Alcohol Problems - Page 10

2big4britjez · 02-10-2007, 01:21 PM

Oh I remember that.

Just keep searching, Peanutte, you'll find "home" yet!! I promise!

peanutte · 02-10-2007, 01:53 PM

Okay, this is cool: there's a women's meeting at noon on Monday and Thursday at a church I can walk to. There's a noon open discussion meeting on Tuesdays and Fridays at a church down the street.

I am going for sure. I feel scared and very emotional like I am on the verge of crying. But there is a sense of relief too, like "I give up!"

lisayak · 02-10-2007, 03:41 PM

Yeah, I've been to some meetings where the social demographic was as you described - and I certainly identify with being Little Miss College Girl! Also, I came into sobriety fairly early into the game; I was never physically addicted, never lost my family, home, car, job...just lost my will to live and myself. I know there were people in those meetings in the early days who felt I wasn't a "real" alcoholic. I just ignored them, because I knew one thing was true - I couldn't stop drinking by myself, no matter the method or how much I tried. That qualified me as an alcoholic, not the quantity or the amount of time I drank.

I think it's a great idea to go to a women's meeting. I love going to them here and find the energy to be very healing, caring and safe. I'd never share openly about my divorce at a mixed meeting, but I do in a women's meeting.

I don't like to give advice but I'll pass on some that was given to me: take from a meeting only what speaks to you and leave the rest. As long as you're staying away from a drink a day at a time (if that's what you believe you need to do) the rest will come as and when you're ready to see it...and you will see what's right for you, not what works for him two chairs down.

You don't have to subscribe to every belief in AA - just use the ones that work for you. Your determination to change your life and strength shine through in your posts. I most sincerely hope the meetings help you, and I'll be thinking of you.

lisayak · 02-10-2007, 03:44 PM

Thanks Val!

peanutte · 02-10-2007, 04:16 PM

Thank you SO much for your support, Lisa, Val and everyone here. It is dawning on me that this is serious. Like right now, it's 5:15 and I would usually grab my backpack and head up to the little store two blocks away...I can just picture popping the cork and sitting down with my first glass...it's not that I feel super tempted right now but more than my brain automatically goes to that place. It's just so deeply imprinted.

2big4britjez · 02-10-2007, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutte

Thank you SO much for your support, Lisa, Val and everyone here. It is dawning on me that this is serious. Like right now, it's 5:15 and I would usually grab my backpack and head up to the little store two blocks away...I can just picture popping the cork and sitting down with my first glass...it's not that I feel super tempted right now but more than my brain automatically goes to that place. It's just so deeply imprinted.

Yep! 5:00 is usually The Time for me too...or was. Like today, around 5:15 I told my DH I was bored, and thought to myself THIS is why I would pop a cork, out of boredom sometimes. I took a nap instead. When I woke up we watched a movie and I munched on almonds & Diet Rite. It's like you have to reprogram the brain & its habits.

peanutte · 02-10-2007, 07:34 PM

Val, have you dropped some weight in the 40 days of sobriety?

2big4britjez · 02-11-2007, 07:20 AM

Yeah, I've lost 17 lbs since sobriety but I don't know how much of that was just from drinking (maybe 5?). The pics in my gallery really show the weight. I'm surprised I don't have a glass of wine in my hand (usually pics do) but these were taken in Finland and it was hard to find my fav poison there. After drinking wine, my fingers would swell up so bad I couldn't remove my ring, and my belly swelled like a guy's beer gut (on top of my usual fat belly!!).

lisayak · 02-11-2007, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutte

Thank you SO much for your support, Lisa, Val and everyone here. It is dawning on me that this is serious. Like right now, it's 5:15 and I would usually grab my backpack and head up to the little store two blocks away...I can just picture popping the cork and sitting down with my first glass...it's not that I feel super tempted right now but more than my brain automatically goes to that place. It's just so deeply imprinted.

My goal was to hit 6pm. The radio station I listen to uses the chimes from Big Ben in London to begin their 6pm news and I'd be cracking open my first in synchronicity with the first "bong"!

There is sooooo much habit in daily drinking. I did find that going to meetings daily in the early days helped me break that pattern by giving me something different to focus on. Lifestyle change is tough, no matter what it is you're trying to change.

