Binge Eating Disorder

[joansheila]

Originally Posted by kristio

Hi... I have struggled with bulimia for years... The only thing that seems to control it is when I am successful in sticking to a LC diet... Once I let go and start with carbs, it's over. When I'm not following LC, I binge like crazy in the afternoon and will then make myself throw up. It's awful feeling so out of control. I can so relate... which is why I'm trying so hard to stick to LC to control the urge to binge.

I could have written this myself. Keeping on the low carb WOE has been a life saver for me also. I have not binged or purged since Oct 20, 2008 which is the day I stared low carb. I will not let myself eat any other way cause I never want to binge and purge again. I feel great and so healthy and in control. I just wish I knew about the affects a low carb WOE has on the bingeing and purging back when I got hooked on this habit. It started when I was in highschool when a girl told us how we could eat all we want and then stick our finger down or throat and throw it all up so we would not gain weight. I was not ever even overweight and never have been. I am 57 years old and have had 6 children and the most I have ever weighed not pregnant is 140. Now I am around 126/127. I wish this girl would have told me about low carb instead of puking. It would have made my life a lot easier.

[kristio]

JoanShelia - I'm with you... I went for 2+years without purging when I was LC several years ago. When I was pregnant, everything made me sick and I reverted to eating carbs again... It seems ironic that I was binging/purging as often as I was and still managed to get myself to 248#... In the past week since reinduction, I don't feel the urge to purge, but I do find myself pleasantly surprised when I step on the scale and have lost weight instead of gaining... It's nice to be able to eat as much as I want, keep the food in my stomach, and (bonus!) still lose weight.

[vicki71]

I can't believe I found this post. I came on here looking for some type of help, any help. I am feeling so down and alone about my binge eating. I have tried so many diets over the years and all have failed after some amount of time because I fall off the wagon and start eating anything and everything. It's hard to explain to DH, because he doesn't have this problem.

I have gone to Overeaters Anonymous years ago, and it was a horrible experience for me. The meeting I went to was just plain weird and the only people there were really awkward social outcast types. It made me uncomfortable the whole time so I never went back.

I tried to find counseling to get help, and there is no one any where near me that does counseling for this. There was a program I could sign up for, but it was too far away to be feasible for me.

I have to go dig out the book I found and purchased about emotional eating. Right now that seems to be my only option for recovery. I sure hope it works because I'm tired of living this way in regards to my eating.

[bdladie]

Vicki, I understand I would really like to get it under control. I just want to quit doing it so I can make goal and stay there. I have been thinking I would like to do counseling of some kind. I did not know there are people who deal with this disorder alone. Can you give me ideas on how to find someone?

Tania

[vicki71]

Originally Posted by bdladie

Vicki, I understand I would really like to get it under control. I just want to quit doing it so I can make goal and stay there. I have been thinking I would like to do counseling of some kind. I did not know there are people who deal with this disorder alone. Can you give me ideas on how to find someone?

Tania

Hi Tania,

Unfortunately, I am nost sure I am going to be of much help. I spent quite a bit of time in the past looking into support groups, doctors, counselors, anything to help me, and I found absolutely nothing. I suspect that there are many, many people out there who suffer from this, and suffer all alone. There just isn't much help to be had.

I'm so frustrated. Maybe someone else out there can give us some tips on how to find help with a counselor or something.

[bdladie]

Its bad because when I start eating I know I don't need that but do it anyways and once I have one thing off plan I just keep eating. I have done better than I have in the past but still would like to get to my goal weight. I just keep losing the same 10 to 15 pounds over and over. I want to stop that.

Tania

[joansheila]

Originally Posted by kristio

JoanShelia - I'm with you... I went for 2+years without purging when I was LC several years ago. When I was pregnant, everything made me sick and I reverted to eating carbs again... It seems ironic that I was binging/purging as often as I was and still managed to get myself to 248#... In the past week since reinduction, I don't feel the urge to purge, but I do find myself pleasantly surprised when I step on the scale and have lost weight instead of gaining... It's nice to be able to eat as much as I want, keep the food in my stomach, and (bonus!) still lose weight.

