Filling the Void with Food - June

[brilliant100]

Originally Posted by moonbeam_2

I won't hear till the first week of July now. I'm a little upset about that, but what can I do, right? *insert big pout here*

My eating last night was HORRID. But, it's over, and I'm moving on. How are things with everyone else?

WTH


Good attitude regarding the incident last night. Take my hand and get back on the wagon.

[saundra41]

How are all of my wonderful buddies doing this am. I have been sorry to say lost in a continuous bindge and the darkness of it has been horible. Well the day of my Autistic sons graduation party is here. I have been worried that I would binge on this day for weeks and I have come to realize its not the party itself that I should have been afraid of its picking up that first bite. Once I do that the compulsiveness comes in big time. The last few days I have not posted and that Im sure has alot to do with staying in binge mode for so long. (3 days) Anyway welcome steady I enjoyed reading your post. That just goes to prove the idea that I have "when I get thin I will have no problems" is false. Plz continue to post!
Brilliant-whats up girlfriend, you are a great inspiration to me and I know that you are cheering for me

[PhotoMama]

Last night ... I didn't have my salad like planned. The lettuce was wilty (is that a word?) so, I picked the chicken tenders out and gave them to DS (I had about 4 bites - his left overs) and threw the rest away. Instead, I binged on peanuts and beef jerky ... more peanuts than jerky. I wanted to throw up. I felt so TERRIBLY sick ... I'm not having ANY peanuts today.

To keep busy today, I'm ..

(1) Going to go to church
(2) Do my GG shopping
and
(3) Work on DS's birthday invitations.

I'm hoping that's enough.

[PhotoMama]

Okay ... so we decided that today is our ONE day off.

As everyone knows, it's Father's Day so we let the daddy pick the activities for the day ... that included where we went to eat. This morning, I made him eggs and ham so we were off to a good start but that all changed at lunch ... pizza.

We went to a buffet. I had one slice of mega-meat pizza, one pepperoni roll, and one slice of beef stromboli ... followed by one cinnamon bread stick and one cinnamon with mini-chocolate chip pizza strip. It's a lot of food ... BAD food. That's not the worst part though. The worst part is after all of that, I didn't feel full. Now that I think about it, it's both good an bad ... I could have eaten more but I didn't.

Onto dinner ... fast food I got the junior bacon cheeseburger and a small fry. Down side ... I ate it. Bright side ... me and DS went for a power walk (well as 'powerful' as a power walk can be with an almost 3yo). Two square blocks. I also did some ab exercises. My abs feel tight which makes me feel better. I think I'm going to do some more in a bit though and maybe throw in some leg exercises too. What I really want to do is go for a jog which shocks even me but it started to sprinkle towards the end of our walk

Oh well .. I have aerobics tomorrow. I plan to limit myself on cal, fat and carb intake up until (and beyond) that point.

If you haven't noticed, one of the things I've decided I NEED to make myself do ... that I think will help me ... is trying to find a bright side ... to EVERYTHING. Again ... I don't feel TERRIBLE about today, but I do feel bad. NO MORE BEATING MYSELF UP!

[steady]

Hey Girls:

I have been itching to get to talk to you and support you over our weekend events.

Originally Posted by saundra41

I have been worried that I would binge on this day for weeks and I have come to realize its not the party itself that I should have been afraid of its picking up that first bite. Once I do that the compulsiveness comes in big time.

Saundra, it is nice to meet you. From my experience, the anxiety of the event is the cause of the binge not the event itself; the binges tend to occur the few days leading up to an event from the stress/planning of it as well as worry about remaining in control of what I eat during the party. Hang in there…try honing in on the set off thought(s) of the binge(s). Also try to realize the binging didn’t make the party better, but maybe actively dealing with the thoughts/stress about the party would have made the party more enjoyable for you. I know easier to write than to do…I seem to have trouble taking my own advice. Once you take a few minutes to do this, move on and realize today it is a new day of a new week. Hang tight!

PhotoMama-
IMHO, feeling terrible leads to mind numbing binges, and the huge step you’ve made is that you don’t feel terrible. Feeling bad about what you ate is normal (I think?)…it’s a reminder feeling or even a bit of a motivator to get back on track (you did that too-- exercise and a recommitment towards better eating the next day). Good job! If reducing you food intake today becomes difficult or feels restrictive, remind yourself that the restriction is a little price to pay for yesterday’s indulgence. Let us know how today goes.

