Alcohol Problems

[seejay]

My turn to say hello.

It is gorgeous and springtime where I live in Oregon.

Still not tempted for alcohol. That life is so far behind me it seems like another person.

However, I still need to lose some weight and that is an interesting journey! Right now I'm figuring out a new exercise program. I've been stable for a while and since I already don't eat much, I can't believe I might have to do more than 30 minutes a day of exercise? there's nothing I really want to do while so big. hmmmm

[lisayak]

Hey Seejay - it's been a gorgeous day here in Wales as well. Last year we didn't have much of a spring, more of a looong wet winter into summer so I'm really enjoying it.

I'm confused - are you exercising regularly already, or looking to start. I love exercise (keeps me the reasonably sane person I am today) am not sure what type of suggestions would be appropriate.

Catch up with you tomorrow.

[seejay]

I've been regularly exercising for a long time, but it's been mostly 30-45 minute sessions with high intensity intervals. However this just gets me equilibrium.

I've read in more than one source that a body type like mine needs LOTS of low intensity movement - just the kind I truly hate.

I tried walking and got plantar fascitis and stress bruising on my feet, even with the best of shoes from a local running store with knowledgable fitters.

I tried a rebounder and the extra fat bouncing really creeps me out - it doesn't seem healthy and a big stress on the skin.

I tried a kickbike and the intensity goes too high too fast. It's fun though!

Swimming in pools trashes my skin from the chemicals.

Roller blades felt dangerous because falling while so heavy (and one should be okay about falling well with any skating) is not a good idea. Same with ice skating.

I don't have money to get a real bike right now, and am too picky about frames etc to do a freecycle thing. I rode bikes that were too big for me, or cheap performing ones, for years and I won't do it any more.

Indoor cycling and indoor treadmill are out of the question due to boredom and over-simple movement.

Wow what a whiner! I am left with home workouts with my weighted clubs. I shall have to devise circuits that I can do longer without spiking heart rate I guess.

[lisayak]

Do you use exercise videos? When I lived in the States, I lived too far away from a gym for convenience, so I used videos. I've had a lot of success with videos from The Firm, Kathy Smith and Karen Voight - good demonstrations, good explanations, good exercises. Might be something to check out.

And I'll put in a word for one of my favourite physical activities - Ashtanga yoga. The stretching is phenomenal, but the strength I've gained is unbelievable. It's also soooo relaxing - I leave my workout floating . Love it love it love it!

At the moment, I'm biking everywhere and I'm actually grateful to be without a car for the time being - the lack of one made me get on my bike! But I know what you mean about cheap bikes. Mine wasn't top of the line, but it is good quality and necessary accessories like gel pad, lights & locks weren't cheap either. It beats the bus however.

[peanutte]

Hi peeps! I have been reading along this week but haven't felt like posting much. I had been doing really well there for a spell, but between my own depression, my boyfriend's depression and his stress, and my anxiety about my health problems, I've been reaching for the wine most evenings.

I feel like I continually let you all down, who have such faith in me.

I invited a friend from another forum to join us here. I don't know if she will, but I hope she shows up!

[lisayak]

You're definitely not letting me down ...and you deserve that faith: you're a person with a lot to offer the world, and you'll find your way.

I know that when things are getting on top of me, I tend not to post much either. Sometimes it feels too much like feeding the negativity, and I get tired of dwelling on it.

One unexpected complaint about divorce: I have a splinter in my right ring finger, and for the life of me I cannot get it out - and have no one to ask for help! At this rate it'll be there till I get to a meeting and can ask someone to remove it. It'll be scabbed over by then! Oh well...

Things not so bad here. I'm having an up-and-down week...but there is one pleasure I'll share, 'cause I think we have a few readers here. I've discovered TC Boyle this week and I'm obsessed! Just read Drop City and The Tortilla Curtain - amazing! Highly recommended. Started Riven Rock today.

Anyway, gonna check out because believe it or not, this d**n splinter is hurting me whilst I type. Nevermind! Speak soon, lots of love to all

Lisa

[lisayak]

What a day. The weather is absolutely gorgeous here in Wales today and I feel rotten to the core and intrinsically evil. Great.

What is it with me and exhaustion? All it takes is a bad night's sleep to set my illness in motion and it's out to play today.

