Binge Eating Disorder

[Sugar Free Franny]

I just want to acknowledge that I also have a food disorder of bingeing and that I really appreciate this thread. I have all I could today and will post my story as soon as I have time. Just reading everyone's story has really made me feel hopeful that I am not alone. So thank you.

[Smythe]

Hi Franny .

My husband was hospitalized yesterday. He is feeling better, but I have to admit I've been using his illness as a reason to eat whatever, whenever. He's been sick since Saturday... it's Thursday. No end in sight for me.

[CourtneyC]

Hi Sea
I have actually joined OA and I attend online meetings via this website. It's helpful and encouraging and between this website and that one, it keeps me grounded. I'm always logged onto to one of them. Let me give you the website its:

12 Step 4 COE's

if you click on meetings it will tell you when they are; I think it's eastern time. Also you can request literature and download literature there too.

[CaitSith]

Hey all.

Time for another check in....I am doing REALLY well this week. I have had a few family dinners with little to no urge to over eat. Also, last night, my husband brought copious amounts of junk food into the house and I didnt eat a morsel. It is my personal triumph. My resource books are waaaaay overdue from the library. It is a small price to pay for the steps to wellness I have taken.

What I am eating? hmmm I guess you could say I am basically vegetarian now (90% of the time). I have fruit for breakfast, then steamed veggies and salad with dressing for lunch and dinner. For dessert, I have a banana with a drizzle of peanut butter or some pineapple and pears. Do you have any idea how satisfying fruit is when you have a "chocolate trigger". As for proteins...well, I have a meat meal maybe once or twice a week.

I am finding that my body is connecting to this WOE much better than a traditional lowcarb high fat approach. I have lost about 12 lbs in 4 weeks and I am doing well. More importantly, I am feeling great. I am taking this approach on a day by day basis. I have no expectations. I am living in the present and not holding on to any past self-grievances for yo'ing-yo'ing. I am trying to forgive myself, love myself and move on to a more healthy future.

[i.am.jenn]

Hi ladies... I wish I had time to write more and I don't... so here's what I have.

I've been working on this eating disorder since January something or other. I have not followed a diet of any kind but allowed myself to eat whatever to destigmatize food. I find myself making new decisions regarding food...

Yes, I would really like a chicken sandwich... oh hey, the chicken can be grilled... rock on... no, I really don't want fries... do I want anything else off the menu because I can?... no, not really. Okay, grilled chicken sammy please.

I'm driving home... oh, I should get food... do I really want any of this? Hmmm... Jack In The Box? Naw.... Canes? Naw... Taco Bueno?... Naw... Wendys? Naw... Taco Bell? Well, it's the last place I'll see without driving to the other side of town... well, no, I really don't WANT anything... okay, I'll drive home and I can snack at home if I want it... oh, okay, that sounds good.

It's nice.

I've also discovered that I use mindless eating to anesthetize myself so I can work through emotions that I don't want to deal with. My recent two mindless eating episodes, I found myself eating tortilla chips AFTER eating chicken tortilla soup... and I wondered "Why am I eating these?" and I realized I was thinking, really hard, about a few issues I have with my nuclear family AND that I was VERY happy that my jaws hurt from crunching the chips and that my lips burned because the salt sucked all the moisture out of them...

When I was a teenager I would cut and burn myself... very short lived career... but I'm realizing, I just moved on to food as a new way to punish myself.

Oh,and while I was mindlessly working my way through a FAMILY sized bag of tortilla chips... and I was thinking about issues with my nuclear family... I swear I caught sight of the little girl inside of me sitting there, wickedly cackling... and she said "I can't control them, but I can punish them by keeping myself FAT FAT FAT!"
.
.
.
and then she ran off so I haven't been able to confront her. I want to know... why is she so control obsessed? why do I have to suffer to make my family suffer... what can I do to help her let go of all the anger and sadism?

So that's where I'm at with the binge eating front...

Everone, please keep posting and chatting. I'll be back after finals.. I have to pull a miracle out of my butt over the next 3 weeks so I can pass all of my classes... I am scared that this will be enough to push me into binging but I'll arm myself with plastic baggies of cheerios (apparently I like to crunch things) and I'll learn to put this energy into more productive activities...

When I get back I'd love to talk about some of the things you've posted here... you are all amazing women and I adore that we can chat together about this problem that we all have.

As always, if you have a Facebook account I'm on there...

See you all soon!!! I'll be thinking of you and sending good vibes your way to accomplish the goals you have set before yourselves.