Moonbeam-
Forgive me for intruding in this thread…I’ve just followed your thoughts on the job interview. First off, best wished! I can’t believe that it is taking them so long to make it all official. Your attitude towards the delay it is something I admire….I would be a binge monster until the day they would tell me. You’ve said it, “What can you do?”…I’ve learned from your experience that it is normal to be upset from the delay, but some things are out of our control and we have to just deal. Dealing with it is more about attitude towards the situation.

Well, overall my weekend went smoothly. I went to the Mother-in-law’s (MIL), always a stressful time. The first thing she says is…You still on that low-carb thing? Well I don’t know what your going to eat here. Nice huh?, but she was right for a vegetarian household there weren’t many vegetables…just one plate of crudite as an appetizer with gloppy fat-free dressing. Dinner was starch happy (rice, lentils, roti, potatoes). I guess everyone noticed the DH and my weightloss, she was blabbing to everyone that I was eating NO carb. DH told her to stop…he said that “We’ve been trying to exercise and eat better it is not a diet”. Note: DH is not LC, but has recently focused on exercise and shares many LC meals with me.

So, I know this is terrible, but I admit I got such a high from it. For dinner, I ate 1.5 cups of crudite and salsa, and later sipped on some tea. That was it… I even cut and served the ice cream cake and tart without even a lick...I wasn’t even tempting. The next morning, I just had some coffee with milk (no cream in this household). I watch MIL watch me in dismay as I didn’t fail and proved to her this isn’t a diet it is our lifestyle. DH and I left late afternoon, and I had a ham and cheese frittata (my first real meal in 25 hours!)…it was soo good and I ate the whole thing and didn’t feel guilty.
Last night, I ate a small bit of a pork and eggplant stirfry I made.

Today it is back to regular eating:
B: two eggs slice of ham, with mayo
L: cream of broccoli soup and just the small bit of the leftover stirfry
S: ??? --This is where trouble lurks, but maybe a dill pickle, ham, and slice of cheese. (salt freak I am…now that I gave up sugar)
D: Chicken with garlic aioli & a green salad.

My attitude is so much better just talking to you…sorry my posts are so long. The ranting and raving is therapy. Have a good day!

[PhotoMama]

Real quick ... then I'll come back later to catch up.

June 18 .... 142.2lbs .... 33in.

I want to get the measurements that my aerobics instructor took last week. She pulls the tape measure tight and I don't so I know there's a difference. I'd just like to see if she has the same differences in her measurements as I do in mine.

[PhotoMama]

Saundra ~ How did you son's graduation go? ... How are you feeling?

Steady ~ You made a lot of good points. And yes, it is easier to type/write something than it is to actually put it into action. I guess that's why I come here so much ... while I'm typing, it gives me a chance to think. BTW, Congrats on ... sticking it to your MIL.

How's everyone else doing?

[Bobbin]

Good morning!
Wow, Steady, you did so great this weekend!!! I'm so proud of you. I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Photo, good job on the walk, often I "hang it up" after a bad meal. I hope you enjoy your aerobics tonight.

Moonbeam, sorry you won't hear about that job for a while, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Saundra, how was the party? Please don't beat yourself up over anything, every event in life is a learning experience. I hope you were able to enjoy the party.

Brilliant, is your mom coming this week? I did that one room per day thing before, but my kitchen ended up taking 3 full days! lol. The oven and fridge alone were a whole day!!! I hope you've successfully gotten back on the wagon.

Well, my eating was atrocious yesterday, but all I can do is try again, right? We had sushi for Fathers Day dinner last night, and carrot cake for dessert...so needless to say I wasn't a good girl. The upside is other than the rice, sushi is really good for me, right?

I did the shopping yesterday, and I'm armed with a bunch of great new recipes to try this week, including a home made bleu cheese dressing I'm going to make tonight. I didn't take the time to fix lunch in advance today, so in a bit I'm going to the store to get a roasted chicken to nosh on today. Dinner is already made for tonight, so today I'll just get the sugar out of my system! Mondays are so busy, I have to get to the gym after work, then take my son to Karate, THEN get him to practice piano, do his reading, etc...Run from the moment I get up till bed time. I hope everyone has a great Monday (well...as great as a monday can be... )

[brilliant100]

Originally Posted by saundra41

How are all of my wonderful buddies doing this am. I have been sorry to say lost in a continuous bindge and the darkness of it has been horible. Well the day of my Autistic sons graduation party is here. I have been worried that I would binge on this day for weeks and I have come to realize its not the party itself that I should have been afraid of its picking up that first bite. Once I do that the compulsiveness comes in big time. The last few days I have not posted and that Im sure has alot to do with staying in binge mode for so long. (3 days) Anyway welcome steady I enjoyed reading your post. That just goes to prove the idea that I have "when I get thin I will have no problems" is false. Plz continue to post!
Brilliant-whats up girlfriend, you are a great inspiration to me and I know that you are cheering for me

Hi Saundra. welcome back. Its hard to come back after a binge.........trust me I know.