I've had two weeks at home with the kids and my son has been pushing my buttons. Yesterday I had enough and I guess he did too - he had a two hour crying jag when I said I wouldn't take him to the park because I was tired.

My mom called in the middle of that and of course she starts up on her "you're not a good enough mother to your children and you're destroying their lives (literally - her words)". Thank you Mom, you've now reinforced the evil sh*t my illness feeds me. Forty five minutes later I get off the phone feeling ill - and realise that basically, I've let her abuse me and activate my illness. Strong desires to escape reality. So I ate an entire chocolate rabbit and felt even worse before it finally dawned on me to phone my sponsor.

That helped, and I was able to get a babysitter so I got to a meeting. The bike ride there and back was therapeutic and I was able to take the dog on a moonlight walk in the park which was also relaxing. However, I had a number of nightmares last night, really frightening ones which, I'm ashamed to say, left me cowering under my blankets for quite a while.

Now I'm in the peculiar position of knowing how emotional I am but basically powerless to do anything other than accept that today is going to be very hard and very tearful. I'm going to try to be very gentle with myself and look forward to my peaceful morning tomorrow (kids at nana's).

Hope you all are better-

Lisa

[Gavia Immer]

Hi, everyone. I'm Gavia, peanutte's friend from elesewhere. I read through the entire thread to get a feeling for it, and this will definitely be a comfortable place for me. Just waving hello for now, and will try a proper intro post later. Please excuse posting glitches at first until I get used to teh setup.

[peanutte]

Hi, Gavia! Nice to see you here. Wow, you read through the whole thread? I'm impressed.

Lisa, I am horrified that your mom would say such a thing to you. What a toxic person.

One thing I like about your posts is I really have the chance to pick up hints as to how to react to stressors in a sober way. It's good that you called your sponsor.

[lisayak]

Gavia! Look forward to getting to know you.

Well Peanutte, my mom sure does have her moments! Of course in her mind she's trying to help but she'll probably never understand that beating me with her version of the truth is not helpful. I try to remember that this is a family illness (her mother was alcoholic and parents neglected her shamefully) and she's still in the throes of the illness.,

Writing about how I react to situations helps me figure out what to do next time as well. It took me a good hour to call my sponsor. None of this recovery stuff comes naturally to me. The program, for me, is one neverending lesson in behaviour modification.

On that note, I'm knackered. Please, please no scary dreams tonight!

[rockgal47]

Hi - do you mind if I join you too? I've been reading through this thread over a few of my lunch hours and I have learned a lot by reading your responses about beating/trying to beat this. I'm at work now, but will post more from home.

BTW, have you heard of taking kudzu to help overcome the desire? I have been reading about that lately, and I've ordered some, so I'll let you know if it seems to work or not.

I just want to say that everyone here seems really nice, and I could definitely use some support too right now...

[peanutte]

Welcome, rockgal! Good to have you with us.

I've been doing much better with my evenings--really focusing on how much I've had to drink and dragging it out very slowly...sometimes waiting a whole hour before pouring more wine.

[lisayak]

Hey Rockgal! Nice to have you here. I think I read something about kudzu on this thread but have no experience of it myself. It'll be interesting to hear if it works.

Hi Peanutte, glad the evenings are a bit better for you now. Things ok here, tired from school but the worst of the anxiety seems to be over. For now!

[lisayak]

Oh yeah, forgot to add that when I went through that scene with my mother I had strong cravings for dope. Seems like mentally I've accepted that alcohol is not an option but not dope. I'm so over being chemically dependent, but if I've gotta go to one more 12 step program I'm gonna scream!

[peanutte]

I believe kudzu can cause liver problems. If that's true, it wouldn't be wise to combine it with alcohol!

[peanutte]

Here's what Wikipedia says about kudzu. I realized after I posted that I was thinking of kava kava with regard to liver problems.

Studies have shown that kudzu can reduce both hangovers and alcohol cravings. The mechanism for this is not yet established, but it may have to do with both alcohol metabolism and the reward circuits in the brain.

Kudzu also contains a number of useful isoflavones, including daidzein (an anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial agent), daidzin (a cancer preventive) and genistein (an antileukemic agent). Kudzu is a unique source of the isoflavone puerarin. Kudzu root compounds can affect neurotransmitters (including serotonin, GABA, and glutamate) and it has shown value in treating migraine and cluster headache.

