Alcohol Problems

[peanutte]

But, he needed medical supervision and when he went cold turkey without it, the usual bad things happened (DTs and a coma).

WHAT?! This is USUAL?! How much was he drinking? Jeebus.

I do want it, seejay. It's just really hard to break old habits.

[nurseypoo5]

hi all Im not a big drinker, once in a while i might have 2 cosmo's in the evening, or if we go out might have a couple of margaritas (not on low carb lol). the only time i get excessive is if my girlfriends and i are together which is every couple of months, then i might have 4-5 drinks, but NEVER drive..we always hit my hubby up to chauffer.

my problem is this. I have a friend who drinks a bottle of wine a day. she is a tiny thing and is sloppy drunk. She is pregnant and not drinking right now and we jokingly refer to her as FUN BOBBY (remember friends) but not to her face. I know the minute she has the baby she will be drinking again and it worrys me because i cant count how many times ive seen her drink. like a rock star. And falling down kinda drunk. I'm worried for her and the baby, obviously she can stop because she did while pregnant but its all i hear is that she cant wait till the day after the baby is born to have some wine in the hospital!

[peanutte]

That does not sound good, Nursey. It must be very hard to witness this. Honestly, I can (and do) have a bottle of wine over an evening and will barely be buzzed at the end of the night, but this issue isn't the amount--the issue is how it's affecting her. And her baby.

I know it must be difficult to think about confronting her. It was hard for me to hear some of those concerns of my friends and boyfriend--but I tell them they MUST be honest about it. And I do listen to them. They listen to me as well.


Have you ever tried to approach her with your feelings about this?

[peanutte]

Another thought: how do you KNOW she's only drinking one regular sized bottle of wine a night? I'm sorry, but I have a hunch about that. A regular drinker can drink that much and not be falling-down drunk. One thing about drunks is that they will do all sorts of clever things to hide the true amount they are consuming. They will let you see "some" of it, but not all of it. This is so common, it's a classic characteristic of problem drinkers. That's why I make a point to tell the people here how much I drink. It's important to acknowledge that it's way beyoung a normal or reasonable amount. But people who want to hide the severity of the problem are skilled at doing so.

If she is drinking to the point of passing out and falling down, she is very likely experiencing blackouts as well. This does not bode well for her child. Plus, what if a few months go by and she starts having a little wine here and there, justifying it be telling herself that a little wine is okay during pregnancy? I am deeply concerned about this situation. Where's the father? Is she single?

I am not trying to judge your friend, but I also know far too much about compulsive drinking and the behavior of problem drinkers to not be suspicious. People will go out of their way to hide the extent of their problem.

[seejay]

Originally Posted by peanutte

WHAT?! This is USUAL?! How much was he drinking? Jeebus.

I do want it, seejay. It's just really hard to break old habits.

oh sorry, I only meant, *the usual* for someone who's had a zillion units of alcohol a day for years. Toward the end all he had was about 2-3 40s a day (yah I know, all, but his organs were compromised.) They ain't kidding about those recommendations.

While he was in his coma I went and looked up what's really going on.
Apparently as you drink that much, your brain re-wires to run well on ethanol. So when you suddenly remove the ethanol, your brain can't bring other receptors online fast enough, to switch away from ethanol, so it doesn't work for a while and could be fatal. There's only one other substance that can kill you with withdrawal and I can't remember what it is. I think even heroin just makes you want to die but your body doesn't twist up in the same way.

[peanutte]

What's a 40? Is it like a fifth? I honestly don't know.

I knew someone once whose husband quit cold turkey and he had a seizure that scared the crap out of both of them.

But I've gone without for days at a time and never had the shakes or anything. Go figure.

[seejay]

Al-Anon for you, my dear. I never have seen anything else help both parties, long-term.

One of the problems we loved ones do is keep it going too long with our sympathy and attempts to help. Al-Anon helps you find the line between the help a loving friend gives, and enabling.

Connie

Originally Posted by nurseypoo5

my problem is this. I have a friend who drinks a bottle of wine a day. she is a tiny thing and is sloppy drunk. She is pregnant and not drinking right now and we jokingly refer to her as FUN BOBBY (remember friends) but not to her face. I know the minute she has the baby she will be drinking again and it worrys me because i cant count how many times ive seen her drink. like a rock star. And falling down kinda drunk. I'm worried for her and the baby, obviously she can stop because she did while pregnant but its all i hear is that she cant wait till the day after the baby is born to have some wine in the hospital!

[peanutte]

Were you addressing me or Nursey?

[seejay]

Nursey.

[peanutte]

I didn't drink much tonight. That's good. But I feel hyper and can't sleep either. Oh well.

[lisayak]

Originally Posted by peanutte

Hello--anyone around?

How are you guys doing?

Myself, not so well with the drinking. Pretty dang bad, actually.

Hi! I'm sorry things aren't going so well for you right now. Just a quick line to say that because of marital problems I'm not posting a lot right now. Some of my posts have been printed off by my DH as "evidence" of my unreasonable behaviour (necessary to prove this for divorce here), so if you want to chat, give me a PM. I am reading posts, just not posting a lot.

Sorry guys and miss you all!

[peanutte]

That is very uncool, lisayak. Sorry to hear about what's going on.

[CurveControl]

Lisayak- Have the admins delete your posts. Thay can, an will.

Yes

[peanutte]

Okay, I really, really want and need to go for it.

I feel so much better about myself and so much more alert in the mornngs when I don't drink (or, like last night, drink lightly). I may have only gotten four hours of sleep, but my body will adjust.

