Binge Eating Disorder

[Smythe]

Thanks for the info on NLP.

Last night was much better than yesterday. I'm still amazed by the intensity of my reaction yesterday. Anyway- my husband and I went out o the local pub for a St Paddy's day celebration. It was fine! I was a bit concerned that my resolved would be weakened but I behaved like a normal eater. That is such a big deal for me! I had a couple low carb beers, and since I had eaten the boiled lunch I opted for chicken and ribs for dinner which we split. I also had about 1/4 cup of mashed sweet potatoes. Definitely not induction food but a reasonable choice.
So Back full tilt today. The darn cake will still be in the break room, but I think I'm over that hurdle

[CaitSith]

Hi all,

Well, after being thwarted by a debit machine on Saturday night, I lost it and binged on Sun and Mon nights. I ate until I felt sick both days, not even huge portions, but because my stomach has shrunk from going 7 days without a binge, it filled up faster. I felt so sick both nights...not to mention the nausea and gassy...yuck.

So, here's the situation. I have some unresolved medical issues I have been dealing with since before Xmas. Without going into detail, lets just say I have been comforting myself with food. I have tried so hard to exert control over this problem, but it gets the better of me from time to time. One thing I know I have NOT done is to get back to my reading (about B.E.D.) and emotional eating issues. In the past, I have taken out book from the library and used them to help strengthen my resolve and work through my issues.

Tomorrow is my day off, I will go to the library. I am back at the beginning. Yesterday, Tuesday, was day 1: binge free. I hope today will be a successful day 2.

P.S. Anyone else found any particular books helpful in dealing with this problem?

[Smythe]

Hi Cait-
sorry for your struggles.
Hope today was better for you.

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by CaitSith

Hi all,


P.S. Anyone else found any particular books helpful in dealing with this problem?

You might take a look at the ebook Normal Eating for Normal Weight (find at normaleating.com) - the normal eating forum is anoter one I frequent and the methods in the book reflect pretty much exactly the same processes of my own eating was normalised (though I used NLP to essentially fast track). It seems to have helped/is helping a lot of people, myself included... it looks like a good DIY approach.

[i.am.jenn]

Hey everyone, I'm reading and it sounds like we're all doing good, dealing with our demons the way we are comfortable. I wanted to give you an update on me and while I hate to cut and paste it's late and I touched on some things typing an email to a friend that I wanted to share with you all also. Hope ya doing mind!

Point One: I also want the freedom to eat what I want. I don't like restrictions, never have, never will. I'm very rebellious like that. Heck, I smoked for the sake of doing something bad (it's the only bad thing I did as a teenager).

Point Two: I want to learn portion control. I'm working on implementing the plate method I was taught at school. It's lovely and I think it will be wonderful. I should read my nutrition notes again and find the details on it. Right now not so great because company in town and a lot of eating out, but, I am feeling good about what I eat. Instead of gorging myself retarded eating every last morsel of whatever is in front of me, I am starting to eat until I am satisfied (my stomach is still pretty stretched out so it would take a massive meal for me to feel "full" and then it's the point where I feel sick). I snack afterwards, I know I will and I am even leaving some room in there so I can enjoy a nice snack. Now how awesome is that!

Point Three: And did I mention I want to incorporate exercise into my new plan? It's weird but I have myself just about convinced that I can stay off the fad diets if I'll just get a little exercise, preferably daily. I have not started yet and probably will not tomorrow. I am thinking Friday will be a good day to start since my friends will be heading out of town Friday morning.

Point Four (I am especially curious with everyone on here): Do you find as you address this demon that you are addressing other issues of your life that you've been suppressing forever (if not for a very long time). Ever since I have gotten hard core into exploring why I get high off my food I am finding that I have little issues that I wrote off as not a big deal and I am finding that I am just downright angry.

Seriously, I am not really on speaking terms with any of them. They haven't wronged me in anyway recently.

Mom & BFF: I'm tired of being second best to them. I AM important and I deserve to be treated that way every now and then. I get it from my husband and other friends, why not them? I'm also tired of (BFF) thinking all of my ideas are stupid and hers are amazing.