In traditional Chinese medicine, where it is known as gé gēn (葛根), kudzu is considered one of the 50 fundamental herbs. It is used to treat tinnitus, vertigo, and Wei syndrome (superficial heat close to the surface).

[rockgal]

Originally Posted by peanutte

Welcome, rockgal! Good to have you with us.

I've been doing much better with my evenings--really focusing on how much I've had to drink and dragging it out very slowly...sometimes waiting a whole hour before pouring more wine.

Thanks for the welcome! I'm hoping my kudzu comes today. It's pretty cheap, around $7, so that would be great if it works. Nights are the hardest time for me - I have gotten into such a habit of pouring a glass as soon as I hit the door, then each one makes the refilling of the next one easier -

I've been trying to start later and then make each one last longer - my doctor also prescribed a low dose of xanax (I split them in half) to help quell the anxiety of weaning off. I need to because my liver enzymes are up - not disasterously so, but still up too high.

I am just so obsessive about *everything* that it is easy for me to form habits quickly. When I stopped smoking in 2000, I began having a tendency to have more to drink, and that hasn't stopped. I need to get a grip - I am relatively intelligent and in control in most other areas of my life but this one is another story.

Oops - note to mods - I didn't realize that I still had my old membership - I must have registered again by accident, it had been so long - I am sorry about that, please remove that other one - I would do it if I could.

[peanutte]

I've been trying to start later and then make each one last longer

Yep, that's what I do too. It ends up being amazing how you can actually sip your wine and feel its effect without rushing to have more. I can drag it out twice as long now.

[rockgal]

Hi there, just checking in! About the kudzu, I can't tell that it lessens cravings at all so far, but I'm still taking it. Maybe I'm not taking enough or at the right time.

I'm thinking that I need to find activities after work that keep me out of the house longer, because as soon as I get home, I want to imbibe. I think I'll start going to the gym and walk on the treadmill for an hour after work. That way I won't get home til about 7 and won't be tempted to drink as much. I've thought about getting some of those whitening trays to bleach my teeth too - that would keep any liquid out of my mouth for another 30 minutes. I am such an obsessive/compulsive person that any kind of behaviour modification doesn't come easy.

I just know that drinking too much is a big part of the weight problem I have and why it's so hard for me to lose.

[mitchie]

OK maybe that sounds bad, but I thought I was the only one that stuggled with my wine and losing weight. I started l/c again because I had planned to quit drinking and new I could do it this time but am failing. I myself know I am an alcoholic but can't seem to quit. I look forward to that drink at the end of the day and go for it. Right now I am even hiding and not drinking in front of the kids (4 teens) because I told them I was going to quit. I have tappered down a lot this last two weeks but I pray everyday that I won't be tempted and won't give in and than I confess every night that I am sorry. The depression of having 30 extra lbs on me this summer and wanting to give up drinking and can't is awful.

I hope everyone keeps this tread up because it is the coolest one I have been on. Lately I have been on e-aa but having a hard time keeping up. I went to an actual face to face meeting during lunch last week and liked all the people just don't want to cave but I need to.

I hope you welcome me into your little group. Alcohol and weight problems together and I always thought I was the only one. I love it!!

Thanks for letting me share
Michelle

[peanutte]

Hi mitchie! I've posted with you on other threads, haven't I? WELCOME. I'm glad you found us! You and rockgal are so right--weight + regular drinking = impossible to make any progress with weight loss. I know that's my main problem with having gained weight over the past year--I used to be able to get away with it, but at the age of 38, no more.

[mitchie]

I never thought about it having to do something with age until you brought it up. I just turned 42 this month and the weight does go on a lot faster and come off a lot slower than it use to.

So, I am new and wanted to know how everyone was doing with this woe, and how everyone is doing with their drinking. Did you all notice a big change when you stopped drinking or slowed down? Myself I have only been doing l/c for 3 days now but am struggling in the drinking dept. If I could give that up I would be good to go. Last night I just had a 4 pack of those little mini wines so that has got to be about 2 glasses I guess. hehe Someday I would like to go to the grocery store and pass by the wine without stopping. I really don't want it but my mind keeps making me think I can't live without it. Oh well, I just need to keep trying.

