Alcohol Problems

[karenjeanne]

So where do I stand? I am so strict about carbs and sugars, I eat meat meat meat.... I don't touch the bars or shakes, but I want a drink or two in the evening. Either dry white wine or white rum & diet 7up. Is it impossible for me to lose weight on any plan if I intake alcohol??? In fact, since I've started atkins this time around I feel more like a bloated whale then ever! Heavy and over full.. yet my appetite remains. I have an appetite when I have the stomach flu... its weird. It never goes away... ever! Except many years ago when I was anorexic... *sighs* Trying to do it the right way this time.

[lisayak]

Hey All -

Things a bit off here lately. I'm starting university on Monday and that means big changes for our family (I've been either at-home full time or part-time student: this degree is 40 hours per week, 46weeks a year). I'm nervous about how the children will adjust to childcare...and of course, the divorce complicates things further.

I have made an offer on a house, which has been accepted. If everything goes well, I could be in within 12-16 weeks, which would be a tremendous relief for both DH and me. Again, I'm tremendously fearful of what this will mean for the children.

DH wants to tell them this weekend, whilst I'm of the opinion that until moving day is closer, there is no point. We don't argue in front of them so although they are curious and know that things have changed, there haven't been loads of questions from them. I'm trying to do the best I can for all of us with a situation, caused by my disease, which is far from ideal. Thank God it's only one day at a time.

University will also mean big changes to my meetings schedule. I'm so relieved I was finally able to make personal relationships within AA - they will carry me through the times I can't make meetings. It's a whole new ball game now, and although I'm confident I'll find my way through, I'm still a bit apprehensive.

Finally, I've had to take steps to tackle my addictive illness on the food front as well. I've gone to OA and found it helpful. I'm not really an overeater (stats are current) or a binge/purger but I am obsessive (surprise). I've decided that eating three proper, balanced meals a day is the way forward for me. I've already lost a lot of the obsessive thinking around food as a result. Strangely enough, I've experienced more shame around this aspect of my illness than I ever did around alcohol. Being an addict really is a long, strange trip.

Hope you're all well - great to see newcomers here and read about your lives and how you're handling things - lots of new perspective which is always good. Take care and have a peaceful day.

[lou-bi-wan]

Hiya fifi,

Today is day 2 for me, I started a clean induction yesterday, I was on OWL but I’m going back down the ladder for a challenge I’ve set myself. I’m going to be representing my company at an exhibition so want to look good but I’m between sizes. I’ll need new clothes for this soooooo I’m aiming to lose a few pounds, 7 would perhaps do it? I have 4 whole weeks and not having wine will help!!

Thanks. I started losing last May just after my birthday, I’m 40 next year and wanted to do it before that and my skin started to lose its elasticity!!

I live in the north east of England on the cusp of North Yorkshire Moors and Co. Durham; it’s very nice here with plenty of countryside. My office looks out onto fields, trees and sheep. It’s also lambing season at the moment so the babies are in the field too, aaaaah.

I’ve decided to join you, I’m not going to drink at home, I don’t go out often so that will really cut down on the opportunities to drink, if I don’t buy it I can’t drink it!!!! One month it is!!

Not drinking at Christmas and the New Year was a real eye opener. Everyone expects you to do it, it’s socially acceptable to do it and if you don’t people think you’re weird. People think its okay to push a drink on you but if I said I didn’t want a banana they wouldn’t force feed me it, would they now!? I really enjoyed going ‘on the wagon’ I didn’t drink at my works function and it’s all free but I did get up early the next morning at the hotel and had breakfast for the first time in 9 years!!!! (after the do)

You can do it, I’ll be your mate, you can gee me on too. Thank you my American-estate-agent-BBC-watching-friend!!!!