Jenn

[Mogget]

hooray Cait! sounds fantastic

[Mogget]

Hey Jenn, good luck on your finals!

[CourtneyC]

Hi everyone. I had a great accomplishment yesterday. I went to a mexican restaurant and didn't eat ANY chips and salsa (my favorite)! I also went to a tastefully simple party and didn't eat anything off plan there either! It felt good to control my overeating. I feel like I am finally getting some control in my life. I'm also sticking up for myself too!

[TXUKGal]

Originally Posted by CourtneyC

Hi everyone. I had a great accomplishment yesterday. I went to a mexican restaurant and didn't eat ANY chips and salsa (my favorite)! I also went to a tastefully simple party and didn't eat anything off plan there either! It felt good to control my overeating. I feel like I am finally getting some control in my life. I'm also sticking up for myself too!

It is just one step at a time and in time things will get easier. The first time I went to a Mexican restaurant, I thought it would really hard to forgo the chips and salsa but I focused on why I was there, I was seeing a friend that I hadn't seen in years. Soon I was engrossed in conversation and didn't even think about the chips and salsa.

WTG for sticking up for yourself

[Sugar Free Franny]

Thanks for the welcome Smythe. I am really starting to appreciate my acknowledgement to this disorder (addiction). It really seems to be keeping me conscious of what I am eating and the way I am eating it. That's not to say that I have been following the low carb way of eating that I know I should, but at least I am aware of it now. My focus has always been diet, diet, diet, without looking at why I have to diet. So, I go without binging for awhile, maybe enough time to lose some weight, but then at some point become ok with overeating again and then gain the weight back. I appreciate all of the different ways that everyone is focused on their well being. I'll continue to check in.

[mariadonovan]

I'm not sure what category I fit into, but I definitely belong here. I'm so relieved to see that there are other women out there who have the same problem as I do. I love sweets and would eat that all day long if I could (umm, some days I have), but I know that I'm treading a dangerous path down to serious health problems if I continue to do so. I have a family history of diabetes and my mother has Type II. I'm just asking for trouble by constantly bingeing on chocolate, cookies, cakes, ice cream and chips. I also love creamy pastas, bacon, sour cream and fast food, especially KFC.

I buy chocolate bars from the dollar store (so cheap!) and eat a couple in my car and stuff the empty wrappers into my purse so that my husband won't know. When I get home from the grocery store, I'll hide goodies in different cabinets so that he won't see them (or, more importantly, won't eat them!). He doesn't know that I binge. Or, if he does, he hasn't addressed the issue. I'm too embarrassed to talk to him about it... I know I'll just get the standard lecture about working out and eating better.

I know that I learned this behaviour from my mother. She is a compulsive overeater. I remember her sitting at the dining table with food/snacks while she read the newspaper or a magazine, not even looking up from her reading to bring food to her mouth. I didn't think much about it then, but I realize that is where I started... because I do the same thing. However, I do it at my computer or while watching television. I just eat, eat, eat without even thinking... it's just robotic. It tastes good and it feels good. I can polish off a huge bag of chips, some chocolate, some cookies all in one sitting while surfing the web. I never get sick to my stomach, it's like I have hollow legs.

It feels good to express my addiction to junk food and I hope it helps me to somehow overcome it. I don't feel comfortable confronting the issue in public, but here it feels safe.

I'm on Day 3 of the Atkins Induction and I'm feeling good. I don't really feel hungry and I'm losing some of the "junk food bloat" that has followed me for years. I've lost and gained many pounds with different diets (including Atkins), but I hope that I'll be able to keep it off for good this time around.

Thanks for your courage, ladies.

[Smythe]

hello everyone-
My husband is out of the hospital and on the mend. That means it's time for me to stop using his hospital stay as a reason to over eat. So there you have it. Now if I could only get my mind back to a healthy spot.

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Smythe

hello everyone-
My husband is out of the hospital and on the mend. That means it's time for me to stop using his hospital stay as a reason to over eat. So there you have it. Now if I could only get my mind back to a healthy spot.

Glad to hear your husband is out of the hospital and getting better. Hang in there, girl. We are here for you!

