Binge Eating Disorder

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Smythe

HELLO??????
Where is everyone Let's paddle together

hey girl, I am here. I have been figuring out a few things with my readings etc...Its has been a bumpy road, but I walking down it to recovery. I feel like I am getting better every day.

This week, I have been honest with my husband too. I confessed to the secret donut and ice cream runs while on break at work, the binge eating while he is not around, the guilt about spending the $$ etc...He was so great. I cried on his shoulder. He said he never knew I had a problem because I always appear to be so in control with my food (having so much healthy food in the house). He is so compassionate. Its nice to know I have his support.

I hope all of you are well. Smythe is right, we need eachothers support. I am here if any of you want to talk or share resources.

[Smythe]

Hi Cait-
So glad you're here! I'm glad you came clean with your husband. My husband knew I had food issues. You can't vacillate between 120 and 190 lbs for 20 years and not have issues. But When I told him about wanting to steal the cake from work I think he finally realized the extent of my problem. Although after the gym yesterday he did say "everybody needs a little sugar after a workout. Not everybody, I reminded him! LOL.

[i.am.jenn]

Hi ladies.

I am still around but I find it difficult to share what I'm going through due to taking an extremely different approach to my disorder.

For what it's worth, here is where I'm at.

I think I've gotten myself past the point of binges and into mindless eating. So I catch myself mindlessly munching and I'm asking myself about my motivations... why am I doing this? what am I getting from this? what is this doing for me?

I think I eat because I don't know, well, don't want to express my anger. I like being a happy person, I hate being an angry person. I was mindlessly eating my way through a bag of tortilla chips (after a meal!) and I realized I was seriously, deeply, thinking about my brother and how angry I am with him for being a total failure as a brother and praying that he doesn't fail his son. I also realized that I had eaten enough chips that my jaws ached from the crunching and my lips were so dehydrated they burned from the salt... and I liked it. There is an angry little girl inside of me happily keeping me fat because I can CONTROL that aspect of my life and I was enjoying the pain of what I was doing to myself.

I've had to study anorexia so much over the last year for school that I recognized something serious and scary. I am like a reverse anorexic. People with anorexia refuse to eat as a way to control that ONE aspect of their life that they can control. I over eat and eat bad foods as a way to control that ONE aspect of my life.

I'm looking forward to Friday when I can talk to my counselor and we can explore this.

I'm glad everyone is doing well and getting something from this board.

Jenn

[Smythe]

Hi Jen-
I'm glad you shared. I think I have fed the angry monster a few time myself, but my issue is usually more anxiety. I don't know when I became so fearful. I guess it started as a kid- my father was a drunk who was very inappropriate at times. I remember shaking at the thought of being at home and at his mercy. My mom used to cook special things for my brother- we always had to order the pizza the way he liked it. He was definitely her golden boy. So food equaled love, power, and escape in my world.

{{sigh}}. It's a good thing that you recognize your motives. Hang in there

[i.am.jenn]

I am angry and judgmental. I don't like this about myself... I keep feeling like I'm losing control and I need to get back on my antidepressant... but I have to wonder if it was just a wonderful tool to help suppress my emotions so I wouldn't have to deal with them.

Wouldn't it be nice if we knew what normal felt like? Looked like?

Gotta run and hopefully get to the library before the bottom falls out of the sky...

... oops, too late... it happened while I was typing...

luckily I did NOT curl my hair today!

I'll check in later.

[i.am.jenn]

I've been so out of sorts I forgot to tell you ladies...

I asked my counselor what a normal amount of food for one day looks like keeping in mind that normal is subjective but I should know what to aim for. She hooked me up with a few websites and I find it amazing to see all the goodies you can eat in one meal.

Since most of you are LC, I'll just warn you ahead of time, these are not LC pictures... but maybe it'll help you too in learning what to aim for as a "normal" amount of food to consume daily.

What Do 300 Calorie Meals Look Like?

This is helpful for me when I've overeaten and binged for so long that I genuinely have no idea what a serving size looks like... or even what a normal meal looks like. So I have a few tools for the retraining of my brain that I'm starting.

Hope that helps! I know it has me!

[Mogget]

Hey Jenn,

Sounds like you are making progress so hang in there!

As long as someone is convinced that the overeating is about food then they will keep trying to manage the food, and handle the food.

What you have found out is that no ammount of managing food would have changed the anger and control aspect, so you are this much closer to eliminating the superfluos food step. And to finding better ways to handle the anger and control. Well done!