Hope you both are well today - I'm off to make dinner!

peanutte · 02-11-2007, 02:18 PM

I'll be interested to see how much I de-puff if I manage to be abstinent, Val. My fingers swell up too and I get a moonpie face.

Just got off the phone with a good friend from back home whose husband is about two months out of treatment. He's doing really well and going to meetings! I'm so proud of him.

peanutte · 02-11-2007, 04:56 PM

I had a very interesting afternoon. I logged on to aa online and this woman named Lyse came into the chat room and said hey, I've got 28 days, anyone feel like a private chat? So I ended up IMing with her for like, two or three hours, and she's exactly my age and her drinking patterns were exactly like mine. I feel like the universe is handing me this opportunity on a silver platter, and now that I've humbled myself and become willing to try, all these things are shifting into place. Naturally I'm scared and I realize it isn't going to be easy, but having such an intense and frank IM conversation with her made me feel like laughing and crying all at once. I invited her to join this thread.

I have come clean to all three of my best friends from back home because I wanted to let them know what's going on. I have nothing but encouragement and support from them. My family can take a flying leap because I have no intention of discussing it with them. But my friends needed and deserved to know.

I feel really emotionally drained in a cathartic way.

2big4britjez · 02-11-2007, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutte

I feel like the universe is handing me this opportunity on a silver platter, and now that I've humbled myself and become willing to try, all these things are shifting into place.

Exactly. God's holding your hand and showing you the way! (Btw, although I may come across as being a religious freak, I'm not. Far from it. But I have to give credit when credit's Due.) I'm so glad you talked to her and connected to her!! And I'm glad you welcomed her to join us here!!

peanutte · 02-12-2007, 07:38 AM

Hey seejay--I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I got up and re-read some of those articles you posted from Radiant Recovery. I'm going to try to find a copy of Potatoes Not Prozac and I might go up to Whole Foods and nose around in the vitamins and homeopathic section.

seejay · 02-12-2007, 11:29 AM

Hey Peanutte I just checked in here and wow, you are making huge strides right and left! Checking out meetings is huge. You have to take the chance that it will be a bad or good one, boy I know how that is.

And an AA online buddy too! how wonderful that she is more like your own situation.

I do think the Potatoes not Prozac plan can support your sobriety from the nutrition side. You are going to feel ssooooooo good - after a while I mean, no overnight miracles, more's the pity.

peanutte · 02-12-2007, 01:31 PM

I don't expect fifteen years of drinking to end in immediate sobriety, seejay!

It takes time and effort, I'm sure.

But the women's meeting today was really good. I'm going back Thursday for sure.

peanutte · 02-13-2007, 08:21 AM

I want to share something with you here that happened to me yesterday after my meeting.

I was walking home and I saw the skinniest, scrappiest little cat on the sidewalk. I have never seen a cat in such bad shape; it was totally emaciated with its spine and ribs sticking out. Its fur was matted and its eyes were glassy. The cat had a tag for a rabies vaccine, as well as a tag with a license number name, and phone number. I picked the poor creature up and carried it home with me.

I place the cat in my bathroom, away from my other cats, and set out food and water for it. Then I called and left a message for the owners, saying I'd found their cat, and didn't know if it was lost or maybe just had wandered outside, but that it looked so skinny I'd brought it home, and they should call me.

I called the shelter to ask if it had been reported missing; it hadn't. I thought about what needed to be done for this poor kitty, and spent all afternoon checking in on the pathetic creature. Seeing its caved-in sides and jutting skeleton just broke my heart.

Well, the owners did call me and they said the cat hadn't been missing, and that its emaciation was just the result of old age; they assured me it does eat regularly, but the kitty is 20 years old and that's just how it looks. In a few minutes they came and got their cat and I said I hoped I hadn't inconvenienced them, but I hadn't wanted to take any chances. They thanked me and left with the scrawny little thing.

It made me think about alcohol problems. The sane, strong and sober part of who we are sees the Beast that is our compulsion or addiction and is slightly horrifed. We see a part of ourselves that is sick, emotionally unwell, and in desperate need of nurturing and help. But despite our best intentions, the owner of that Beast within us steps up and casually says "Oh, it's been like this for years, it's no big deal; this is normal, really, it's fine. Thanks for worrying but the Beast is totally okay, really."