Coming here and reading and chatting has helped me some. At least Im not the only one deaing with this. Seems like our current weight does not have much to do with the desire to binge. Some of us are rather slim (93 pounds) and some a lot heavier but our minds are very similar. I find that comforting.......Your right that getting thin will not sovle our problem.

If your ready........take my hand and get on the wagon. It goes pretty slow so we wont have to run .

[brilliant100]

Originally Posted by PhotoMama

Last night ... I didn't have my salad like planned. The lettuce was wilty (is that a word?) so, I picked the chicken tenders out and gave them to DS (I had about 4 bites - his left overs) and threw the rest away. Instead, I binged on peanuts and beef jerky ... more peanuts than jerky. I wanted to throw up. I felt so TERRIBLY sick ... I'm not having ANY peanuts today.

To keep busy today, I'm ..

(1) Going to go to church
(2) Do my GG shopping
and
(3) Work on DS's birthday invitations.

I'm hoping that's enough.

Awww photomama.

I have major issues with peanuts too. Cant stop once I get started (eventhough I dont love them ). The belly ache from these babies is not right They can have a laxitive effect.... must be all that natural fiber

[brilliant100]

Steady - I love your posts........your very good at putting words to many of my feelings.

sometimes I diet real well until the day of the event. Then I go hog wild and eat mindlessly at it and for days afterwards. I always to this when I am going to see people that comment on my weight (friends, family).

I sometimes start eating if someone heavier than me gives me too many compliments??!!! I call it guilt eating cuz I feel bad for them.

[brilliant100]

Hi Bobbin - thats a great attitude to have about focusing on today and letting yesterday go.

We cannot eat perfectly every day of the dang year. The best thing is that it did not lead to a numbing-eating-feast. Great job!!!

[Bobbin]

Steady,
I was reading some of the responses to your post in the Atkins folder, regarding climbing the carb ladder. Have you thought about the suggestion of adding in controlled portions of higher carb foods you're NOT crazy about? It seemed like a pretty good suggestion, but I was just curious if you tried it?

I know there are some things I should NEVER eat, like "fake" candy, real sugar in any way, shape or form, fries, even "faux fries" that are baked and not fried, and many other things. I really related to your thing about when doing LF how you could eat a whole loaf of bread. When I did Weight Watchers and counted points, I could eat a whole loaf of that Sara Leigh Delightful bread (1 pt. for 2 slices) EASY! And miraculously, it would only be like 12 pts. for the whole loaf!?! The only problem is, I'd then move on to candy....

All I know is I can measure out one serving of whatever, but a) I know how to drive to the store/donut house, etc if needed or b) I know where I've stashed the rest in the cabinet, lol. Climbing the carb ladder is something I've never done....

Oh, I do have a victory today. A client brought in a home made chocolate cake for my office, and I didn't even go in the kitchen. Of course, it's only 1:45 here, lol. But I am determined! And Choc/Choc cake is my all time favorite food... I will stay out of that kitchen if it kills me!!

[Bobbin]

Only an hour and a half left, still no cake....can't say I haven't been tempted to "chuck it" and eat the damn cake......

[PhotoMama]

Bobbin .. You can make it! That is, if you haven't already made it.

I think I did pretty well today.
Breakfast - peanuts (didn't think I would ever eat them again but ...), beef jerky and a string cheese.
Lunch - salad with ham, cheese and bacon bits
Dinner - pork chops and green beans

My big "victory" for the day? We went to the movies (the ting broke less than 10 minutes into it) and DH and the kids got popcorn. I had maybe 10 pieces ... less than a handful and I was done. Even though I wanted more, I didn't.

Well, I'm off to my aerobics class. I'll try to check back in later but if I don't ... have a GOOD evening and I'll talk to y'all tomorrow.