Kristo- The weight loss is just a bonus to eating LC. Like you said the best part is NOT throwing it all up. Just hang in there no matter what even when the scale is not moving . I found that if you stick with the program the weight will start, stop, then eventually start up again. I just tell myself that if I eat this(fill in the blank) that it will make me want to purge and I have no problem resisting. I will beat this!! It is also nice not having puffy bags under my eyes!!

[kristio]

I'm so glad I'm on this thread... My 8 year old daughter has 3 friends over for a sleepover... and (of course) they wanted pizza... I got 2 for them - one cheese, one pepperoni... and I cannot begin to tell you how much I want to eat it. From prior experience with pizza... one slice quickly turns into two... turns into the whole shebang... will turn into my sneaking to the bathroom to attempt to purge it all combined with a weight gain in the morning. I'm so pathetic - ended up eating about 5 pepperonis and some cheese off the top before gaining control - then forced myself to eat a salad with a bunch of water so that I wasn't the least bit hungry. I am an attorney and it doesn't bother me a bit to deal with nasty opponents - but a pepperoni pizza brings me to my knees! What's up with that??? ARGH!

[maria40nc]

I just had a bingefest. I think my stomach is so full it just might explode.

Started off on plan then progressed to everything else in the house... Where's the dog?

Ugh...

[i.am.jenn]

Looks like you ladies have been busy.

I am finding the more I work on this, the more at peace I am with food. I am finding that it's powerful spell over me is breaking. I have been working on eating slower. Small bites, chew thoroughly. Ya know what? I don't like the taste after I've chewed it for a while.

I'll look around and see how you can find a counselor in your area. I use a counselor at the school, as far as I know she is not a specialist in the field, I do, however, like her because she seems to "get" me and she has personal experience with an eating disorder so it's not like talking to someone who doesn't understand. I would call local counselors and see if they have experience with it and if you could meet with them.

I hope that helps.

[i.am.jenn]

Doing well. Must be brief.

I am seeing that I have issues sharing food. It really pushes me into the whole "I must eat the entire thing of (insert goodie name here)". I wonder why? I was not deprived as a child. But I seriously want to scream at DH for getting into my goodies. Is it because he's eating all the good stuff out of the bag? Is it because he has a habit OF eating the ENTIRE bag of goodies? Why am I not realizing (in the moment) I can go to the store and buy more? I'll have to jot this down for my Friday counseling session. I'll also be pondering it more this week.

But to explain, I genuinely feel like it's the last of that goodie in the whole entire world and he's going to eat it all. This is not very like me. I'm a very sharing person. Except with my food. I just wanna jab him with a fork and say "NO NO MR. BABY! THAT'S MY GOODIES!". Do I seriously need or even WANT to eat the whole 5lb bag of chocolate? Nope. But God forbid he does it. I don't even know if I want another piece out of that bag, but when I hear the cellophane crinkle I can feel my red laser eyes kick on, focus on him and plot his death.

No, this is not normal.

My thoughts for right now. Hope you all are doing well and handling your demons the best way you know how.

Jenn

[Starzmom]

Hi Jenn
I just found this thread. Thanks for starting it and thanks everyone else for adding to it. I binge,too. The food (especially carbs) becomes a sedating drug for me when I'm stressed. I think it is a good thing to bring our 'demons' out into the open and explore them and find out the why, and I congratulate you for working on this behavior. You can get a handle on it and so can all our friends here, and so can I. Not overnight of course but by being aware of why we eat when we do it, we can learn and then change the behavior..but I think it is especially important to understand why we do it in the first place to heal the cause of it all.
Everyone.