During my bad compulsive eating phase I gained 150 pounds in ONE year from my bingeing - it was so out of control that looking back I can see I was basically trying to kill myself with eating. There is no way no how that "liking food" was remotely relevent to such a screwed up behaviour I was desperately stuffing food into me to fill an emotional void that was unrelated to hunger (jeez that sounds so freaking cliched and oprahesque!) There were a lot of things at play for me, anger/rage/resentment, rejection and so on... mostly just self loathing though. If I had to name it in one that would be it. Ironically for a binger, dealing with that had to be done in little nibbles over time, but it's sorted now

All those 300 calorie meals look so GOOD! I haven't counted cals in so many years I had no idea you get eat so much for so few calories.

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Mogget

All those 300 calorie meals look so GOOD! I haven't counted cals in so many years I had no idea you get eat so much for so few calories.

I agree! I think what is on that plate looks good, keeping in mind that low carb doesnt mean no carb I like my fruit and veggie carbs...*shhhh* dont tell anyone ( I eat rice cakes)

[Smythe]

Hey Mogget-
I was watching the show "The Mentalist" last night and it had an NLP theme. It didn't show NLP in a positive light at all (although to be fair I fell asleep and that may have changed during the second half of the show). You probably don't get the show there, but basically they made NLP out to be a "rah rah" symposium for losers, with a bit of hypnotism thrown in. I was a bit put off. I feel like they gave folks a very skewed view of the process that has really helped you (and many others). Had I not heard about NLP from you first, I'd have a poor opinion of it. They made it seem like a money making scam that takes advantage of people who are down. It's on CBS here. You can probably see the episode on the computer.

[Mogget]

Ahhh I am , alas, VERY familiar with this syndrome. NLP is non regulated and the best way to get BIG in NLP is to do rah-rah motivational stuff via a cult of personality and loads of marketing. Means that what people get to see and hear about are the rah-rah goons and not the highly skilled NLPers...

Think of it this way... Macca's are the worlds most famous burgers right? So, are they representative of what a good burger maker delivers?

Unfortunately in all the thousands of NLPers in all the world there are only a small percentage who put in the time and effort to develop true skill, rather than to flog a dodgey item or make a quick buck. Sure that gets the good folks down, but basically all you can do (without going the same way) is to make sure that your own standards of skill and practice are superior, are SO outstanding that people accept the result and then ask what you did... and if you train ensure that you ONLY pass students who do the same. Of course not many trainers bother to adhere to that. Mine did. I reap the rewards of truly excellent training, ongoing development, 10 years of industry practice and colleague development and what appears to have been a natural propensity (sorry brag time, I'm DAMN good!)

Most NLP courses now are "fast-tracked" in seven days or so with a load of unconscious installations and zero pratical experience.... 7 days from never having done it to a "practitioner" out in the world "helping" people.... that is the sort of skill level I expect of check out-chicks, not professional coaches, therapists, motivators, managers etc.

Can that compare to training that takes over three years with a heavy emphasis on practical skill development, and continually keeping abreast of latest developments and enhancements and peer reviews, developing new processes and skill sharing with colleagues?

It reminds me of when I was studying acupuncture at Uni - a friend of mine was in Medical school and said "Oh yeah we did a half day on acupuncture, it's all bollocks" - A half day? My degree was 4 years full time... but he knew enough to to know it was bollocks.

The methodology of NLP is extremely sound; the application it is put to, the skill of it's practitioners is often completely crap...

Everyone who ever only half-assed Atkins and gained weight on it as a result has added to the demonising of Atkins or low carb... but the for the people who do it right - it is profoundly effective.

hmmmm

off my soapbox now.

[Mogget]

On the other hand Mentalism is just plain cool - one of my NLPer colleagues is aMentalist and trains courses in Mentalism, it's a HOOT!

[Smythe]

LOL- Girl- you are passionate!!
The show "The Mentalist" is actually a really good cop show- with this mentalist guy as a side kick. He solves the crime based on his powers of observation! Entertaining enough for a Tuesday night in prime time. Just so happened last night the killer was involved with these NLP rah rah folks! I had never heard of NLP in my 48 years on this planet and this month I've come across it in both fact and fictional arenas!. Go figure!

[Mogget]

Well stepping on and off soapboxes has to burn some calories right? So that's gotta be good for me... mehehehehe I should put that under my WOE as the cause of my weightloss...

[i.am.jenn]

Mogget - if you'd like, I went ahead and bought the books the photo's come from. It's a photo diet something or other... one of the books is 30 days worth of meals and the other is a diabetic diet 14 days worth of meals. They are ebooks. I am annoyed that at the END of the books is a disclaimer page "FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY"... so if you'd like a copy I'll send it over.

I totally agree, it's insane the amount of food you can get for 300 -400 calories per meal. When I figure it in my head I can eat roughly 4 meals a day and still get 1200 - 1500 calories per day. The meals they have laid out include I think two snacks a day... usually an afternoon and evening snack. But they are a guide, a visual to start teaching myself what is "normal" to eat.

