Battling bulimia

[madonna1]

I mainly lurk around but I came across some interesting posts on these boards recently and I was wondering if this could be the answer to my ever demanding eating disorder which at the moment is clearly in control. I have suffered and battled this beast for too long and recently I was just debating if maybe lc was for me. I love this way of eating and find it extremely easy, I never feel deprived, I never feel hungry. I have a fairly easy going menu and I never indulge in deli meat or processed foods. However there are two things that trigger or seem to trigger a binge, Nr:1 artificial sweeteners and secondly cheese. I love cheese 100g piece is nothing for me and I can snack on it without flinching however that is quite a few calories and I know I do have too watch calories at my weight if i want to maintain. Artificial sweeteners tend to make me hungry and after reading more posts I noticed a trend in that direction and I have to admit I have fallen prey to my guilt and recently the ugly beast has reared its head along with my guilt and so this viscious circle continues. I have almost come clean with caffein which I know was also a trigger for me and on good days I am so convinced that I can overcome this disorder it is inconceivable for me to acknowledge that the following day I am again victim to myself. It is so frustrating. I am looking for a simple solution this time: no therapy, meds or deep analysis. I just want a simple answers, give up cheese, give up diet soda and you are a for away!!!
Ha, Ha,Ha is it ever so simple? Just thought I would share a theory,

[annakane]

Unfortunately, for me atleast, when i love something as much as i love cheese i have to completely refrain from eating it. The same with bulimia, which i have suffered from most of my adult life, complete abstinence. It's been over 6 months since i have made myself puke. it's possibel

[madonna1]

Congrats on your success, 6 months is wonderful. Unfortunately thats what I have to do... refrain from cheese. This morning I am positive and feeling good especially since I tried on all my tiny clothes and they fit so atleast thats ok and I can continue to work on giving up problem foods.

[ShelbyS]

I've had bulimia since I was about 13 and it has been mostly in control for many years, with an occasional slip up. I find that if I stay busier than busy I'm good, that way there is no time for binges. Plus, now that I'm getting older it really shows on my face if I purge so vanity is pushing me away from purging. Kind of funny that the thing that pushed me toward it in the first place is now keeping me away from it.
Low carb has definitely been a way for me to maintain my weight over the years and prevent the binge urge.

[suzanneyea]

I had to go zero carb to stop my urges to binge, but it worked. I eat only meat and never have the urge to binge or purge, I wish I had known this decades ago.

[madonna1]

Suzanneyea, thanks and congrats on your success overcoming this illness. I often read you posts and I must say find an inspiration in your accomplishment. I started zero carb yesterday and I must say I had no urges to binge (only the urge to eat cheese, which I refrained from, because it just triggers. Did you also have difficulties with either cheese or artificial sweeteners?)
Today I am continuing with zero carb although I do have coffee in the morning (can't give this up lol) I hope you don't mind if I occasionally need some help from your side, I have been bulimic for 25 years, so it is really hard for me. Even low carb was a battle although it has helped if I stick to programme and don't allow my emotions to get in the way!!!

[madonna1]

Being busy definitely helps and I am working on positive new year changes, lol. Getting out of the rut and changing my routine also helps. Atm I am desperate to try anything so your support is really welcome and I must admit an occasional kick in the ass always helps, lol. Go well and thanks for your response

[suzanneyea]

I post on these boards for this exact reason. Anyone I can help overcome bulimia if worth all the heat I take for being zc. I still find it a miracle that I have no urge to binge or purge, it was as normal to me as breathing, just something I did everyday. I have to laugh when people tell me that zc is unhealthy. The alternative for me is vomitting everything I eat and that cannot be too healthy eaither!
I used to have coffee every morning until about a month ago, I even had cream in it, just a touch. I went to Mexico and had no desire for coffee, so I just stopped naturally. But, I will have a cup in the morning now and then too.

[bruisin]

I've suffered with Ana in my life & it's a constant battle to keep it at bay. I've done really well for a long time & I know that it's only the grace of God that I'm doing this well.

