confession.. Ive been raped and never really dealt with it

Michaela · 08-14-2004, 08:18 PM

I dont know how

Michaela · 08-14-2004, 08:19 PM

what do you do..?

Michaela · 08-14-2004, 08:22 PM

please dont keep viewing without responding or I I will have to delete the thread

Michaela · 08-14-2004, 08:24 PM

crap I feel so embarrassed

Potaty · 08-14-2004, 11:28 PM

Don't be emabarrassed! I have not been through that specific ordeal, but along the same lines. I would really recommend you start seeing a therapist. I would personally feel more comfortable with a woman, but it is up to you. It is really hard to do and I almost feel like a hypocrite telling you that's what you need when I was too weak to follow through with my own situation!

When you are ready to talk about it and work through (and it will be WORK) all of the traumas it caused (physical, emotional, social, etc.), please do it!!! I don't know if this statement is true for you, but a lot of victims (whether it be rape, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, etc.) blame themselves, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME! I cannot stress that enough.

If you aren't quite ready to see a therapist, maybe try buying a self-help type book to start working through some of the pain. I know there are also support groups available, maybe check for one in your area by contacting your local sexual assault center. I know Tori Amos (the singer) was raped and I think the charity she founded is called RAIN?? (Someone please correct me if I'm wrong).

It is important to remember that you are not alone in this, and I would not be one bit surprised if you receive some PMs from others in the same situation. Please PM me if you need anything!!!

Potaty · 08-14-2004, 11:48 PM

Michaela (that is my best friend from high school's name!),

Here is the link to RAINN:

www.rainn.org

They have link for counseling centers and a lot of good information.

doodles · 08-15-2004, 09:21 AM

I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to deal with. Hope you find the right path for you. Sorry that I don't have any advice.

shespeaks · 08-15-2004, 11:22 AM

Michaela! I didn't even know this board was here - forgive me for being late!

You are absolutely not alone in this. I know because I've been where you are.

I strongly encourage you to seek help - posting here was a great start. As Kate mentioned, therapy is a wonderful way to work through what happened, and to find some resolution for yourself. It will never not have happened, but from every experience we can learn and grow in a positive direction.

God, that sounded hokey. LOL

Let me put it to you this way: I don't regret what happened. I don't wish it hadn't happened. It was the lowest point in my life, but I am a different - and better - person because of it.

Therapy helped me find that peace. I worked one-on-one with a female therapist, and later joined a support group. I stayed with the group longer than necessary for ME, because it was helpful for OTHERS to know that there is life on the "other side". It doesn't have to be a nightmare forever.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or just want to talk. I'm here!

Congrats on taking this first step, and best wishes to you!
Juliet

Michaela · 08-15-2004, 01:58 PM

thank you...

Brenda · 08-16-2004, 06:29 AM

I don't have any advice - but how horrible.

to you

leeser24 · 08-16-2004, 08:53 AM

Michaela, I don't have any advice either, but your post was very touching to me, and I am hoping for you to get lots of support and help. This is a horrible scenario shared by soooo very many people. I hope you get a lot of responses and support here, becasue certainly there are others right here on this board who have had this nightmare happen to them too.

gettingstrength · 08-24-2004, 07:59 PM

I was raped by my couisin by marriage . He wanted to give me a baby . I said no . I didnt deal with mine either . I blocked from my mine .

miestake · 08-24-2004, 09:06 PM

Michaela, I think this is a scary topic for people to address. I was molested. Every one deals with this in their own way. If it will help you to talk to someone about it, do it. If you need to keep it inside you longer, do that. If ever things seem to spiral to out of control and you don't know how to handle things, what happened may be coming out. Then for sure go talk to someone. Believe you me, it happens to more of us than even we who it happens to care to admit. I wouldn't be surprised if you get PM'd over this. The statistics are frightening. I wish you well. I was a child. I don't know if that made it easier for me to deal with and block or not. Likely it has shaped a part of me. Again, wishing you well.