I think it's an interesting fable.

peanutte · 02-13-2007, 02:01 PM

C'mon boozehounds, lushes and sober people--check in, willya?!

lisayak · 02-13-2007, 03:00 PM

Hey Peanutte!

I've definitely been a boozehound in my day...so I'll claim it!

I had a lot of identification with your story. I needed so much care and attention, and I was far too afraid to ask for it. I had to be made willing to do so through pain and suffering.

I'm really glad the women's meeting went well. Here in Cardiff we have a small group called "Women's Way" meeting based on the book A Woman's Way Through The Twelve Steps. We are a cross-fellowship group based on the AA Twelve Step Program. In practice, that means we share about all addictive issues (drugs, food, shopping, sex, gambling, work...), since addictive illness can break out in many different guises. I love that meeting, all the more because with only women there seems to be a more open and gentle atmosphere.

I hope you've been having a peaceful week. Things have been up and down here - on the one hand, my solicitor tells me it will be at least 16 weeks before I can think of moving from my house. On the other, despite the fact I can't drive my car until I get my UK driver's license, someone did give me a bike yesterday and given that this is a small, flat city, I am enjoying cycling. Something I never thought I'd say!

I'm going to bed soon, just got back from dinner at my sponsor's house with some other Fellowship friends. It was lovely, with lively conversation and lots of good food. Best of all is no hangover!!!

Take care, and hope all is well for you tonight.

CurveControl · 02-14-2007, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutte

C'mon boozehounds, lushes and sober people--check in, willya?!

Checking in.
I have no wine and I am snowed (well, Iced in, anyway) in.

Allieglover · 02-15-2007, 01:59 PM

Did you get panic attacks/depression after you started drinking or did drinking just make them worse?

I also have been diagnosed w/ panic disorder and am just wondering if cocktails make it worse?

peanutte · 02-15-2007, 04:38 PM

Hi Allie--welcome! Alcohol will temporarily ease your feelings of anxiety--but the day after, you will have elevated anxiety. Part of it is physical and part of it is emotional.

What are you taking for your anxiety?

How often do you experience panic attacks?

Do you drink daily, or not so much?

Nobody judges anybody here. This is a safe place to talk freely about your concerns.

lisayak · 02-16-2007, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peanutte

Nobody judges anybody here. This is a safe place to talk freely about your concerns.

She speaks the truth! How're you getting on Peanutte?

Hi Allie - I can only say for myself that my depression, anxiety and suicidal feelings have all but stopped completely since I began to accumulate sober time. I've had only one or two panic-y days and one depressive/suicidal episode lasting two days since I stopped drinking 21 months ago. For me, alcohol is a neuro-toxin.

I took anti-depressants on and off for 12 years (strangely enough, coinciding with when I began drinking). I was off them when I came to sobriety because I was trying for another baby (WHAT was I thinking? I was desperate to stop drinking, pregnancy would make me stop) and that was why I noticed the difference when I had two sober weeks in a row.

I was astounded. Never, ever, ever did I think that alcohol and depression/anxiety were related. I considered myself mentally ill, and that was one of the first myths about myself that sobriety exposed.

I can't say if you have the same reaction to alcohol, but it might be worth a period of abstinence to discover the truth. Keeping a mood diary would help as well, listing things such as alcohol consumption, exercise, food eaten and whether you slept well.

Best of luck and let us know how you're getting on.

lisayak · 02-20-2007, 08:57 AM

Crikey, I'm so down today. The stress of the divorce, trying to work my program and this week the kids are off from school.......I'm tired. I'm going away this weekend, but as it's a 12 step retreat I'll be doing step work which, as I'm on step 4 (fearless and searching moral inventory) means that I will most likely finish that and take step 5 (admit to myself, another human being and God).....SO not the most relaxing of activities, although liberating I hope.

I'm crazy with my food too. I know darn well that the four pounds I have sitting on me right now is TOM bloat...but I'm obsessing. And constantly hungry. My sponsor wants me to eat a balanced diet which for me meant adding in whole grains & fruit, but right now I'd feel psychologically safer back on induction. I feel fat and ugly. I know I'm not seeing reality clearly. I'm giving myself till Monday to see if I feel better, otherwise I'm inducting. Hope this passes.

