Can't quit......

[Orphalie]

Trying to quit smoking when your SO will not. I have quit beofore and it was not that big of a deal honestly. I had no problem doing it. DH used to smoke on and off but now he smokes all the time. I realy want to stop but he refuses to quit. He knows how awful it is for him ect and that I NEED to quit but he just won't and it is pretty much impossible for me while he is out there puffing away to not light up.

Anyone gone through this and can give me some tips on quitting when your SO still smokes?

[hpnodat1]

I was the one that continued to smoke after my husband quit. I was sopposed to quit too but I just couldn't seem to do it. I would go a couple days or about a week without it and then I would cave in. I didn't want to quit in the first place I liked everything about it. My husband would be so disappointed with me all of the time he didn't even want to be around me. Who would want to be around a smelly ashtray all of the time, right? I eventually did stop and have been smoke free for almost a year now and before then I was smoke free for 9 months and I decided that I was going to smoke because I was going out of town and no one would know about it but me. Big mistake!!! I smoked like a freight train for 3 week before I could manage to quit again. This time my mentality has changed. I really don't want to smoke anymore. But that doesn't mean that I don't have the eventual craving once in a while.
The bottom line in my situation was that it was my body and I was going to smoke if I wanted to even if he didn't like it. He cant control what I do and don't do. And the same goes with me. I cant control what he does. I learned a slogan a while back it says I didn't cause it, I cant cure it and, I cant control it. Once he realized that I didn't have to quit just because he wanted me to then he was more successful at it. But we did compromise, I didnt smoke in the house or around him. I felt that was only fair.
I hope this has helped.

[peanutte]

I think it's really hard to quit if your partner still smokes. For myself, if I were in that situation I would insist that he only smoke outdoors. I only smoke outdoors myself. To me, that seems like a reasonable compromise.

[Orphalie]

We have kids so he only smokes out side. Out our back door. The whole back of our house is windows so I just sit there and watch him

Its not soo much him smoking I guess as it is having the cigs in the house where I have access to them. I won't buy them, so eventualy if I didn't have access I'd have to stop. Unless of course he buys them.

[Doggygirl]

Hi Orpahlie. My situation was like hpnodat1 described - my DH quit just over 2 years ago and I quit 32 days ago (yes, I'm still counting days LOL!). The key for him is that HE decided he was sick and tired of smoking, and he no longer cared what I did or didn't do about it - he was determined to quit with or without me.

I appreciate how difficult that must have been - I still smoked inside the house! Not ideal circumstances certainly, but doable if the will to quit is strong enough.

I highly recommend the American Lung Association's Freedom From Smoking program. It's actually a modular study course designed to help you prepare for your quit, and then quit for good. I found it very useful to do the homework, which is lot's of writing to better understand why you smoke, why you want to quit etc. It helps you understand what to expect when you quit, and engages you in a support community. I wish I had known about this program 3 weeks before my quit date (that's the recommendation). I found the site on day 2 of my quit, but I still did all the modules - even the ones designed for "preparation." This program has helped me a lot. I go back to the things I wrote quite often! www.FFSOnline.org is the web link.

Best wishes!

[Boudica]

Originally Posted by Doggygirl

HE decided he was sick and tired of smoking, and he no longer cared what I did or didn't do about it - he was determined to quit with or without me.

Same situation for me... only reversed.

I would yap on and on about wanting to quit smoking. The last time I was at the doctors my DH brought up to the DR. that I wanted to quit and the doctor gave me patches. I had my last ciggie the evening of February 22nd, 2007.

The next morning and the the subsequent 3 days I went thru the house, washing every piece of fabric I could get into the washer to get the smoke smell out of it. I DID keep one piece in a plastic zipper bag to sniff whenever I felt the need to smoke. The nasty, overused, unwashed ashtray smell kept me from picking up again.

I kicked all ciggies, ashtrays AND DH outside the house. No smoking inside, no smoking in the car, no smoking around me PERIOD. This has cut my DH's smoking habit DOWN a lot... but not to the point where he will quit.

DH stated HE would quit as well, once I was smoke free for 2 weeks. At the two week mark he smoked his last ciggie in the pack, threw on a patch and went a FULL 18 hours before he couldn't resist the craving any longer.

