Incoherent rant about my mother....

[SilkAsha]

Posted here because maybe it will help me get through the day sanely. I have had 2 clean days in a row, and I don't want to lose that.

Last night we went to her work xmas party (didn't want to go, but dragged my whole family along at her request). I made it through the evening by sneaking out with my sister for about a half hour in the middle -- her co-workers, and in fact the whole atmosphere, were really not my scene.

On the ride home she starts getting on my case about my sarcasm and how disrespectful I am. The fact is, I have cultivated my sarcastic wit over the course of many years, and I am quite proud of it. It works to defend me and amuse others in many situations where I might otherwise curl up into a ball and just hide. Many of these situations involve HER! It is just about the only thing I have left that allows me to spend time around her. No WAY am I gonna even think about being more "respectful". Really, the only other alternative is to just not see her at all. So frankly, she can take it or leave it!

I am really sick of feeling belittled every time I am around her. Just because she happens to be skinny right now, and I'm not, does NOT give her the right to even give me "the look". You all know the look I am talking about, the "I'm so disapointed that you've gotten so fat" look. The one that looks you up one side and down the other, and tears you apart without ever saying a word.

Even though I can admit "the look" is a step up from the things she used to actually say, I'm still not gonna take it anymore. I'm not gonna let her derail me.

Problem is, I had committed to taking her out with a few of her friends on Monday, and at this point, I really don't think I can go. I am pretty fragile right now, and I don't want to lose the small toe-hold I have gained. I am thinking about begging off due to sickness and letting my sister take her.

I have a feeling I will end up deciding on Monday...

[SoHappy]

If it were me, I'd be getting prepared to "be feeling
too sick to take her" starting this evening. I'd be
complaining about a "kinda' queasy feeling in my
tummy" and a "headache nagging around the edges"
and stuff like that.....maybe some misc. aches in my
muscles. Then tomorrow I'd be moaning softly about
how "I just bet I'm coming down with the flu or
something!" and "I just feel like crap!" and "I hope
I don't throw up!" Then on Monday SHE'LL be the one
asking your sister to drive her and her friends! Good
Luck.

[LJ]

From my own perspective .....try this on and see how it feels.... tell her "NO" to Monday because you need time for yourself. You have other things you'd rather do...right? "NO"...Period.

And do it now to relieve yourself of the issue over Christmas. What is the worse that can happen? I say this because it's the best thing I ever learned to say to family. The sky did'nt fall, nobody died, it was'nt traumatic except for a moment LOL. For me the worst thing that happened is I wondered what was being said and felt about me..."da**...Alisa said no!, can she do that?" After saying it for a while I was too happy to care much. I have heard I am "selfish" , and glad to hear that actually, it's about time:)

Alisa

[papajack]

SilkAsha,


Forgive me if I step on your "Vent" by offering unwanted advice. If you don't mind I'd like to give you another way of looking at your situation.

First off, I can completely identify with both you and your Mom. When my Dad was alive, he was my best friend..............but he has now been gone for 17 years. Even while he was alive, my Mom was a "miserable" person in that she took great pleasure in her misery, and seemed to take great glee in spreading "misery" to others. After my Dad passed, my Mom only got worse. It was anything but fun being in her company.

My Mom has now been gone for 7 years, and as strange as it might seem, I miss her greatly. I can still remember sobbing at her funeral.

So, the first thing I would point out is that you have a finite amount of time with your Mom, and the day may well come when you find you miss her more than you can possibly think.

I can tell by the work you've done on the board that you're a caring, giving person.................so, I imagine that what I've wrote above has already occurred to you. If I might, I'll try to make one more point, one you possibly haven't thought of. As part of the weight loss journey I've been on these past two years, it has been necessary for me to do a great deal of soul searching. When I got to the point where I could be more honest with myself, it shocked me to realize I spent the greatest part of my life being just like my Mom. I now realize I treated my son very much the way my Mom treated me.

I now realize that I was like that because of insecurities and feelings of nothingness within myself. I can only imagine my Mom carried those same feelings inside her.

I, in no way, can tell you that there is hope you change your Mom. You might want to consider whether or not you are capable of letting her negativity roll off you and try to enjoy what pleasant moments you may have remaining.

Basically, I could only forgive my Mom when I became able to forgive myself. I wish she was still here so that I could make that atonement in person.

If none of the above applies to you, please disregard it, and forgive me again for butting in.

[SilkAsha]

Hey, y'all, thanks for the posts. I actually took this over to the main BB as it happened last Friday. Mom's Bday was the day before yesterday; we had the opportunity to talk before that and things worked out -- I posted the details on the main BB. Sorry this is so short, but I'm in a tizzy trying to get ready for our trip Tomorrow.

Thanks again

Asha