Dad: He's a jerk and I'm still pissed at him for telling me that I'm a fatty a few years ago. Seriously, he should love me regardless of my weight. Jerkwad.

Brother: I have spent the last few years working my ass off to repair our relationship and I have gotten NOTHING from him in return.

With them all: I am SO tired of doing all this work to get nothing in return.

So yeah, maybe THAT is why I binge. Maybe that is my emotional wound that I am constantly slathering mounds and mounds of deep fried over processed ointment to soothe and heal with. Only it irritates, gets infected, hurts more and I slather more of my deep fried over processed ointment on it. I don't know but I'm still angry and I'm apparently not over it... and I've been angry and pretty much on non-speaking terms with them for... 2 if not 3 weeks now.

Point Five: Isn't it beautiful? That freedom that comes with know "I CAN have it. If I want it. But wouldn't later be better?" I think we are doing amazing things here.


Point Six: It (allowing myself to eat whatever I want to repair my relationship with food) is very tricky and I have spent many days grazing... but for what it's worth I am finding myself grazing less and less and when I open the fridge mindlessly to find a snacky meal I find myself saying "Huh, WHY am I trying to eat? I just ate." and a few times I've been able to resume whatever activity I was performing when I got the imaginary compulsion to eat.

Point Seven: No where near perfect but then again I have no idea what perfect is. I would LOVE to see a full days worth of foods, sitting out on a table. I would LOVE to see, in quantity, how much food should be powering my body. I want to see the servings of vegetables and the servings of fruits and the servings of meats, etc. I would LOVE the visual image. Maybe I'll work my google magic tomorrow.
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So yeah, I think things are going well. I am less and less obsessed with food and I am losing interest in foods that don't belong in my mouth anyways.

I wish you ladies the best and I'll check in with you again soon!

Attacking my disorder, about 8 weeks into it now, and really truly feeling like a human being again that might not HAVE to be controlled by food. How awesome is this?

PS - Mogget: Thanks for the info on NLP. I think I've been looking for something like that!

[i.am.jenn]

Ohhh, another benefit I am finding with the "I can eat whatever I want" attitude. I'm comfortable with kid sizes of things for a snack. Like Doritos. Now if you put a big bag in front of me, I will eat those bad boys up! But I bought one of those variety packs of Frito products and I am finding that I can eat little tiny bag a day and it's awesome. I am not freaked out thinking I must gobble up my favorite flavor so no one else can touch (amazing since my Husband and company are here) and I can limit myself to one bag a day if any!!!!

[Smythe]

Hi Jenn- glad you checked in.
I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where I can eat anything I want and stay in control. For me, this is no different than the alcholoic who can't ever have 1 drink. What carbs/sugar do to my body chemistry is so severe that I don't think it will ever change. I kearned that the hard way this last time around. I was 125 lbs and a size 2-4. 2 years later I'm 178 and a size 12-14 and I think about stealing cakes from coworkers! Ugh
I don't think i'll ever be a person who can eat normally

[CindyCRNA]

Smythe, girl, I'm with ya! I will NEVER have a normal relationship with food. But LCing has helped tremendously, probably more than anything. I had to get off carbs and sugar to get some control. Jenn, there are people in my family I will never talk to again and that's just fine. Just because they are blood relation doesn't make them worthy people to put in your life. You wouldn't put up with that from an acquaintance, family is no different. I'm sorry but I see a lot of people get so wrapped up in drauma because "it's family" it makes me scream! If they can't support you, they get the boot! Find good friends, be a good friend and life will be great. Sorry to say but a dysfunctional family does a lot more harm than no family.

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Mogget

You might take a look at the ebook Normal Eating for Normal Weight (find at normaleating.com) - the normal eating forum is anoter one I frequent and the methods in the book reflect pretty much exactly the same processes of my own eating was normalised (though I used NLP to essentially fast track). It seems to have helped/is helping a lot of people, myself included... it looks like a good DIY approach.

Thank you, Mogget...you're such a sweetie. I will have a look at that site and try to find the book.