And I think I have asthma. Since I can't drive my car due to divorce issues I've been getting around on my bike, which is fine, but when I ride at night my lungs burn and itch and I cough continually afterwards, sometimes for up to an hour. And I'm lonely.

Good God, what a moan! But it's good for me to be who I am publicly, especially when what I'm feeling isn't "just right".

Haven't seen anyone around lately here, hope everyone is well & wishing you a peaceful evening.

I forgot to add the indignity of stress related spots. The only blessing is that the worst breakout is on my back, but there's plenty on my face, chest & arms as well. Rant over for real now....

drsharon · 02-20-2007, 09:24 AM

Hi Everyone, my name is Sharon and I was very happy to have found this new addiction thread here. A little about me - I came into AA in 1985, h ave been clean and sober from alcohol and marijuana since, almost 21 years. Am also a food addict and bulimic, spent 10 years in OA in recovery and lost a lot of weight, and then became sick with Epstein- Barr virus and Fibromyalgia and the food recovery went down the tubes, gained back 80 pounds and have been miserable. Then went through a long bout with pain medication because of the Fibro and got strung out on opiods. So, I am now done with those and just take a muscle relaxer and Darvacetter, which doesn't mood-alter me at all, for pain. I know I need to eat lowcarb, as it is good for my muscle pain, takes away my cravings and my appetite, lowers my blood sugar and cholesterol, etc. So, I am working my AA/NA recovery program, I go to an OA meeting online, and I am working on getting myself lowcarb, because I, too, like someone else here said, dont' want to have to worry about food and calories and weighing and measuring and restricting. With lowcarb eating,, that all takes care of itself and I can still work my recovery programs, which really have nothing to do with the food or substance anyway. So, glad to be here and would welcome any feedback or experience anyone wants to share. Thanks,
Sharon

peanutte · 02-20-2007, 11:10 AM

Hello and welcome, Sharon! Great to have another person who is experienced with sobriety.

Lisa, hang in there, hon. I appreciate your honesty and I hope it helped a little just to get it off your chest! You have every reason to be feeling stressed out. I hope the retreat this weekend provides you with some laughter and peace of mind.

I'm still not sober--still drinking wine in the evenings--but I did call the leader of the women's meeting today and left a message asking her to go out for coffee sometime. I realized that my anxiety makes me not want to do group stuff all the time. I will go back to my women's meeting again--but sometimes I need one on one, too. I'm not bragging, but I seem to come off very well in groups and part of that is overcompensating for my anxiety. I need one-on-ones to be brutally honest and not feel pressure to perform. You know what I mean?

lisayak · 02-21-2007, 10:07 AM

Hey Peanutte!

I hear you about the one-on-one...the pressure for me to perform to a crowd can be difficult to resist, but allowing someone to get to know you well enough to call you on the "I'm fine" will IMO help with sobriety. I had to learn to get honest about my life, no matter the state it's in! I'm also a rampant people pleaser...sometimes, I have to pick up the phone to my sponsor and tell her EXACTLY what I don't want to.

I am feeling better today, not back to normal but better. I'll take it! Going to cycle to a meeting tonight (hopefully not in the rain) and cap it off with a session with my latest book.

Hope you're having a peaceful day.

02-10-2007, 03:41 PM	#273
lisayak Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 511 Gallery: lisayak Stats: 187/140/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Yeah, I've been to some meetings where the social demographic was as you described - and I certainly identify with being Little Miss College Girl! Also, I came into sobriety fairly early into the game; I was never physically addicted, never lost my family, home, car, job...just lost my will to live and myself. I know there were people in those meetings in the early days who felt I wasn't a "real" alcoholic. I just ignored them, because I knew one thing was true - I couldn't stop drinking by myself, no matter the method or how much I tried. That qualified me as an alcoholic, not the quantity or the amount of time I drank. I think it's a great idea to go to a women's meeting. I love going to them here and find the energy to be very healing, caring and safe. I'd never share openly about my divorce at a mixed meeting, but I do in a women's meeting. I don't like to give advice but I'll pass on some that was given to me: take from a meeting only what speaks to you and leave the rest. As long as you're staying away from a drink a day at a time (if that's what you believe you need to do) the rest will come as and when you're ready to see it...and you will see what's right for you, not what works for him two chairs down. You don't have to subscribe to every belief in AA - just use the ones that work for you. Your determination to change your life and strength shine through in your posts. I most sincerely hope the meetings help you, and I'll be thinking of you. __________________ What a long, strange trip it's been...

