Question/thought for the day, 12/29/04

[SilkAsha]

There is a saying that goes, "we teach people how to treat us". How have you taught the people in your life to treat you? Do you want to teach them to treat you differently? How can you accomplish this?


By absorbing people's nastiness instead of acknowleging it and responding to it immediately, I teach them that it is OK to be nasty around me and to me. When I participate in other's negativity, I teach them that I enjoy gossiping, and judging others.

I don't enjoy judging others. Whenever I judge someone else, a part of me sees what's wrong with me and starts judging me, too. And I start to become worried that others are judging me too. When I participate in life with an understanding of the trials everyone faces, I can be more understanding of myself, and I don't need to take other's judgements so much to heart.

In other words, if I judge, I show I am also deserving of judgement. If I give understanding, I indicate that I am also deserving of understanding.

I can change this by re-framing other's negative staements. For instance, when my mom & friends all went out for lunch on her birthday, she was very upset with the service, and spent most of the lunch belittleing the waiter. My feeling was that he was at the end of his shift and maybe was just having a terrible day. Plus, every one of the 5 of us is very demanding -- wanting special orders, substitutions, etc. And for all we know, his wife might have left him that very morning.

I think when I attach understanding to a difficult situation in my life, I encourage myself and others who might be part of it to be more understanding.

[MaryMary]

We teach others how to treat us.

I would apply this to my abstinence from food and the boundaries that I set around my food. I weigh & measure 3 meals a day no matter what happens in my life or where I go. It may take a while but today most of my friends know that I do this and respect me for having boundaries around my life. Having boundaries around the food is giving me permission to have boundaries around other things in my life. People don't assume things about me. They ask my permission and I either give it or I don't. Bottomline, any decision I make today has to honor my abstinence. Friends I associate with or family gatherings - if they are disrespectful of me and my choices then I don't need to go there. I know this is what my God wants for me and that is all that matters.