[moonbeam_2]

Steady: thanks for the thoughts on my job wait. you really made me feel good

Bobbin and everyone else: thanks for the well wishes too

Just stopping in to say hi. Guess I'll be headed to Vegas just as heavy as I was when I set out to lose a couple of pounds a month ago

[Bobbin]

I ate the cake. And 3 large choc. chip cookies on top of that. I am just sick of myself right now. I feel weak and pathetic, and ruled by food. I even stayed late at work till everyone left so I could eat it alone like a sad loser.

[brilliant100]

Originally Posted by Bobbin

I ate the cake. And 3 large choc. chip cookies on top of that. I am just sick of myself right now. I feel weak and pathetic, and ruled by food. I even stayed late at work till everyone left so I could eat it alone like a sad loser.

I have so done that . Eating alone is one of my ways to really numb down while eating. Its a compulsion I fight daily/weekly. I have zero will power when out of deep ketosis. Ive been trying different combinations of supplements to see if they can eliminate cravings cuz I still get them while in ketosis or find it hard to stop eating once I start.

Yesterday was a good minimal craving day and I think it was due to taking the following:

Before breakfast: L-carnitine 1000 mg, L-glutimine 1500 mg
L: Chromium Picolinate 1000 mg
Snack: Chromium Picolinate 1000 mg

I was reading somewhere on the other boards about the chromium which I use to take last year. I just happened to still have some in my drawer at work. Why did I ever stop taking this stuff ......i think it really. helped

[brilliant100]

Bobbin - do you feel like exploring what lead to the secret eating and how we can fight the urge? I so need advice cuz I can so easily do this at any moment.

Feeling out of control is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[brilliant100]

Originally Posted by moonbeam_2

Just stopping in to say hi. Guess I'll be headed to Vegas just as heavy as I was when I set out to lose a couple of pounds a month ago

Moonbeam.

It really does suck to feel chubby on vacation. Tryin to diet for a special event often triggers binges for me

Hope you still enjoy your trip. We are so much more than the weight on the scale or size pants we wear. KWIM?

[brilliant100]

Photomama - You are motivating me to find a workout I enjoy and will want to do. I LOVE spin class and would love to go a few times a week but its hard with a 10 month old. Maybe I can talk to hubby about incorporating this. He mentioned that he misses going to the gym and playing basketball.


Saundra and Steady - How was your day yesterday?

[PhotoMama]

Originally Posted by brilliant100

Photomama - You are motivating me to find a workout I enjoy and will want to do. I LOVE spin class and would love to go a few times a week but its hard with a 10 month old. Maybe I can talk to hubby about incorporating this. He mentioned that he misses going to the gym and playing basketball.

Do they have a gym with childcare? I know our local YMCA (which I considering) has child care ... and they're in a room connected by a glass was to the gym so you can see them but not have to tend to them. Even my aerobics class offers child care upon request.

[steady]

Bobbin- Thanks for noticing my post in the Atkins thread.
Yes, I have thought about trying foods that I am not crazy about…but that is about as far as I have gone so far. Right now, I feel safe and comfortable in the induction state, I guess I am “successful” at the bottom rung. I only try new foods when I am backed in a corner and need to eat, like at a cocktail party or dinner at someone’s house (ie. Nuts, butternut squash, etc.). During the event I am able to control my portion, for the most part, but then a couple hours later the cravings start…that is where the trouble begins.

I don’t eat fake stuff either because it generates an insatiable craving for the real stuff and I have always tried to stay away from overly processed things…that part is virtually ingrained in me. I don’t even use Splenda or any other AS, but with LC I tried AS and they are a trigger too. Eating fake stuff makes me feel deprived and deprivation makes me binge. Portion controlling also feels like deprivation even if it isn’t something I am not crazy about. I know I have to accept portion control to move forward, but it is just so hard. Wahwahwah!!

I hate playing the mind games as you mentioned (eg. I know exactly where the rest of those damn nuts are!!! and I know where I can more of this). This is exactly what goes through my head... I feel silly and even crazy playing mind games by hiding food from myself too.

I do recommend climbing the carb ladder if it is time to, but I know the feeling and the hesitation as we are dealing with “other” factors that clearly some of the members pointed out to me in the Atkins thread. I feel like such a freak, now! But I guess it made me face it.

Giving into the cake as you did...is exactly how I would have done it too. We are so alike in that we would wait until the others leave. For me its is the deprivation feeling, and abstaining requires so much energy that it is stressful. Try to figure out what made you give in so you and we can learn from it. Remember this, you held out all day and that is a step. Buck up camper, today is the new day!