*I posted about my ana story in my weight loss journal*

don't give up. You can do this.

[madonna1]

I cannot imagine why you would have to take heat for offering good advice. It is my 3rd day and I am feeling great. I should because: I haven't binged, I haven't had any cravings, no upset stomach, no bloating!!!! all I can say is Wow. I also had only half a cup of coffee this morning with some cream and I felt o.k with that, whereas normally I was craving my morning cuppa. I am positive about this woe. My dh often goes hunting and I have a freezer full of venison so I am well stocked for my new challenge!!! Thanks Suzanneyea.

[madonna1]

I know the battle and the constant struggle with eating disorders, for me its either bingeing and purging or starving. Congratulations on your recovery, faith and belief are awesome characteristics too have, you should be very proud of yourself!!!
I am looking forward too reading in your weight loss journal

[VanjaJames]

There are two books - one called The Mood Cure, the other called The Diet Cure - and both address supplements that you can take to help reduce cravings and reduce the urge to binge. Basically your desire to eat the wrong foods comes down to a vitamin deficiency. Get both books if you can and read them - taking the right vitamins will help anybody who struggles with an ED.

[madonna1]

Thanks for your reply. I went yesterday onto the Diet cure's website and got some good info on deficiencies and illnesses, you learn something new everyday lol!!!

[DarkFairy]

Hi there everyone!!!!
I know this is a bit of a taboo subject and it is never spoken of but it is also a very important subject.
Most people have known someone that battles an eating disorder.
I have and still battle bulimia. My bulimia returns whenever I am dieting. I have to force myself to not purge every day. I have also abuse laxatives and that too is an everyday battle.
Why do I feel so free telling you all this? I guess because I want to know others out there that also suffer the same curse so we can support each other in this battle everyday! We all need someone that has been there or at least someone that is willing to support us.
I thank God for my hubby, he sees the red flags of my illness and he calls me out on them.

[goin2Bgood]

Part of my issue is bulimia. I've had to cut out spicy pork rinds totally because they're a trigger to binge and purge (but plain are ok). So's cream and some other foods.

Since I've started Atkins it's been under the best control it's ever been but I can still cycle through the need to throw up. I went to an eating disorder clinic (very highly recommended here) and gave up. She only wanted to focus on my low carbing and why it was 'bad" not to have variety. I spent three sessions defending how I eat, I even brought my labs (blood work is excellent) and last session I flat out told her, look, I need help to break this cycle, what I am choosing to eat is fine and she just couldn't get past it.

So I've started writing times/emotions when I get the urge to eat when not hungry and when i want to throw up. Interestingly enough on Atkins, the urge to purge is directly related to some kinds of foods like spicy pork rinds, but doesn't seem to be emotion driven the way it was before low carbing. If I avoid the trigger foods, I don;t purge for months and even a couple years. Senselessly eating though is still very tied to emotions.

I've had to get really strict about when and what i eat. I eat a large variety of fresh veggies every day and I try to keep my meals fun and different, but I really try to restrict any snacking. or if I'm hungry deviled eggs or plain pork rinds already pre measured. I don't know if it's the best way to do things, but it's working while I try to work through my emotional triggers. because I've been doing Atkins for 4 years and I keep sabotaging myself (even though overall my weight keeps creeping down). But until I can break binge/purge cycles and figure out my inner demons I'm afraid I won't have the life change needed to fully succeed.

[lisagail76]

I love this thread. Thank you all for it. Recovering (still struggling) bulemic here. Trying to restart low carb strictly again. When I start to eat sweet stuff, binge happens. I'm stuck at a weight of 142 since the birth of my second child, which is not bad, but I still want to lose about 5 lbs. Did you notice once your body retained food again that you gained weight? I want to be prepared for any surprises on the scale. I've always done low carb, but still binged and purged on it.
Thank you all for your honesty!