USMCmom · 08-27-2004, 03:08 PM

I am so sorry about what happened to you. Everyone is right, you need to talk about it and get it out of your system so you can move on with your life. It wasn't your fault and you took the first step by posting here. Check the internet for support groups or check in your local community for a support group. You aren't the only one that this has happened to. Get the support you need.

I wish you luck.

Michaela · 08-28-2004, 06:33 PM

thanks

Lora · 09-14-2004, 10:16 AM

Just wanted to send some

you way and let you know that you have friends here that love you and will support you!!!

Juleemaree · 09-14-2004, 10:24 AM

That is such a terrible, awful thing to have happened to you

I am so sorry that you are going through this,

Marlee · 09-15-2004, 05:09 PM

Hi there,

This must have been awfully hard to post

It's really good that you're ready to seek out help now though. I think the best thing you can do is seek out a counselor to help guide you on how to deal with it. There are lots of support groups for people that have had things like this happen to them, that you can find out from a counselor, there are also on-line support groups that could help. Just know that you're not alone and it's not your fault

Here are some websites that I hope will help:

http://www.rainn.org/
http://survive.org.uk/
http://www.geocities.com/hotsprings/2402/

I hope this helps..

Michaela · 09-15-2004, 05:18 PM

thank you....

Stormyskies · 09-21-2004, 08:00 PM

(((Michaela))) Not many people in my life know this, but I was raped by 2 men when I was 23. I was still a virgin and was saving myself for the right guy. I've never really dealt with it, either and probably because I've always blamed myself for what happened. I had been drinking and they totally took advantage of me. But I blame myself despite the fact that I said no repeatedly. I just "went on" with my life and tried to put it behind me...but if I dwell too long on what happened to me, I feel a very deep, raw sorrow come up from the pit of my stomach. I dealt with it by probably over-eating. Now that I'm older, I've gotten closer to the Lord and I believe He does help me.

However, if I allow myself to dwell on it, it is still quite painful. I don't know how fresh this all is for you, but I can tell you that with time, you will learn to go on and patch up your wounds as best you can. You will laugh again...you will have days when the thought of it never comes to your mind. You will make it...you will survive it. You will probably be more aware of things going on around you than you were before. You may even have an automatic disliking to certain men who may remind you of the one who did this to you. I sometimes don't even understand why I don't like a certain guy until it finally comes to me...and then I feel yucky all over again. But this happens less as time goes by. For a long time after it happened to me, my survival was on a day to day basis. I just got through the day...nothing mattered. The only thing that I had to look forward to was a Van Halen concert that was several months away. That was really the only thing that picked up my spirit at all. It may sound crazy, but at the time I loved David Lee Roth and the boys of Van Halen and that's the one thing that got me through to that point. That's the only thing the kept me alive I think at that time. There were days when I really wanted to die. I was so angery that these guys took my virginity away...I honestly felt like my life was over. But here I am today. I have an 8 year old daughter that's the light of my life. I've survived and that tragedy is not at the forefront in my mind anymore. I will always have scars and so will you. But the pain does lessen. Life will be good again. This I can promise you.

Michaela · 09-21-2004, 09:11 PM

stormy .. youre an angel... thanks

sunnydee · 09-21-2004, 09:22 PM

to you Michaela, and to all victims on this BB. I'm so sorry that this has happened.

JanMarie3 · 09-29-2004, 03:23 PM

I didn't want to just look without giving you a big hug,
so sorry

piedrafina · 09-29-2004, 04:38 PM

amazing how many views this has gotten and so few replies.

i dont' have any words of advice, hon, just great big

littleredrose68 · 09-29-2004, 07:53 PM

manalu · 09-30-2004, 09:51 AM

Oh Michaela.....
I am so sorry this happened to you!! I am praying you will find the strength and courage to begin the process of healing.
May God lead you to the right person to help you get through this.
I don't have any answers for you, just hugs and prayers!

