Angry!!!!

[CourtneyC]

So I'm trying to get in touch with my feelings becuase I basically have used food my entire life as a drug to suppress my feelings. I'm realizing that while doing the Atkins diet, I can't overeat anymore. Ok, well I COULD overeat, but what I mean is, it's sort of hard for me to overeat on meat and veggies because it's just ok to me. What I used to overeat on was sweets and carbs. I realize I ate so much I was numb. Now that I don't do that....

I'm ANGRY! I guess you could say I have issues. I feel like my temper (trust me it's in my head, I'm not acting violent or saying mean things)...but my temper is very short-fused. The smallest thing sets me off and I have to just deal with it. I don't yell, scream, or get into a fit or anything like that; I just get so ticked. I figure I have to get my eating under control sometime. I guess I was masking other issues. The good thing I can honestly say is that at least I'm not going to food so that's a good thing.



P.S. I don't need anger management, It's not like that so I hope it is interpreted the way I intended it.

[Peacesoul]

Well anger is a way of not accepting your issue.
I was really angry when I was diagnosed with Lupus and then forced to leave my job to get well. Not the same "monster" but my anger exploded.
When I learned acceptance, the anger lessened.
Addictions are all based on fears and once you can accept, in a sense, the feelings of anger become more understood and lessen

And I also need to add, if you have low dopamine, then you crave carbs, when you deny the brain that "fix" you will chemically just be more irritable.

Do you exercise?

[changing]

Courtney, I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. It is so hard to let yourself 'feel' things. I am guilty of this as well, and throughout different parts of my life, I have used various things to prevent myself from feeling or acknowledging. I have no advice for you. But just wanted to let you know that I'm listening. And hearing about your struggle makes me feel a little less alone. Hope you feel better.

[carina79]

Hey courtney

I could see you feeling more angry, or irritable toward situations because you feel angry about the fact that you have to deal with all this food drama. Having to give up the 'drug' makes me more pissy because its not fair to have to deal with this addiction while others dont, but unfortunately its the cross we bear. And i also do agree how carbs are numbing. They numb stress levels and upsetting moods, until ur upset about eating them in the first place loll.

You're not alone *hug

[peanutte]

Courtney, thanks for posting that. For me it wasn't food that was my security blanket; it was wine. I relate to the anger very easily. During the first couple of weeks that I gave up wine, I found myself going into (internal) rages at the drop of a hat. I no longer had that outlet set aside to shove my feelings into, if that makes sense. The whole time I was drinking heavily and regularly, I always had this compartment set aside in my brain where I could shove unpleasant feelings while numbing myself through drinking. I gave up that compartment, and boy, what a mess; it was like opening a closet you haven't cleaned in years and all kinds of stuff comes tumbling out.

I'm telling you this because I hope it will make you not feel alone. What I had to do was train myself diligently to get through those horrible bursts of unexpected rage. A lot of that anger felt like "This isn't fair!" and "This is too hard!" and "I hate feeling this way; this totally sucks!" One of the things I learned quickly was that when I felt that way, I needed to sit the hell down and eat my dinner immediately. Within half an hour I would be calm again. But that's because I was dealing with alcohol, and food was not the issue. In your case, since food is the issue, maybe you need to find something like jumping up and down and yelling for five minutes, walking around the block very fast, taking a hot shower, or even carrying on an inner dialogue with your anger.

The dialogue thing is pretty powerful. I used it a LOT. I'd go out to the patio and sit there and have a conversation in my head. "I am SO mad right now! I just want a glass of freakin' wine! I know this is for the best, but I want it and I'm mad that I can't have it and I'm mad that I even want it in the first place!" And then I'd answer myself: "You know what? This won't kill you. This is all an illusion. You don't need it and you never did. It never solved anything for you and it wouldn't now. You're safe and you're fine. You do not need it and you're fine." I'm not kidding you; this got me through tough moments many a time.

And I know sometimes the anger isn't directed at the substance itself, but it's just all those feelings that we're not used to dealing with.

[losinsusan]

Peanutte,

What You wrote is VERY powerful! Thank You!

[Jen415]

Courtney, I am in the same boat....I have been sugar free for two weeks now, and I am P*SSED about it! Sugar is my drug of choice--I would eat enough of whatever to get that buzz, and now I can't! I know it's just growing pains in my recovery, and I will probably throw hissy fits every once in awhile until it gets out of my system.

All I know now is....I'm not feelin' any serenity at the moment!!

[karenann33]

I've learned in therapy (depression issues) that the root feeling right under anger is sadness. So when I catch myself feeling angry I try to get in touch with the hurt, the sadness, etc. that is at the center of it. Its easier to get mad than it is to feel sad. For me anger (most of the time) just covers up whats really bothering me just like I do when I self medicate with food.