[CindyCRNA]

Kristio, You are NOT pathetic!! I am 46 years old, 5'7" and weigh 123 pounds and let me tell you, EVERY DAY IS A STRUGGLE WITH FOOD!!! I can't eat 1 M&M or it starts a carb binge. Right now I'm on a ketogenic diet which is basically 20 net carbs or less per day and that has been a tremendous help. I have to be careful with broccoli, for Christ's sake or I will go over my 20 carbs. While it may sound restrictive, being on a high fat, low carb diet has been the biggest help. Not Atkins, mind you, because you do have to limit protein to less than 90 grams a day but once you get into using fat for energy, you look at carbs differently. I am in ketosis most days and I don't want to risk getting thrown out of ketosis by 1 M&M which is good because 1 M&M leads to an all out binge. For me, it's all about trigger foods. I'm very much like an alcoholic in recovery. You never see a recovering alcoholic having "just 1 drink" because that always leads to an all out binge. When I was on a "balanced" diet, I was like you. I would almost cry looking at pizza. Now, if I were you, looking at that pepperoni pizza and on a ketogenic diet , I would take the toppings off the crust of 2 peices and eat those. Happy pizza face, still in ketosis and feel energized by the fat, not carbs. For me, a diet that included carbs always led to a binge at some point. Maybe changing diets would help. I definitely no expert but everyone must find what works for them. What works for 1 doesn't work for another. I just do better on a diet that relies on fat, not carbs.

[gettingwell]

CindyCRNA,
Are you doing this diet on your own or with the guidance of a "professional"? I am coming to believe that the key to overcoming my ED--I go between anorexia and BED (I "purge" only through exercise) is low/very low/no carb...but since I'm underweight right now, getting ANYBODY to agree with me on that (other than fellow sufferers) is hard. Good luck to you in your recovery.

[xbeyondthebeautyx]

Hey everyone Im Laura and I too am a compulsive over eater. I binge atleast a 5-6 days a week all day. All your stories are similar to mine. I belong to a 12step program and with the grace of god and friends and family support. I will set free from this addiction!!

[CindyCRNA]

Gettingwell, Oh no professional! They would take one look at me and call me obsessive about my weight (I am!) and too thin anyway. I don't feel I have body dismorphic as I know not to drop below 118 as that is too thin and I really don't look good. I used to be a laxative abuser. Quit about 10 years ago and never went back but was left with chronic constipation. I use Miralax daily and it is a God send as I am now "normal". I 100% agree with your statement that at least for me, the only way to quit binging is a strict low carb diet. Funny, when you are on a low carb, high fat diet, you really don't feel like binging. Cake looks good but as long as I don't have one bite, I'm fine. I do make desserts with Splenda and that kills the sweet tooth and counting carbs gives me something to obsess over. I honestly feel great! I have a lot more energy than on a balanced (60%carbs, 20% protein, 20% fat) diet and my binging and cravings have all but disappeared. My ratios are about 65% fat, 20% protein, 10-15% carbs and it works well.

[gettingwell]

I have posted this elsewhere on this site, but today I saw my psychiatrist and she feels I need inpatient treatment--I am absolutely opposed (obviously!). In order to continue treatment, I stupidly agreed to see a nutritionist (not covered by my insurance) and I KNOW she will recommend lots of carbs--or at least more than I want to eat. I KNOW I'm underweight and I'm ready to gain....I just feel that I can LOSE the obsessiveness without the carbs....but I am just discovering this NOW. My time is running out and my discovery process is just starting....I don't know what to do. I'm willing to drop out of treatment to try this method (and gain on my own) but I don't know--my husband will be more than annoyed if I stop treatment, I think...I'm really confused. My doc keeps insisting I am in medical danger, although I do not feel that way at all. I suppose I am in denial....I AM too thin, I just don't want to gain by bingeing, which is what I'll do once I start eating a bunch of "healthy" carbs. I really feel that perhaps my 30+ years of ED is PHYSIOLOGICALLY based, not PSYCHOLOGICAL! Okay, got to tend to home and family life for now! I'll be back tomorrow (Thursday).

[i.am.jenn]

StarzMom: Welcome! I'm hoping this will be the help that I've been looking for. I really need friends in this. I'm tired of being alone in this.

CindyCRNA: Welcome! I'm glad to hear you've found a method that helps you. I've tried the restrictive carbs but I always give in, end up in a binge.

Gettingwell: Talk with the nutritionist about maybe incorporating healthy carbs into your diet to get yourself to a healthy weight. I'm a nursing student and this early into my education anorexia has been stressed over and over and over. I worry when you say the doctors says you so underweight that you are close to medical danger. You seem to understand that you need to gain weight and a good nutritionist will help you with foods that you are willing to eat... all of the nutritionists that I've been lectured by so far so there is no point in creating a diet that the client will not eat.