02-10-2007, 04:16 PM	#275
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	Thank you SO much for your support, Lisa, Val and everyone here. It is dawning on me that this is serious. Like right now, it's 5:15 and I would usually grab my backpack and head up to the little store two blocks away...I can just picture popping the cork and sitting down with my first glass...it's not that I feel super tempted right now but more than my brain automatically goes to that place. It's just so deeply imprinted. Last edited by peanutte : 02-10-2007 at 04:17 PM.

02-20-2007, 08:57 AM	#293
lisayak Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 511 Gallery: lisayak Stats: 187/140/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Crikey, I'm so down today. The stress of the divorce, trying to work my program and this week the kids are off from school.......I'm tired. I'm going away this weekend, but as it's a 12 step retreat I'll be doing step work which, as I'm on step 4 (fearless and searching moral inventory) means that I will most likely finish that and take step 5 (admit to myself, another human being and God).....SO not the most relaxing of activities, although liberating I hope. I'm crazy with my food too. I know darn well that the four pounds I have sitting on me right now is TOM bloat...but I'm obsessing. And constantly hungry. My sponsor wants me to eat a balanced diet which for me meant adding in whole grains & fruit, but right now I'd feel psychologically safer back on induction. I feel fat and ugly. I know I'm not seeing reality clearly. I'm giving myself till Monday to see if I feel better, otherwise I'm inducting. Hope this passes. And I think I have asthma. Since I can't drive my car due to divorce issues I've been getting around on my bike, which is fine, but when I ride at night my lungs burn and itch and I cough continually afterwards, sometimes for up to an hour. And I'm lonely. Good God, what a moan! But it's good for me to be who I am publicly, especially when what I'm feeling isn't "just right". Haven't seen anyone around lately here, hope everyone is well & wishing you a peaceful evening. I forgot to add the indignity of stress related spots. The only blessing is that the worst breakout is on my back, but there's plenty on my face, chest & arms as well. Rant over for real now.... Last edited by lisayak : 02-20-2007 at 09:02 AM.

02-20-2007, 09:24 AM	#294
drsharon Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Northeat Ohio Posts: 1 Gallery: drsharon	First Post - Addiction and Recovery Hi Everyone, my name is Sharon and I was very happy to have found this new addiction thread here. A little about me - I came into AA in 1985, h ave been clean and sober from alcohol and marijuana since, almost 21 years. Am also a food addict and bulimic, spent 10 years in OA in recovery and lost a lot of weight, and then became sick with Epstein- Barr virus and Fibromyalgia and the food recovery went down the tubes, gained back 80 pounds and have been miserable. Then went through a long bout with pain medication because of the Fibro and got strung out on opiods. So, I am now done with those and just take a muscle relaxer and Darvacetter, which doesn't mood-alter me at all, for pain. I know I need to eat lowcarb, as it is good for my muscle pain, takes away my cravings and my appetite, lowers my blood sugar and cholesterol, etc. So, I am working my AA/NA recovery program, I go to an OA meeting online, and I am working on getting myself lowcarb, because I, too, like someone else here said, dont' want to have to worry about food and calories and weighing and measuring and restricting. With lowcarb eating,, that all takes care of itself and I can still work my recovery programs, which really have nothing to do with the food or substance anyway. So, glad to be here and would welcome any feedback or experience anyone wants to share. Thanks, Sharon

02-10-2007, 01:21 PM	#271
2big4britjez Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 998 Gallery: 2big4britjez Stats: 237/219/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 23, 2008	Oh I remember that. Just keep searching, Peanutte, you'll find "home" yet!! I promise!

02-10-2007, 01:53 PM	#272
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	Okay, this is cool: there's a women's meeting at noon on Monday and Thursday at a church I can walk to. There's a noon open discussion meeting on Tuesdays and Fridays at a church down the street. I am going for sure. I feel scared and very emotional like I am on the verge of crying. But there is a sense of relief too, like "I give up!"