[jigglenomore]

Just want to share this, (I hope I'm not breaking any rules by posting it).

"As we repeatedly act on Step Ten, we begin to see the remarkable way the Steps will, from now on, continue to remove unnecessary turmoil and pain from our lives...More gifts are in store for us as we continue working the program and experiencing the miracle of permanent recovery, one day at a time" .
-- "The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, pp. 89-99"

"Ours is a disease of the attitudes. However, the years I've spent in OA have shown me that although my disease is progressive, so is my recovery. When I was active in my eating disorder, I hated everything about my life. My world consisted of binges, blame, fear, shame, jealousy, and rage. I was imprisoned by unrealistic expectations of people, bitterly resenting their imperfections. I also hated myself because I couldn't stop eating. Negativity breeds hopelessness, and I was trapped."
"Recovery teaches me that my gratitude and serenity snowball, just like my negative attitudes did. As I work the Twelve Steps of this program, it becomes fulfilling to focus on the good in my life. It doesn't always come easily; sometimes I struggle to think positively. But when my attitudes slip, I know there's hope. Now my world consists of daily miracles, both large and small, that keep the light in my eyes and lightness in my heart. Positive thinking breeds acceptance, and today I am free".

- from Pg. 345, "Voices of Recovery, a Daily Reader", Overeaters Anonymous

I heard a speaker share at an OA meeting that to her, the food addiction was like owning a tiger...she had to get that tiger out of his cage three times a day to feed him and then successfully get him back into his cage!

This metaphor has stuck with me ever since I started in OA (around 1990)! AND, it still makes me mad pretty often that I'm still having to struggle with my own stupid tiger!! But the Steps and my HP have made things so much easier!

Never give up, you guys!

[gdlovins360]

Originally Posted by peanutte

Courtney, thanks for posting that. For me it wasn't food that was my security blanket; it was wine. I relate to the anger very easily. During the first couple of weeks that I gave up wine, I found myself going into (internal) rages at the drop of a hat. I no longer had that outlet set aside to shove my feelings into, if that makes sense. The whole time I was drinking heavily and regularly, I always had this compartment set aside in my brain where I could shove unpleasant feelings while numbing myself through drinking. I gave up that compartment, and boy, what a mess; it was like opening a closet you haven't cleaned in years and all kinds of stuff comes tumbling out.

I'm telling you this because I hope it will make you not feel alone. What I had to do was train myself diligently to get through those horrible bursts of unexpected rage. A lot of that anger felt like "This isn't fair!" and "This is too hard!" and "I hate feeling this way; this totally sucks!" One of the things I learned quickly was that when I felt that way, I needed to sit the hell down and eat my dinner immediately. Within half an hour I would be calm again. But that's because I was dealing with alcohol, and food was not the issue. In your case, since food is the issue, maybe you need to find something like jumping up and down and yelling for five minutes, walking around the block very fast, taking a hot shower, or even carrying on an inner dialogue with your anger.

The dialogue thing is pretty powerful. I used it a LOT. I'd go out to the patio and sit there and have a conversation in my head. "I am SO mad right now! I just want a glass of freakin' wine! I know this is for the best, but I want it and I'm mad that I can't have it and I'm mad that I even want it in the first place!" And then I'd answer myself: "You know what? This won't kill you. This is all an illusion. You don't need it and you never did. It never solved anything for you and it wouldn't now. You're safe and you're fine. You do not need it and you're fine." I'm not kidding you; this got me through tough moments many a time.

And I know sometimes the anger isn't directed at the substance itself, but it's just all those feelings that we're not used to dealing with.

Just saw this message, it's great, very helpful

[quiet_observer]

There is nothing wrong with being angry, as long as you remain reasonable. Anger tells you that you know something is wrong; even sometimes you can't quite put your finger on what it is. I read a book recently called "the end of overeating", now that book will make you angry. We as a culture, starting with the 80's, have been bombarded with so much crap food and advertising about that crappy food that we should all be angry. The "food scientists" know exactly which buttons to push, with carbs and sweets that it's a bit daunting after you realize it. I don't agree with the author about the "fats" being bad, but I completely agree with Dr. Kessler on what he constantly refers to "sugar, fat, and salt" as the unholy trinity (when combined to lure us into frankenfoods) of the food world. Anyway, he has some eye opening interviews with food industry insiders that will make you steam a little.

Anyway, enough of that rant . Anger can be good if you focus it into doing something like going shopping and getting some good low carb stuff at the store or hoping on the tread mill. Just steaming and thinking in a continuous loop is bad for you though. You need to make sure it's pushing you to do more stuff for your own personal empowerment. Good luck!