If I take a break from drinking (I say "take a break" because I can't fathom never drinking again) I will:

save money

lose weight

look better

feel better

be healthier

be free of feelings of shame and weakness

be present where sometimes I am not fully present at night

[seejay]

Good luck peanutte! you can do it, I just know!

[peanutte]

I might start this week by cutting my intake in half. I'm not sure I can take it all on at once.

[seejay]

Peanutte, are you also working with a support group or online group or a counselor? Besides here.

[peanutte]

No--I have read a lot of stuff, though, and I used to go to this terrific Chemical health meeting back in MN. I remember a lot of the stuff from there, and I try to remind myself and apply it.

[seejay]

I just thought I'd put in a plug for finding some other people.

I don't understand myself why it makes such a difference but it seems to. Every single person I know who's gotten and stayed sober had at least one partner/buddy/group as invested in the project as he or she was.

When my BF died I was thinking more about that and the best I could come up with was a Star Trek episode. Does that date me or what! My BF never did anything he couldn't do all by himself. Lots of reasons, the usual, he really was smart and competent and used to being a cowboy and all that.

However when it comes to being born with such a body in our culture - I finally came to think it was like he was in a Star Trek episode, plopped down on a hostile planet, all alone, with no connections to the federation. and unlike the Robinson Crusoe metaphor, the hostility was just too much and he couldn't do it all on his own. Where maybe if he had let another person in on the deal it might have made the difference.

Come to think of it, he told me that my attitude was the first friend he'd had and he got sober while with me. Coincidence? I don't think so. I never ever told him what to do - but just that I self-identified also as an addict and didn't think either he or i were scum, that was part of it.

[peanutte]

Well--my boyfriend is very honest with me and also very supportive. He doesn't candy coat my drinking, nor does he give me ultimatums, but he asks, "How can I be helpful to you?" and follows through on that.

I also have a friend from back home who I can talk to very frankly about it.

[seejay]

Great, that BF sounds like a keeper. GF too. Has either of them made the big transition from problem drinker to recovery person?

[peanutte]

No, BF doesn't drink hardly ever. Scratch that--he DID drink a lot in college and decided he needed to quit because he was moving from feeling like he "wanted" a drink to "needing" a drink., So he quit and now has a beer or one drink once in a while, but he isn't compelled to drink more than that, and hasn't for years and years. But he's 42, and college was a long time ago.

He has no problem with me having some wine--but he hates to see me decide to "get drunk" and be so down on myself the next day. He would stand by me if I went to treatment, if I wanted to go to meetings, if I try to do it my own way--but he has made it clear he is not happy about the excessive wine consumption, and has concerns, and doesn't care to lose me to this. I take it a lot more seriously than I used to.

The thing is, he doesn't make me feel loved any less. He manages to be accepting and loving, and not judgemental, while at the same time being honest with me about his concerns.

[seejay]

He sounds like a doll. Again, good luck to you and congratulations on taking it more seriously than you used to. You will like your new life better I'm pretty sure.

When I quit drinking I only had one friend out of about 30 who was uncomfortable. Everyone else was like, oh, hadda quit huh, okay. And now I'm famous for the amount of other drinks I can put down. Tea and lemon water, woo woo. But it's still fun to hang out.

[peanutte]

seejay, I wonder what my deal is every single day. You know what that means. People who do not have a problem don't wonder about it.

Tonight I did pretty good. Yes, I drank. But I did postpone my starting time by two hours and I made a point of dragging it out all through the effing Golden Globes. I know it's bad that I drank---but I excersized some self control in how slowly I drank. I could have walked up two blocks and gotten more, and I didn't.

[seejay]

I know what you mean about wondering. But really, the alcohol is creating the deal about you.

I think this is what is so scary to civilians, the idea that our brains can be changed so much that our brain is in charge at a molecular level instead of "my will." So many people think that the brain is an unchangeable machine instead of an organic living thing that responds to what goes into it, food and substances both.

Tapering can work if you *add in* the missing nutrition as you *take out* the alcohol. Are you getting adequat protein (probably so if low carb), and the vitamins good for alcohol recovery? omega3s?

[peanutte]

I'm not low carbing, though I certainly eat less carbs than most people. I'm eating the same things my BF eats on WW Core. I should get some good vitamins though, huh? Probably a good idea.

[seejay]

The ones Dr. DesMaisons recommend specially for alcohol recovery are:

vitamin C, up to your gut tolerance (too much gives you the runs)
zinc, 15 g
B vitamins, 50 mg and if you take them at night it makes you buzzy.

There is an online group for people at DesMaisons' addictive nutrition site radiantrecovery.com, for those wanting to quit alcohol, radiantrecovery @ yahoogroups.com. I think they are a wonderful bunch if you want to check it out.

[peanutte]

Thanks so much for the tips, seejay. I do get plenty of C, and as for the others, I should just get back in the habit of drinking a packet of Emergen-C a day--it contains all sorts of vitamins. I think they body absorbs vitamins better that way than in taking a dry pill, only 10% of which ends up being absorbed and used.

[CurveControl]

Peanutte- I take my B's sublingual, It seems so much better that eay!
I have started Prenatal vitamins too, Just for the added stuff, No Babies!
I have cut down too, and play the "how late can I wait" game. UGH!
TOM has hit me hard this month and I am feeling crappy, and Saturday, mannnn I drank a LOT more than I ever do. I woke up at 3am needing a BIG drink of water and 3 ibuprofin!!!! I drank more than 1/2 of a BIG bottle of wine- I started at like 3pm.
I had a "never again" morning!
Since then I have had 2 (TWO) Real size (6oz) glasses of wine a night.

Much better!