Laura: Howdy fellow binge addict! Lets attack our demons together. My b******* demon this week is sharing. Can't do it. Don't want to. I've even resorted to hiding some goodies in the trunk so my husband won't know about them and eat them. I'm ashamed. Normally when I'm ashamed I bring them in and force myself to share... but not these. I refuse. I feel like when I was a kid I'd hide bags of Doritos (the big family bags) and I'd sit in there and eat them... it was really nice and I remember feeling so safe and comfortable in the closet with my friend, Cool Ranch. I actually feel warm and gooey just thinking about it.

Take care ladies!

[CindyCRNA]

Man Gettingwell, you hit the nail on the head!! I do agree that a lot of binging is physiological. The thinner you get, the more desperate your body gets to get calories. I know if my weight drops too much, a binge is coming on because my body truly thinks it's starving. For me this happens around 118 pounds (I'm 5'7") You get to a point where you'll start to eat and become consumed with consuming. I'm not going to ask you how much you weigh as I'm sure it's probably too low but my question to you is, do you have an organized plan as to how you are going to gain weight? Are you going to panic if you gain 5 pounds? Hell, I panic if I gain 5 pounds! I can understand not wanting to do in patient treatment and from watching shows on TV of some of these clinics, it seems the success rate seems low. People relapse and end up back. It sounds like you want to end this cycle. Possibly if you give the nutritionist the guidelines you want to follow, maybe they can help you make the best choices. We all know there are good low carb diets and bad low carb diets. Maybe if you approach the nutritionist that way and let them know that in order for you to succeed, this is how it has to be done, it may give some of the control you need in the situation and some nutritional advice. Please keep posting and I will check this daily. Everyone here has demons. Some of us are just hiding them better.

[CindyCRNA]

I.am.jen, When you ended up binging while on low carb, was it a high fat moderate protein low carb with enough calories? A lot of people here really like the Eat Fat Get Thin book and way of eating. A lot of people have trouble when they let their protein get too high withnot enough fat and calories. Are your calories at least 1500? I really can't drop below 1500 calories or I become obsessed. For those of you looking for a counselor, it seems that unless the counselor is a recovered binge eater, I'm just not sure if I could really find any help. They could, however help you explore maybe the emotional reason some of us (I originally wrote "you" and realized I will always fight this also and changed it to "us") may turn to food. For me, it physical, not emotional. I restrict my calories too much and it leads to a binge. Body is just screaming, "Eat something"!!!. What to do, what to do. I think this is a good start. I think it is a great relief to everyone here that we are not the only ones with Ranch Doritos in a trunk!!

[daveivane]

Hi, Jen Really a good start from you. People who are in need of help and info can get good advantage from this. Many people are very unaware about where they can get help and talk. I hope your initiative may be of help to many people who are struggling with this problem. Great job and keep going! All the best!

[gettingwell]

Hi all....I know this sounds crazy, but I'm going to try just eating to satiety--but on protein and fat--and basically do VLC and see how I do. This thought is so liberating to me, you cannot imagine! I'll do veggies when I eat with the family, but try protein and fat during the day, when I am (thankfully) on my own. Weekends...tough to figure that one out, but I'll deal with it somehow....maybe have flax hot cereal and some of the things like that that I've been trying from the recipe boards. I feel like I can give up some of the obsessiveness within those parameters. My doc scared me yesterday--but I want the control and I don't want to do it her way....in the end, we all have to help ourselves, I think...and figure out what works for us. I just have to figure out how to deal with my family...however, if they are seeing results, maybe they'll back off...???? Take care, everyone.