[Smythe]

Cait you are so right about ridding oursleves of toxic people whether they are related to us or not!! Jenn- use the surgical blade girl and cut them out but make sure to leave yourself intact!!

[Mogget]

Bah, just realised that the ebook is in the memebrs section and it is a pay site... Cait if you want I will PM you my login and you can have a snoop and download on me.

[Mogget]

Hey Smythe and Cindy - please don't give up on having a normal relationship with food - my eating history has been as disordered as it gets (seriously anorectic/then bulimic/then compulive over eating where I stole and ate 3-4 FULLSIZED cakes form from the bakery I worked in PER DAY for nearly a year - plus numerous pastries, cookies, bread and brownies!!.... trust me just thinking about stealing a cake from a co-worker is not the point of no return!) .......and now my eating is normalised and the freedom is unfreaking believable. Plus the weight is dropping off.

Most importantly - Food DOES NOT MATTER to me anymore. It no longer is loaded with meaning - it isn't "happiness" and it isn't "failure" it isn't the determining factor between me being "good" or "bad"...it's just food. And unless I am actually physically hungry, food isn't the answer; this has become so obvious to me that I don't even think of turning to food unless the issue is hunger...

This transformation in my life long dysfunctional relationship with food, and appaling self esteem issues which drove it, took only 3 months of the RIGHT program... NLP fasttracked it but the same sort of program found at normaleating.com seems to take about 1-2 years for most people. So just imagine it - you could be in a healthy normal relationship with food in as little as a year or so...

So don't give up on normal. Normal is not overated!

[Loveton]

It's nice to know I'm not the freak I thought I was! I have had MANY an occation where I thought about stealing a cake from a co-worker to eat it all myself. I unfortantly even gone so far as taking the package out of the trash to have a piece! Sick but true...makes me sad.

I so want a normal relationship with food...its all I think about. I'm eating breakfast and thinking about what's for lunch...

[i.am.jenn]

Thank you everyone. As for my family, they are jerks. But so am I. I love them dearly but apparently right now I need to be angry with them. So am I. No, I would never cut them out of my life. No major drama in our family, we are all pretty laid back.

Originally Posted by Mogget

Most importantly - Food DOES NOT MATTER to me anymore. It no longer is loaded with meaning - it isn't "happiness" and it isn't "failure" it isn't the determining factor between me being "good" or "bad"...it's just food. And unless I am actually physically hungry, food isn't the answer; this has become so obvious to me that I don't even think of turning to food unless the issue is hunger...

I love your description of your attitude towards food now. THAT is what I am aiming for.

Loveton: I think one of the defining items of a behavioral disorder is doing something embarassing that we'd rather not fess up to. I have.

[Smythe]

Originally Posted by Loveton

It's nice to know I'm not the freak I thought I was! I have had MANY an occation where I thought about stealing a cake from a co-worker to eat it all myself. I unfortantly even gone so far as taking the package out of the trash to have a piece! Sick but true...makes me sad.

I so want a normal relationship with food...its all I think about. I'm eating breakfast and thinking about what's for lunch...

I haven't actually taken stuff from the garbage can, but I have certainly had to stop myself from doing so on too many occasions to count. I checked out the normal eating site that was recommended. I just read through the intro and it was very interesting. It talks about not associating your eating with being good or bad. If you are a good person then you are a good person whether your a size 4 or a size 24. If your not a good person, being thin will only make you a thin bad person. The food and numbers on the scale are irrelevant. Wouldn't that be a breath of fresh air to actually think that way??? Someday, maybe?

[i.am.jenn]

Smythe: I'm very excited about this because it is what I have been working on. Yes, very excited.

[Smythe]

hi Jen- it sounds like such a simple thing, doesn't it? I'm not sure where the rewiring occurred that makes me think differently. . Maybe because if I pass up a sweet of any kind someone in the room inevitably says "oooh, you're so good"! Like if I had the piece of cake I'd be bad . It really is a ridiculous thought pattern but one that is so pervasive in our society.

[i.am.jenn]

Smythe: I've thought about my "bad wiring" and I can see a progression over the years that developed with my obsession to lose weight.

