Bulimia/Anorexia

[chutatip_t]

Hi all of you



Thank you very much for your reply and for paying attention to my problem. This really is a big help for me. I have never had anyone that i have talked to about this. My family thought that i am mentally ill ( perhaps i actually am) and they just do not want to talk to me about it.

Here is a little bit more about me:

Yes i am on ATKINS...but not successful though. My weakness is cookie and chocolate. Ince i start one ( and promise to have only one) i can never stop and it go on and on like crazy. Unfortunately, i can't have LC Legal sweet treats either as i am allergic to those sugar alcohol. And it makes me gain weight.

any more suggestion ???

Have a nice day everyone and once again..thank you very much...much much appreciated.

[MaryMary]

Suggestion: Try the greysheet food plan in conjunction with Greysheeter's Anonymous. Get a sponsor through www.greysheet.org. If you are interested in listening in on a phone bridge meeting, send me a PM and I will send you the phone numbers. There are people who call into these meetings from all over the world. And there are people who are in remission from the disease of bulimia and compulsive overeating one day at a time.

[Jenn78]

Hi everyone!! I just got back from camping a little while ago, it rained the entire time, what a way to kick off the camping season hey? SIIIGGGH.......It was nice today so my husband and I took our son(Nathan) out on a bike trail near Minn. Then we went through the coolest tunnel, it was a quarter mile long, and so dark that you couldn't even see your hand right in front of your face!!

We were sharing a cabin with a couple I have been frieends with since highschool, they have twins the same age as Nathan(not planned, but one of those wonderful Coincidences in life) I made it a third of the weekend with out any episodes, but then I became overwhelmed and tired, and binged and purged, I was sooo depressed about that. But then it happened again again the next day....AGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! It is like tripping down hill and then falling the rest of the way. I think partly the reason why I am writing this is because I want to do it again right this very moment, because of Culver' evil custard

But none the less I am writing this instead.....Sigh.....I know better than to eat my "trigger foods"

Tomorrow is another day, the beginning of a new week. I am going to have to dust off that journal (and the treadmill..hehe), and start over again. Well, I am feeling better just getting this all off my chest. Thanks guys...

Jen

[amadeus4313]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jenn}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bella}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{ckbaker}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{MaryMary}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[chutatip_t]

Marymary,

Just wondering what is GSA???

Chutatip

[chutatip_t]

Dear Amadeus:-)

I am a newbie to this thread and also to sugar buster. Is it possible for you to recommend the website that i can learn more about it?? I am heavily addict to sugar and all sweet stuff.

Thanks,

Chutatip

[amadeus4313]

Sugar Busters is a lot like the second phase of SouthBeach. It's based on the Glycemic Index. Here is a link to their message board.

http://www.sweettalkplus.com/cgi-bin/jboard/jboard.pl
At the top of the page is a tab that says Newbie Tips. Click on that and follow the instructions.

Here is another link that gives you an overview of the program.

http://www.prettyimpressivestuff.com/sugarbusters/


This link has glycemic index info:
http://www.mendosa.com/faq.htm

Sugar Busters has a website but they sell things so I can't post that link, but you can do a google search and find it.

Hope this helps you.


MaryM

[MaryMary]

GSA stands for GreySheeter's Anonymous. It is a 12 step program where the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

There are a few ways to make contact with the members. You can log onto www.greysheet.org. They have phone bridge meetings and if you send me a email (marishka@att.net), I can send you the phone numbers. You can listen in and find out more information. Available sponsors will give out their phone numbers during the meetings.

There are links to a yahoogroup called 'greysheet' where you can log on to get more information or read postings from active abstinent greysheeters.

Take care

[CKjinx'd]

hey everybody!! *BIG HUGS TO ALL*
I have missed you all! I am trying very hard over here! And so far, soo good. hehehe.
Jenn, how fun! camping! hehehe...i can't go camping because I have a machine that helps me breath at night. augh...but I always want to! hehehe...*big hugs* sorry you had a bad time in the end though
Bella! hey girl! tanning, huh? hehehe...I'm Native American but I"m really really pale..and i'm almost full blood! hahaha...weirdness about me..i ALWAYS burn Usually I stay out of the sun cuz it gives me wicked bad headaches...too weird but always been that way.
chuta! *big hugs all around* sorry to hear your family isn't all that understanding. Mine isn't either..they want to ignore my probs so I don't bother them with it...I try to handle this on my own through counselling.
MaryMary thanks for the support!
Amadeus! thank you for your hugs thanks for the links, too!