You all have a great day!!
Michelle

[Gavia Immer]

Good morning, everyone. I meant to come back sooner and introduce myself properly, but I guess life got in the way. Anyhow, here I am, and thanks, peanutte for inviting me. I'm also 42, irritated with myself for gaining back about 25 lbs of 50 I lost 7 years ago and kept off for 2. Not surprisingly, the weight loss coincided with stopping drinking, and the regaining started slowly when I picked it up again. No duh.

Anyway, I've been drinking fairly heavily almost every day for the last 5 years, and it's time to stop. There are too many fuzzy days, too many nights when I wake up wondering exactly how I got to bed, too many blurry, headachy mornings, and my memory isn't doing me any favours these days. I'm alone in the house a fair amount of the time, so I've been known to sip sip sip all day, and then drink quite heavily with my SO when she gets home. Last time I quit I was living with a non-drinker, and this time I'm involved with a regular fairly heavy drinker, so that's going to make it harder. I haven't talked to her about "giving it a rest for a while," which is how I plan to frame it, but I will do that tonight. Moderating hasn't worked for me recently, so I'll do it the hardass way, at least for now. My life is extremely stressful right now because of the shenanigans of my terrible eldest son, but god knows I'm not helping him or myself or anyone else with my head stuck in a bottle.

Last time I used online Women For Sobriety, and went to a few meetings. I can get benefit from AA as well, but the way WFS frames things works well for me. I prefer the 13 statements to the 12 steps, because they are all so positive and empowering. As in all things, I try to take what I need and leave the rest. I appreciate being able to draw on (and support where I can) you guys, as well.

Here's to a good day to start it off!

[seejay]

Originally Posted by rockgal

I am just so obsessive about *everything*

Rockgal, this is a function of your biochemistry, and you can change it if you want to. You don't have to go from habit to habit like that.

[peanutte]

Gavia, thanks so much for coming back and posting such an honest account of what's going on with you.

I rarely ever drink during the day, but this week, I did on...Tuesday? And it wasn't an ungodly amount, and I didn't get plastered, but it makes me feel weird to drink during the day and I don't like how I feel for about two days afterward.

Then I was talking to my BF about it and I realized that every time I do that, it's because I have spoken with or exchanged emails with my mom the day before! I don't know why that didn't dawn on me before, but it's so obvious.

Tonight we went out and had dinner with an online friend of ours, and it was a pleasant evening of good conversation. I adore this friend--we talk on the phone fairly often, so it wasn't like meeting someone I didn't know. My BF hadn't talked to him before though, and I knew they would totally hit it off, and they did--I think those two guys talked more than I did! I was in kind of a quiet mood.

Anyhow, I only had two glasses of wine! We were there for a few hours, and I just didn't feel like having any more than that. That's damn good, for me and my usual habits.

Gavia:

There are too many fuzzy days, too many nights when I wake up wondering exactly how I got to bed, too many blurry, headachy mornings, and my memory isn't doing me any favours these days.

I know some of what you mean--I don't get hangovers very often at all, but I don't like the fatigued, blurry, thick-headed feeling I get sometimes.

Well, I sure won't have any of that tomorrow, since I didn't even catch a buzz tonight! And the thing is, I didn't plan to not have much...my BF was driving so that our out-of-town friend and I could have a few drinks and not worry about it...but neither of us seemed interested in having more than two.

[peanutte]

Good morning! As predicted, I woke up early, feeling light and perky and energetic, and more rested than if it were a post-drinking morning.

4 pack of those little mini wines so that has got to be about 2 glasses I guess.

mitchie, just so you have an accurate idea of what those little wines contain, each one is about eight ounces, so four of them contain as much as a bottle of wine and one extra glass. A 750 ml bottle has about 26.5 ounces. It's good to know this stuff so you can make informed choices. Underestimating wine consumption is just like underestimating your calories--you may be thinking you're doing well and then become frustrated when the scale doesn't respond.

How's everybody feeling today? My sweetie is snoring away with one of our cats, Moo, curled up in a ball in the crook of his shoulder. Hee. I'm about to go in there and start jumping on the bed to wake him up because I want to go out for breakfast. He has the day off.

[edited to add] Can you TELL how much "brighter" I sound the next day when I have a non-drinking evening? No guilt, so shame, no physical feelings of mushy-head and fatigue...