Bulimia

[changing]

My username has been changed to jjanet, but I am the starter of this thread!

First of all, I had to come back here and tell you how humbled I am for the people who encouraged and supported me. My eyes can't keep the tears from falling as I think of you people with the compassion and kind hearts to write these words for me. Seriously, if I met you, I would probably give you a hug SO LONG that it would start making you uncomfortable. My blessings to you.

Please let me update you on my life! I last posted, telling you that I had done well with keeping the bulimia monster at bay. I am extremely PROUD that I have continued to do well, and have not had ONE incident since then!!!!!!! My actual time engaging in the behavior was for a few weeks, so I realize I was not as deep into the behavior as some others. But I was already in way over my head. I could see that I was going on a path that led into nothing but more problems. It was probably THE MOST ADDICTING that I had ever done.

You Amazing People in this thread gave me the strength to stop. I believe this completely.

What gave me the strength to continue? I didn't check in for a while (mostly because I was very ashamed that I engaged in the behavior in the first place and wanted to 'forget' *rolls eyes*) I believe that addressing my pre-diabetic condition gave me some ammo. I started taking a medication called Glucophage (Generic: Metformin), and within two days, that urge to do it was gone. I didn't want to stuff my face anymore. I don't know why. I can only guess at the chemical reaction it had in my body? But two months later, those urges continue to remain away. It is a miracle.

I guess what I am struggling with right now is forgiveness. I am sad that I did it. Even though I stopped. It shames me that I did it. It is this horrible, dark cloud covering my head. I have not been able to bring myself to tell anybody about it. I know that I must find a way of letting it go because it could continue to hurt me.

[changing]

Originally Posted by ChiefApache

I am just reading this thread for the first time today.

Keep up the good work changing. You can do it and you are worth it!

ChiefApache, thank you SO much for your encouragement! Words fail me at times like this, but really, thank you.

Originally Posted by greenandchic

I just read the first few posts of this thread and it has me in tears.

I have struggles with bulimia since I was around 16. It never got sever and I went years at a time without a relapse on and off, but the urge just creeps up sometimes.

Please know I am here for you.

Greenandchic - OMG, your post made *ME* cry. I am so sorry that you struggle with it as well. Bulimia is so horrible in so many ways because it has SUCH physical ramifications as well as doing enormous mental damage.

Originally Posted by pushing 40

Your welcome. Just hang in there one day at a time.

Pushing - I will always remember your kindness. Always.

Originally Posted by CindyCRNA

Hi, Changling. I just read your post today and was wondering how you were doing? Don't be ashamed to post if you have been giving in. We are all fighting demons. Talking does help. There is a lot of experience on this board. Tell us how you have been.

Cindy - Talking DOES help! In this time I have been away, I have been feeling a great deal of shame. I think for me, stopping the bulimic behavior was easy. Shaking off this guilt and shame is an entirely different issue. I am currently looking up therapists to see right now so I can talk about it with someone who is not a current part of my life. I think if I did that, I could be completely honest with what I was going through. Thank you for caring enough to post, Cindy.

Originally Posted by mcz1970

I hope you are ok. From what I remember, bulimia is a form of OCD. I've heard that Prozac is a successful treatment for eating disorders. Perhaps because it helps one view stress differently?? Not sure. I've never been one to advocate taking an antidepressent, but hey! If it helps, I say go for it.

I'm gonna assume that your doctor doesn't know. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about this. It IS between you and he/she.

Again, I hope everything is ok with you.......

MCZ - I believe bulimia can be a form of OCD for some, and yes, I believe meds can be a useful weapon to fight many conditions! Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate the words!!

Originally Posted by harkis

Hey I just read this thread and I wanted to extend my support. I have been in a very nasty place for some time now. I've decided today that I'm going on induction as carbs are what are most triggering for me. I loved what jbbaby said 'god doesn't make junk', it still makes me a little teary-eyed. I am so tired of feeling like a waste of skin. I will stop embracing it!
This is going to be hard. I don't eat meat anymore. I'm eating fish in preparation for a trip to Japan but I don't plan on eating it forever.
jjanet I wish you courage and a peaceful heart. Godbless.

Harkis - God doesn't make junk still moves me as much as it did the first time I read it. I am so sorry you are in such a horrible place. No one can really know how you feel. But I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I am so glad that you've come up with a plan to take action. Are you going to start a thread or a journal? Please link it if you do, as I would love to come and be your cheerleader.

Originally Posted by paperthin

Hey there - I just wanted to offer my support. I fought eating disorders for many years and it is still a struggle. Please email me if you ever need anything - just to chat even: jessicagenemarsh@hotmail.com is my email. I have been there and I do understand. Much love.

Jessica - Thank you.

Originally Posted by NutritionIsMyJob

I was very happy to discover this forum for addictions. I haven't been on LCF for almost 2 years and this wasn't an available place to post back then. I'm 41 years old and I have been bulimic since I was 19 years old. The low carb lifestyle is a real lifesaver in keeping my eating disorder at bay. Like everyone else with this disease; I have relapses---sometimes fairly mild, sometimes quite severe. I would be thrilled to post here several times a week with you or anyone else that suffers from an eating disorder. For the first time in over 20 years, I will have someone to be accountable to. For the record, my DH has no real idea that I'm bulimic. Unfortunately, people with eating disorders learn the master of disguise.

On Goodness, thank you so much for posting! It's so easy to feel like you are alone... that no one else understands... until you post somewhere like here, and all of a sudden, people from all around the world understand and relate. Please do post here. I can only imagine how tough it must have been to go through this. For me, trying to keep it from DH was one of the biggest stressors of all, as I know he would have been devestated. He would still be devestated now, actually. But it's like the weight of the secret makes it all the heavier of a burder to carry. Please do post.

[NutritionIsMyJob]

Okay folks, please share some of the techniques that you have used to prevent binge/purge cycle. Low carb really helps and when I have those insane cravings for something sweet, I actually eat sugar free whipped cream. It pretty hard to binge on whipped cream and no sense of intense guilt either.

[janicelo]

I have been bulimic since around the age of 15 (so over 20 years) on and of. I have been a year here and there with no problems and then usually when relationships or work issues arise the binging starts as i have the need to control something..i do MUCH better on low carbing....when i binge it is always on carbs and sugar...i try to remind myself about the negative side effects on my body to prevent binging..

[mcarr36]

Here are my suggestions. I hope this helps someone.

Make your daily food plan in advance. Stick exactly to the plan. This is very important. If you do not veer off of the plan, you will have no desire to purge. The desire to purge can be driven by feelings of guilt or failure. Going off of a set food plan can result in a binge. Thinking "I've already blown it" may result in a binge. Remember, No binge = No purge. The trick is being very strict and sticking to the food plan for the day.

Also, make foods that are hard to purge part of the plan. (like peanut butter and raw veges)

Do not put foods on the plan that are easy to purge (like low carb icecream)

Lastly, be very nice to yourself! Say nice things to yourself1 Do nice things for yourself!