Today would have been a good day to start. I lost the majority of my sense of smell a few days ago and I don't know if it's going to come back. I'm discombobulated (my favorite word from one of my favorite instructors) since my sense of smell is my dominant sense... I'd rather smell anything than see it... like newborn puppies, I just put their snouts up to my nose and breath deep for that beautiful wonderful puppy breath.

Sorry to hear the NLP is getting bad rep. From what I could find on it I got the scam impression so I didn't want to go that route. But I think I am making some very good contacts, slowly but surely, and I'll just continue what I've been doing.

Gotta run, I have homework then sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!

Take care ladies and we can totally rock this!

[Smythe]

Hi Jen-
"entertainment purposes only"? How odd!

I continue to feel good and in control although I have to say I am so surprised by this feeling. I really shouldn't be because I have been here before and felt...well- invincible. We all know how that story ended

Clothes are fitting so much better. Still hate going to the gym- not so much the walking although the novelty of Edward Cullen and Bella is waning.
Since the weather has been rainy here I've had to hit the gym if I wanted to get my 2 miles in. Gonna do it again today...under duress.

I have been taking a peek at the scale which really has not moved post induction. I do remember the post induction stall theory so I'm not too crazed about the numbers. I definitely look better. 10 lbs at 5'2" is noticeable.

Have a great day everyone!
I do however continue to spend my days wishing I was 5'6" !

[LowCarbCatholic]

Hello all, I am new here.

I am an eating-disordered person but I don't know specifically what I am anymore. I was diagnosed with bulimia, but I don't purge anywhere near as much as I used to... probably only 1/3 of the time that I binge. I am more or less a binge-eater with bulimic tendencies.

I am trying so hard to get over it. This past Sunday night, a binge started and it didn't stop until Tuesday night, around midnight... except when I was asleep. Pathetic. I probably ate around 20,000 calories in that time period. It is really hard to keep myself from wanting to counter it with a fast... even though I know that in the end I will probably just end up bingeing if I fast...

Low-carbing has been the only way, in the past, that I have kept from bingeing for any good amount of time (more than 10 days) so I am hoping to try it again and succeed this time...

Just wanted to say "Hi" and kind of introduce myself.

[Smythe]

hi LCC-
Welcome.
We all understand your struggle. I also find low carbing to be the only way to sane eating. The issue has been staying with what I know works. Live and learn and learn and learn.

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by i.am.jenn

Mogget - if you'd like, I went ahead and bought the books the photo's come from. It's a photo diet something or other... one of the books is 30 days worth of meals and the other is a diabetic diet 14 days worth of meals. They are ebooks. I am annoyed that at the END of the books is a disclaimer page "FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY"... so if you'd like a copy I'll send it over.

Thanks for the offer I'll take you up on that ... I find it hard to be interested in food that isn't right in front of me at the moment which makes plannng what to cook kinda hard.... pictures help.

How disorienting to lose you sense of smell, I have a lot of olafcatory going on myself and would be really weirded out without my sense of smell. Hope it comes back soon.

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by LowCarbCatholic

Just wanted to say "Hi" and kind of introduce myself.

Welcome!

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Smythe

Hi Jen-
"
Clothes are fitting so much better. Still hate going to the gym- not so much the walking although the novelty of Edward Cullen and Bella is waning.

Hey girl,

Its GREAT to hear your clothes are fitting more loosely! However, I have to insist that you continue your Twilight journey. It is good, not awesome, but good. I found that last and final installment to be somewhat anti-climactic, but worth reading. Let me know what you think.

Have a good weekend everyone, stay strong.

[i.am.jenn]

LCC - Welcome! It's good to meet someone else who binges for days also. I have used low carb and ketosis is the past to bandaid my binging but in the end I always defeat my good work and do myself harm.

Demons, they suck.

I wish I had something super awesome and amazing to report today... I only have that I cooked dinner, and it's something that is impossible to make in a small batch... so I scooped about half into a tupperware and threw it in the freezer. I had a bowl and DH had the rest... and it's okay. I don't have to eat the entire batch right here right now like it's going out of style.

And the fact that I only ate one bowl... wowza!

I also didn't go ahead and make the nachos for lunch that I was planning even though I grabbed a burger before hitting the grocery store. I decided to let that just be enough and I have the nacho stuff sitting out for tomorrow. Again, I'm okay with it... and I love that it's evening and I don't feel so nasty and gross from eating all day.

I think I may have developed an ulcer or something. I'm seeing symptoms for the second time in... 3 weeks... not cool... either that or I'm just bleeding internally... so I have to visit my doctor Monday... but she's my family practice Doc so I doubt she can do anything but I feel like I need to address the situation. I need to do a little research and see what I can do to keep things in check for a while. Yah. (note the sarcasm, I'm sure you heard it)

Take care!
Keep working at it, we can totally do this!