[Smythe]

hey everyone-
ugh...I'm feeling very sorry for myself and I'm in the throes of a pity party. I used to look forward to summer, now I wish it would go away. I have no clothes that fit. The thought of a bathing suit is just depressing me. When I was heavy a few years ago, I still loved the summer- beach, tanning, pool, etc. Then I lost all the weight and I loved life! Getting dressed was soooo easy. I just had to decide which cute outfit to put on. Now, with all the weight back on, I don't feel the way I did before. I feel so embarrassed. It's going to be near 90 here today and I have nothing light weight weight to wear. That means I'm going to be sweating like a pig and looking like a mess. No AC in our schools here, so classrooms are very hot! My arms are the size of other people's thighs.
The good news is I'm getting back on plan today. Let's see how long this lasts.
I told you it was a pity party.....

[carina79]

*smythe-I know all about dreading summer. It's so sad to dread such a happy time of the year. I'd luv to know what its like to be excited about that season.


Hey guys :-)

I just stumbled onto this website and am really enjoying all the different threads here. This thread definitely fits my eating personality. I'm 29 now, and i've had issues with food since i was a child. When i was young i wasnt overweight but had a tummy and was tall (now 5'9).

And i think my first food issues started from my father tellin my stick skinny older sis to eat more and me to eat less. Leadin me to start sneaking food, and binging. Been doing it since. I can totally relate to women like Jenn who would get food from different places that should be for a couple people. My weight has suffered because of it. Ive gone up and down my whole life, and now i'm unfortunately up again. I too lost like 85 pounds then gained it all back from emotional binging and overeating mindlessly because it really iss an addiction.

I do the same things alot of u do. Buy a whole bunch of crap and just eat til im absolutely stuffed and/or my stomach hurts. It's soo mental, i can feel my brainn getting blissfully sated more than my actual hunger.

When i do diet for a few months and am losing and my blood sugar is stable, it feels soo amazingly greatt to be in controll of my addiction. Then i fall off the wagon and it feels so impossible to get back on and i'll binge for weeks at a time, havin a few good days or meals in betwn. And back and forth, and up and down.

As u all know its just so exhausting mentally and physically and damn even financially, buying all that crap. Im trying to get myself back on track again, and I like the idea of having the support of this board to help me along the way.

Now that I've said a mouthful, lol, I hope everyone's having a great nite! :-)

[Smythe]

Hi Carina-
Isn't it amazing to read that other people have a similar relationship with food?! There's at least a little bit of us in each other. I find this site very helpful too...when I come to it, but off the horse = off the site for me/
The good news is I have 1 day clean and I'm looking forward to the 2nd day. Hot here again today so dressing will be a challenge, but it's going to be much cooler tomorrow so I look forward to that.
I started using the daily pate to track my food/calories. It also helps me keep tabs on my carb/fat/protein intake. I'm fairly successful when I use a tool like that, but I forgot all about it until yesterday.

Have a great day everyone.

[winningthebattle]

My friends and family laugh at me when I try to explain that my binges are a result of an addiction or disorder, not a behavior. I have been struggling for SO long. Finally, enough is enough, but I can't do it on my own. I am looking for some sort of support group, or check-in....that doesn't get too religious/spiritual like FAA. Hopefully I can find that here.

[winningthebattle]

Congratulations, Smythe! I hope that I have as much success getting through my first day clean!!

[LoraJR72]

I cannot let go of my addiction to food. I'm sincerely thinking of going back to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. They have a meeting tonight.

Then again, I would rather not go through those monotonous meetings. I've been to a Greysheeters meeting, too. Same thing.

It gives me such a cold feeling!

[changing]

I relate so much to everyone's experience in here. Reading about your struggles is an amazing thing for me. I feel so alone sometimes. I don't know who has the deep seeded food issues like I have. I feel so stupid. Careless. I do things even when I know better. I want to stop yet like a drug, food is what I turn to when I feel emotional about anything.

[winningthebattle]

Has anyone read a Kay Sheppard book yet? SO helpful!! I wasn't familiar with the term "trigger food". I was able to easily identify mine, its staying away from them thats the problem!!

[Mavs Girl]

Hello everyone. I'm not sure where to start this so here goes...I've been overweight all my life and I think I may be a binge eater...

A friend of mine suggested I start the Weight Watchers Momentum Plan. She said "it's got foods that fill you up so you won't be hungry!" Hunger isn't the issue for me though. I eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm angry. I eat when the sky is blue... etc. I feel out of control with the way I eat. I eat past fullness even if I don't want the food. All foods before me must be eaten, whether it be a teaspoon or a moundfull on a plate. I think "Reheating food is ok... but it won't taste as good. I could put the rest of the chips back.. but they will taste stale."