[goin2Bgood]

I never gained once I stopped throwing up.. is that what you mean? It takes time for my body to start losing again though.

The last time I seemed to be in a cycle I just refused to throw up. I felt horrible and bloated after eating and wrote down all the reasons why I felt like I should purge and wrote down all the reasons not to.. by the time I was done the urge subsided. it's been getting easier each time not to do it. I also enter everything I eat in fitday. Being able to open fitday and see I am eating a sensible amount event though my mind was trying to trick me in to thinking it was 'too much" helped a lot too.

I've never been able to break this cycle before. And it's one I've been fighting for a number of years. This year is the first time in many years I feel I might be finally gaining ground.

[madonna1]

Fitday is an excellent idea, it just keeps it more real. I also have the problem that if I don't stick to the plan perfectly everything seems to go out the window despite that I set my goals very high and imperfection and lack of will power don't go down well with me either. It is a viscious cycle fasting, bingeing, purging.... lets start again, only this time it becomes more strict and the search for control is overpowering and unrelenting. I honestly do not know how I have survived my own life sometimes...... Anyway Today, yesterday and the day before have been good and hopefully tomorrow will go well

[nikkinew]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I've suffered from this horrific disease for more than 18 years. I've gone up 40lbs down 40lbs over and over. I'm so exhaused from the yo-yo cycle. I'm struggling and the pain from the extra weight is affecting every part of my life. I tell myself today's the last day for eating carbs and tomorrow will be different. I just need to reach out and say today I'm not going to treat my body like a garbage can and that I have to feed my body for fuel. Hope to hear from all of you and will continue to write when the urge to eat comes over me.

N

[suzanneyea]

Hi all,
Just like to stop in and offer my encouragement. If I can recover from bulimia, there is hope for all of you. I do not even think about it any more. And I was a hard core bulimic, most days the only thing that got me out of bed was planning my binge for after work.

[nikkinew]

I was wondering if any of you would mind posting a typical day what you eat. I do know that carbs send me in a tail spin of bingeing. I have to keep it simple and not think about calories right now.

[suzanneyea]

2000 grams of meat, any meat, whatever is on sale that day. Mostly beef.

[nikkinew]

suzanneyea.....Do you eat only meat? No green veggies. What about fat, Mayo, olive oil? I'm struggling and can't seem to find a happy medium. I hate that I turn to food for comfort. I have to get it together my weight is creeping up and I'm miserable. Thanks for any help you may be able to offer.

[smudgepot]

Greetings to my fellow South African! I too suffer from Bulimia, and can empathise with your frustration and issues with triggering food. While I dont get triggered by cheese, I do tend to overeat it. My biggest trigger is nuts! I now avoid them completely and found that after a couple weeks, didn't "need" them anymore.

I have not gone the VLC/Zero route mainly because I love veggies too much. I adore salads and would feel terribly deprived without them. I also find that my system doesn't react well to very large quantities of meat and nothing else. However, I do stay away from anything with a higher carb value such as fruit etc.

Low carb definitely helps the bulimia and for the first time in 10 years I can make it a day without bingeing and purging. I am no where near perfect, but I have seen huge improvements.

Would agree with Vanja and suggest reading Julia Ross's The Diet Cure and The Mood Cure. I have found that the amino acid therapy she suggests has really helped the whole craving/binge/purge cycle. I also found that my mood was much, much improved. I no longer feel angry and frustrated for no reason and am a lot nicer person to be around.

You are not alone, and we are here to help!

