I am thinking of you....
Tracy

Good God, thank you. I need this.

Been such a rough year for me and the hubby. We have nothing and we've been in such dire straits. Thank you for sharing. I feel so alone.

madonna1 · 09-21-2009, 01:57 AM

Just checking in on you and wondering how you are doing?
Tracy

CA-CA · 09-30-2009, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerseyGardenGirl

I am drunk right now. As usual. I drink til blackout every night. I can't stand being this way, I hate this person. I don't know how to control it anymore. I only know that I live for the night time when I can drink and forget about life for awhile... to quote a Billy Joel song. I hate being this way and yet I can't wait for it. It's the only way I can sleep. I suffer from terrible insomnia and I take a strong anti-depressant for my major depressive disorder. My life skyrocketed into awful and instead of dealing with it, I self medicate. Hubby and I are both unemployed.... he was laid off and I was fired for being out too long on disability. I am trying so hard to cope and go through the channels so we can earn enough to live and eat but it isn't enough. I was denied unemployment for "job abandonment" ironically enough. I have filed an appeal. I was not cleared to return to work after my accident and when my temporary disability ran out I was fired and filed unemployment. We are going to lose everything and I don't know what to do about it. I never talk about my personal life normally but since I've adopted this drinking behavior I find myself blabbing it all.
We have nothing saved and I don't know how to fix this. I'm losing my damn mind. Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent I guess.

babetteq · 09-30-2009, 08:25 PM

Please look for support in your area. Whether you go through a 12 step program, read books on how other people quit, talked to your pastor, etc there are groups, support, help out there.

It sounds like you have given up. I too understand addiction from personal experience and I know that it might numb you for the moment, but while you're shutting down the rest of your life slides further and further from your control. It's a vicious cycle.

Please reach out to someone in your area that you can talk to face to face.

CA-CA · 09-30-2009, 08:25 PM

my life is a split image of yours no job,self med when i can, and at least 20 bud lights every other day, and insomnia like no other. I cant stand to be around anyone and stay in bed most days from dusk till dawn, and it is truly embarrassing to hear all the beer bottles clinging in harmony as they are dropped to their final resting place at the bottom of a garbage truck, i dont know why i dont recycle i might save some money, i am just glad that i am not alone

MsWoods · 10-01-2009, 01:57 PM

N/M, this same thread is in emotional well being and I posted in there.

Wifey · 10-01-2009, 02:07 PM

I will let her know you are all thinking of her.

Wifey · 10-01-2009, 04:36 PM

I told her and she said to tell everyone thank you and she's doing great!!

stormysuz445 · 10-28-2009, 05:20 PM

Jersey, Please go and get some help.They have program's at the hospital. I can speak from experience, I've been there. I found out the hard way. I got sick (I thought it was a bad cold) I couldn't breath. Turned out I was going into liver failure. I had test's done and the result's came back End Stage Liver Failure. I needed a liver transplant. If you get helpow , your liver can reguvinate it self. Please get some help. I would have to see anyone go through what I have been through. I just want to help.
suz

09-12-2009, 11:57 PM	#1
JerseyGardenGirl MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 2,985 Gallery: JerseyGardenGirl Stats: 242/195/125 -- 5'3 -- 30 yrs old WOE: Low Carb (thanks to Atkins!) Start Date: restarted (for the last time!) 12/15/08	I'm so sick of being a drunk. I am drunk right now. As usual. I drink til blackout every night. I can't stand being this way, I hate this person. I don't know how to control it anymore. I only know that I live for the night time when I can drink and forget about life for awhile... to quote a Billy Joel song. I hate being this way and yet I can't wait for it. It's the only way I can sleep. I suffer from terrible insomnia and I take a strong anti-depressant for my major depressive disorder. My life skyrocketed into awful and instead of dealing with it, I self medicate. Hubby and I are both unemployed.... he was laid off and I was fired for being out too long on disability. I am trying so hard to cope and go through the channels so we can earn enough to live and eat but it isn't enough. I was denied unemployment for "job abandonment" ironically enough. I have filed an appeal. I was not cleared to return to work after my accident and when my temporary disability ran out I was fired and filed unemployment. We are going to lose everything and I don't know what to do about it. I never talk about my personal life normally but since I've adopted this drinking behavior I find myself blabbing it all. We have nothing saved and I don't know how to fix this. I'm losing my damn mind. Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent I guess.

