Beyond the Binge (Fri 6/3)

[TaDa!]

Here is an excerpt from the book I am reading as food for thought today:

I have just read the chapter on Body Pride, on accepting and honoring your body just the way it is now, today - even the parts that you "don't like." Why is accepting our bodies one element necessary for healing? (who knew??!!!!)

"...what people dislike about their bodies becomes fodder for rejection of the self. Rejection of the body and self add to the buildup of emotional distress inside. We stop seeking comfort from within ourselves and start seeking external gratifiers in excess."

You have an inner monologue that tells you are lazy, powerless, unable to control yourself, a bad greedy person, etc. It is compassion for the self that heals, not cold judgemental attitudes toward your body and the self. Throw out that judgemental voice inside of you for the compassionate one who will tell you:

- Your body is beautiful just the way it is
- You are wonderful because you are you
- You do not need to fix yourself. You are not broken.

Giving yourself compassion and understanding will help you gain control.

The Solution: 6 Winning Ways to Permaneant Weight Loss by Lauren Mellin, M.A., R.D.



(tomorrow I'll post on why being heavy has been advantageous to us and how we can change our thinking and behaviour so that we do not have to stay big to express ourselves ...)

have a great day all you beautiful women out there!!!



Pauline

[kacee1958]

TaDa - why is it that I can read words like that and understand intellectually, but then I look in a mirror and immediately come down on myself? Why is our weight and whole body image so tied into our sense of worth?
Last night I cooked dinner for a dear friend who is terminally ill and wanted to talk to DH about his memorial service. Made my problems and worries look so petty. So what did I do? While my family was saying goodbye outside, I took the unopened bag of gingersnaps and put them under my side of the bed so I could eat them later while reading. How do I feel today? Totally full of self-loathing. Oh well, today is a new day, a new chance to try and do the best I can.

[brilliant100]

TaDa - thanks for posting that. I agree with Kacee, its easy to understand but seems impossible to acually believe about yourself.

It would be easier if you have people say it to you all day for a few years to help reprogram the program running in my head. Kinda like the Starbuck commerical where the guy has a rock band following him around singing. I would like my own personal cheering squad.

[Dewdrop_In]

TaDa~I feel the same way as the others. I know that what your book says is so true, yet I have a difficult time being gentle with myself. Thanks so much for the reminder.

kacee~Today is a new day.

brilliant~We will be your cheering squad!

I'm not feeling great about myself because I have been eating peanut butter for the past two days. I told myself on Tues that I wasn't going to eat anymore pb for awhile. I have a difficult time losing weight while eating pb.

I met a friend at Burger King last night, and I was truly hungry, so I had a serving of chili. I was SOOOOOO tempted to let that chili be the start of a binge. I resisted the urge to go ahead and have a second chili and some fries, but I came home and ate LC ice cream with peanuts, lots of peanuts.

My focus has got to switch from weight loss to stopping the bingeing. I end up bingeing because I'm telling myself that I'm going to get really strict with my diet the next day. I'm wondering if I just let up on the strictness, if I could stop thinking that I have to prepare for the diet.

[DebWI]

Hi everyone! TaDa, good post. I like the idea, but of course every morning when I look in the mirror that hideous self-talk starts and I become very hateful to myself. It's going to be very hard to stop that. I liked what CartBabe said the other day, about how it wasn't alright for them to abuse us when we were kids, so it isn't alright for us to abuse ourselves either. I've been telling myself that a lot since I read it.

But then someone dropped a bag of chips and a giant chocolate chunk cookie on my desk and I abused myself with total abandon. I thought hard about giving the stuff to someone else, picked it up....and then I was eating it. It was all downhill from there. Sooooo, it's back to the drawing board yet again this morning.

I'm with ya, kacee! Let's get back up on our feet and keep plugging away. We'll get there.

Dewdrop, great job in walking away from that 2nd chili and fries! I know that the more I restrict myself, the more I binge. Hang in there!

brilliant - You rock! Look at how far you've already come!

[oldmusicfan84]

posted in yesterdays..............for today......



Thanks for the nice opening from the book.......gives a positive spin on the day.

[TaDa!]