When I ate low fat, all high fat foods were "bad" and I should say good bye to those and not even consider them food.

When I ate low carb, all high carb, high sugar, processed foods were "bad" and I should say good bye to those and not even consider them food.

Everytime I would set a date to get back on the low carb wagon (this specifically applies to the last 9 years) I would eat a "Farewell to Carbs" meal. Chinese food with noodles, fast food burgers, my favorite platter at whatever restaurant... I'd go out in style and with a bang.

So yes, I know where my wiring went bad.

I've spent the last few weeks working on my wiring, as I've mentioned over and over on this board.
Do I really WANT a cheeseburger?
Yes I do.
Okay, have one.
But they're evil!
No, not evil. You can't eat them all day. But you can have one. Really, you can have one if you REALLY want it.
Okay, well, I'll have one.
Okay then, have one.

Now that they aren't evil and a forbidden fruit I find myself looking towards healthier choices... mostly because I WILL have a cheeseburger again in the future and that's just fine with me. Maybe I'll make a meal of strawberries? I think today I'm making chicken salad with boiled chicken, apple, strawberry and a bit of poppy dressing. Not perfect but a LOT healthier than a cheeseburger. I can feel my arteries thanking me just for the decision.

Yeah, I realized my relationship with food is horrible. I have to remember that everyone else needs to deal with their own crap and I need to focus on what works for me.

Gotta run, I have a TON of studying to do today. Wheeee!

Will check in later!

[CaitSith]

Originally Posted by Mogget

my eating history has been as disordered as it gets (seriously anorectic/then bulimic/then compulive over eating where I stole and ate 3-4 FULLSIZED cakes form from the bakery I worked in PER DAY for nearly a year - plus numerous pastries, cookies, bread and brownies!!.... trust me just thinking about stealing a cake from a co-worker is not the point of no return!) .......and now my eating is normalised and the freedom is unfreaking believable. Plus the weight is dropping off.......So don't give up on normal. Normal is not overated!

Thank you for sharing that. So many of us have had compulsive thoughts about food or done compulsive things to get it. It is nice to know that we do not suffer alone and that recovery IS possible.

P.S. Thx for the book, Mog. I am reading it now

[CaitSith]

Hey all,

Just wanted to share some resources with you. I just picked these up from the library:

• The Serotonin Power Diet: Use Your Brain's Natural Chemistry to Cut Cravings, Curb Emotional Overeating, and Lose Weight by Nina Frusztajer Marquis , Judith J. Wurtman
  
• Binge no more : your guide to overcoming disordered eating by Joyce Nash
  
• I Wish I Were Thin, I Wish I Were Fat: The Real Reasons We Overeat and What We Can Do About It by Michelle Joy Levine
  
• and at Mogget's suggestion: Normal Eating for Normal Weight (find at normaleating.com)

I am determined to get over this B.E.D. It will not control me. I am 4.5 days binge free.

How is everyone else doing today?

[Smythe]

hi Cait. I'm really in control for the first time in sooo long. It feels wonderful. I'm trying not to over think things. I've been making healthy food choices and limiting my carbs which for me is key to controlling binge urges.

I had an idea the other day but I haven't pulled the trigger yet. I started walking again. Every other day I do 2 miles. Friday I almost bagged it but I went and I was glad. But I don't like that I may give up on the little exercise I do because exercise was a huge help in keeping me on track last time. Anyway, I don't read for pleasure during the school year. I have too much work to do and if I pick up a book, the student assignments will not get graded on time. I tend to get engrossed so I usually save my reading for the summer. I'm thinking of downloading a book to my ipod. That way I can only listen to it if I walk. I counting on being so anxious to hear what happens next, that I'll strap on my shoes and hit the pavement daily. Still mulling it over...
Have a great weekend everyone. Beautiful weather here in NY!!

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by CaitSith

Thank you for sharing that. So many of us have had compulsive thoughts about food or done compulsive things to get it. It is nice to know that we do not suffer alone and that recovery IS possible.