Jenn

[Smythe]

Hi Everyone-
Jen- take good care of yourself

Cait- the last walk features Edward saving Bella from the creeps in town when she got lost in a seedy area. They are at the restaurant now and I'm going walking in a few minutes! I may do 3 miles. can't wait to "see" what happens.

I have a hurdle to get over today. My husband's family celebrates Easter today (on Palm Sunday) and we were asked to bring dessert. I picked up a few things at the bakery, but I need to prepare myself for the Herculean effort it will take not to indulge. I'm going to make a low carb cheese cake something or other and bring a single serving. {{Sigh}}. Looking like the freak again totting my own dessert...and with an a** the size of Texas- I get the "who do you think you're fooling?" looks. Ugh!!!

OK- enough wallowing. I'm off to meet Bella and Edward for a walk

Have a great day everyone

[i.am.jenn]

I think today I am ready to make the next step in my journey. I didn't realize it until I saw what I grabbed for breakfast... banana and oatmeal. Not a bad choice... and I'm not going to cook lunch until 1100 so this is it for now. I've started doing stretches and things while I'm sitting and I plan to take the pups for a quick trot down the street today so I'm really proud of myself at this moment.

Thought I'd share... I'm hoping this means I'm ready to start implementing healthier habits.

[i.am.jenn]

Smythe: There are a ton of LC desserts in the recipe room... and a lot of them you can whip up pretty easily. and people would never know the difference.

I'd take cheesecake, fruit (berries) with a cream cheese dip... yummo!!!

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Smythe

Cait- the last walk features Edward saving Bella from the creeps in town when she got lost in a seedy area. They are at the restaurant now and I'm going walking in a few minutes! I may do 3 miles. can't wait to "see" what happens.OK- enough wallowing. I'm off to meet Bella and Edward for a walk Have a great day everyone

You wont be disappointed! Its a very good story!

To everyone who visits here: I am so proud of how all of you have been checking in, being accountable and making efforts to develop healthy habits. I know how hard it is on a daily basis to face our demons. Having a support network here makes each battle a little easier. My binges are down to one every 14 days or so. This is a record. The longest I have gone without having an episode is 10 days. Making it to 14 days (and hopefully longer) has been a milestone for me. Thanks to all of you for being my lifeline. Cheers!

[Mogget]

Yay! Good work on hitting that milestone and here's to many more!

[LowCarbCatholic]

Just checking in! I had a pretty good day LCing.

Nice to see you guys doin' okay also! Jenn way to go on reminding yourself you don't need to binge--you can have something you want, tomorrow, or the next day. I should do this more.

[Smythe]

Hey guys-
I made a lc cheesecake yesterday and brought 1 piece with me...I supplied other stuff for everyone else. Dinner went well. 1st course was lasagna which wasn't all that difficult to pass up. I just had salad. Main meal was pork, mashed potatoes, green beans and carrots- went with meat and green beans. Still OK.
Then dessert came I I started to feel the ol' poor me- I can't eat what everyone else is eating. I had my cheesecake but found myself starting to feel like a binge was coming on- that anxious feeling like if I don't get 4 lbs of oreos into my body I may just die feeling.
I rode that out and when we got home I needed to make my lc pizza for this week's lunch. I had 1 piece of that and another piece of the cheese cake. Then I closed up shop.
All in all, not too bad except I really didn't need more cheese cake. I was not truly hungry...but there was a hunger that needed to be satisfied. God I hate that!!!
It is that hunger that is the itch I try to scratch with a binge. Disaster averted this time. {sigh}.
Not sure what the trigger was other than feeling sorry for myself. Trying to care for the wounded child by feeding her. How counter-productive is that!

[Mogget]

Well done Smythe on recognising that it was a hunger that food couldn't help!

[Smythe]

thanks Mogget. That's such an odd feeling that "hunger that food won't satisfy". It was only a month ago that I would have shoveled food in to quiet that feeling.
I wonder if body chemistry has anything to do with it? My MIL made the salad dressing and green beans and she may have slipped a bit of sugar in there. I don't know for sure. But that would explain the "need to feed" an hour later as my insulin level spiked.
Perhaps it's just the monster rearing it's ugly head since I have kept it at bay for 4 weeks. I mean with all that dessert on the table I was certainly vulnerable to a sneak attack by my psyche!!

Ah well- as I said- disaster averted for now. I stepped on the scale this morning and I am down 10 lbs. I'm eating well and walking so I'm pleased.

My mom is coming home from Fla. today. She's been 'snow-birding' since January. She lives with my husband and I. She is a difficult woman so I'm not looking forward to her return. It'll take some getting used to for sure.
Two more days of teaching and then spring break for 11 glorious days.

Life is good