[btrfly]

Hello,
I saw your post after doing a search. I have been bulimic for the last 4 years but extremely bad this last 8 mos. I feel sooo stupid I have even went to the ER a few times because my heart was racing (palputations) due to dehydration and LOW Potassium. I was put on a supplement.
I have allowed/ ate my cupboards bare! I plan to go shopping for only a few days worth of food and no no no sugary foods. My son will just have to eat healthy for a while.
I know all too well what u all are saying about the monster. I often feel out of control like Jeckel and Hyde. I have tried to only allow myself to purge a little when I purge sometimes that helps to rid the anxiety.I have been tryuing to keep some down but I can binge on anything steak or ice cream although the sweeter the better.
I often wonder why this stared. I was on Atkins doing good. then quit excercising and gained some weight and started this B&P only worse than ever.
Then said to self well If I'm gonna get sick I may as well eat what I want, Soooo I have been eating a lot of crap...my fav reeses pieces but doughnuts everything sweet. and this cycle has gotten horrible. I decided to not go to college this summer to ease my stress but finals were over 2 weeks ago and I am still food obsessed. It all comes down to WHY CANT I BE NORMAL? I can remember not obsessing thinking and planning out what where when I was going to eat but now food has begun to rule me. . I have also stopped weighing myself every day which is scary. But I B&P any where from 1 to 10x a day everyday. I have tried many of the antidepressants to no avail. (side effects/allergy). I am soo scared.is anyone here taking meds? journaling?

[amadeus4313]

Originally posted by btrfly
It all comes down to WHY CANT I BE NORMAL? I can remember not obsessing thinking and planning out what where when I was going to eat but now food has begun to rule me. . I have also stopped weighing myself every day which is scary. But I B&P any where from 1 to 10x a day everyday. I have tried many of the antidepressants to no avail. (side effects/allergy). I am soo scared.is anyone here taking meds? journaling?

Btrfly -
I am sooooo glad that you found us. I know the helpless trapped feeling when the B&P has you in its grip. Are you seeing anyone professionally about this? As for why we have this problem with food? Why we can't be normal? I used to ask myself the same thing. But after a while, I realized that it didn't matter why I was this way. I was just was. The same way some people are born blind, or deaf, prone to alcohol, drug, or sex addiction. There is something in everyone's life that they wish they didn't have to deal with. I can imagine that people starving in 3rd world countries would think an overabundance of food to be a blessing. Once I quit wasting energy on the "why" of the whole thing, I was able to deal with the reality that this is something I'm just going to have to deal with. I feel grateful that my cross is something I can do something about.

I'm not on meds, but I do journal. Lately, however, I have found myself doing my journaling here on the accountability thread.

I'm just rambling. These are the thoughts I'm having. I hope you find some peace in your life regarding food because I know the hell of being trapped in the binge/purge mode. I gather from your sig line that you are a believer. Trust that He led you here and cares for you. Please keep posting here and let us know how you are doing.

{{{{{{{{{btrfly}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Mary/Amadeus

[Jenn78]

Why we can't be normal? I used to ask myself the same thing. But after a while, I realized that it didn't matter why I was this way. I was just was. The same way some people are born blind, or deaf, prone to alcohol, drug, or sex addiction. There is something in everyone's life that they wish they didn't have to deal with.

amadeus4313-

THANK YOU!!!! I think I was just waiting for somebody to clarify that for me, and I am going to keep that in mind, maybe even print that sucker out to remind me not to be so darn hard on myself!!

BTRFLY_Take care all of you, Jen

I am so glad that you have found us!! All of us are in different walks of the disorder...I hope you find comfort and some good advice here. I have been in your corner and now I am struggling to keep it together, but I have been through counsling. I was on meds, but frankly, it made the b&P worse. Although there is one called wellbutrin, that did not, it curbed the b&P but rose my anixity.....go figure right? The one thing that helped me most of all was my journaling.........*sigh* this is a long explationation so here it goes...haha...