[steady]

Hi Madonna:
May I add on another book? I was not interested in self-help books before, but I finally admitted I am not perfect and I do need help. I recently read When Food is Love by Geneen Roth. I could identify with so much of what she has written in this book and I think you will too. The Diet Cure has been the key to my physical "recovery", but I think Roth's has added to my psychological recovery. I realized I binged out of deep seeded anger, denial and fear. I have finally identified and confronted my deep emotional "wounds" and completed the emotional grieving process. I feel like I healed some old wounds from the past that I inadvertently comforted and suppressed with food. Immediately, I am approaching food from a different perspective. When food is around I no longer am anxious from the fear that my uncontrollable desire to eat every last morsel of it and then some. Food is no longer serving as a mood stabilizer, anesthetic, or pacifier. I really feel that food no longer has control over me...I real see food's true purpose of feeding physical hunger, I eat in the present...food can't resolve any of my problems or emotions in the long term sense. I eat for my need here and now...it is physical hunger... that is all. I've made the connection. I totally get it now and I have sense of peace ...like unfinished business is finally resolved. Look, right now, I have the perfect "binge" opportunity, I am all alone for the entire day, I have a bag full of peanuts and a fresh jar of peanut butter, but I don't have one ounce of the urge to binge. I keep looking back and wondering why I let myself go as long as I had with the b/p issue. Please I encourage you to give this book a chance...

[madonna1]

Hi all
It has been awhile since I checked this thread. Hi Smudgepot and don't we live in a beautiful place. I am pleased that low carb has offered you so much. I too love salads and veggies, too much in fact. zero carb or "close too zero" is more of a need right now than a choice. I believe in Atkins wholeheartedly, but the veggies and salad combined with some cream and cheese (even under 20g) just bloat me and cause me so much anxiety that it inevitably makes me edgy and moody and not someone you want to be around.
Steady, I am so inspired by your post. I totally understand and relate to the issues you describe, I have to get these books. It makes the light at the end of the tunnel seem more real.
Otherwise I am definitely doing much better lately, I am close to zero carbs (I still indulge in a little cream in my coffee and cheese is still my weakness. A few mushrooms and lettuce do pass my lips, every week or so) I try not to obsess and although it is part of the territory my addiction is lessening. I have lost the weight that I was so nervous about having put on (I didn't weigh myself but my clothes were slightly more snug) I sit here and realise bulimia and eating disorders have taken from me what no person could have. That is opportunities, friends and life. They offered me lies and loneliness in exchange!!

[oobladee]

Hello All...I too am a recovering B/P. I have not had the urge to do so for about 12 years now. It was a true miracle the first time in my adult life when I overate and did not walk into the bathroom & get into position to do this clearly insane behavior.

For me, I very slowly realized that any time I over ate - got to the point where my belly was over full - was the bottom line trigger for me to purge. Therefore, it was a simple (and as hard) as not ever allowing myself to get to that point.

I am also in the camp where any very restricted WOE will only serve to make me become obsessive.

My goal is to be "normal" with eating. For me, that means not freaking out over every "bad food" (in fact not judging food as having any moral character), not eating alone, not eating a ridiculous amount of food.

The way I got here was to try to eat, in reasonable portions, a variety of food. We all know what types of food are neither satisfying nor nutritious. I know better than to ever eat that type of food on an empty stomach, if ever.

Anyway, did not mean to preach. You will find what works for you if you keep looking. Blessings to all.

[tattoo_girl]

Hello

I didnt realize that I shared the same issue with so many others!

Ive been struggling with my bulimia since I was 18, now 25, and am so tired of it. A few years back I started south beach, and it was like I found the perfect way to stop the cycle. I lost 20 lbs, and never binged and purged for about 7 months....then, personal things happened in my life that set me back and it all started again....a cycle of Ana and Bulimia, and gaining back the lost 20 lbs.

Well the point of my little babble is that I think Low carb way of eating is the perfect choice for people struggling with bulimia! you have some freedom to eat a little bit more, in the form of protein, and I find that kepping trigger foods away has helped tons.

the only things that set me up for a binge and purge are any nut butters (almond is the worst), and sweetners, also yogurt. I just cant stop with the nut butter and before you know it, im in the washroom regreting every minute...Im still struggling, but well on my way to recovery!

[oobladee]

Good point, tattoo girl! "healthy foods" can also be triggers. Yogurts are one for me also. I can eat Greek Yogurt - full fat.

The peanut butter I grind myself will not affect me like the others do.