Alcohol Problems

[karenjeanne]

Maybe we drink so we can feel sometimes - feel SOMETHING

[BarbDe]

[quote=peanutte;8363842]You canNOT send emails under the influence. It's just trouble waiting to happen.

\QUOTE]

OH, yes I CANNNNNN!!!
And yes it is!!
LOL.
I was having issues with one of my daughter's travel soccer coaches. It all started out innocently enough with the emails. And I was tactful.
(He was a young guy and dealing with mid-teenage girls, and was bordering on being inappropriate, IMO)
Well, by 10pm all that tact went out the window, apparently.
The next day I got an email from him ripping me a new one and I could not figure out WHAT had happened.
I emailed him to tell him he had lost his mind or something!
THEN I checked my SENT mail folder.

Luckily I was able to UNSEND the email that he had not yet read.
You would think I would have LEARNED something from that??

[BarbDe]

Originally Posted by karenjeanne

Maybe we drink so we can feel sometimes - feel SOMETHING

Yeah, that's a good point.

Do you spend most of your life going though it saying "whatever"?

[karenjeanne]

More and more. Not a healthy trend I'm thinking. I"ve only been drinking on a regular basis for about 6 months. Not sure I know what the heck is happening to me.

[peanutte]

I don't know if I would say THAT. I feel joy and pleasure and anger and sadness...if anything, my theory (chuckle, take it for what it's worth) is that people who tend toward depression are very bright, perceptive people who take in the world around them at a deeper level of internal narrative than others. This leads them toward addictions as they seek to numb things down a bit or de-stimulate themselves to be able to tolerate existing. I would suppose it's really hard for people in recovery to adjust to having no buffer for all that.

This theory comes straight from PulledOutOfMyButtdotcom.

[BarbDe]

Originally Posted by karenjeanne

More and more. Not a healthy trend I'm thinking. I"ve only been drinking on a regular basis for about 6 months. Not sure I know what the heck is happening to me.

Same thing here.



You need an accountability buddy? I'll be here for ya!

I am editing because I have learned about putting too much info on the internet.

[BarbDe]

Originally Posted by peanutte

I don't know if I would say THAT. I feel joy and pleasure and anger and sadness...if anything, my theory (chuckle, take it for what it's worth) is that people who tend toward depression are very bright, perceptive people who take in the world around them at a deeper level of internal narrative than others. This leads them toward addictions as they seek to numb things down a bit or de-stimulate themselves to be able to tolerate existing. I would suppose it's really hard for people in recovery to adjust to having no buffer for all that.

This theory comes straight from PulledOutOfMyButtdotcom.

Sounds like a good theory to me.

I do feel things. I just tend to stifle them.

[karenjeanne]

Maybe its more about EXPRESSING feelings......... (things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)

[seejay]

Originally Posted by peanutte

I would suppose it's really hard for people in recovery to adjust to having no buffer for all that.

This theory comes straight from PulledOutOfMyButtdotcom.

My experience in recovery is --- much of the extremeness of the feelings is caused by using the substances in the first place. It's as if normal life feelings are magnified out of proportion - when using.

However, in recovery, the feelings are not so off-the-wall to begin with, so they don't feel overwhelming and like a buffer is needed. They are appropriate to their cause. Also, the emotional resilience is stronger so I can feel more anyway without buckling.

Back when I was using, I too thought that life in recovery would be a life without buffers. Come to find out - no buffers needed - regular life did not feel like I was being tossed blindfolded and drunk in a blanket any more.

[peanutte]

Feeelings...nothing more than feeelings...trying to expreeesssss my feeeelings of looooove....whoa whoa whoa FEEELINGS...

Thanks for the earworm!

Haven't heard from seejay in a while..check in, girl!

Lisa, I know things have been a little crazy for you lately. How do you handle it sober? Do you just go to a lot of meetings? How did you handle it in the early days?

That question is for any of our posters who have acheived sobriety, by the way.

[peanutte]

Cross post with the lady in question! Hi seejay--thanks for that insight.

[BarbDe]

Originally Posted by seejay

My experience in recovery is --- much of the extremeness of the feelings is caused by using the substances in the first place. It's as if normal life feelings are magnified out of proportion - when using.

However, in recovery, the feelings are not so off-the-wall to begin with, so they don't feel overwhelming and like a buffer is needed. They are appropriate to their cause. Also, the emotional resilience is stronger so I can feel more anyway without buckling.