This is the 3 week program that my counsler put me through when the B&P beast was at it's worst. It surpriseingly got me through the worst of the worst, although remember I did this in conjunction with counsling once a week.

Week1: She had me try to really quick jot down what I was feeling before you binge and how I felt after I finished purging...and even if I felt 10 emotions at once, to jot them all down.

Week 2: The counsler had me do this again, but this time, she had me sit down with a 32 oz glass of water before I began to journal, then do the journaling and I wasn't aloud to binge until after the water was gone. Well that curbed the darn binging a little, I would say it worked half the time.(But my slick counsler never told me or even insinuated that it was to curb anything)

Week 3: I had to journal and drink the water and sit and listen to 10 min of soothing meditation music and picture myself someplace in a fantasy, and I had to drink 10 more ounces of water after the meditation...BEFORE i Binged.....now if I was at work, that really didn't work,...she told me to skip lunch, drink nothing but water and have like a slimfast shake or something, but the journaling did apply......

Seems like alot but she brought me through that in 3 weeks, so it wasn't overwhelming. It was scary....but I had to check in with her 3 days a week, with a 1 hour a week session. No I am not cured, but it got me over the 2, 3, 4 , 5x or more a day binging and purging. I knew I had to do something because of my health.... my heart was palpitating, and my stomach was raw and burning, I began to have trouble swallowing things, I was always choking on stuff...and well you all know the rest. So I am an advocate of journaling......BUT

ANYWAYS!!!! Now I do not journal as much anymore but , when I go through the rough spots, I have thankfully found myself here and chatting with Bella(thank goodness for her)..

Ok, that was a long explanation....ahhhhh, I told you so....hehe!! Just thought I would share that, because it did work for me...(it must have been all the water I was floating in)

[CKjinx'd]

*HUGS TO ALL*
thanks amadeus..i have been having trouble with that question alot lately You just put it in perspective.
Butterfly, I journal and I take wellbutrin and I see a psychologist. I have my good days and my bad days...my bad days are farther in between than when I was a teenager.
I am glad there are a growing number of us on our thread...not alot of ppl understand what this disease is like but I know each and everyone of you here know what this feels like and is living the same kind of personal hell...I don't feel soo freakish anymore. Peace to you all!

[btrfly]

Thanks soo much for the warm welcome. Ihave had a hard time wi th the journaling I am not that disciplined. My psyc and nutritionist told me when I feel need to binge sit down for 10min and write my feelings if possible but if nothing comes to mind write "nothing comes to mind" just write. But when Im in that binge state its sooo urgent so gotta do it now anxious impulsive and controlling, that I don't think about the writing until I have binged and am starting to purge. Of course during the purge I feel you dummy why are you doing this you want to live not die and I promise my self never again.....yet sometimes in as little as a couple hours I find myself doing the thing I just swore I would never do again..Any one who is familar with the Bible.. It like Paul when he says the things I will to do I don't do but the things I will not to do I do. Paul when he says the things I will to do I don't do, but the things I will not to do those things I do.
What meds have helped? I am thinking about seeing if Dtr. will put me back on the Welbutrin as I actually felt happier and more energetic on it I also felt I could eat and I could control my portions most of the time. However I quit taking it cause it was affecting my short term memory. I have heard Topomax is also good but has some really bad side effects also. My psyc has only been seeing me 1x per week but havent seen her in about a month. she really wasnt helping me get anywhere. She wasn't giving me any suggestions or ideas. Of course she is through the college I go to and being that it is summer Im not seeing her. I can't afford a psyc. so I'm really in a bind until school starts up again. I wish I could afford a specialist... "somebody please just fix me I'm broken"...I wanna scream. I'm normally so competitive and so in control it sucks to see there is a part of my life I can't have as perfect. thanks for listening and the great advice.
Jenn78---- I think I will copy /print your therapist recommendations and try it. I think I will place note pads all over to help me remember to journal I may try to put one in fridge and cupbord too maybe that might get me to slow down and THINK about what Im about to do b4 I binge. Thanks everyone