~I~ went to the store and bought him a pack of cigarettes. He is still smoking.

He didn't want to quit. He just SAID he would quit because I was and he didn't want to disappoint me. He sees me making all these changes in my life for better health and thought I would get on his case if he still smoked. I do not.

The day will come when HE is ready to quit. The day will come when YOU will be ready to quit. The day will come when your SO will be ready to quit.

Until you are ready there is nothing in the world that will keep you from smoking.

[Doggygirl]

Congratulations on your quit Deila!! My quit date was February 26, so we're pretty close there. I wasn't ready to quit when DH decided he was ready. I'm glad I didn't bang my head against the wall back then - it just would have created even more frustration in our home. I'm glad I wanted until "I" was ready. I have no intention of ever going back.

I just need to get firmly back to LC and be a Quitter AND a Loser!!

DG

[lisayak]

I've quit smoking whilst living with a smoker, and drinking whilst living with a non-alcoholic drinker. Sorry to be hard, but at the end of the day this one comes down to personal responsibility - how badly do you want to be a non-smoker?

No one lights cigarettes for me but me. No one makes me draw the smoke into my lungs. No one puts the beer can in my hand or makes me drink. I do those things, and I have the power to stop (or to make the choice to get help, which I did for my drinking).

Both times the men involved offered to keep their habits away from me, but my instinct was that, as I would have to deal with both smokers and drinkers in my life I might as well get on with it.

Once my decision to stop smoking and drinking (NOT at the same time I might add - not that masochistic!) was made, and I was completely clear in my mind about what my reasons were for doing so, I was able to keep the focus on myself and my behaviour and let others do what they were going to do. I also employed the "I'm not smoking today - I'll make my mind up about tomorrow, tomorrow" technique. That eased the terror of contemplating never having another cigarette until I was far enough away from my last smoke that I never wanted to go back. Did the same thing with drinking.

I would spend time thinking about my reasons for quitting and getting myself ready to take personal responsibility for my smoking. You can do it!

[my1215boo]

for anyone trying to quit, i so recommend going to quitnet.com

[MAMZELLE]

SMOKING EVICTION FROM **NOT** A SMOKE FREE BUILDING

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Yesterday I got the second certified letter in 6 months delivered to my co-op door from my building's lawyers telling me that I now have to vacate this apartment by or before May 31st because I am STILL allowing smoke to escape from this apartment. This is NOT a ''smoke-free'' building but this is an issue that has been going on for over a year.......

My family has owned this apartment for 54 years and even watched it BEING BUILT up from the ground and I grew up here. I moved back from Manhattan after 30 years there, when my mother got ill and when she died I inherited the co-op and have been here for SIX YEARS with NO COMPLAINTS till last year, and no neighbors next to me or below me smelling smoke, which they have claimed to the Board!.....

Only the neighbor upstairs started complaining [NEVER did before in the first 5 years that I was back living here smoking AND even admitted to me privately on the phone when I asked him that direct question, that he NEVER smelled smoke before last year in all the first 5 years I've been back!!] but then I found out from others that he used it as a ruse because his wife was pregnant and he wanted to get out of his lease so blamed it on me, and also his friend/neighbor on my floor helped him with constant complaining as well. [Sometimes they WILL ''rent'' out an ocassional apartment instead of ''selling'' it and his was one of those] .....

The other bedroom in his apartment was too small for a THIRD child so he had to move but that was a secret, which I found out later from tenants after he moved but also that the Board KNEW this, I was told in a conversation with the president, though she sounded pretty quiet when I brought that up.....

I am continuing to elaborate only to portray why I cannot survive another move, the last one took months with my NOT doing anything [A friend at that time hired packers as well as movers] and it took me a couple of years to recuperate from it and from the heartbreak of losing THAT home to come here and keep my mother alive and only able to because I was almost sure I would inherit this apartment, but even THAT Board of Director's decision I had to wait months to hear and held my breath all that time because I couldn't move again back then either 4 years ago and am now worse physically, but they voted to let me stay in a UNANIMOUS decision in one second [a friend at the meeting told me] there was never any question about it, my family and myself were always well liked and respected here.......