[CindyCRNA]

Gettingwell, If the cereal you are talking about is Flax Z Snax from Netrition, I love that stuff. Try it with liquid Splenda (I like Fiberfit) and unsweetened Almond Breeze.Almond Breeze is great because it only has 40 calories in a cup and 1 carb. My fav is the vanilla almond Flax Z Snax. I know what you mean about eating around other people. When they see you are eating differant than them, then there is the uncomfortable conversation that follows. "yes, thats 8 slices of bacon", "I always have eggs for breakfast" "No, it's not Atkins", ect. haha I have learned to make what I am eating for dinner to look like what I am serving my BF except mine is the low carb version, which often means 2 separate cooking methods. Like when I made lasagna. His had noodles, mine had summer squash layers, his had regular tomatoe based sauce, mine was a low carb sauce, his was loaded with italian sausage, mine had a scant few peices. Big helping of steamed broccoli on the side for both, he had bread, I did not. He doesn't hassle me but I've gotten very good at making what i'm eating look like normal high carb fare just to keep onlookers focused on their own plate. Eating out is often Mexican and last time I ordered fajitas without rice and beans, basically just ate the meat and no one noticed I brought my own low carb tortilla. Sometime when you are struggling with something, the added stress of having to explain your eating style to EVERYONE is just one more added stress.

[gettingwell]

I agree with you about the food prep--sometimes I feel like I fix 3 meals--one the kids will eat, one I will eat, and one for my husband. It drives HIM crazy, because he says it is like a restaurant....he wants us all eating the same thing. Creates stress on the marriage. I wish I was a strong enough person to say that this is my body and I need to figure out how to best feed it. I don't think he "buys into" problems with cravings, etc. because he is a NORMAL eater. He has been very patient with me and my ED but his patience is wearing thin. It is time for me to get well. I'm tired of it, too....I'm just spending too much energy on it and not enough energy on more important things. He is really weight conscious, though, so that bugs me...he comments about his OWN weight, and his weight is fine...I can't stand it when he makes remarks about his being fat when we're eating dinner. This is not healthy for the ED mind! We are a disordered family, I guess....
I think I just need to commit to getting well and just do it. I've been on the fence too long. I don't know that any doctor can really help me....in the end, it all comes down to doing it yourself....but I'll make everyone MAD if I "drop" treatment....again, wish I was strong enough to tell people I can do it and prove it to them....I guess the proof will be when I start gaining. I just really don't want to go spend 100 bucks on that nutritionist next Wednesday afternoon....
Sorry to go on like this...hope everyone is doing okay. One thing that I've learned from spending time here is that there are so many of us who struggle with food. It is really sad.

[CindyCRNA]

Gettingwell, if you were to take a poll of 100 American families, I bet you greater than 50%of the women make 3 meals for dinner. Even if you didn't have an ED, you can't eat like a man! EVERYBODY with kids makes at least 2 meals. Your husband may be so concerned about his own weight and lack of control that he may be trying to shift some of that to you. Not intentionally, of course, but somewhat. I had an ex that used to pick because my discipline made him feel bad about his lack of.

[i.am.jenn]

Gettingwell: I know the money is a lot for a nutritionist but please give them a chance. A good one will help you develop a lower carb diet that will work for you. You can be strong. Keep talking to us. It seems like you and CindyCRNA have a lot in common and that's amazing and I would at least keep talking to her. Doing this alone is hard hard work. I don't have a friend or anyone that I can really talk to so the only real people I can talk to are you ladies here. And I love reading your stories and knowing that I'm not the only one going through this, so lost and confused and clingly hopelessly to my current plan to get over this. Never, never, never give up!

Cindy: with LC, my daily diet was where I wanted it. Lots of veggies, 2-4 oz servings of meat daily. I could keep my carbs around 20g and I tried to keep my calories over 1800 (1800 to 2000 was ideal according to my BMR) but I was not losing weight. And then I'd comfort eat... a burger... and then another... and another... and another. My recent 3 month binge was following a death... it all started with a blueberry muffin. 3 months later I felt I had eaten enough.

Sorry guys, long week. Off to find something mind numbing to entertain it.
Take care!

[Starzmom]

Jenn...I know what you mean about the three month binge after a death. I had a several month one after a beloved dog died and it netted me 50 pounds that I carried around for three years until I got serious enough to lose it. It seems I can control the bingeing if I'm determined enough...but at that time I just didn't care about myself. Last several months I've been on plan and then binge just enough to not show any loss. But I'm never going to give up, not while I still breathe. I want to be able to feel normal and even be able to have some formerly forbidden foods once in awhile (when I'm at goal) without it starting a long binge. So we're all working on ourselves and talking about it. It's good to be able to talk about it, Jenn.