Nancy

smartmuse2 · 10-10-2004, 04:50 PM

I didn't want to be one to view this thread without offering kind thoughts and prayers. The best kind of advice has been offered and I can't think of anything more to add to it. I wish only strength and healing for you in the times to come.

kimlou · 10-12-2004, 12:12 PM

Keep your head high.

jax93 · 10-13-2004, 09:52 AM

So sorry to hear this happened to you. I hope you can find the help you need. Best of Luck.

08-14-2004, 08:18 PM	#1
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	confession.. Ive been raped and never really dealt with it I dont know how

08-14-2004, 11:28 PM	#5
Potaty Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mulletvane, where mullets grow long and luxurious Posts: 3,388 Gallery: Potaty Stats: Losing weight for another baby! WOE: Atkins	Don't be emabarrassed! I have not been through that specific ordeal, but along the same lines. I would really recommend you start seeing a therapist. I would personally feel more comfortable with a woman, but it is up to you. It is really hard to do and I almost feel like a hypocrite telling you that's what you need when I was too weak to follow through with my own situation! When you are ready to talk about it and work through (and it will be WORK) all of the traumas it caused (physical, emotional, social, etc.), please do it!!! I don't know if this statement is true for you, but a lot of victims (whether it be rape, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, etc.) blame themselves, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME! I cannot stress that enough. If you aren't quite ready to see a therapist, maybe try buying a self-help type book to start working through some of the pain. I know there are also support groups available, maybe check for one in your area by contacting your local sexual assault center. I know Tori Amos (the singer) was raped and I think the charity she founded is called RAIN?? (Someone please correct me if I'm wrong). It is important to remember that you are not alone in this, and I would not be one bit surprised if you receive some PMs from others in the same situation. Please PM me if you need anything!!! __________________ KATY POTATY CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE GOAL: 175 November Goal: to start exercising & to stay on plan during the weekends

08-16-2004, 08:53 AM	#11
leeser24 Guest Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Chester County, PA Posts: 164 Gallery: leeser24 Stats: 180/179/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Dec 28, 2005	Michaela, I don't have any advice either, but your post was very touching to me, and I am hoping for you to get lots of support and help. This is a horrible scenario shared by soooo very many people. I hope you get a lot of responses and support here, becasue certainly there are others right here on this board who have had this nightmare happen to them too. Last edited by leeser24 : 08-16-2004 at 08:54 AM.

09-15-2004, 05:09 PM	#18
Marlee Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: NY Posts: 4,688 Gallery: Marlee WOE: Atkins	Hi there, This must have been awfully hard to post It's really good that you're ready to seek out help now though. I think the best thing you can do is seek out a counselor to help guide you on how to deal with it. There are lots of support groups for people that have had things like this happen to them, that you can find out from a counselor, there are also on-line support groups that could help. Just know that you're not alone and it's not your fault Here are some websites that I hope will help: http://www.rainn.org/ http://survive.org.uk/ http://www.geocities.com/hotsprings/2402/ I hope this helps.. __________________ Marlee "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." ~ Douglas Adams "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss "The cake is a lie!"

09-21-2004, 08:00 PM	#20
Stormyskies Notorious Veteran who doesn't know when to stop! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Where I wish I could see my reflection in the snow covered hills... Posts: 20,028 Gallery: Stormyskies Stats: Too embarrassed to tell ya! WOE: Mostly Atkins, but not as strick as I should be!!! Start Date: Over and over and over and over...	(((Michaela))) Not many people in my life know this, but I was raped by 2 men when I was 23. I was still a virgin and was saving myself for the right guy. I've never really dealt with it, either and probably because I've always blamed myself for what happened. I had been drinking and they totally took advantage of me. But I blame myself despite the fact that I said no repeatedly. I just "went on" with my life and tried to put it behind me...but if I dwell too long on what happened to me, I feel a very deep, raw sorrow come up from the pit of my stomach. I dealt with it by probably over-eating. Now that I'm older, I've gotten closer to the Lord and I believe He does help me. However, if I allow myself to dwell on it, it is still quite painful. I don't know how fresh this all is for you, but I can tell you that with time, you will learn to go on and patch up your wounds as best you can. You will laugh again...you will have days when the thought of it never comes to your mind. You will make it...you will survive it. You will probably be more aware of things going on around you than you were before. You may even have an automatic disliking to certain men who may remind you of the one who did this to you. I sometimes don't even understand why I don't like a certain guy until it finally comes to me...and then I feel yucky all over again. But this happens less as time goes by. For a long time after it happened to me, my survival was on a day to day basis. I just got through the day...nothing mattered. The only thing that I had to look forward to was a Van Halen concert that was several months away. That was really the only thing that picked up my spirit at all. It may sound crazy, but at the time I loved David Lee Roth and the boys of Van Halen and that's the one thing that got me through to that point. That's the only thing the kept me alive I think at that time. There were days when I really wanted to die. I was so angery that these guys took my virginity away...I honestly felt like my life was over. But here I am today. I have an 8 year old daughter that's the light of my life. I've survived and that tragedy is not at the forefront in my mind anymore. I will always have scars and so will you. But the pain does lessen. Life will be good again. This I can promise you. __________________ Member since April, 2001 *<><The Christian Gang><>* On the Playground Every Day! 2 Chronicles 7:14: If my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