09-17-2009, 02:00 AM	#4
madonna1 Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: South Africa Posts: 141 Blog Entries: 14 Gallery: madonna1 Stats: 143/106/106 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 2005	My heart goes out to you. I am afraid things wont get better unless you stop drinking and regain your control. I know this is so easy to say. Your drinking is making you incredibly unhappy and not allowing you to focus on the real problems (unemployment, no savings) I can really understand how frightened you must feel- hugs- Alcohol like food just temporarily numb our feelings and help us to forget. You need help and you need to also focus on getting it, maybe through alcoholics anon or friends that have maybe been down the same road. I have been bulimic for many years so I really do undestand addiction and the only progress I made was when I sought help and admitted to myself that I could not continue with it. (you are smart enough to have already made the admission, it took me years before I saw it was wrecking me) I use to binge everyday, and although the last few months have been so much better, I have slipped up here and there only to realise how much better I feel on the straight and narrow. I am also on antidepressants and they have played a huge role in my recovery, however if you consume alcohol with your meds they will not work as they are intended too. I found that if I did a good day it would make me stronger the following day, and the best thing was I could sought out the real issues that were driving me to the addiction. Focus on the solutions rather than the problems. I am thinking of you.... Tracy __________________ Aiming for zero. I will take it one day at a time, one moment if I have too.

10-01-2009, 01:57 PM	#10
MsWoods MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 1,779 Gallery: MsWoods Stats: 399/294.4/199 WOE: Extended Induction Plus Start Date: 06/22/09	N/M, this same thread is in emotional well being and I posted in there. Last edited by MsWoods; 10-01-2009 at 01:58 PM..

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09-13-2009, 12:06 AM	#2
Butternut Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 5,907 Gallery: Butternut Stats: 3x/2x/Med. WOE: Low Carb Start Date: December 2001	I am sorry you are going through this. I really don't have any advice but I feel that I do the same thing with food. I live to eat instead of eating to live. I hope things get better for you. Why are we killing ourselves with our addictions?

09-14-2009, 08:31 PM	#3
JerseyGardenGirl MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 2,985 Gallery: JerseyGardenGirl Stats: 242/195/125 -- 5'3 -- 30 yrs old WOE: Low Carb (thanks to Atkins!) Start Date: restarted (for the last time!) 12/15/08	I wish I had an answer for you. Truly. I am a smart and rational person normally, but I can't control this anymore. It's driving me nuts. Why do we do this to ourselves?

09-21-2009, 01:57 AM	#6
madonna1 Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: South Africa Posts: 141 Blog Entries: 14 Gallery: madonna1 Stats: 143/106/106 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 2005	Just checking in on you and wondering how you are doing? Tracy

09-30-2009, 08:25 PM	#8
babetteq Senior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: S. Surrey, BC Posts: 346 Gallery: babetteq Stats: 252.5/247/170 WOE: VLC Start Date: Sept 24 09	Please look for support in your area. Whether you go through a 12 step program, read books on how other people quit, talked to your pastor, etc there are groups, support, help out there. It sounds like you have given up. I too understand addiction from personal experience and I know that it might numb you for the moment, but while you're shutting down the rest of your life slides further and further from your control. It's a vicious cycle. Please reach out to someone in your area that you can talk to face to face.

09-30-2009, 08:25 PM	#9
CA-CA Junior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 2 Gallery: CA-CA	my life is a split image of yours no job,self med when i can, and at least 20 bud lights every other day, and insomnia like no other. I cant stand to be around anyone and stay in bed most days from dusk till dawn, and it is truly embarrassing to hear all the beer bottles clinging in harmony as they are dropped to their final resting place at the bottom of a garbage truck, i dont know why i dont recycle i might save some money, i am just glad that i am not alone

10-01-2009, 02:07 PM	#11
Wifey Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 8,369 Gallery: Wifey WOE: Medifast 800-1000 calories a day	I will let her know you are all thinking of her.

10-01-2009, 04:36 PM	#12
Wifey Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 8,369 Gallery: Wifey WOE: Medifast 800-1000 calories a day	I told her and she said to tell everyone thank you and she's doing great!!

10-28-2009, 05:20 PM	#13
stormysuz445 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 3 Gallery: stormysuz445	Jersey, Please go and get some help.They have program's at the hospital. I can speak from experience, I've been there. I found out the hard way. I got sick (I thought it was a bad cold) I couldn't breath. Turned out I was going into liver failure. I had test's done and the result's came back End Stage Liver Failure. I needed a liver transplant. If you get helpow , your liver can reguvinate it self. Please get some help. I would have to see anyone go through what I have been through. I just want to help. suz