I am categorized as disabled because of my too late discovered diabetes [only 4 yrs ago] with neuropathy [legs and feet very numb] on medication for high blood pressure, unable to stand up for more than a minute or two or I get pains in upper & lower back, across hips and shoulders and am mostly in bed and have to run to it if doing anything requiring effort or just standing too long even in the house. Also diagnosed as clinically depressed and with scoliosis, [mild unnoticeable spine curvature that I didn't even know till last year from the x-rays] and total chronic fatigue largely from the only blood pressure [ACE] meds that are safest for Diabetics and can't change pills and which also makes me live and function based from my bed, and shortness of breath, escalated depression from them and always feeling drugged, but I repeat..... can't switch to another group of BP meds because of high sugar. THIS is who they now want to MOVE. I can barely MOVE downstairs even once a week to get my mail from the lobby and when I do I have to run for the bed, and I am heat and humidity intolerant and can't move at ALL in warm weather, humidity paralyzes me completely........

I have everything delivered even groceries, and even bank by mail. I cannot even shop or do errands because I can't stand too long or walk too FAR without sitting and resting in between also because of the exhaustion and back pains and shortness of breath, I can only go out for evening activities which require only sitting and walking a little [short distances TO a car] restaurants, shows anything really with no walking or standing required for long..... can't take public transportation.......

My x-rays were perfect, smoking since age 13, but still perfect. What are my rights. I've gone through this before and exhausted everything there is on the Internet and still am nowhere. I cannot quit. I've DONE the Allen Carr book [have 2, also the one for Women] and it didn't work [it does NOT work for everyone] though it cut my smoking to half, sometimes to less with great discomfort and strenuous effort, but when problems arise I'm back up to 2 packs a day.... used to be 3-4 before Carr's book, and now the Board is defeating their own purpose because I'm smoking MORE from what they're doing to me and this stress and outright disaster.....so quitting is out of the question. Also....

With Diabetes so restricting my foods and having to give up everything I love to eat [no meds just doing diet] I at least need to enjoy my cigarettes or might as well sew up my mouth completely. Smoking is also an emotional and psychological issue not just a physical addiction, so NO medical lectures please on why I should quit. All we smokers have been there and back for decades and are not ignorant. They've even done a recent study which was on all the leading news stations here in NYC how certain genes CAN'T quit which was the case with both my mother and father as well, till the day they died, but NOT from smoking......

I need to know where I stand LEGALLY with the building, and if there are any legal DISCUSSION boards on this issue around the Net if no one here knows the laws. Thanks. I'm pretty catatonic and can barely get down for the mail, much less move, nor can afford that..... so much more to the story but won't bore you with more details.... suffice it to say that I CANNOT and WILL NOT move. It's IMPOSSIBLE and will only happen in a body bag first. I'm posting this elsewhere too, so just ignore if seeing it. I am DESPERATE. I'll be on the street, [and I "AIN'T" no kid] but cannot live anywhere ELSE either..... too long a story. Needless to say, after all my mother's illness and now my own right after her death, which these things are making fail, I'm at my wits end and really see no solution for this but to die. I can't even function anymore with normal daily tasks......

It is well documented and repeated often that the two worst stresses in life are 'divorce' and 'moving'. Luckily I escaped the first by choosing not to marry...... but the second I have proven to myself and will NEVER do again [MOVE], and if not for my mother's sake, I wouldn't have moved out of Manhattan in the first place, I had intended to live in that apartment till I died, now here too, which will probably come much sooner because that's the ONLY way I will leave here but just don't know HOW to undo all this.......

Their lawyer told me on the phone yesterday that it was too late. I didn't COMPLY with the smoking!!!! How does a SMOKER ''comply''!!!!! I tried everything asked of me..... smokless ashtray, exhaust fan, etc. Smoke does NOT disappear. Guess they'll have to handcuff me and take me to jail. To NOT smoke is no longer a choice to most of us and the statistics for falling off the wagon again is STAGGERING. Sorry this is so long, was not intended.

[Lulu Belle]

Mamzelle, i'm pretty sure the original poster asked for suggestions and support on quitting smoking. Maybe you should check into the Low carb lounge, maybe you can get some legal advice there.