P.S. Thx for the book, Mog. I am reading it now

You're welcome and no worries! I'm a bit of a crusader for self change

[Smythe]

Hi everyone-
I'm a bit under the weather today- strep I think. Heading to the doctor @3. Anyway- I downloaded the book on tape I was thinking about. I had no idea how expensive it was ($25)! This will absolutely do the trick in terms of keeping my walking regime on track! I have got to find a cheaper way to get this done! $25 a hit I'll be broke by this time next year! Other than that, things are doing ok.
I did a lot of preparing for the week yesterday. Made an egg/ham/cheese pie for a quick heat up breakfast. Made chicken salad for easy lunch. Tried a buffalo chicken pizza (posted recipe on the recipe board) that was really good for dinner.

Stay well everyone

[Pcola Girl]

Hi everyone, I am having problems with my eating right now and need some support.
I was doing so well and was even down a few more pounds to but as of last week-end I just blew it all and cannot understand why I did it. I need so bad to lose my weight because I am so tired of feeling bad and in pain all the time.
I will check back in later tomorrow with you all. Its late now and I am waiting for my hubby to get home from work.
Do any of you have a carb list of the carb count in foods? I am looking for one to print up and put on my fridge.
Have a good day.

[Smythe]

Hi Pcola-
Your stats look great- you're down 100lbs. That's something to be very proud of. I understand your struggle, but all we can do is start over again tomorrow and take things 1 meal at a time.
I don't have a carb list but I'm sure you can google one.

Good luck getting back on track. You're not alone in your struggle

[Pcola Girl]

I know I have done ok with my weight loss but I have been on it since year 2000 and its been a very slow process for me. Sometimes I just get discouraged thats all.
I found a carb list on the net, just wanted to be sure I was eating right.

[Smythe]

hey, where is everyone???

I wanted to share this with you all and I know you'll understand just how remarkable this is. Today at lunch there was free pizza. Free pizza and tons of it. I had none! What's even more remarkable is that I didn't want it. I had already eaten my lunch- I was full -(as if that ever stopped me before) !

So here's what I think is happening- certainly ketosis from induction is at work here but the URGE to Binge is totally gone. It has to be getting off the refined carbs...has to be. I'm eating real food- I do drink an iced coffee in the afternoon with DiVinci's but that does not trigger a craving.
The other thing that seems to be helping is my commitment to walking and listening to my audiobook! I'm into the story but won't let myself listen unless I'm walking. So 4 times this week I walked my 2 mile loop!
God it feels so good to not be under the spell of that freakin' food!!

[Mogget]

This thread did get quiet all of a sudden didn't it?

Congrats Smythe on on enjoying the absence of the urge to binge! It is such and exciting feeling, and one I hope you become more and more familiar with.

You are doing so well with the walking too, I may have to borrow your idea about the audiobook - normally I grge on audiobooks and listen to them more or less in a single sitting (while reading another book... ) maybe if I limit the audio book to being on the shooper I will have a chance of getting back into using it... all my outside walks are already pre-committed to my Paul McKenna hypnotic tracks.

[Smythe]

Hi Mogget-
I know that once I start a book I have trouble putting it down. That is precisely why I don't read during the school year- the kids papers would never be graded! But I thought that perhaps I could have that work to my advantage, and it has with the audiobook. The only thing is that it has not psyched me up enough to get to the gym if the weather is too cold or rainy for an outside walk. So I am content with the schedule that the weather dictates for me. I'm much more comfortable with the 2 miles now than I was in the beginning and I'm preparing to switch to the 3 mile loop sometime next week.

Today's hurdle- a bridal shower! I'm actually having breakfast out with a friend so I should enjoy a nice healthy meal this morning. It's this afternoon that I am concerned about. I'm not sure about food choices that will be available, but I'm sure I can find something. I'm going to go to cheesecake factory and get a slice of 6 carb cheesecake and bring that with me. I know I will feel deprived when everyone else is eating cake, so in order to live my life like a normal eater I will supply my own alternative.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day

[Smythe]

HELLO??????
Where is everyone

This thread really helped keep me sane during the first 2 weeks of restarting. Please don't let it die Ladies!!
We are all in the same boat. Let's paddle together