Thanks for the welcome Lisayak and Hi to all

[gofifi]

karen -

yup I'm afraid you're onto something there

I am older and past menopuase - VERY slow loser

I did atkins for months and months and THOUGHT I was doing so great - very few carbs PLUS nightly cocktails - thought I was SOOOOOOOO cool

finally broke down and got on the scale and I had a terrible SHOCK!!!

my weight had increased - ALOT - and I had been in total denial about what drinking does to the weight loss process

and yes..if I drink wine I feel bloated...it's as thought the little wine thingies (I envision them like little pacmen) are going around in my stomach gobbling and puffing me up)

the good news is that I have lost 5 lbs in the past 4 days with no alcohol and
eating lots of protein and a few cups of veggies....I found I was missing cream so I am adding that back today- don't want to fall prey to the alcohol cravings if I can fend them off with another food - if cream stalls me - out it will go!

one day at a time, really

frankly, I am quite excited to see my first week results -

I do NOW think a clean induction is really important - I get it, people!!!!!

fifi

[gofifi]

ahhhhh...to be sitting in an office looking out over the fields of sheep - how lovely...is it very green now?

I remember being in England in March and it was very green and quite wonderful - and the English are so good about letting the spring air indoors - I do the same and just relish it

I work at home and my desk over looks my balcony garden - I have lavender, rosemary, thyme, sage, jasmine, and ivy topiaries...will have white moonflowers and white impatiens, pink mandevilla and hyacinth vines before too long..the birds and butterflies vist me all summer long

so glad to have a friend to do this with -

day five and just fine

xxx fifi

[lou-bi-wan]

It is green although the trees aren’t in leaf yet, it won’t be long, the buds are early this year, the May blossoms are out. . . the clocks go forward on Sunday so spring has officially sprung!!

Working from home sounds idyllic you are lucky

I love the scent of herbs in summer, I grow my own too and I’ve still got loads from last year in the freezer. Lavender is my all time favourite growing flower . . . basil and rosemary are my favourite herbs.

Day 5, well done PM me if you need anything.

[gofifi]

what do you say we start a new thread with a "better" name than
"alcohol problems"????


let's thnk of something ALOT more positive and upbeat -
let's get some glamour into this:

how about

"perrier and lime society" ???????

suggestions, girls?

xoxoxox fifi

[lou-bi-wan]

I like it!!!!

Pass the perrier daaaaahling

[peanutte]

But the purpose of the thread needs to be obvious to newcomers.

I hear you on the trying-to-be-positive, but the thing is, many people come to this thread who aren't ready to make changes yet, and they need to (and desperately want to) be honest about the problematic relationship they have with alcohol. Do you know what I'm saying? Let the positive enthusiasm speak for itself, but I would never want people to feel they couldn't share about themselves because they weren't sober or doing very well with their drinking. Just another point of view.

I had a great week last week and I've had a crap week this week. I don't have much to say about that except that I have PMS, I'm very demoralized about some health problems I've been having, and I feel like my boyfriend is a little distracted and distant, so I've been retreating into the old Wine-With-TV evenings.

Lou--I've long been under the impression that there are different attitudes toward drinking in the US and UK. It seems to me that public, social drinking is very much a part of UK culture. Not that it isn't in the States, but here it's more about drinking to get drunk, I think.

[lisayak]

Peanutte, it's all about getting smashed over here, in a way I've never experienced before in my 25 years in the US. Almost every single person who drinks over here has a story which ends with something like "I was passed out in the street" or "I puked all over the club" or "I can't remember how I got home, or where the bruises came from"...this country is wild. And Lou is right - the social pressure to drink is immense. "Functioning" alcoholics aren't recognised as such here. The UK is decades behind the US in attitudes to alcohol, alcoholism and recovery. That whole "social drinking" thing is more Europe - shame!

And I agree about the title (and not because I named it either! ) but it simply and clearly states exactly what this thread is about. It's simple to do a search on. This is the Addiction Support section of this site, and people who are suffering with addiction or exploring addiction need to know what to look for. By all means, start another thread if the title doesn't feel right - but maybe it should be located in the "Low Carb Challenges" section.

Love to all, have a good one!

[BarbDe]

OK, I know I am not much of a poster, more of a lurker. But I agree with you guys keeping the name. I unsubscribed to this thread about a month ago. Then had to go looking for it. I knew to search for "alcohol" and it was easy to find.

And there is no "glamour" in this issue, IMO.