02-10-2007, 03:44 PM	#274
lisayak Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 511 Gallery: lisayak Stats: 187/140/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Thanks Val!

02-10-2007, 07:34 PM	#277
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	Val, have you dropped some weight in the 40 days of sobriety?

02-11-2007, 07:20 AM	#278
2big4britjez Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 998 Gallery: 2big4britjez Stats: 237/219/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 23, 2008	Yeah, I've lost 17 lbs since sobriety but I don't know how much of that was just from drinking (maybe 5?). The pics in my gallery really show the weight. I'm surprised I don't have a glass of wine in my hand (usually pics do) but these were taken in Finland and it was hard to find my fav poison there. After drinking wine, my fingers would swell up so bad I couldn't remove my ring, and my belly swelled like a guy's beer gut (on top of my usual fat belly!!).

02-11-2007, 02:18 PM	#280
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	I'll be interested to see how much I de-puff if I manage to be abstinent, Val. My fingers swell up too and I get a moonpie face. Just got off the phone with a good friend from back home whose husband is about two months out of treatment. He's doing really well and going to meetings! I'm so proud of him.

02-11-2007, 04:56 PM	#281
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	I had a very interesting afternoon. I logged on to aa online and this woman named Lyse came into the chat room and said hey, I've got 28 days, anyone feel like a private chat? So I ended up IMing with her for like, two or three hours, and she's exactly my age and her drinking patterns were exactly like mine. I feel like the universe is handing me this opportunity on a silver platter, and now that I've humbled myself and become willing to try, all these things are shifting into place. Naturally I'm scared and I realize it isn't going to be easy, but having such an intense and frank IM conversation with her made me feel like laughing and crying all at once. I invited her to join this thread. I have come clean to all three of my best friends from back home because I wanted to let them know what's going on. I have nothing but encouragement and support from them. My family can take a flying leap because I have no intention of discussing it with them. But my friends needed and deserved to know. I feel really emotionally drained in a cathartic way.

02-12-2007, 07:38 AM	#283
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	Hey seejay--I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I got up and re-read some of those articles you posted from Radiant Recovery. I'm going to try to find a copy of Potatoes Not Prozac and I might go up to Whole Foods and nose around in the vitamins and homeopathic section.

02-12-2007, 11:29 AM	#284
seejay Senior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 262 Gallery: seejay	Hey Peanutte I just checked in here and wow, you are making huge strides right and left! Checking out meetings is huge. You have to take the chance that it will be a bad or good one, boy I know how that is. And an AA online buddy too! how wonderful that she is more like your own situation. I do think the Potatoes not Prozac plan can support your sobriety from the nutrition side. You are going to feel ssooooooo good - after a while I mean, no overnight miracles, more's the pity.

02-12-2007, 01:31 PM	#285
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	I don't expect fifteen years of drinking to end in immediate sobriety, seejay! It takes time and effort, I'm sure. But the women's meeting today was really good. I'm going back Thursday for sure.

02-13-2007, 08:21 AM	#286
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	I want to share something with you here that happened to me yesterday after my meeting. I was walking home and I saw the skinniest, scrappiest little cat on the sidewalk. I have never seen a cat in such bad shape; it was totally emaciated with its spine and ribs sticking out. Its fur was matted and its eyes were glassy. The cat had a tag for a rabies vaccine, as well as a tag with a license number name, and phone number. I picked the poor creature up and carried it home with me. I place the cat in my bathroom, away from my other cats, and set out food and water for it. Then I called and left a message for the owners, saying I'd found their cat, and didn't know if it was lost or maybe just had wandered outside, but that it looked so skinny I'd brought it home, and they should call me. I called the shelter to ask if it had been reported missing; it hadn't. I thought about what needed to be done for this poor kitty, and spent all afternoon checking in on the pathetic creature. Seeing its caved-in sides and jutting skeleton just broke my heart. Well, the owners did call me and they said the cat hadn't been missing, and that its emaciation was just the result of old age; they assured me it does eat regularly, but the kitty is 20 years old and that's just how it looks. In a few minutes they came and got their cat and I said I hoped I hadn't inconvenienced them, but I hadn't wanted to take any chances. They thanked me and left with the scrawny little thing. It made me think about alcohol problems. The sane, strong and sober part of who we are sees the Beast that is our compulsion or addiction and is slightly horrifed. We see a part of ourselves that is sick, emotionally unwell, and in desperate need of nurturing and help. But despite our best intentions, the owner of that Beast within us steps up and casually says "Oh, it's been like this for years, it's no big deal; this is normal, really, it's fine. Thanks for worrying but the Beast is totally okay, really." I think it's an interesting fable.