[btrfly]

I would like to ask you all a question or two?
-- What is your personality type? how would you describe youself? I have been reading and researching and I'm wondering if ED's have anything to do with that.
---I myself .I'm anxious, nervous around people who keep prolonged eye contact especially men.I don't feel Im equal but below most people I have a very unhealthily low self esteem. tend to be shy, yet funny and quick witted, I don't seem to have the tenderness love sympathy empathy that I use too, I know I have social anxiety I'm so afraid to do anything or dress wrong etc. because of what others may think of me, I'm dedicated .... when I make a committment to someone else I stick to it, but can't seem to stick to my own commitments. I am a big time people pleaser, I hate it I am so self sacrificing and I rarely say No. I think I'm just F.I.N.E.= (F---ed up. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional. ) I sometimes hate the fact I am soo cold any more I often wonder if its the bulimia side effects on lacking nutrients my body needs or if all the things from my past emotional trauma and abuse finally rearing its head after the last couple years. I am glad you are all here and I'm just venting maybe more than I should ... but maybe it will help... Sometimes I wish/pray that I could just have a nice CRY. to know that I still care about something besides movies. Thanx not sure if this is too personal for me to post soo I hope no one gets offended.. and if you do I apologize "Sorry". Lord give me strength and a heart for others like yours.AMEN

[1BellaDonna]

buon giorno, my friends!

well, i did it again! siiigh. i was back on the lc wagon (even during my party!), not even craving the crappy food but then for whatever reason today i went and bought a box of nestle's turtles. i'm so mad at myself for eating theem bc they didn't even taste good! i don't know why i felt compelled to go and ruin the ketosis that i had gotten back in the past weeks. i know i've been really tired and stressed with my patient caseload but today i was feeling more relaxed...just ready to fall asleep. do you guys ever feel compelled to eat the junk when you're physically tired? i kinda feel like i was looking for a boost in energy. what do you eat to help you get that pick me up...you know, the boost that sugar used to give you (albeit temporarily)?

anyway, thanks for listening to me whine. i don't know why i'm sabotaging myself. today was even the first day that i felt thin. (i must admit that i got pleasure from being told by my boss that i've gotten TOO thin.) well, sorry to gripe. i know there are so many more important things going on this world than my eating a 1/2 box of overly sweet, poor quality chocolates. however, thanks for being there!

-letty
(the failure)

[amadeus4313]

Originally posted by btrfly
I Thanx not sure if this is too personal for me to post soo I hope no one gets offended.. and if you do I apologize "Sorry". Lord give me strength and a heart for others like yours.AMEN

Btrfly - Just a short reply for the moment because I am headed out for my run. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel bad about you are posting. I know that for me, posting here often helps me to clarify what's really going on in my head. Sometimes I will start to write something and then another thought pops out - something I had been feeling but had not been able to identify or had been suppressing. Please keep posting.

On the mornings I run, I spend the first half of the run praying for people - my husband, my kids, other people in my life, and those who have asked for prayer. I'll pray for you this morning. It sounds like you are in such pain.

I'll be back later.

Mary/Amadeus

[amadeus4313]

Letty, you must have posted while I was posting this morning so I didn't see your entry. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You call yourself a failure, and yet you posted here. That means you haven't given up. You can't fail til you quit and you obviously haven't quit. Keep coming here. This forum has filled a lot of the void left by my abstinence from overeating.

Butrfly, I have a lot of the same personality traits that you listed, but - you know - I think a lot of people do. What differs is the way we deal with things. Some people can't eat when they feel bad, others just shovel in food to fill the vacuum. As I said yesterday, I have begun to let go of trying to find out why I am the way I am. It takes too much energy that can be better used working toward changing my mindset. My youngest daughter gave me some wonderful advice when she moved out. She said, "Mom, you can worry about me or you can pray for me. They both take the same amount of effort but I guarantee you, only one produces results." I've never forgotten those wonderful words to live by.

Anyway, I am so glad that everyone is here. We've been brought together for a purpose. I'm sure of it.

Ciao
Mary/Amadeus

PS - Letty, I am Italian. My grandfather was born in Soveria Simeri, Catanzaro in Calabria.