That being said. I have not had a drink since Sunday. Was really no problem. But I have that weekend feeling coming on. Trying to get the house ready for the influx of out of town kids coming home. I clean SO much better with a buzz. I am weird like that.

I used to be a Budweiser girl. For many many years. And many many beers. Then I started Atkins and gave that up for months even. Then there was the year of the Hurricanes hitting us. And DH, sweet as he is, found Mike's Light for me. Thinking it might help with my stress. Hey it is ONLY 2 carbs per bottle! ;-)

Ahh. Anyway, that just led to an issue with Mike's Light! Sure, less carbs, but still. When you drink 12 of them it kinda blows it anyway!

So then I was just going to be a "weekend drunk". That lasted quite a while.
But more and more recently it has become an "every other day drunk". Only at home. And only in the evenings, I was justifying to myself. And besides, I am taking care of everyone else's health issues and I DESERVE a break, right?
Arrgg. OK, so. I know I have a problem with this. The only one's in my family that DON'T have a problem with it are my sister and my mother. Yup. A family of alcoholics, I remember my oldest brother saying one time.

So anyway. My DH has not had a drink since Thanksgiving. And I was really not drinking much at that time, so didn't really think it was much of a big deal to stop. Then chit hit the fan after that and I am back to reality here.

Wow. Sorry for this rambling.
If I can just get motivated to get this pigpen of a house cleaned without any "help" I will be fine!

[peanutte]

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer or to take away any of the newfound joy and motivation from people like Lou and Fifi. It's a double-edged sword, though: when one of us comes in here and says she's doing great, it's likely to make another one of us kick ourselves more. Oh well, I guess that goes with the territory, huh? That's kind of what I like about this particular thread, though; we have a wide variety of people whose experiences are pretty similar, but who are at varying stages of recovery. And we all have something valuable to contribute.

Okay, so I'm asking myself why I've been drinkinng alot this week when I was doing so well last week. Part of it is a feeling of Nothing Matters Anyway So I Might As Well Get Drunk; part of it is anxiety about moving yet again in a few months. I am so sick of moving, and the thought of packing up all our stuff, making all the arrangements, and unpacking on the other side is just overwhleming to me. I've moved about ten times in the past twelve years and it's been stressful every time.

That's not an excuse, though.

[peanutte]

Cross post with the lovely Barb. WHAT is it about us women and the evening at-home drinking?! I swear to God, that is the pattern of nearly all of us here.

Don't encourage that weekend feeling, Barb! You have several days under your belt. Maybe, if you feel that feeling creeping up, immediately start singing the alphabet song to yourself loudly or do twenty jumping jacks or something random to chase those tempting thoughts away!

This message brought to you by the Do As I Say, Not As I Do Society.

[karenjeanne]

Thats my M.O. also... sitting at home in the evening drinking... preferably when I'm all alone! Plunk down in front of the computer... generally a bad idea... and I will sit there all darned night.

[BarbDe]

Thanks Peanutte. I'm working on it.
But for some reason I feel like CRYING!?
WAAAH!
This is ridiculous!

[BarbDe]

Originally Posted by karenjeanne

Thats my M.O. also... sitting at home in the evening drinking... preferably when I'm all alone! Plunk down in front of the computer... generally a bad idea... and I will sit there all darned night.

Yeah, me too.
And boy has THAT gotten me into some internet trouble a couple times!!

[peanutte]

Hi, KarenJeanne! You have a beautiful smile and look at that mane of hair! Wow!

Aw, Barb, I know what you mean. Sometimes it's as simple as this, I think: when we drink, we don't have to feel our feelings. We have a nice fuzzy blanket of alcohol protecting us, and without it, it feels sometimes like the very air we breathe makes us want to cry!

[karenjeanne]

peanutte you are too kind Yeah Barb... internet and chardonnay don't mix! :S

[peanutte]

Sadly, they mix too well.

[lou-bi-wan]

This is a very thought provoking thread and I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, sorry if my approach was a bit full on. I get enthusiastic at times and a bit excited when I find a new way of coping with things.

I hear you on the thread thing, people do need a basic thread title otherwise you'll never be found but I think that what fifi and I meant but managed to put quite badly is that there can be joy and laughter in adversity, just maybe this isn't the place to do it . . . .