Good afternoon everyone Dewdrop, I was just saying how I feel like the ONLY reason I am binge-free now for 11 days is that I took my focus off weightloss. For me, that meant coming up with a food equation that works but is not extremely strict like my former plan and to stay off the scale. I have no idea what I weigh, lol!! My only concern is my contentment. No recriminations, no disciplining myself because I went up a half a pound, etc etc. Getting rid of that mind game was the trick for me. Is there some way you are being hard on yourself that might be casuing you to rebel by bingeing ? Just a thought. I know how heartbreaking it is to binge and be out of control.

Regarding the body thing, I agree with all of you, but the doctor is not asking us to love the fact that we have lumpy thighs or hanging bellies, but to come to some acceptance of yourself. I have come to terms with the fact that, short of plastic surgery which I will not get, I will live with these stretch marks and lumps. Actually prior to reading this book, I had come to terms with my body. My thinking is that these body charcteristics are a badge of honor for motherhood and for the extraordinary battle I have been through and the demon I am conquering. It is my own purple heart.

Yeah, I regret not taking care of my body and being obese my entire life, but what matters is how I have taken control of my destiny. It helps that I look good (read: reasonable) in clothing and no one has to see those bits that I wish to keep private - my upper arms, my thighs, my tummy.

Ms. Mellin in her book does give an exercise to work through your feelings about your body and yourself. The idea is to appreciate your own qualities and come to terms with the ones you take issue with - recognizing an "essential pain" which is basically a fact that you cannot deny. For me, for example my essential pain for many of my entries is the fact that the damage to my body is done and that I will not be getting surgery to fix them.

For those disliked qualities, "are any changeable? If yes, will you change or accept them? If they are not changeable, grieve the loss involved, and accept that part of yourself."

Exercise:

Write Down 5 things I like about myself.
Write Down 5 things I do not like about myself.
Write Down 5 things I like about my body.
Write Down 5 things I do not like about my body.



Pauline

[oldmusicfan84]

Tada- being new to this site/ thread I just looked at you before and now pic!
WOW!!!!! You were beautiful before/ but such an inspiration to me now. I have 70lbs to lose if being honest/ Would you mind telling your story

Interested in anyone's thoughts on

"what finally clicked'?

[grrl74]

Hi everyone - I was lurking around and saw your group.. I was hoping that you might have some advice or suggestions for me..

I'm in a new relationship of 4 months with a wonderful man. We're very happy and have become very close in a very short period of time. He recently shared with me that he had issues with food. When I asked him what he meant by that, he told me that he had binged/purged in the past, to the point that he now has problems with esophogeal reflux. He has atteneded OA meetings in the past, but stopped going because the group seemed to be pushing Christianity and he wasn't comfortable with it. I would have never guessed that he had an eating disorder, because he's not very overweight, he practices martial arts, and seems very well adjusted otherwise.

While I can certainly identify with him when it comes to being overweight, my weight issues stem from metabolic problems due to PCOS.. not from emotional ties to food. I am very much in love with this person and I see a real future together with him. I just want us to have a healthy eating lifestyle and a healthy relationship with food, as a couple. Any suggestions or resources that I should look into?

Thanks for you help!

[CurlsNCuffs]

grrl74

WOW! How nice he shared with you. He must really care about you too!


Did he say if he's ever been in counseling for this?

If your relationship is going to deepen and possibly go further and you have questions or concerns about this - ask him to go to couples counseling with you. There normally is a "root", not always, but usually. Tell him you want to be there to help him in the best way you possibly can and you need to be educated on it. A person skilled in this field can help.

Good luck and congrats on your new relationship!

[grrl74]

CurlsNCuffs

Thanks (and btw.. great pics!).. He has seen a counselor in the past, but stopped going when work/money got tight. He's an artist (painter/illustrator) and sometimes work is difficult to get.

We're both about to move to San Francisco at the end of the month (he's going to the Art Institute in the fall), so I think I'll suggest counseling once we get there and get settled in. I did suggest going to OA again, and I offered to join him, but he really didn't like the religious aspect of it.