[btrfly]

Thanks for the encouragement. I pray today will be a good day and that the lord will give me strength to deny myself of any ravenous out of control binges and if I should fall and binge he will give me the courage and strength to keep it in.
Lord I also thank you for this board and ask that you can help me see the more positive side of things and help me be an encouragement and blessing to others as these on this board are allready beginning to be fore me. Thanks Amen. today is a new day with a new begining. Thanks everyone

[Jenn78]

((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))
Bella, you are not a failier, you are human!! (we humans tend to fall off the bandwagon now and again)

Butrfly, I was never good at journaling either, until I 'had' to...if that isn't your thing some thing will be, no doubt.

To everyone: my prayers are sent to each one of you!!

[CKjinx'd]

*BIG BIG HUGS TO ALL*
hey peeps! doing decent today and other than a headache, feeling good.
btrfly...please feel free to post whatever you wish and don't apologize for those feelings! we're all here to help. as for what type of person I am? I'm a type A personality..I'm a control freak (which is why i'm single no doubt), I am very agressive but also a people pleaser (even though I b*tch like no tomorrow about it), I've always been competitive and an overachiever. I used to be a doormat until my daughter was born and she brought out an agressiveness in me I never let anyone see except periodically. I used to be really shy! and for the most part I still feel that way toward men...mostly I ignore them like they're not there and if one gets too close, sometimes I forget to breathe because I don't like them in my space! I ignore them and I come off as being b*tchy but mostly it's just shyness and a little fear...okay alot of fear.
bella! sweetie, those stupid things happen and to be honest, they happen to us alot more than to regular ppl. *sigh* It's our compulsion to binge I won't get down on you..just pick yourself back up and get back on. even if you have to do it over and over agai...hehehe...your heart is in the right place..it's just trying to get your psyche to match it! *big hugs*
Amadeus, you are soooo supportive. thanks sooo much.

[chutatip_t]

wow..this thread is more active now. I have been so busy with work that i did not have time to write lately. I am doing ok here...at least i have not purged for a week. Not losing any weight though ...big sign

A question: Do u think Binge and Purge help you lose weight and stay in ketosis??? I know in my head they definitely do but am not sure whether they actually help...

btrfly, How do u feel today??? I read your earlier message and feel that you are a bit down...just like myself last week. Remember you are not alone ok?

Have a great weekend everyone,

[1BellaDonna]

First off I want to make sure I said to everyone on this thread. I think I've been in and out and have missed a few of you. Sorry about that! You too are in my thoughts and prayers, despite my flightiness.

As for personality....I understand most bulimics/anorexics tend to GENERALLY have the same types of personality. I, too, am a perfectionistic, competetive, type-a, rather rigid, overachiever and control freak who has (lots of) difficulty with self esteem (althought i accept the flaws of others) and expressing my feelings (especially to men but not regarding my patients). On a good note, i'm very loving, loyal, and supportive of others. I do tend to put other's needs before mine but have learned to say 'no' a little more easily. I think that because of my profession, I've finally become tired of ALWAYS putting my needs/wants last so I feel a little more justified (read: not AS horrible of a person) when I say "no" sometimes.

Regarding why we purge, I think you will find that Bulimics MAY have *started* the binge-purge behaviour out of a weight loss tactic (It doesn't make you skinny. Does it, folks!? )but it goes WAY beyond that!!! It is a psychological problem more than anything. Sure we are obsessed with weight loss, body shapes, and image so we WILL do it in a panic for weight/guilt reasons. However, I don't think a true Bulimic really purges for that reason expressly. I think a lot of other issues come into play during the binge-purge cycle (e.g., unexpressed anger, guilt, etc.). What do you guys say about the topic?

Well, SUPERSIZE (Sorry! I just had to say it! ) HUGS to all of you!!

-Letty

P.S.- LOL! Just to let you how anal-retentive/perfectionistic I am, I am greatly bothered by the few typos that I have in my original post that started this thread! I need more time to make corrections/edits!! lol UGGH! (BTW, I'm not even going to re-read this one bc I will not be happy with my writing, choice of vocabulary, etc.) UGGGGH!!!

Okay, Buona Giornata!!!!