02-13-2007, 02:01 PM	#287
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	C'mon boozehounds, lushes and sober people--check in, willya?!

02-13-2007, 03:00 PM	#288
lisayak Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 511 Gallery: lisayak Stats: 187/140/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Hey Peanutte! I've definitely been a boozehound in my day...so I'll claim it! I had a lot of identification with your story. I needed so much care and attention, and I was far too afraid to ask for it. I had to be made willing to do so through pain and suffering. I'm really glad the women's meeting went well. Here in Cardiff we have a small group called "Women's Way" meeting based on the book A Woman's Way Through The Twelve Steps. We are a cross-fellowship group based on the AA Twelve Step Program. In practice, that means we share about all addictive issues (drugs, food, shopping, sex, gambling, work...), since addictive illness can break out in many different guises. I love that meeting, all the more because with only women there seems to be a more open and gentle atmosphere. I hope you've been having a peaceful week. Things have been up and down here - on the one hand, my solicitor tells me it will be at least 16 weeks before I can think of moving from my house. On the other, despite the fact I can't drive my car until I get my UK driver's license, someone did give me a bike yesterday and given that this is a small, flat city, I am enjoying cycling. Something I never thought I'd say! I'm going to bed soon, just got back from dinner at my sponsor's house with some other Fellowship friends. It was lovely, with lively conversation and lots of good food. Best of all is no hangover!!! Take care, and hope all is well for you tonight.

02-15-2007, 01:59 PM	#290
Allieglover Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: California Posts: 152 Gallery: Allieglover Stats: Started at 164 At Goal 145 Maintaining WOE: Atkins Start Date: Mid January	Did you get panic attacks/depression after you started drinking or did drinking just make them worse? I also have been diagnosed w/ panic disorder and am just wondering if cocktails make it worse?

02-15-2007, 04:38 PM	#291
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	Hi Allie--welcome! Alcohol will temporarily ease your feelings of anxiety--but the day after, you will have elevated anxiety. Part of it is physical and part of it is emotional. What are you taking for your anxiety? How often do you experience panic attacks? Do you drink daily, or not so much? Nobody judges anybody here. This is a safe place to talk freely about your concerns.

02-20-2007, 11:10 AM	#295
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,779 Gallery: peanutte	Hello and welcome, Sharon! Great to have another person who is experienced with sobriety. Lisa, hang in there, hon. I appreciate your honesty and I hope it helped a little just to get it off your chest! You have every reason to be feeling stressed out. I hope the retreat this weekend provides you with some laughter and peace of mind. I'm still not sober--still drinking wine in the evenings--but I did call the leader of the women's meeting today and left a message asking her to go out for coffee sometime. I realized that my anxiety makes me not want to do group stuff all the time. I will go back to my women's meeting again--but sometimes I need one on one, too. I'm not bragging, but I seem to come off very well in groups and part of that is overcompensating for my anxiety. I need one-on-ones to be brutally honest and not feel pressure to perform. You know what I mean?

02-21-2007, 10:07 AM	#296
lisayak Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 511 Gallery: lisayak Stats: 187/140/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Hey Peanutte! I hear you about the one-on-one...the pressure for me to perform to a crowd can be difficult to resist, but allowing someone to get to know you well enough to call you on the "I'm fine" will IMO help with sobriety. I had to learn to get honest about my life, no matter the state it's in! I'm also a rampant people pleaser...sometimes, I have to pick up the phone to my sponsor and tell her EXACTLY what I don't want to. I am feeling better today, not back to normal but better. I'll take it! Going to cycle to a meeting tonight (hopefully not in the rain) and cap it off with a session with my latest book. Hope you're having a peaceful day.