I do eat at buffets and my eyes are always bigger than my stomach.. but I already took the food... so I have to eat it all... right?? Portions are a huge barrier for me. So are carbs. The hardest time for me is when I come home from work. I have dinner.. a moderate meal with moderate portions. Then comes the salty snack.. then the sweet.. then the salty.. then the sweet. I eat the food because it's there not because I want it. There are times I binge and eat something then I'll heat something else up in the microwave. As it's cooking I am thinking.. well... I don't want this right now but it's already heating up... I need to eat it all!

Speed is another issue. I eat everything incredibly fast. It takes me 3-5 minutes to eat an entire meal.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I know there may seem like some obvious points in here I need to take. Maybe typing this all out will help me find peace. I do know that until I fix this eating problem.. no diet will work for me. Thanks everyone for listening. Please offer me any advice if you have any to give.

[nic]

Smythe - I'll join your pity party. I feel the same way. Lost 20 lbs out of depression last winter and have since gained back 12 of them. Now I feel like everyone is very aware of my body and judging me. Nothing fits. I feel like a monster. I was happier 8 lbs heavier then I am now. I guess what's making me crazy is that I feel like I had attained something (I didn't feel like that at the time, only in retrospect), and let it go, and it's very apparent to everyone around me. I actually have to go to the dentist very badly but I can't face her because the last time she saw me she commented on how I had lost weight and looked good, and now when she see's me she'll be thinking, "that didn't last" or something. Ugh.


Mavs Girl - I do the same thing. Next time you do it, try to be aware of what you are doing and thinking about right before you feel the urge to go back to the fridge after your moderate meal, and maybe write it down. Of course it's very easy for someone to say, "Just don't do it" or "Fight the urge" but then you're just sitting there all night long in a battle over food, when it's not at all about food. So don't fight the urge (it's an exhausting, losing battle), but make the extraordinary effort to be aware of what is going on in your head and your environment at those times. Try to accumulate a month's worth of feelings/incidents surrounding binging and you'll probably see a common thread, and that's actually something you can address. I know you said "Because it's there," and I share that sentiment, but I can almost gaurentee you that you have been in circumstances where you were really happy or excited or comfortable, and there was extra food there, but it didn't need to get eaten.

[sandyn]

hi all
my name is sandy and I am a binger. Last binge was Thurs and Fri. It involved packages of cookies, crackers and candy
I got up today and have been on plan. I woke up at 9 so that is 6 hrs binge free
I hope you all are doing well today

[CaitSith]

hey all,

Just checking in...although I have been continuing my journey downward on the scale, it has not been without its mishaps...I had an episode (all day)Thursday. I ate deep fried, fatty, sugary foods and was paying for it for hours later. I was so sick to my stomach.

Lesson learned...............I keep having to remind my self that the temporary satiation offered by garbage food is simply not worth the physical discomfort that lasts for hours afterwards in digestion.

From now on, if I craving something out of the ordinary, I will opt for something like a plate of BBQ'd meat and veggies, curried chicken or something equally as savory. My body does not tolerate garbage foods after feeding it so consistently with fresh, whole foods.

Mantra: My body is a temple. I will treat it with respect. I will not disrespect my body with poor nourishment. I will fuel my body and my mind with wholesome, nourishing foods. The body and the mind are one.

[sandyn]

hi all
checking in to report that I am now 27 hrs binge free

[sskennedy]

hello, my name is shannon and i am a binge eater.

been the same place everyone else has. hiding,going to different places to not be reconized, and eating until i was dizzy and throwing up.

the only thing that keeps me in control is lc. i have been doing this since december and only had one binge!!! thats a huge thing for me.

and i got so sick when i did it, i gained 8 pds and felt like i had the flu.

im glad to find others who understand this problem

[Jen415]

Originally Posted by CourtneyC

Hi Sea
I have actually joined OA and I attend online meetings via this website. It's helpful and encouraging and between this website and that one, it keeps me grounded. I'm always logged onto to one of them. Let me give you the website its:

12 Step 4 COE's

if you click on meetings it will tell you when they are; I think it's eastern time. Also you can request literature and download literature there too.

Courtney, thank you so much for this! I've been visiting this site often and attending online meetings. It has helped me stay binge free and sugar free for awhile now.

[sandyn]

I have made it 3 days 4 hrs without a binge. going to check the online group too

[LoraJR72]

I made a commitment to myself to go at minimum of 5 binge free days. Monday was day one and it went fine. I'll see what today is like.