Back when I was using, I too thought that life in recovery would be a life without buffers. Come to find out - no buffers needed - regular life did not feel like I was being tossed blindfolded and drunk in a blanket any more.

I can see that, actually.
I notice I have anxiety issues when hungover that I don't have when I am not drinking/hungover. Which has brought me to my current state of knowing I need to just stop.

Thanks for that perspective.

[lisayak]

Originally Posted by peanutte

[i]Lisa, I know things have been a little crazy for you lately. How do you handle it sober? Do you just go to a lot of meetings? How did you handle it in the early days?

That question is for any of our posters who have acheived sobriety, by the way.

Hey Peanutte! Personally, I think you hit the nail on the head with your theory about feelings in your earlier post. I certainly drank to shut down - I just could not cope with my thoughts and emotions. Alcohol dulled all the insanity, killed the noise and made me feel like other people seemed to feel. My recovery has been all about learning to deal with my emotions without the anaesthesia of alcohol to numb things down. My emotions are still extreme, but my ability to deal with them has increased beyond measure.

Tough times - I have had my share the last three months. I've gotten through them by going to meetings, talking to my sponsor and other friends and following certain suggestions. For instance, I have refused to make my husband's issues my issues - I will not get in the ring with him and fight out of some misguided need to be right. I cannot handle negativity and fighting, so this strategy protects me from emotional upheaval. I mind my own business, which sounds strange, but really works. I also let him have his feelings without rushing to make everything better for him at the expense of myself.

I have been going to lots of meetings. Meetings work for me; sharing helps me understand what and how I'm feeling. Once I know what I'm dealing with I can take action. The rooms are often the only safe place I have to relax and allow my feelings to come. When I need to cry, I do - and lately, that has been often. There is no privacy at home (kids are young - they don't need to see me crying all the time) and I need to protect myself here. The rooms are safe for me.

The friends I've made have been an important source of comfort. Some things happened in the early days of the divorce which were so terribly painful, simply being able to phone someone and cry, and know I wasn't alone, helped tremendously. They gave me hope and overwhelmed me with little kindnesses.

I also concentrated on just getting through the day, and not worrying about the future. I had to have faith that the future would sort itself out, so I just threw it up to the stars, so to say.

I've earned the right to trust myself and my decisions, I've earned self-esteem by doing esteemable things and I can respect myself because I've done the things I had to do to improve my life. This also helps carry me through.

I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through yet another move. It must be terribly frustrating. I know I would be even more unlikely to want to develop yet more new friendships...starting over is so difficult.

[peanutte]

GREAT post, Lisa. Thanks for that.

I think for myself and for many of us, this thread is our "safe place" to come and share and cheer and learn strategies. I do not feel judged here--nor do I feel coddled or enabled.

Man, divorce is so stressful. I plan to never do it again, myself. Whether that means never legally marrying again, or marrying again and really investing myself in sticking it out no matter what, I don't know. I have a really good relationship right now, and I take it one day at a time with no pressure to make those decisions. In a way, I'm a lot more interested in the "organic" marriage than the "legal" marriage at this point. I don't need a ring on my finger and a piece of paper to tell me how I feel about my "husband". If we do it, I think we'll go to a JP or something. Lord knows I don't need the stress of a thrid "event" with family there. I'm 38 and I don't need wedding presents and I don't want to shove my fat ass into a virginal white dress ever again, so there. Hee.

[lisayak]

Originally Posted by lou-bi-wan

Thanks Lisa you put it a lot better than I did, if you don't drink here you're in the minority, it's expected and everyone believes that you can't have a good time without one, that's why it's such a hard mind set to get out of. There are enablers everywhere . . .

The extent of the drinking culture is vast: -

When neighbours say thank you or people pop round to say hi, they bring a bottle . . . you can't escape it, all my christmas presents at work were wine, champagne (about 9 bottles) or vouchers for wine shops, I think I had £40, that's what I get for birthday presents too. If you want to buy a funny birthday card over here they are all without exception based around parties, sex or drinking and how much you can put away!! Even our sports stars drink to excess they have competitions and tell jokes about how they drank so and so under the table . . . it's part of our culture When people are faint or ill over here you're given a brandy in a hot drink, I remember be given it as a child . . . now that's just crazy. Up until a couple of years ago gripe water for babies had alcohol in it!!!!!!