[gettingwell]

Jenn: I hear you, but I also have a pretty good idea that they (the establishment) are not going to go along with any low carb business at this point in time. My weight is low--probably a little artificially low since I have been pretty l/c so I'm not retaining the fluid,e tc. that I would if I were eating a higher carb diet. Anyhow, I don't know what I'm going to do....I also hear you about being able to talk about this with people--I don't have anyone, either, except people on these boards. Sometimes I feel like I sort of scare people because I ask so many questions about what they eat, how many calories, etc., etc., etc....I'm just trying to reassure myself that recovery IS possible, I think.

Cindy--you hit the nail on the head with some of hubby's issues getting pushed off on me--but he'll never admit to that!! Oh my....we probably have enough "issues" in our marriage to keep a therapist wealthy into old age!

Funny thing...today I was thinking about how my psychiatrist tells me that I have so many "SHOULDS" in my life....that I never do things because I want to--it is always because I SHOULD. Well, this feels like one of those "should" situations...I SHOULD see a nutritionist, I SHOULD continue with therapy, I SHOULD eat carbs to gain weight, etc....but my gut is telling me otherwise right now.

Today I finished off my l/c "ice cream". I SHOULDN'T buy any more. It is a trigger food for me. I know it causes cravings and I cave and buy it every darn time I am at the grocery store. I am making a promise not to buy it anymore. It also does a number on my belly--sugar alcohols don't get along with me!

Okay, this is long enough. Enough "therapy" for one day. Have a good night, everyone...I'll check back and see how you are all doing tomorrow.

[i.am.jenn]

Starz: Mine was Chyna. I spent a lot of time drowning myself in blueberry muffins, fried food, breaded delights... I haven't really been able to get back on the LC Wagon and I lose more and more interest eating strictly low carb again. I am still exploring gastric bypass and in that I'll have to a) conquer my demons and b) learn to eat healthy (including healthy portions). I'm working my way up, little by little. Today instead of getting a fast food burger I picked up some guacamole and alfalfa sprouts and pan grilled a patty. Topped it and threw it on some whole wheat. Delicious, money saving and a lot healthier than what I would have gotten.

Gettingwell: If the nutritionist will not work with you on a diet to help you gain weight in a healthy way and in a way that you are willing to eat (without a dang good reason and a detailed plan) then I would think they are a bad nutritionist. I'm a nursing student and it's been drilled into my head over and over and over and over and over to take into consideration what the client is willing to eat when developing a diet plan otherwise they will not eat it. Period. End of story. If they like sweets, work sweets into it. If they don't like vegetables, give them options (broccoli with cheese, etc) to try. I know the "shoulds" suck (I *should* lose weight....) but from what you've said you and I are in a similar (though polar opposite) position. If we do not change our weight, it WILL kill us. What we choose to do from there is our choice. I choose to address my demons and develop a healthy view of food. I choose to understand why I can't have just one. I choose to understand why I can't share. I choose to understand why I must eat a huge meal to feel satisfied. I choose to understand why I need food to feel comfort and cannot feel this from myself. These are my choices. My gut, my instincts? They are fighting me. They tell me that if I "just get back on low carb" I'll *actually* stick with it this time. I could do the work, go through the sugar/grease/sodium withdrawals and get back into ketosis.... and I will fail again because I haven't dealt with my psychological issues with food. I choose to understand why I choose to undermine myself and make myself fail over and over and over.

I have a meeting this evening, gotta run!!!

[xbeyondthebeautyx]

Hey all......I am so sad and digusted. I hate my life. I mean Im not suicidal. Im happy to be healthy and alive, but Im miserable in my own skin. Im fat, lonely, sad with no social life. I was scheduled to have gastric bypass today, but I canceled out of fear and also a friend almost died last week from complications from surgery. Thats neither here nor there. Im just so so sad. I am re-inducting on Atkins and Im excited about that. Im jus anxiety ridden and sad. I dont wanna live like this anymore!! I have hit rock bottom!