Perhaps a new challenge could be started in the challenge forums, I'm not really sure where to put things as my posts move around all the time, I seem to keep the moderators quite busy at times.

Thanks Lisa you put it a lot better than I did, if you don't drink here you're in the minority, it's expected and everyone believes that you can't have a good time without one, that's why it's such a hard mind set to get out of. There are enablers everywhere . . .

It was tough going not drinking, I had to explain myself to everyone, I became a real curio and I can't imagine all those future lunches, dinners, celebrations, birthday parties, christmas, New Years, christenings, weddings without having a drink, people are offended if you don't take one!!!!!

The extent of the drinking culture is vast: -

When neighbours say thank you or people pop round to say hi, they bring a bottle . . . you can't escape it, all my christmas presents at work were wine, champagne (about 9 bottles) or vouchers for wine shops, I think I had £40, that's what I get for birthday presents too. If you want to buy a funny birthday card over here they are all without exception based around parties, sex or drinking and how much you can put away!! Even our sports stars drink to excess they have competitions and tell jokes about how they drank so and so under the table . . . it's part of our culture When people are faint or ill over here you're given a brandy in a hot drink, I remember be given it as a child . . . now that's just crazy. Up until a couple of years ago gripe water for babies had alcohol in it!!!!!!

Lisa was spot on we don't get help over here, it's not seen as problem for the majority and the ones who it is a problem for (or at least get the blame) are the social dregs, the poor, the single parent families and jobless. I think it's just that the lower social classes don't hide it very well and get sick earlier through their drinking because the quality is poorer so the quantity they need to drink is greater to get the same buzz. The problem is widespread over here, most people have a drinks cupboard, I used to have two fridges one for food and another just for the beer!! You really have to live it it's a nightmare sometimes.

Believe me, when I say I understand because I do,

Thanks for letting me vent my spleen

[peanutte]

I hear you on the thread thing, people do need a basic thread title otherwise you'll never be found but I think that what fifi and I meant but managed to put quite badly is that there can be joy and laughter in adversity, just maybe this isn't the place to do it . . . .

Oh, of course laughter and joy are welcome here! We don't intend to be a somber bunch of sad-sacks. Heh!

[lou-bi-wan]

I'm all embarassed now, I've put my foot in it again!!

[peanutte]

I'm all embarassed now, I've put my foot in it again!!

You sure haven't. It's all good, hon!

In the old days, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, we had a thread on Challenges called the No/Less Alcohol Challenge.

I don't know how to explain this except from my personal perspective. It seemed to me that a lot of new people started coming around at the same time that several of us who had started the thread were drifting away. When I returned to the challenge board after an extended absence, I was rather horrified to see the old No/Less thread in its new incarnation.

It felt to me like a big frickin' frat party with conga lines everywhere. The posts seemed superficical and full of exclamation points and "LOL"s. People were talking about drinking after work while plunking their small kids down in front of the TV...getting drunk on the weekends and actually passing out on the back of a motorcycle...stuff that would curl my hair.

I'm not trying to sound judgemental, but it felt like there was no shame in anything, and I don't like the kind of atmosphere where people constantly affirm each other and never call each other out. It's dishonest and self-serving.

Anyway, I popped in there and expressed concern about all the blackout talk and the generally festive tone of what USED to be my "safe place" to talk about alcohol. I immediately was called a judgemental b*tch and worse. I was basically flamed. I changed my online name and contacted a few of the old-timers and we started a new thread called the MOD(eration) Squad.

Over time, we drifted again, and now there are only a few I am still in touch with around here. I see some of the gals on different threads, but I don't think the MOD Squad has been around for ages.

That might provide a little background about my experience with forums and the amount of appreciation I have for this thread in particular.

[BarbDe]

Originally Posted by lou-bi-wan

I'm all embarassed now, I've put my foot in it again!!

Don't be embarrassed Lou-bi-wan! It's all good!

[lou-bi-wan]

Peanutte: Thanks for being so honest and understanding. I do tend to have foot in mouth disease I'm afraid but I'll get the hang of it I'm sure.

BarbDe - thanks