Lisa was spot on we don't get help over here, it's not seen as problem for the majority and the ones who it is a problem for (or at least get the blame) are the social dregs, the poor, the single parent families and jobless. I think it's just that the lower social classes don't hide it very well and get sick earlier through their drinking because the quality is poorer so the quantity they need to drink is greater to get the same buzz. The problem is widespread over here, most people have a drinks cupboard, I used to have two fridges one for food and another just for the beer!! You really have to live it it's a nightmare sometimes.

Hey Lou - I certainly wasn't offended by any of the posts.

I have to say, in my experience the only real help available to alcoholics in the UK is Alcoholics Anonymous. There isn't much public funding of treatment centres (based on AA 12 step program anyway) and as we know, most UK citizens don't have private medical insurance or the means to pay privately. That's one thing I love about AA: it is free. We are self supporting - if you can't afford to donate, you don't. No worries.

Sure, there are community Drug-and-Alcohol teams...absolutely worthless, in my opinion. If alcoholics could moderate, we wouldn't be in the position we are in, and without the intensive support offered by AA, achieving sobriety is extremely difficult. Please note, I do not believe AA is the only way to get sober - but I do believe that if you are an alcoholic of my type, AA is the solution. I don't want to give the impression that I think this thread is just for alcoholics - some of us are, and some of us aren't. It's up to the individual to decide.

My own doctor doesn't believe I'm a "real" alcoholic - probably thinks I'm too middle class! As if he knows anything about my drinking. My counsellor tells me that I could now probably return to a few drinks....WHY? Why would I do that after the hell I went through to get sober - can anyone tell me what exactly it is I'm missing by abstaining from alcohol? Except, of course, for the depression, anxiety, panic attacks and self-hatred. Why is it so hard to comprehend that I'm happier, by far, this way?

Now I just tell people I'm allergic to it - gives me nasty headaches, and leave it at that.

I get wine all the time...I just pass it on and thank God they don't know about my Green & Black's addiction or else I'd be HUGE by now!

[peanutte]

Oh, the Green and Blacks are wicked. We sold a ton of those when I worked for Whole Foods.

Lisa, how odd about the attitude of denial in the UK, because here in the states, despite people's frequent "partying" , I also think that people are quick to tell other people they have a problem. We have SO many rehabs and clinics and SO many AA chapters.

You and some others here have opened my mind to AA, so I thank you for that. I still don't know that it is right for me, but I am open to it, at least.

[lisayak]

Originally Posted by peanutte

GREAT post, Lisa. Thanks for that.

I think for myself and for many of us, this thread is our "safe place" to come and share and cheer and learn strategies. I do not feel judged here--nor do I feel coddled or enabled.

Man, divorce is so stressful. I plan to never do it again, myself. Whether that means never legally marrying again, or marrying again and really investing myself in sticking it out no matter what, I don't know. I have a really good relationship right now, and I take it one day at a time with no pressure to make those decisions. In a way, I'm a lot more interested in the "organic" marriage than the "legal" marriage at this point. I don't need a ring on my finger and a piece of paper to tell me how I feel about my "husband". If we do it, I think we'll go to a JP or something. Lord knows I don't need the stress of a thrid "event" with family there. I'm 38 and I don't need wedding presents and I don't want to shove my fat ass into a virginal white dress ever again, so there. Hee.

I'm so glad you feel safe here. The hell of my rock bottom was being completely alone with my feelings of desperation, fear and anger. I didn't know anyone with an alcohol problem to talk to. The loneliness was tremendous - I wouldn't wish it on anyone. That's why I feel so strongly about this not being solely an AA thread - I hope people who want to explore their feelings and experiences will find a home here. And besides, AA is not the only way to achieve sobriety, and not everyone here needs/wants to be completely abstinent.

Man, I hear you on the marriage/divorce front! Until I can consistently be honest with myself and other people about my feelings I cannot even consider another relationship. I want to learn how to be in a healthy, mutually nuturing relationship. And as for another wedding - I've had the big party, I'm with you on the JP thing. But I'm a long way off from that!

It's quite late here, past my bedtime and kids will have me up at 7 so I'm signing off! See ya tomorrow...

[lisayak]

Originally Posted by peanutte

Lisa, how odd about the attitude of denial in the UK, because here in the states, despite people's frequent "partying" , I also think that people are quick to tell other people they have a problem. We have SO many rehabs and clinics and SO many AA chapters.