[CartBabe]

Good Afternoon, everybody! On the way to work yet again! I hope everyone is having a good day today. WELCOME grrl74. It is GREAT to have you here with us! DebWI, YES absolutely! They did NOT have a right to abuse us as kids, but we don't have the right to abuse ourselves as adults, either. I gotta say that the freedom and happiness I have felt for the last three weeks since reading Geneen's book.......being able to push myself back into memory and relive the things that caused me to feel worthless. I was just telling my DH that I am feeling periods of happiness like I have NEVER experienced before in my life.
I am saying a prayer for everyone who is struggling, and sending you a . Thanks to EVERYONE for coming here and sharing and for helping to strengthen and encourage everyone. Gotta run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MaryS

[TaDa!]

Grrl74, I had the same experience with OA as your boyfriend. The thing that bothered me the most was how all the people there talked about themselves as if they were bad bad people - ya know, like sinners. I really think that does not help us. We need to work through the bad, but concentrate on and realize that we are good worthy people just as we are

Oldmusicfan ... story ... hmmm well ... I've been obese my entire life, my first diet was at age 3. I also have been a vegetarian for over 25 years and so I had always dismissed lowcarb and Atkins as simply not an option. Two years ago my sister and her boyfriend were talking about starting atkins and the science behind it. When I heard them talking, I realized that I could do this too since I eat proteins just like everyone else - just different ones - and that it was unbelievably different from any of the million diets I ever did before.

I started and within 6 months had lost 50 lbs. I also started exercising and for those first 6 months did nothing but walk 40 min/7 days a week. I then added weight training. I continued that way for the folloeing year. By Feb 2005 (1.5 yrs after starting), I was running 4 miles a day and weight training and actually enjoying it. I went from a size 26/28 to a size 10, just turned 40 and have never been in such good shape. I think I wore a Lane Bryant size 18 in highschool. People who haven't seen me since before the weightloss, do not recognize me at all. it's been a total transformation much like many of the others here!

I struggle with binge eating and am fearful of gaining back my weight, but feel like I am getting that under control a little in the last week and a half.

hth Pauline

[oldmusicfan84]

TaDa

What a fabulous story! I would not have guessed you at 40. I'm 39- turning 40 in Jan what an awsome gift to myself that would be to drop 50lbs for that. I'm very curious as to what you eat being semi veg. I too am more prone to the beans & rice than bacon and eggs. but I seem to have a hard time blending grains with adkins. I personally think metaterrian is best.....but hey I'm still heav y so something must give. Have picked up the walking thou

[TaDa!]

I eat just like everyone else on Atkins Induction/OWL. For me, no rice or beans. I simply learned to make large portions of protein my mainstay. I do eat fish, so I am not a vegetarian in the true ssense of the word. So protein for me = tofu, eggs, cheese, fish, nuts. I have written out a huge list of vegetarian meals. If you do a search on my username and on "vegetarian" or "spinach bread" you'll find the list and more in depth description of how to eat Atkins vegetarian

I think you could totally drop a whole lot by January if you can get into the right mindset and stick to it. It's great that you're walking!!!! It is so hard (mentally) to start the exercise!!!! Way to go!!!!!!!!!

[Lemming]

Happy Friday, everyone!
Another good day...I'm trying to retrain my thought process from "oh, I shouldn't eat that" (which, of course, leads to "I'm not only gonna eat that, I'm gonna eat this and this and this, too!") to "hey, I can choose to eat any of these low carb goodies that I want, and the ones I don't eat will still be available to me tomorrow...so why not decide which one I REALLY want and only eat that one." Not sure how it's gonna go, but I think that, since I've overcome the physical part by giving up sugar, I need to retrain the mental part. I'm still contemplating outside help, but I'm going to wait a while (maybe this is just being cowardly, though...I still don't know how I'd bring up the subject with DH. He wouldn't be shocked or anything, he just wouldn't feel like I really need help; he doesn't understand how desperate this binging thing makes us feel at times.) Anyway, this weekend should be OK--DH is gone, which is bad, but I have all-day workshops both days, so that should keep me out of the kitchen!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

[Jennyl]

My children have gone to their dad's house for the weekend so I'm on my own. I hope I can stick with it and not give in!