08-14-2004, 08:19 PM	#2
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	what do you do..?

08-14-2004, 08:22 PM	#3
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	please dont keep viewing without responding or I I will have to delete the thread

08-14-2004, 08:24 PM	#4
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	crap I feel so embarrassed

08-14-2004, 11:48 PM	#6
Potaty Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mulletvane, where mullets grow long and luxurious Posts: 3,388 Gallery: Potaty Stats: Losing weight for another baby! WOE: Atkins	Michaela (that is my best friend from high school's name!), Here is the link to RAINN: www.rainn.org They have link for counseling centers and a lot of good information.

08-15-2004, 09:21 AM	#7
doodles Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Colts Country! Posts: 14,045 Gallery: doodles WOE: I don't even know at this point. Start Date: hmmm, what time is it now?	I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to deal with. Hope you find the right path for you. Sorry that I don't have any advice.

08-15-2004, 11:22 AM	#8
shespeaks MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Maryland Posts: 1,087 Gallery: shespeaks Stats: 189/152/125 5'2" & 36 WOE: Atkins/Diabetic Start Date: June 2008. Again.	Michaela! I didn't even know this board was here - forgive me for being late! You are absolutely not alone in this. I know because I've been where you are. I strongly encourage you to seek help - posting here was a great start. As Kate mentioned, therapy is a wonderful way to work through what happened, and to find some resolution for yourself. It will never not have happened, but from every experience we can learn and grow in a positive direction. God, that sounded hokey. LOL Let me put it to you this way: I don't regret what happened. I don't wish it hadn't happened. It was the lowest point in my life, but I am a different - and better - person because of it. Therapy helped me find that peace. I worked one-on-one with a female therapist, and later joined a support group. I stayed with the group longer than necessary for ME, because it was helpful for OTHERS to know that there is life on the "other side". It doesn't have to be a nightmare forever. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or just want to talk. I'm here! Congrats on taking this first step, and best wishes to you! Juliet

08-15-2004, 01:58 PM	#9
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	thank you...

08-16-2004, 06:29 AM	#10
Brenda Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Richmond, Virginia Posts: 5,129 Gallery: Brenda Stats: 168/??/140 5'8" (44 yo) WOE: Atkins	I don't have any advice - but how horrible. to you

08-24-2004, 07:59 PM	#12
gettingstrength Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Tennessee Posts: 9,523 Gallery: gettingstrength Stats: 184 / 170 / ? WOE: atkins Start Date: 6 / 1 / 2002	I was raped by my couisin by marriage . He wanted to give me a baby . I said no . I didnt deal with mine either . I blocked from my mine .