A large part of my decision to move to the UK was based on the idea that the culture was more "fun", and I "fit in better". Actually, my drinking had already begun to stand out in the States. When I moved to the UK I simply "liked a few" and knew how to have a good time. I didn't really stand out because I was a well-behaved drunk...but a drunk nonetheless. Most of my UK family still haven't accepted I'm an alcoholic...because I was a functioning one. My rock bottom was definitely spiritual - I wanted to die - but physically I looked ok and life still seemed pretty shiny on the outside. I am so very, very lucky to have crashed & burned when I did because I think physically I could have carried on for years.

I thank God for AA over here because it was my only option for recovery - I couldn't have paid for treatment

[lisayak]

Tired today, and for me tired always means emotional. Plus I'm starting university tomorrow and I'm anxious. I know things will look a lot better tomorrow, but for now I'm on the edge of tears.

A newcomer to AA rang me at 1am last night, drunk, asking for help. I was happy to speak to her, reassure her and make arrangements to speak the following morning but once I put the phone down I felt overwhelmed by the desire to do something, anything to ensure she will find sobriety. I felt pressure during the conversation to do and say the right things, to speak words that will help her find the truth - and really, I'm just powerless. It's heartbreaking.

Going to get on my bike now and ride to my mtg. This one is always intense, got a lot of AA hardliners like myself there and I'm already feeling a bit fragile. I suppose getting it out will do me a world of good but I'll never enjoy going to a meeting with that shaky, vulnerable feeling which means I'm likely to cry - no matter how safe the room is!

Hope I sleep tonight.

[lisayak]

OF COURSE I didn't sleep...and of course first day of school was BORING, all admin. Though, for a control freak like me, there was the added bonus of mentally mapping out the campus and classrooms, and receiving all the year's assignments in one handout. Will I ever learn?

[crazy diamond]

Hi everyone I'm new here though I have been lurking for some time. I'm from Australia. It's great to know that other people out there are just like me too!I have problems with drinking that are beginning to get worse. I have always drank a lot at weekends but over the last few years it has been creeping into my week nights too. I have tried to stop but don't last any longer than a week at most. My tolerance levels have increased too. I can't go to AA as I live in a smallish country town and I work in the community(I'm likely to see my clients there!!). I'm an intensely private person and like you were saying I feel things probably more than the average person and my feelings are often hurt by others. I guess this is where the alcohol comes in as a numbing agent. I have been lucky enough to lose weight even though I drink but I really cant eat much to do it which I know is unhealthy. Does anyone know of a good book that may be able to help me? I know that i'm lucky to have a supportive husband - maybe too supportive as He goes and buys alcohol for me when i run out and want more. I'm off work today because i'm hung over so I feel really guilty. Anyway , I feel better for having done this so I look forward to hearing from anyone.

[peanutte]

CrazyDiamond, here are a couple of titles that might help you:

How To Quit Drinking Without AA

Over the Influence

(The Big Book of) Alcoholics Anonymous

Welcome, and thanks for posting.

[seejay]

Welcome Crazy Diamond! How cool of you to find some buds for this life-changing project.

Besides Peanutte's books I would recommend "Potatoes not Prozac" also. The title doesn't say so but it's all about how our bodies are wired for addiction and how you can use food to actually change the wiring so alcohol doesn't call you so much.

I've been sober for 5-6 years now and don't even miss it, because I feel so much better. But I really didn't feel great until I "did the food." Before that it was more white-knuckly. Still having cravings for other things besides the alcohol. I don't have cravings for anything any more and the book can help explain why that is. (cravings are physical as well as learned)

Although - my one athletic feat of prowess was drinking-related. I won a night of taking on all challengers - who could drink the most-filled amount of beer from a 32-ounce glass mug using only their teeth. I went to the sports bar where I did this and no one believed me! They all know me now as a sparkling water person. Only the testimony of a couple of long-timers sort of saved me. Oh how fickle sports records are.

[crazy diamond]

Hi thanks peanutte and seejay
I was thrilled to get up to the computer and see a reply to my thread. I will seek out these books that you mention. The potatoes not prozac sounds like a really good one, interesting to see how our bodies are wired for addiction! I havent had a drink for one day and one night!!Yay. Still I seem to have trigger situations that make me crave a drink especially emotional stress to which I do seem to be prone. I have low self esteem which makes life seem to be such a struggle at times. I have to go to my sons school tonight for an informal look at the childrens work. I dread these types of situations as I always feel not good enough or I'm afraid that no-one will talk to me! thankfully my son is not like me more like His Dad and will talk to any one!! Thanks for your support talk soon.