08-24-2004, 09:06 PM	#13
miestake Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Minnesota Posts: 947 Gallery: miestake Stats: Reinduction coming up: 242/230/165 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Reinducted 03-26-07	Michaela, I think this is a scary topic for people to address. I was molested. Every one deals with this in their own way. If it will help you to talk to someone about it, do it. If you need to keep it inside you longer, do that. If ever things seem to spiral to out of control and you don't know how to handle things, what happened may be coming out. Then for sure go talk to someone. Believe you me, it happens to more of us than even we who it happens to care to admit. I wouldn't be surprised if you get PM'd over this. The statistics are frightening. I wish you well. I was a child. I don't know if that made it easier for me to deal with and block or not. Likely it has shaped a part of me. Again, wishing you well.

08-27-2004, 03:08 PM	#14
USMCmom Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 3,144 Gallery: USMCmom Stats: size 14/10/8 WOE: stop eating so much Start Date: 2/2003	I am so sorry about what happened to you. Everyone is right, you need to talk about it and get it out of your system so you can move on with your life. It wasn't your fault and you took the first step by posting here. Check the internet for support groups or check in your local community for a support group. You aren't the only one that this has happened to. Get the support you need. I wish you luck.

08-28-2004, 06:33 PM	#15
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	thanks

09-14-2004, 10:16 AM	#16
Lora MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Charm City Posts: 2,774 Gallery: Lora Stats: 235/230/170 (possibly 160) WOE: Atkins Start Date: on-going since birth	Just wanted to send some you way and let you know that you have friends here that love you and will support you!!!

09-14-2004, 10:24 AM	#17
Juleemaree MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2003 Location: PA Posts: 2,315 Gallery: Juleemaree Stats: 217/?/148 WOE: Low Carb Start Date: Feb 4, 2003	That is such a terrible, awful thing to have happened to you I am so sorry that you are going through this,

09-15-2004, 05:18 PM	#19
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	thank you....

09-21-2004, 09:11 PM	#21
Michaela Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in Da Heartland Posts: 5,461 Gallery: Michaela WOE: Zen of Thin	stormy .. youre an angel... thanks

09-21-2004, 09:22 PM	#22
sunnydee Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: oblivion! Posts: 391 Gallery: sunnydee Stats: 275/199/140 WOE: Lean for Life (7/2004) Start Date: Feb. 2003	to you Michaela, and to all victims on this BB. I'm so sorry that this has happened.

09-29-2004, 03:23 PM	#23
JanMarie3 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Under the Gateway Arch Posts: 3,581 Gallery: JanMarie3 Stats: 140/134/125 5'3" WOE: Atkins Start Date: Registered: August 2000	I didn't want to just look without giving you a big hug, so sorry

09-29-2004, 04:38 PM	#24
piedrafina MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Sunny South Florida Posts: 1,086 Gallery: piedrafina Stats: 292/230/165ish WOE: Atkins Start Date: 4/23/03 - restart 12/4/06	amazing how many views this has gotten and so few replies. i dont' have any words of advice, hon, just great big

09-29-2004, 07:53 PM	#25
littleredrose68 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Alliance Ohio Posts: 58 Gallery: littleredrose68 Stats: 183/183/130 WOE: just lower carbs

09-30-2004, 09:51 AM	#26
manalu Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Queen-dumb Posts: 6,257 Gallery: manalu Stats: 26/20/???? WOE: Carb Addicts	Oh Michaela..... I am so sorry this happened to you!! I am praying you will find the strength and courage to begin the process of healing. May God lead you to the right person to help you get through this. I don't have any answers for you, just hugs and prayers! Nancy

10-10-2004, 04:50 PM	#27
smartmuse2 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2003 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,435 Gallery: smartmuse2 Stats: way too much / little too much / just right WOE: South Beach Start Date: July 2007	Best thoughts to you I didn't want to be one to view this thread without offering kind thoughts and prayers. The best kind of advice has been offered and I can't think of anything more to add to it. I wish only strength and healing for you in the times to come.

10-12-2004, 12:12 PM	#28
kimlou MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,588 Gallery: kimlou Stats: 186/138/135 OR LOWER WOE: LC/Low Cal Start Date: February 2004/REINTRO 10/05	Keep your head high.

10-13-2004, 09:52 AM	#29
jax93 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 1,170 Gallery: jax93	So sorry to hear this happened to you. I hope you can find the help you need. Best of Luck.